|
back to bornbackwards
|
12/25/02
|
|
Iggy Pop has collaborated
with both Green Day and fellow ex-Stooges Ron and Scott Asheton
on songs for his upcoming album. It is the first time the
three Stooges have worked together since 1973's landmark proto-punk
album "Raw Power." The new album is scheduled for Spring 2003.
Rumblings of a possible Stooges reunion are being heard.
That news we had on 12/18/02 about Wesley
Willis dying of brain tumors was wrong. According to his label,
Alternative Tentacles, he has a treatable form of Leukemia.
He is currently undergoing medical care and his doctors are
hopeful for a recovery. |
Suge Knight was arrested.
Again. This time for violating his parole by associating with
gang members who are connected to a series of retaliatory
shootings this year. As a condition of his parole, Knight
is not allowed to associate with gang members. Hope he has
fun in prison for the 80th time, at least Snoop if safe for
a little while longer.
Happy Birthdays to both Adam, who is 20, and
Jesus H. Christ, who turned 2002.
Joe Strummer is my personal lord and savior. |
|
|
12/23/02
|
|
|
Joe Strummer, founder and leader of the
legendary first-wave UK punk band The Clash, died at home
in Broomfield, Somerset England on Sunday night of a suspected
heart attack. He was 50 years old. The Clash formed in the
mid-70s and was one of the prime leaders of the punk movement,
second in influence only to the Sex Pistols. The band turned
the disillusioned anger of punk from simple reactionary
destruction towards a more concrete political mindset. They
also injected a much needed sense of melody as they expanded
and explored various other music from around the world such
as reggae, rockabilly, ska, dancehall and dub, among others.
In the process they became one of the greatest rock bands
(and my personal favorite) of all time: simple yet exploratory,
angry but fun, fast but focused. Their 1979 double album
London Calling is considered by many critics as one
of the best albums that rock and roll ever produced. Unfortunately,
Strummer's death comes right before a heavily suspected
one-off reunion to commemorate their induction into the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. In recently years Strummer had
performed with his new band The Mescaleros and Irish folk-rockers
the Pogues. He is survived by his wife Lucinda, two daughters
and one step-daughter. The family has asked that instead
of floral tributes, money is paid to the Mandela SOS fundraising
concert, which is aimed at raising awareness of the Aids
epidemic in Africa and which Strummer was scheduled to take
part in on February 2.
Tonight, we listen to London Calling
as loud as we can, watch Westway to the World
and talk about the Clash till the sun comes up, not that
we don't do that all the time anyway. Goodbye, Joe.
|
|
|
12/18/02
|
|
An unconfirmed but
widely-circulated rumor states that Bert McCracken of the
Used and his girlfriend Kelly Osborne got into a fistfight
with Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins! Always the media
whore, Osborne has recently been playing up her animosity
for Corgan and his new band Zwan. At a radio show in New York,
Osborne was heard to say that the only reason Zwan was playing
the show that night was because of "oral favors" given to
the program's director. After The Used's set, before Zwan
was supposed to play, McCracken not only told the crowd to
throw things at the stage but also attempted to trip Corgan.
His response was a kick to McCracken in the stomach (nice!).
Both bands began to fight and were led off the stage. I'm
not sure how inflated Osborne and McCracken's egos are, but
these kind of childish antics only earn them equal measures
of derision. No one should fuck with Corgan: he's a rat in
a cage and writes songs about how he hates Jesus. This is
also possibly the coolest thing he's done in the last 8 years
and almost makes up for Machina.
A question to our readers: Why are Osborne and McCracken pursuing
such flagrantly immature drama? Are they trying to be the
new Oasis?
The upcoming Vagrant releases have their names:
Saves the Day will be releasing In Reverie in June
and Dashboard Confessional does not disappoint by giving his
new record the exceedingly melodramatic title of A Mark,
A Mission, A Brand, A Scar which will poison your soul
when it hits in May.
2003 is a banner year for Wilco fans. The
band has plans to release both a new EP and a DVD edition
of the lovely I Am Trying to Break Your Heart documentary.
The six-track EP will feature an alternate version of "Kamera",
Yankee Hotel Foxtrot-outtake "A Magazine Called Sunset,"
tour-favorite "Bob Dylan's 49th Beard" and three brand new
songs that comprise the bands first material written without
former guitarist Jay Bennett. Some of the new songs are completely
improvised and all are contenders for the next Wilco album.
The DVD is scheduled for release on April 1st and will feature
behind-the-scenes footage and over twenty live cuts, which
in total are longer than the film itself. All of this is in
addition to the previously reported Down With Wilco
full-length collaboration with The Minus 5 which is due February
25th.
And that's not all! Uncle Tupelo, the progenitors
of the poorly named alt-country movement, will re-release
their first three albums No Depression, Still Feel Gone,
and March 16-20, 1992, all of which have been out of print
for years. The band featured future Wilco bandleader/song-writer
extraordinaire Jeff Tweedy. The re-releases are planned for
March 11th. |
Cursive's highly anticipated
(at least by me) new album The Ugly Organ is due out
March 4th and will be preceded by a single on Jan 21st. The
single will feature the album track "Art Is Hard" along with
the non-album track "Sinner's Serenade."
Jennifer Lopez is the last person on Earth
to tire of her J.LO moniker. She adopted the nickname to coincide
with her 2001 J.Lo album but claims it's now wearing
thin (no shit) and wants to be known as Jennifer again. "I
still like Jennifer or Jenny. J.Lo just caught on. My mom
has a problem with the J.Lo thing. I say, 'Mom, don't call
me J.Lo.' It's like the other person. It's not me. It's the
other celebrity person."
A statement from Fueled By Ramen Records that
we stole from punknews.org:
"Recover has signed to a label with the Universal Music Group.
For the time being, the band is still with Fueled By Ramen,
but their next record will no longer be on our label as previously
planned. This band has grown tremedously with us and more
quickly than we could have imagined. We have full confidence
in Recover to succeed at any level. We also completely endorse
their wishes to do what they believe is best for the growth
and success of their band."
The band's last release on FBR will be their contribution
to the New.Old.Rare 4-band split CD, coming out on
January 28th.
In related news: more rumors about a possible
FBR / Island/Def Jam pairup. Midwest Punkzine and Emotionalpunk.com
report that the deal has been inked and finalized. No official
word yet from FBR.
Merge Records, home of Superchunk and fucking
Spoon (!), has announced the signing of seminal English punk-pop
band Buzzcocks. The label will release the group's self-titled
7th studio album on March 18th, 2003.
K Records will release not one but three
separate variations of the new Microphones album Mt. Eerie:
the a capella version Singing from 'Mt. Eerie', the
percussion-only Drumming from 'Mt. Eerie', which are
both out now, and the 'full-band' version titled, fittingly
enough, just Mt. Eerie, which is due January 21st.
Keep your eye on this one kids, the K press sheet says that
"epic is too shallow a word to describe [its] boundless beauty
and vision."
Yeah, I've heard that one before.
Don't go to college. Final exams will kill
you. Work in a gas station, you'll be much happier. |
|
|
12/18/02
|
|
AOL, already America's
biggest internet service provider, has just received a patent
on AIM, AOL's instant messaging service. All the way back
in 1998, AOL bought ICQ’s parent company, Mirabilis, which
gave them control of over 200 million instant messaging users.
Now they have the right to sue other instant messaging services
such as Yahoo and Microsoft for patent infringement. I'd imagine
this is the first step in AOL beginning to charge for AIM.
Good plan, AOL! Knockout the competition and then charge $20
a month for instant messaging! Yay for monopolies!
According two a few message boards and a Pittsburgh
booking agent, Wesley Willis is apparently dying. He has cancelled
the rest of his current tour due to malignant brain tumors
and isn't expected to live past this month.
Rock on Chicago.
Nickelback has collaborated with Kid Rock
and Dimebag Darrell of Pantera in a cover of Elton John's
"Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)." No, really. |
R. Kelly has a new
record coming out on Jive Records January 28th called "Chocolate
Factory." The title implies that it will detail his experiences
when he was in jail awaiting trial.
Chris Carrabba, announced last Tuesday that
his new album A Mark, a Mission, a Brand, a Scar will
be more "dynamic," but also said in the same interview, "With
every EP we've done, it's gotten a little more diverse."
So I take it that "dynamic" in this context means that he'll
add a few more instruments in the background and re-record
"The Places you Have Come to Fear the Most."
MTV is introducing a new company policy that
could severly limit the bling blingingness of rappers in their
videos. Apparently MTV is finally catching on to rappers promoting
their clothing, favorite liquor, and 'dope' rides in their
videos and the music video giant wants to stop this free promotion.
MTV thinks that if Puff Daddy wants to advertise his Sean
John clothing line or if Busta Rhymes wants you to buy Courvoisier,
they should actually buy advertising to sell their products.
Quite a novel idea, I'd say. As this policy comes into effect,
MTV will blur out much more brand names that appear in the
videos and may even ban videos from the air. |
|
|
12/11/02
|
|
12/11/02
|
|
Vagrant Records will be releasing
the Dashboard Confessional Unplugged performance as a dual
CD/DVD this month. It's a double-shot of worthlessness considering
that this will not only be the third released recording of
some of these songs but also because of the fact that HE'S
ALREADY FUCKING UPLUGGED. They just keep repacking those same
songs with a different gimmick each time, "Oh this time it's
unplugged. This time it's with electric instruments. This
time it's unplugged on MTV." Chris Carrabba's probably still
got another three releases left before his misguided fans
realize that he is fucking them harder and longer than any
of the under-aged groupies who misplaced their youthful sentimentality
and misguided romanticism on a "sensitive," cardboard man-child
with ugly sideburns, properly "ironic" thrift store shirts
and $80 designer jeans.
CDNow.com has bought by Amazon.com, who are
on a quest to own or affiliate with every site on the Internet.
CDNow has been turned into an exact copy of Amazon.
Gone is the wonderfully vast database full of neatly categorized
release dates, biographies, import records and surprisingly
relevant reviews (not those stupid Amazon fan reviews where
people just prattle on without really knowing what they're
talking about. If I wanted that I'd read Bornbackwards.com).
In related news, ArtistDIRECT.com needs to
find $20 million to stay financially viable.
In the latest issue of Spin Magazine is a
list of the top five albums that New Found Glory has been
listening to on their tour bus. At the bottom of the list:
their own album! I can just picture them playing air-guitar
to their own songs, giving out high fives and telling each
other how much they rock. Newsflash: they don't. They are
the Leif Garret's of a new generation, only they can't sing
and they're fucking ugly.
Thursday changed their name to The Used.
The Black Flag reunion rumor we reported on
11/20/02 was a bust. Greg Ginn didn't show. But several other
shows have been scheduled for the California area.
The Juliana Theory and Something Corporate
have announced a co-headlining tour this January and February.
It will be called "The Corporate Analrape Tour," in support
of The Juliana Theory's major label debut "Love." (Are these
really grown men thinking up these album titles?) In keeping
with the corporate violation theme of the tour, ticket prices
range between $12 and $16.50.
None More Black (ex-Kid Dynamite) have signed
to Fat Wreck Chords. Paint It Black (the other black-named
ex-Kid Dynamite band) are expected to sign to Jade Tree Records
solely because Jade Tree loves to sign bands that have former
members of other bands on their label.
Godawful "Christian" rockers Slick Shoes (aka
MxPx) have left Tooth and Nail Records for Side One Dummy.
River Cuomo of Weezer is dragging himself
through the mud even further. Beyond the embarrassingly trite
and emotionless Maladroit and Green Album, he has contributed
vocals and possibly played guitar for a track on the new Limp
Bizkit record. Way to go Rivers, that's just kind of sad.
The band calling themselves Guns N' Roses
have cancelled their first tour in almost a decade. The announcement
comes after missing two shows in a month. The first no-show
caused a riot amongst normally placid Canadians in Vancouver.
The second prompted a 10-minute rain of beer bottles, ceiling
tiles and debris from the upper tier while audience members
on the floor threw seats at the stage, mixing board and each
other. This was all accompanied by chants of "Axl sucks."
Pissed off fans speak only the truth: fat old guys with shitty
fake dreadlock-wannnabe braids and shiny plastic-surgery faces
who are trying to recapture their glory days most definitely
suck. And yes, that means that he's not the only one.
Rumors has it that Island/Def Jam Records
has taken an interest in Gainesville-based Fueled By Ramen
Records.
It's official: Ryan Adams sucks. His website
says so. He's also selling official tour t-shirts emblazoned
with the "Ryan Adam sucks" logo. Pitchforkmedia.com believes
this may only be a warning sign of his possible insanity,
reporting that at a recent show, Adams hired a clown to enter
midway through the set and sit behind him on the stage just
outside of the spotlights. The clown went unacknowledged through
the remainder of the show and proceeded to smoke, drink whiskey,
and read a newspaper.
The people who live below us are fucking assholes.
They think I'm "emo." I think they're "ignorant
shitheads." |
|
Running out of things to do when you're drunk
off your ass and your "friends" abandon you far away from
home? Take Wayne Horsman's lead - stumble your way into a
grocery store, plop down in the motorized cart designed for
the handicapped and then reap havoc throughout the store.
Wayne took it upon himself to run down other shoppers, knock
over displays and ram all kinds of merchandise in Eagle's
Food Store outside of Andalusia, Illinois. For this reason,
he was arrested and thrown in jail for disorderly conduct
and public intoxication. It's a shame this guy is 32 and really
just a dumb drunk, not some stupid teenager.
Marvel Comics has broken ground by introducing
the industry's first openly gay title character in a comic
book. The Rawhide Kid has been a Marvel character since the
1950's, but his latest revival marks a new beginning for this
gunslinging hero. Ron Zimmerman, a writer for the "Howard
Stern Show", has teamed up with The Rawhide Kid's original
artist, 86 year-old John Severin, to give a new role model
to the gay rodeo. In this latest version, the Rawhide Kid
uses jokes and euphemisms to reveal his homosexuality without
saying anything explicitly. An excerpt from the first edition
of the series has the Rawhide Kid commenting about the Lone
Ranger: "I think that mask and the powder blue outfit are
fantastic. I can certainly see why the Indian follows him
around."
Venetian Snares (aka Aaron Funk) and his girlfriend
Rachael Kozak (aka Hecate) are releasing a new album under
the name Nymphomatriarchs. As the name suggests, this duo
isn't exactly putting out the model "Adult Contemporary" album
of the year, but if you were thinking "X-rated sounds from
every position imaginable put into techno form", then you
hit it right on the head. Funk and Kozak recorded themselves
sexing it up on several occasions, and Funk has plans to assemble
the sounds into a full-length album. In the January 2003 issue
of Playboy, Funk says, "It's weird to deconstruct the sounds
of sex. It makes you conscious of a lot of stuff you'd normally
ignore. I remember thinking shit like, 'Oh, that slap will
make a good snare drum.'" |
|
|
12/04/02
|
|
Rosie O'Donnell and
her life partner, Kelli Carpenter, have recently welcomed
a new baby girl in their lives. Ms. Carpenter gave birth to
Vivienne Rose O'Donnell this past Saturday. As if this poor
kid wasn't looking forward to enough heckling in school from
all those heartless O'Doyles, Rosie and Kelli have also announced
that they named her after the main character in Rebecca Wells'
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. We'll be sure to keep
our fingers crossed for little Vivienne that Daddy at least
grows his hair out by the time grade school comes around.
For all you Radiohead fans, guitarist Ed O'Brien
has released a few words concerning the upcoming album due
this spring. While sitting with XFM Online, O'Brien proclaimed,
"As I always say, it's gonna be an album of three minute pop
songs. That's what they always say but that's what it is this
time." Additionally, Thom Yorke has promised, "No computers
this time." No one is sure whether to believe him on this,
myself included. But thanks to Pitchforkmedia, I do know that
the band has already concluded about four weeks of production
on the record, with two weeks spent in LA and another two
at their studio in Oxford.
We're very happy for Liam Gallagher: the Oasis
lead singer had a bunch of teeth knocked out at a German club
this weekend. |
So I finally caught
the video for Shepard Smith's favorite J.Lo song, "Jenny from
the Block", and damn does that song suck. Is there even any
rhythm to that song? It's like one bad sampling after another,
and then god knows what she's trying to actually sing about.
What the hell was she thinking? And how the hell am I supposed
to react to that soft-core porn with Ben Affleck that she
calls a music video? As Adam says, "Hey! At least you get
to see a luscious, beautiful ass!" Then I respond, "Yea, and
J.Lo has some nice bedonkadonk herself."
Steven Segal is the best actor ever. Thank
god for his cinematic masterpieces that lull me to sleep late
at night with graphic violence and terrible accents. Steven,
you are my hero.
Unionized pole dancers (believed to be the
only in the nation) walked the picket line yesterday in San
Francisco, arguing that a contract offer by management at
the Lusty Lady just didn't cut it. The dancers wore pink T-shirts
that read "Bad girls like good contracts". Their complaints
include recent hourly wage cuts and the elimination of their
one paid sick day. These Lusty Ladies are demanding their
old rate of $27 an hour, a hiring cap at the club so there
are enough shifts to go around, and also changes in the making
of the schedule. But my favorite part of the story (and really
my only reason for reporting it) is the chant the girls' used
as they picketed: "Two, four, six, eight, pay me more to gyrate!"
|
|
|
11/27/02
|
|
11/27/02
|
|
|
Mission of Burma, that band of ultimate
chaos and hook-filled art pop and simply the greatest and
most underappreciated thing to come from 1982 (besides myself),
are continuing their recent 20-year reunion. The band has
not only confirmed shows in Chicago, Detroit, and Minneapolis
this weekend but also revealed that a documentary titled
Inexplicable is in the works. The film, slated for
a Spring 2003 release, will go behind-the-scenes of the
reunion tours and feature various interviews with musicians,
writers, and family members recounting Mission of Burma's
formative years. Additionally, Pitchforkmedia.com has speculated
that the band's continued touring may hint at the exciting
and absolutely electrifying possibility of new-recorded
material. A new Burma album would be a godsend to a stagnant
musical word, and if it is of the quality of their first
and only 1982 LP Vs., there could even be the possibility
of igniting a new rock revolution ala Nirvana. Mission of
Burma were truly ahead of their time, twenty years later
everyone else may finally be catching on.
Slash, Izzy and Duff have decided to strike
back at Axl Rose by reforming the classic Guns and Roses lineup
without him. The currently unnamed band recently tried out
former Skid Row front man and general worthless-shithead Sebastian
Bach on vocals. You can practically hear the 80s revival shifting
into first gear, god help us.
Elvis Costello has split from his wife Cait
O'Riordan after 16 years of marriage. They met when Costello
produced the Irish-punk-folk band The Pogues while O'Riordan
was a member. They later married in 1986. The pair are believed
to have broken up in September but the announcement has only
just been made. I'm sorry, Mr. Costello.
The toilets at Vagrant Records are apparently
backed up quite bad. Brace yourself as this foul-smelling
collection of faux-emo comes floating your way: new albums
by Reggie and the Full Effect in February, Dashboard Confessional
in May and Saves the Day in July are all planned. Totally
septic overflow may be avoided though in March when a new
album by Alkaline Trio is released.
Omar Rodriguez, of The Mars Volta and formerly
At the Drive In, will be producing Radio Vago's forthcoming
full-length debut for Buddyhead Records.
Speaking of Buddyhead, Travis Keller is selling
a Platinum copy of Jimmy Eat World's Bleed American
on Ebay. It's already up to $365 dollars with 9 days left.
But get this, that shit looks gold to me, not platinum, because
you know it's shiney and yellow. Click
here to appraise it for yourself.
The latest and greatest purveyors of shitty
grindcore, The Locust, have officially signed to Epitaph/Anti-Records.
If I twitch and scream for thirty seconds and call it a song
will I get a bucketload of Epitaph money too?
Washington DC will host the Future of Music
Coalition Policy Summit on January 5-7. Ian Mackaye of Fugazi
and Dischord Records will moderate the conference which features
talks on pirating/marketing on the Internet, the nature of
intellectual property, the the current state of the industry,
musicians and health insurance, and whether major labels are
still capable of innovation. Other attendees will include
Patti Smith, John Flansburgh of They Might Be Giants, and
keynote speakers Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) and Representative
Howard Berman (D-CA), who is the Ranking Member of the House
Judiciary Subcommittee on Courts, the Internet and Intellectual
Property (meaning his views directly affect musicians and
mp3-downloading fans).
Lou Reed is set to release his new double
album, The Raven, on January 28th. The album will feature
guests like Willem Dafoe, Steve Buscemi, David Bowie and Ornette
Coleman reading the poetry of Edgar Allen Poe to music written
by the former Velvet Underground frontman. It's looking to
be Reed's most obscure and confusing project since the feedback-and-nothing-else
double album Metal Machine Music. Chances are that
it will sell heavily among adolescent girls who dress in black
and wear too much eyeliner.
Run DMC have decided to go out with class,
respectfully retiring after 19 years because of the recent
murder of their DJ, Jam Master Jay. However, a charity album
is in the works titled Self Destruction 2: The Album,
headed up by Daddy-O of Stetsasonic. The album will feature
Public Enemy, Queen Latifah, Busta Rhymes, Jurassic Five,
Shaggy, Jermaine Dupri, KRS-1, Redman and MC Lyte. The album's
goal is to address the violence in hip-hop and help destroy
the ridiculous "gangsta" image. Proceeds will go to families
that have been victims of violence. Visit the official
website for a manifesto, a growing list of artists, and
more. If they succeed, we'll never have to hear about how
much more of everything (money, cars, guns, bitches and drugs)
some rapper has compared to us. Bling Bling, fucker.
N'SYNC star Lance Bass has taken to begging
the public for the $20 million fare to finally get him up
to space. His first attempt to board a Russian flight to the
International Space Station was aborted after his sponsors
failed to come up with the money in August. You know, instead
of actually using his own fortune.
Rumor has it that Ja Rule got his ass kicked
outside his Washington concert for dissing DMX. What?
Ben Affleck is reportedly going to be featured
completely nude in ads to launch lover Jennifer Lopez's new
aftershave called, get this, "Man." A source says, "Ben had
his doubts. But the reality is there's nothing he wouldn't
do for Jennifer - she's the priority in his life." What a
sweetheart that guy is, no thought of money at all.
Sources report that Extreme Ops is going
to be the shittiest movie ever. However, it will still make
millions of dollars. |
|
|
If your birthday's in February (like mine),
you can now add one more thing to your wish list. Yep Roc
Records, based out of Chapel Hill, NC, has reported a release
date of February 25th for Down With Wilco, a collaboration
between Seattle collective The Minus 5 and one of my favorite
bands, Wilco. The Minus 5's Scott McCaughey and Wilco's
Jeff Tweedy produced this 13-song collaborative effort,
while McCaughey also spent quite a bit of time recording
with Wilco in the studio. I just marked the glorious day
of February 25th on my calendar with a bright red Sharpie,
and I expect you to do the same.
Bryan Laulicht and Sasha Bakhru, both undergraduates
at Columbia University, were arrested last week for cheating
on the Graduate Record Examination. One student would transmit
the questions from the test to another student sitting in
a van parked nearby; the student in the van would then look
up the answers using a laptop computer and transmit them back
to the student taking the test. The two seniors at Columbia
were subsequently arrested and charged with third-degree burglary
and unlawful duplication of computer material. So basically
they just spent more than $140,000 for an Ivy League education
that now means absolutely nothing.
An elderly man has robbed a pharmacy in Marseille,
France for the fourth time in less than a year. He's not after
all those francs though, but rather the entire stock of Viagra
locked up in the back. Either this guy has a really horny
wife, or he's finally caught wind of this whole 'internet'
thing and its ample supply of teens with webcams. This blue
pill bandit has always struck at closing time armed with a
knife and marched the three female staff members back to the
locked cabinet where the pills are kept. But hey, at least
he's helping to save all those endangered species we discussed
last week.
A holiday window-dressing display in a clothing
store has caused quite a stir in downtown Oslo, Norway. With
the help of some inflatable dolls purchased from the condom
specialist store next door, the clothing store has easily
caught the attention of passers-by with a display of Santa
Claus receiving a gift of his own during this joyous holiday
season. While one doll is dressed in the usual Santa garb,
another is on its knees in front of St. Nick, with its face
buried under Santa's lovely red robe. A sign in front of the
display proclaims 'Santa Klauz is coming soon!' In response
to the expected criticism of the display going too far, store
manager Hugo Grimsrud argues, "I think we've been very clever."
I definitely support Hugo on this one - nothing says Christmas
quite like Santa getting his candy cane sucked off in a store
window. And you know what, I think our old pal Shepard Smith
would back me on this one, too.
Kim Kelly, evidently one porker of a porn
star, is hoping to lose 10-20 pounds during a 30-day diet
she plans to start on the first of December. Forget Weight
Watchers or Jenny Craig, Ms. Kelly has decided to take that
proverbial road less traveled. Instead of those complicated
point systems, she's opted for a diet consisting mainly of
semen - or as she puts it, 'man juice'. Ms. Kelly is aiming
for at least 6 meals a day, with occasional snacks and pig-outs.
She also plans to drink plenty of banana smoothies in between
her regular meals for extra nutritional supplement. More than
800 men have already offered to provide their support for
Ms. Kelly's endeavor. Some rumors have surfaced that Frank
Gifford, Michael Jackson, and Rosie O'Donnell are among those
enlisted to help.
Principal Rooney and Pee-Wee Herman enjoy
children a little more than we thought. Jeffrey Jones, best
known for playing Principal Ed Rooney in Ferris Bueller's
Day Off, and Paul Reubens have been arrested by LAPD for possession
of child pornography. Although part of the same investigation,
authorities maintain the two cases are unrelated. Jones, 56,
surrendered to police on a felony charge of "using a minor
for prohibitive acts" and possessing child pornography, a
misdemeanor; meanwhile, fifty year-old Reubens turned himself
in to police and was booked on the misdemeanor count of possessing
child pornography. Both actors shelled out $20,000 for bail
and await court appearances in December. The dim-witted principal
faces up to three years in state prison and will have to register
as a sex offender for life if convicted, while everyone's
favorite pervert in a gray suit faces a maximum of one year
in county prison and a fine of $2,500 for his charge. I wonder
if Pee-Wee would let me take care of that kick-ass bike of
his while he's in the county pokey…
. As the second season of "The Osbournes"
gets underway this week, I must admit that I anxiously await
another fun-filled season of Osbourne mayhem. Whether or not
you agree with the way Sharon and Ozzy choose to run their
household, you can't deny how ridiculously entertaining each
half-hour of footage really is. The only downside of the show
is having to see that thing they call "Kelly".
In related news, there's a rumor going around
about that "Kelly" thing getting engaged to Bert McCracken,
lead singer of Thursday-clone The Used. Rumor has it they
also got matching heart tattoos on their wedding fingers to
celebrate the occasion. If it wasn't for Pam and Tommy, that'd
be really cool and original. Actually, scratch that; nothing
involving that beast will ever be cool or original.
Speaking of not cool and unoriginal, one of
that beast Kelly's picks for her favorite videos on a recent
MTV 2 show with her brother Jack was Good Charlotte's "Lifestyles
of the Rich and Famous". Given the fact that she looks and
sounds disgusting, this choice comes as no surprise to me;
however, I'm still trying to decide if she picked this wretched
song simply because of horrible taste or because she relates
to the song since she's a snobby, arrogant, big-headed bitch.
Personal attacks on celebrity strangers are
fun.
Eminem's childhood home in Warren, Michigan
is up for sale on eBay. The three-bedroom, two-bathroom house
has been appraised at $91,000 and the highest current bid
is $11,000,600 as of Tuesday morning. Officials are reportedly
looking into the validity of this eight-figure offer, though
they can confirm numerous other six- and seven-figure offers.
First of all, who the hell cares that Eminem once inhabited
this beat-up old house. Second of all, who in their right
mind would offer hundreds of thousands of dollars, let alone
millions, for this worthless piece of property simply because
some popular white rapper/actor once called it home. Newsflash
for the highest bidder: When you go to sell this piece of
shit ten years down the road, it's not going to be worth anymore
than it's worth today; it sure would suck to lose 11 million
dollars, but man would I enjoy laughing in your face.
|
|
|
11/20/02
|
|
11/20/02
|
|
|
Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes is planning
not only his sappiest album but the sappiest of all
time! The weepy songwriter, who is beloved by both 14 year
old 'artistic' girls and Jeff, is planning to release an
album of traditional Christmas songs which will be released
December 1st. When your child wakes up on Christmas morning
to find his stocking empty and shakey, whiney, sobbing music
coming from the stereo, he's going to ask you, "Who ruined
Christmas?" Tell him the truth, tell him, "the devil named
Conor Oberst."
I have a running list in my hand of the top
five broken up bands that I would give anything to see. Right
up near the top is the Clash circa 1979. Well, it seems that
the former songwriting duo of the Clash, Mick Jones and Joe
Strummer, have finally mended the differences that broke up
the band. Jones joined Strummer on stage for the first time
in 20 years, in London at the Acton Town Hall the other night
and performed the Clash favorites "Bankrobber," "White Riot"
and "London's Burning." They said that the reunion had not
been planned and Jones was at the show simply as a guest,
and because the moment felt right. Rolling Stones reported
that although none of the members have a reunion planned,
Strummer would support a one-night reunion for their
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction in March. Now I know
old bands getting back together to cash in on their former
popularity is totally lame but … it's the fucking Clash!
If I had a sister I would not hesitate to sell her into slavery
without a second thought for the chance to have seen Joe Strummer
and Mick Jones together.
I think I messed myself.
Speaking of fucking awesome bands that need
to reform: Black Flag! Rumors are circulating that Gregg Ginn
may actually perform with Henry Rollins, Chuck Dukowski, and
Kira. Amoeba
Records has already scheduled a show on December 3 at
7pm but no one yet knows what the lineup will be, whether
it will be vintage Black Flag or just the people who performed
on the recently recorded Black Flag tribute album organized
by Rollins.
I'm from Coral Springs and I hate New Found
Glory. They went to my high school. Unfortunately, the rest
of the town doesn't feel the way I do and has honored the
undeserving teeny-loving pop-punkers with "New Found Glory
Day" on November 13th., in which they received the key to
the city and performed before 6,000 people. So, basically
the town is even more lame and boring than it was before and
should be avoided at all costs!
I hope they realize that the key doesn't actually open anything.
That Daredevil movie they're making, you heard
about it? Yeah it stars the talentless Ben Affleck. It doesn't
sound like a very good idea does it? Well, it sounds even
worse now, as the talentless Rob Zombie recently recorded
vocals for a song called "The Man Without Fear" with the remaining
members of way-more-than-just-talentless Drowning Pool for
the soundtrack.
More good news about bad bands: Student Rick
broke up! Have you heard about them? Yeah they were totally
Beatles influenced. [editor's note: read again with sarcasm]
From punknews.org:
"NBC Ireland used Fugazi's "Waiting Room" in a commercial
for "Law and Order SVU" without the band's permission. Ian
MacKaye has responded to punknews.org with the following:
'We didn't license our music to that irish tv commercial,
they used it without our permission. we've been taking action
against them, but nothing has been resolved as of yet. -ian/fugazi'"
Billy Corgan's new band Zwan just signed with
Reprise Records.
London's New Musical Express (NME) Magazine,
have announced that Jack White is officially "The Coolest
Man in Rock." The list was overloaded with psuedo-garage and
shit-rap, as Fabrizio Moretti of The Strokes came in second,
White's ex-wife/sister, Meg was fourth, and Nelly placed ninth.
I hereby proclaim Nelly to be "The Ugliest Man In America."
Take off the fucking band-aid!
Everybody's already talking about that picture
of Michael Jackson but I would just like to say that he is
one creepy motherfucker. I don't know how he finds any kids
to molest anymore, I'd imagine they're all scared off because
he looks like a fucking skull-demon. Click
here for a Chronology of Jacko's Face |
|
|
If you were losing any sleep over the absence
of openly gay prosecutors in our great nation's justice
system, rest assured your pillow is once again your friend.
Judge Bonnie Dumanis became the first openly gay prosecutor
in the country when elected San Diego County District Attorney
on Tuesday, November 12th after defeating current District
Attorney Paul Pfingst by about 3,500 votes out of a total
570,000 votes cast. Gay advocates nationwide have shown
their support in stating it was no surprise Judge Dumanis
was able to pull of the victory given her reputation and
experience. How San Diego managed to elect a gay prosecutor
before San Francisco is still beyond me.
On his plane trip to India recently, Microsoft
chairman Bill Gates was probably expecting to be greeted by
thousands of Indian tech-nerds riding in motorized rickshaws.
What he wasn't expecting, however, was the gigantic 8-foot
tall air-filled condom awaiting his arrival in India's technology
hub of Hyderabad. The super-sized sheath was meant to pay
tribute to Mr. Gates' generous donation of $100 million through
his charity, The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, to spread
AIDS awareness in India. And no, Adam, it wasn't "Ribbed for
His Pleasure"
Fox News anchor Shepard Smith evidently has
more on his mind than just the day's headlines. During a recent
segment on The Fox Report, an hour-long news program that
he hosts on Fox News Channel, Smith let loose a Freudian slip
while giving viewers the low-down on J.Lo. In describing the
attitudes of New Yorkers regarding J.Lo's new song "Jenny
from the Block" about her roots in the city, Smith proclaims
"But folks from that street in New York, the Bronx section,
sound more likely to give her a curbjob than a blowjah… or…
uh… bluh… block party." He proceeds to apologize for his slip-up
before stating, "I have no idea how that happened, but it
won't happen again." Hey Shep, I think it's pretty obvious
by that smirk on your face exactly how that happened. It must
be pretty tough to concentrate on that teleprompter when
that tent being pitched in your lap is so distracting, you
creepy bastard. Oh and what the hell is a curbjob anyway?
Here's the video of the slip. [editor's note: Don't be fooled
by the rocks that she's got, that guys wants J.Lo on his cock]
Moron of the week: Matthew Mokanyk. After
a dispute with his landlord over damaged carpet, this loser
decided to pay off the debt of $1,853.87 in nothing but pennies.
Yes, that's right; Mokanyk shipped his landlord 185,387 pennies
shrink-wrapped in 74 boxes, each box weighing 14 pounds. All
in all, the delivery weighed in at more than half a ton and
cost Mokanyk weeks of planning and $1,000 on top of the original
payment. Sure that's kinda funny, but it's sure as hell not
$1,000 funny.
Miss Cleo has canceled $500 Million in customer
bills to settle federal charges brought against her with regards
to roping lonely housewives and closet homosexuals into paying
hundreds of dollars for calls that supposedly promise insight
into better sex lives and money-making schemes. Now, you can
go ahead and joke about why she didn't see it coming, but
I think it's funnier that we have people in our society lame
enough to pay over $1 Billion a year to hear some actress
with a Jamaican accent tell them how pathetic their lives
really are.
British auction house Cooper Owen has put
various Beatles paraphernalia on the block this week. The
headliner of the auction is a leather, barrel-shaped box,
decorated with Middle Eastern-style pipes, once owned by John
Lennon. According to Cooper Owen, Lennon used this "stash
box" to hide his drugs from the housekeepers at his home in
Surrey, England. Also being auctioned are two rare recordings
of Lennon talking to his stepdaughter Kyoko, a rare guitar
which sounds like an organ that was presented to Lennon and
Paul McCartney in 1964, a drum owned by McCartney, and a Christmas
card Lennon wrote just days before his 1980 murder in New
York City. There's no doubt in my mind that some of John Lennon's
last wishes were for his personal cards and conversations
to be sold for thousands of dollars to millionaire yuppie
collectors some twenty years after his tragic departure from
this world.
Talk about diversifying…the nation's oldest
handgun maker, Smith & Wesson, has reached a licensing agreement
with golf club designer Ernie Vadersen to have his Vadersen
Design Group produce a line of high-end clubs bearing the
Smith & Wesson logo. Vadersen claims the clubs will capitalize
on the gun company's expertise in machining and metallurgy.
I claim that both Vadersen and Smith & Wesson will capitalize
on middle-aged NRA-promoting schmucks who can't wait to spend
hundreds of dollars on a new set of golf clubs that'll amaze
the rest of the foursome on Saturday morning. Isn't America
great?
Apparently Viagra is saving more than just
geriatric sex lives. The availability of Viagra has consequently
decreased the demand for Chinese sex potions that utilize
parts of various animals, including some endangered species.
Frank von Hipple, of the University of Alaska in Anchorage,
has reported a decline in demand for antler velvet from Alaskan
reindeer and sex organs from Canadian hooded and harp seals
ever since the launch of Viagra back in 1998. Researchers
and environmentalists also have hopes for green turtles, geckos,
and sea horses, which are used in traditional Chinese remedies
for erectile dysfunction. It's a beautiful world where pharmaceutical
execs and tree-huggers can come together for a common cause
(bringing animals and penises back from the edge of extinction)!
|
|
|
11/13/02
|
|
On an episode of TRL
earlier this month, Jordan of New Found Glory stated that
he had crush on Avril Lavigne. Hopefully they'll fuck and
have the most untalented and fashionless babies in the history
of the world. Then all of us "normals" can point and laugh
at the horribly deformed and offkey mutant babies.
Speaking of New Found Glory and mutants, Troma
Studios has produced NFG's new video, "Head on Collision"
with a special appearance by The Toxic Avenger, who is actually
a very decent representation of what Jordan and Avril's children
will look and sound like.
Last week, Winona Ryder was convicted of stealing
$5,500 worth of goods from Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills.
Sentencing is scheduled for Dec. 6, 2002. Word is still out
on whether she will be imprisoned for making the movie 'Mr.
Deeds,' Adam say it's good. "The part with the Butler is funny,"
he insists. No.
Sting's ego has announced that The Police
will reunite for one-night only and perform three songs when
they are inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2003.
How much do you want to bet that two of the three will be
"Roxanne" and "Don't Stand So Close To Me?" Also being
inducted are the Righteous Brothers, AC/DC, Elvis Costello
and the Attractions and one of my all-time favorites bands
The Clash. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is fucking punk
this year, isn't it? What about the Sex Pistols? Were they
not important enough?
It was revealed Tuesday, after he recovered
from his latest round of plastic surgeries, that Micheal Jackson
is in fact Justin Timberlake. |
Blink 182 to
suck even worse on next album!
Yes that's right, according to MTV News, Blink is considering
embracing the spirit of the 80s by "experimenting" with electronic
drums and keyboards, among other things. "We want to do something
really dynamic," said bassist and vocalist Mark Hoppus. "We
want to try different effects in the studio, try different
instruments, try different sounds, different arrangements
on songs. I think this will be one of those albums that people
will either love or throw in the trash and spit on." As opposed
all their other albums which were universally thrown
away and spit on.
Speaking of Blink 182, Hayley said she saw
Travis Barker and Tom Delonge sticking up Transplants stickers
all over town when they came through on tour with Box Car
Racer. What a bunch of tools.
Jackass band CKY will be opening for upcoming
Fake Guns N Roses US tour. Hopefully Buckethead's KFC bucket
will disappear up someone's anus in a hilariously filmed stunt.
Death Cab for Cutie drummer Michael Schorr
has made a "mutual and happy" decision to leave the band.
This marks the second drummer to leave Death Cab in its six-year
existence.
The Strokes may have good fashion, but their
sense of humor sucks. I base this claim on the fact that so-called
"comedian" (but in actuality, totally unfunny) Jimmy Fallon
will be opening seven of their November tourdates. Additionally
they will be the musical guest on the November 16th episode
of the consistently awful and shockingly still-on-the-air
sketch comedy show, Mad TV.
Cheerios sure are tasty. |
|
|
11/06/02
|
|
You should know by
now that Jam Master Jay, the DJ of 80s rap pioneers Run DMC,
was shot and killed on October 30th in a recording studio
in Queens. Basically an unidentified assailant walked into
the studio, shot him and left.
Island/Def Jam is in the middle of an 80s
metal and pop-punk signing frenzy, all in the form of a single
band: Thrice. That's right, the board-short and Vans wearing
frat boys of Thrice have finally announced their long
rumored deal with Island.
An open letter to Good Charlotte: I hope you
choke and die on some of your own suck.
J.Lo and Ben Affleck have officially announced
their engagement. We here at Bornbackwards.com hope they have
children that are uglier than sin. Does this mean J.Lo's nipple
tweaker is out of a job? |
The former members
of Kid Dynamite are entranced by their love of the color black
(listen I know it's not a color but actually a shade,
fuck off): Dr. Dan Yemin and David Wagenschutz (both also
former members of seminal Jersey rockers Lifetime) have founded
the band Paint it Black, their debut will be released on Jade
Tree (of course) in February. The former vocalist of Kid Dynamite,
Jason Shevchuk, who broke up the band when we he left to pursue
an acting career has announced the formation of his new band
titled None More Black. I guess that gig on NBC's 'Passions'
just never panned out for him.
Phil Spector, the legendary producer who invented
the 'wall of sound' style and quit the music business over
20 year ago, has apparently been so invigorated by the current
crop of bands that he has decided to return to producing.
He has signed on produced Starsailor's second album and has
expressed an interest in working with the Vines. What the
fuck? Those bands would make me quit the music business, not
bring me back to it. The last record he produced was the Ramones'
1980 release End of the Century. |
|
|
10/30/02
|
|
What's the only thing
weirder than Frank Black's music? His musical biography! This
is not a joke, both Entertainment Weekly, Pitchfork Media
and Punknews.org have reported that New York-based writer/producer
Josh Frank is working on "Teenager of the Year," a musical
based on the life of Frank Black, from his days in the Pixies
through his solo work. Black was reported to have been amused
by the idea until he realized that it was completely serious.
I'm just trying to imagine a whole onstage chorus dancing
all goofy and shouting out the words to "Desbaser."
Slowreader, the new pop band formed by ex-Impossibles
Rory Phillips and Gabe Hascall, have posted all 11 tracks
of their upcoming debut album as streaming audio on their
website www.slowreader.net.
It's rich and mellow, like the wine Jeff collects from supermarkets
but with more class.
Being dropped by Interscope hasn't stopped
Unwritten Law from planning a new release, a CD of their acoustic
MTV special "Music In High Places." Wow, that sounds totally
fucking terrible. The world has plenty of acoustic pop-punk
with Dashboard Confessional. Why do we need more? The Unwritten
Law guys should take a hint by the whole 'being kicked off
a major label' thing and realize that they just weren't destined
to be musicians.
That rumor about Henry Rollins playing The
Punisher turned out to be false. Retraction time.
In related Rollins news, he is selling a see-through
guitar on eBay that was signed by the likes of Cedrick Bixler
of the Mars Volta, Keith Morris, Chuck Dukowski and Kira Roessler
of Black Flag, Tom Araya of Slayer, Josh Homme and Nick Oliveri
of Queens of the Stone Age, Exene Cervenka of X, Tim Armstrong
and Lars Fredericksen of Rancid, Motorhead's Lemmy and Rollins
himself. The signing occurred while recording the Black Flag
tribute Rise Above: 24 Black Flag Songs To Benefit the
West Memphis Three. The guitar is already up to $4,050.01
with five days left to bid. Click
here for the auction.
Monday (October 28th 2002 for those of you
with 'intelligence problems') was the 25th anniversary of
the Sex Pistols' Nevermind the Bollocks… In celebration
I suggest we all go out and smash busts of that damned bloody
queen. |
Numerous people were
let go from CDNow.com and BMG Direct yesterday. Sources report
that the emails the fired employees received described the
company as being in its "death throes." Now where will I go
to look up old album release dates and read condensed biographies
of bands? If CDNow goes down, I'll never look as musically
knowledgeable again!
And so my empire of lies comes crumbling to the ground…
A metal band with an orchestra? What an original
idea.
Kiss will play with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra on Feb
28 at Telstra Dome in Melbourne. Merchandising overkill is
sure to follow. This might be interesting if the orchestra
is going to wear full Kiss makeup.
New Found Glory changed their name to A Simple
Plan.
The Cassettes have announced that their already
completed second album (just a month after the debut) will
be released on the Italian label Lovely Alice with no plans
to release the album in the US. Lovitt Records will carry
the album as a mailorder import. Three MP3s of the new material
have been posted here.
The new songs are decidedly different than the fuzzy 60s pop
of their debut, with "June Bogs" displaying a heavy
blues influence and "Lonesome Sound" sounding like
an authentic gypsy folk song. If you're wondering what gypsy
folk sounds like, download the song and you'll see its a perfect
description.
Also, Frodus.com
has posted two Frodus songs remixed by DC electronic artist,
Brahm, that may see future release as a 12" single.
Yo La Tengo has announced their second annual
Hannukah festival, booking Maxwells in Hoboken, NJ for all
eight nights of the festival. Special guests and opening acts
to be announced. The band hopes to get a different comic to
open each night. Last year's festival featured David Cross,
Janeane Garofalo and Gilbert Gottfried. As further proof of
Yo La Tengo's love of winter religious celebrations (even
conflicting ones), each concertgoer will get a free copy of
their new three-song Christmas EP. The band has not yet announced
their plans for the month-long Islamic holiday of Ramidan
but it's sure to be a spectacular meeting of music and atonement.
Pious fasting totally rocks!
Jimmy Fallon is not funny. At all. |
|
|
10/23/02
|
|
Led Zeppelin to
reform and tour after 22 years.
Singer Robert Plant, 54, guitarist Jimmy Page, 58, and bassist
John Paul Jones, 56, plan to hit the road next summer with
Jason Bonham, the son of their late drummer John. This ain't
no half-assed Page And Plant tour, this is full-fledged Zeppelin
and the old fogies will probably rake in five-figures on the
merchandising alone. Franklin told me that he shit himself
just a little bit when he first heard the news.
What's almost as bad as having hundreds of
thousands of people die in an unexpected terrorist attack?
Having Good Charlotte, Goldfinger, and Mest collaborate on
a song about it. That's right, these three horrible bands
(with suspected links to Al Qaeda) have recorded the song
"The Innocent" which you can download at mp3.com
featuring the tagline (bad grammar included), "This song is
a Tribute to the people we have lost in last weeks attacks
on the USA Please download it and share it with any many people
as you like. All profits will be donated to charity." What
profits are you fucking losers talking about? You're giving
it away as a free download! What a crock of shit.
MSNBC.com
has posted up some excerpts from Kurt Cobain's soon-to-published
journals. He kind of comes off like a whiney, overly-disturbed
dork but totally redeems himself with the hilariously true
comment: "We simply wanted to give those dumb heavy metal
kids (the kids who we used to be) an introduction to a different
way of thinking and some 15 years worth of emotionally and
socially important music and all we got was flack, backstabbing
and Pearl Jam."
Wow, tons of horrible bands have been breaking
up this month: The Promise Ring, Fenix Tx and now Save Ferris.
October rules!
NME.com has reported that Audioslave, the
"supergroup" featuring Chris Cornell of Soundgraden and Tom
Morello of Rage Against the Machine has paid Audioslave, the
unsigned band from Liverpool, $30,000 for the right to use
the name.
The Elephant 6 Collective is officially dead.
|
From punknews.org:
"Henry Rollins has officially been anounced as the actor to
portray Frank Castle, otherwise known as "The Punisher", in
the upcoming film of the same name. Details are sketchy, but
it is supposed to be released within 2003."
Although it's only a rumor I'm very very excited about this.
Henry Rollins is the perfect person to play a crazy vigilante
ex-marine.
Interscope Records finally wised up and kicked
Unwritten Law off their label. Fuck yeah, October rules! This
news would have been even better though, if it had happened
years ago before they released any of the band's albums.
Further evidence of October's superiority
to all other months: The MCA / Victory deal has fallen through.
That's right, MCA will not be purchasing a non-controlling
25% interest in Victory as previously reported.
Here's a nice image of Jennifer Lopez getting
her nipples tweaked on the set of her latest video. How does
someone go about getting the job of "celebrity niple
tweaker?"
 |
|
|
10/14/02
|
|
Fearless Records hates the music buying public.
They will soon be releasing their "Punk Goes Acoustic" compilation
to the dismay of music lovers everywhere. All you budding
Dashboards better stop moping in your room, thinking about
metaphors for your unrequited love's hair and start trying
get on this awful, awful CD.
The Buzzcocks are recording 14 tracks for
a new album that's expected to be released in 2003. 53-year-old
men singing "Orgasm Addict" is kind of gross.
Fact: America has awful taste.
Audioslave, the band formed from former Soundgarden
and Rage Against the Machine members that's already broken
up once, has their first single available streaming from their
website
right here. Yeah, it sounds like Rage with Soundgarden
vocals but not as bad as I expected. It's like 1994 all over
again, back when I used to sing along to "Black Hole Sun"
when it would come over the PA at the skating rink! Yeah,
I was lame.
Stole this from Punkbands.com:
"Ex-Refused member Kristofer Steen will be making an official
Refused documentary and he need your help. Here is Kristofer's
message: Livefootage, photos, anecdotes or anything even vaguely
connected to Refused is desperately needed. Please let me
know if you have anything connected to Refused. My main focus
is on stuff shot or taped -97 and -98. But feel free to pester
me with stories, critique, comments or anything else you could
think of. Thanks. / Kristofer Steen styltis@hotmail.com.
If you have anything you think he would like to use please
get in touch with him by the e-mail address above!"
It may be a capitalist attempt by an ultra-hardline Communist
band to cash in on their posthumous success but goddamn if
I'm not excited!
Also on the documentary front, Nate at Lovitt
Records has this to say:
"Lovitt Records is looking for footage of its bands (Sleepytime
Trio, Four Hundred Years, Engine Down, Bats & Mice, Fin Fang
Foom, Maximillian Colby, etc.) for an upcoming DVD. Contributors
will receive credit and a free copy of the DVD; please send
any submissions to: Lovitt Records/Attn: DVD Extravapalooza/PO
Box 248/Arlington VA 22210-9998."
I want to get me one of those too.
There's one guy in the world that thinks NOFX
is the best band ever. His name is Robert. Man, does that
guy have an extra chromosome or what?
|
MTV.com has posted a patched-together video
of the 'lost' Nirvana song "You Know You're Right." It's supposedly
made from made from archived Nirvana performances, videos
and unseen footage but the images flash by so fast that they
barely register.Check
it out. I think that thing gave me ADD. Or is it called
ADHD now? The video is slightly depressing though, reminding
you of that split second when mainstream rock was good again.
It's 1994 all over again!
Fact: Living in America the last year has
been pretty scary. Snipers, Anthrax and bombings, it's like
a bad Steven Segal movie. That's a joke, because he doesn't
have any good movies.
Radio stations have been receiving some negative
callout reseach on Christina Aguilera's drag-queen anthem
"Dirrty," prompting some stations to drop, or at least consider
dropping, the single well before the album release date. "Dirrty"
is done for.
At one of the Promise Ring's Plea For Peace
tourdates last week on the west coast, the band announced
they are breaking up. Now I never have to hear Davey von Bohlen
lisp out "Very Emergency" again! Cool! Isn't that swell?!
Less wonderful news: Reel Big Fish were unfortunately
unharmed after their bus caught fire while they were sleeping
at a Kingdom City, Missouri truck stop. At least their instruments
burned?
Jade Tree Records has moved its 2002 CMJ label
showcase to the Warsaw in Brooklyn, NY from the original scheduled
Irving Plaza in Manhattan after discovering the latter is
tied to Clear Channel. "Jade Tree's ethical business stance
simply isn't in line with Clear Channel's," said Darren Walters,
co-owner of Jade Tree. "Clear Channel's unfair competitive
tactics and strategies, along with its monolithic approach
to standardizing whatever media it becomes involved with-from
concert venues to radio-are among some of the most unfair
and marginally legal practices in the business today." Fight
the good fight, Jade Tree.
For more information on why Clear Channel is the enemy of
us all, read our History
of Radio feature.
|
|
|
10/06/02
|
|
| So the Q and not U show last
night was utterly amazing. That is all. |
|
|
10/04/02
|
|
Courtney Love, Dave Grohl and
Chris Novoselic have finally settled their lawsuit over ownership
of the unreleased Nirvana material. The long-delayed boxset
will finally see light in 2004 while a single album of rarities
is released in the meantime. The "Greatest Hits" compilation
(who's only selling point is "You Know You're Right" which
you can get right here
and avoid buying this asinine compilation) is expected by
Christmas.
Speaking of that greatest hits travesty, here's
the proposed cover:
Silver foil on black. Booooring.
In her new video "Dirrty," Christina Aguilera
looks like the kind of cheap slut that I wouldn't get within
10 feet of for fear of catching a disease. In related news,
Britney is planning her response single "I M A Filthy Whore."
Christina is expected to release the song "Herpes 4 U" to
compete with it. I wonder which one will end up in gangbang
pornography first? Ah, who am I kidding, it'll be Mandy Moore.
Cursive is back up and running after abandoning
a US/Japan tour with Eastern Youth due to frontman Tim Kasher's
collapsed lung. In the meantime they've managed to finish
a new album, The Ugly Organ (no doubt inspired by the
previously stated unstable lung) which will be out February
of 2003. Before that you can catch Cursive on the Plea for
Peace tour. |
Mark Chapman, the man who shot
and killed John Lennon, will be up for parole on October 8th,
one day before Lennon's 62nd birthday. He has spent 22 years
in Attica State Jail after gunning down Lennon outside of
his New York apartment on December 8, 1980.
The Flaming Lips want to give you a
party! Send them a jpg of something you made that was inspired
by the Flaming Lips and you could win a party that includes
Flaming Lips "Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots" CD, Limited
Edition Flaming Lips Lithograph, SONY Stereo, 5 Cases Of Jones
Soda (featuring your Flaming Lips artwork on the bottles)
and $50 in Pizza. Go to http://thedst.com/contests/flaminglips_contest.html
for more information.
Victory Records' latest teen heartthrobs,
Student Rick, have been voted 'Band of the Month' in the always
illustrious preteen girlie magazine YM (that stands for Young
and Modern for those of you out there who aren't in the know).
Not only does the band name-drop The White Album but goes
so far as to claim the Beatles are a major influence.
1. The Beatles did not sound like Blink182.
2. The Beatles were never in fucking YM.
3. The Beatles were not one of a million homogenous and interchangeable
soundalike bands that all completely suck shit.
MTV purchased the rights to make a shitty
movie out of the life-story of Napster creator Shawn Fanning.
Pretty-boy Dashboard Confessional has posted
two new demo mp3s of a new song called "Tonight I'll Take
What I Can Get" featuring not only a slide guitar but also
a laughable faux-southern accent to accompany his irritating
whine. Warning: suck-factor of the new Country Confessional
is extremely high. Click
here if you want a laugh. And no, it's not folky. It's
shitty. There's a difference.
|
|
|
9/25/02
|
|
Fenix, Tx broke up! Lets have
a parade. One down, 4,869,219,207 shitty bands to go!
Fat Mike and Erin Burkett celebrated their
ten year wedding anniversary on September 20th. That's weird,
I didn't even know Fat Mike was married. I guess when you
got the cash the ladies all want a piece.
Guttermouth is looking for a new bass player.
If you've never played any type of instrument then Guttermouth
is the band to join! You could only make them better.
So remember the song that Courtney Love and
Dave Grohl were fighting over? Both claimed it could be a
huge hit, Dave wanted it to be the centerpiece of a huge boxset
of unreleased material and … well Courtney wanted it tacked
onto the end of a Greatest Hits Collection so she could make
a bunch of money off all the songs everybody's heard a thousand
times before (newsflash: Nirvana's Greatest Hits is already
called Nevermind). Well, the song was "You Know You're
Right" and its big claim to fame is that it was the last Nirvana
song recording in a proper studio. Fortunately, someone leaked
it onto the Internet. All Praise to Technology. We'll probably
get sued for this, but here
it is. Now you have absolutely no reason to buy that Greatest
Hits bullshit. Give her another six years and she'll be digging
up his body and selling pieces of it to the highest bidder.
P.S. The song kind of blows anyway. Sounds like a second-rate
Nirvana b-side (no, not like Puddle of Mudd, that's a 20th-rate
Nirvana, silly).
From punknews.org: Green Day frontman Billie
Joe Armstrong says that bassist Mike Dirnt recently had left
wrist surgery to treat carpal tunnel syndrome. Dirnt's recovery
is expected to take from six to eight weeks. Also, on November
19th, Green Day will release a behind-the-scenes documentary,
titled "Pogo Paradise," on DVD and VHS. The moral: Kids, don't
whack off too much or you will have to undergo wrist surgery
when you are 40. That is all.
Two MP3s of the new Q and not U album, Different
Damage up now at qandnotu.org
in the media section. The remake of "Animal Calls" is fucking
gooood.
|
On October 22nd, David Bowie
plans to release 23 different versions of his new greatest
hits collection: The Best of Bowie. That's right, the
tracklisting will be different depending on which country
you live in. The album will also come three ways: double and
single album CD versions as well as on a DVD with television
performances, videos and previously unseen footage.
Why's everybody so into Elvis again all of
a sudden? He's still fucking dead.
New York Hot-97 DJ Troy Torain quizzed Justin
Timberlake on how sexually intimate he had been with ex Britney
Spears, asking straight-up, "Have you eaten the coochie of
Britney Spears?" After much stalling on Timberlake's part,
Star promised that he'd play Timberlake's new solo single
"Like I Love You" 30 times this week in return for the answer.
Timberlake refused to answer at first, but finally said, "I
did it…I'm dirty… I'm in so much damn trouble, man. I'm gonna
get calls from my mother!"
Way to exchange intimate information in return for radio airplay
you fucking Michael Jackson ripoff slimeball.
Message board poll: Which is worse, Nelly's
band-aid or Avril Lavigne's tie?
Kelly Osborne is recording an entire album
with producer Rick Wake, who is the man responsible for producing
some of today's hottest awful acts: Jennifer Lopez, Mariah
Carey and Celine Dion. Why?
Dweezil Zappa, unrenowned son of Frank Zappa,
has found, restored and attempted to sell the guitar that
Jimi Hendrex set on fire at the London Astoria in 1967. The
reserve price was not met, however, with the highest bid only
reaching £300,000.
So, "rock" is back I guess. Too bad it's either
pop queens wearing guitars as necklaces (Pink, Avril [who
can't fucking play despite pretending to in her videos], Shakira
and Nick Carter) or pseudo-garage ala Australian posers The
Vines. Newsflash: That's not rock.
God, I can't wait for a new Sex Pistols or Nirvana to rip
everyone a new asshole.
Quit slacking! Enter our fucking contest already!
|
|
|
9/14/02
|
|
The mother of peer-to-peer file-sharing,
Napster, has finally been shut down for good. Bankruptcy court
judge Peter J. Walsh denied the sale of Napster to media conglomerate
Bertelsmann AG citing Napster CEO Konrad Hilbers' past employment
at Bertelsmann as a conflict of interest. After it's last
court-ordered shut down, Bertelsmann had invested approximately
$85 million into converting the once-free MP3 trading system
into a pay subscription service. Bertelsmann had sought to
outright purchase the companies remaining assets, name and
logo for $8 million dollars. Napster's few remaining assets
will now likely be sold off for the benefit of the company's
many creditors.
In New Music Express' quest to over-exaggerate
and erroneously proclaim every band in the universe
as either "the next big thing" or "the most important band
ever," they have not only announced that the Vines are better
than Nirvana but also that a just-announced split single between
the White Stripes and Strokes is "the most wanted album ever."
Off the record they confided to this reporter that the statement
encompassed 'the history of forever and ever!'
We reported earlier that VH1 had contacted
…And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead about possibly
being featured on a show about groupies. Well, apparently
plans for the show are still on as the following advertisement
has run in various newspapers: "BE ON VH1! Did you or someone
you know hang out & party with a rock star?" Keep digging
the bottom of the barrel VH1, this is why nobody fucking watches
you. Do we really need an entire show dedicated to people
who's friends met somebody famous once upon a time?
|
In the grand tradition of shitty
bands copying other, shittier bands, Something Corporate is
putting out a DVD just like their heroes in New Found Glory!
Once again, both of these DVDs can be purchased at the 'punk/outcast'
store in your local mall.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Nominees for
2003: The Police, The Clash and Elvis Costello are all shoe-ins.
Other contenders include The Sex Pistols, Kraftwerk, ABBA,
Chic, The Righteous Brothers and, as always, Ozzy Osborne
and Black Sabbath. How many nominations does that make for
the old codger?
In their continuing effort to feature only
the biggest names in shitty music, this month's issue of Rolling
Stone features a cover photo of the Vines.
Keep the money flowing, hardcore: Rumors are
flying that Trustkill Records is set to be sold to Sony for
$1.5 million. Additionally, Dreamworks was recently seen sniffing
around Ferret Records' ass, word on the street is they may
be inking a deal soon. Don't ask me why.
Former Soundgarden vocalist Chris Cornell
is once again working with the former members of Rage Against
the Machine, Tom Morello, Tim Commerford and Brad Wilk. These
four were supposed to have been in a band called Civilian
but Cornell split due to a dispute with Rage's managers. Now
with new managers and a shitty name, they have reformed as
Audioslave. Five bucks says they sound exactly like
Rage.
Also, someone told me that the news channels
ran mostly Public Service Announcements on 9/11, so this is
our first official retraction. Jeff, you got told man. |
|
|
9/12/02
|
|
News from Barsuk Records: Death
Cab for Cutie's earliest recordings will be re-released with
ten other unreleased, rare tracks on October 22nd and will
be called "You Can Play These Songs With Chords."
Remember Nada Surf? Yeah, Barsuk is releasing
their newest effort, "Let Go." According to Barsuk, this album
is a "gorgeous CD chock full of beautiful melodies, sublime
lyrics, and great punchy pop/rock songs." Release date: January
2003
Willie Nelson had to cancel four tour dates
this week due to a broken blood vessel in his nose. Apparently
the truck driver-looking, country music-singing Nelson still
likes snortin' Coke. Dude, Willie, you're 69 years old. Lay
off the fucking dust!!!
|
Worst quote of the week: "I am
fashion because I live fashion" by Sean "P. Diddy" Combs about
his Sean John clothing line whose sales topped $250 million
in 2001. So in case you were wondering, wearing oversized
t-shirts with P. Diddy's real name branded on the front is
fashion. Oh and don't forget the Lugz. I'm on my way to the
mall right now.
American Nightmare has disappeared from the
web due to legal problems over their name...and boy, do we
miss them.
It's was the anniversary of the September
11th attacks yesterday. If you don't live in a hole, you already
knew that. Somehow America has managed to commercialize an
attack on our own country. I wonder how much a TV ad was going
for during the news specials last night. I mean, I believe
in free enterprise, but isn't this a little much? |
|
|
9/03/02
|
|
The Bubonic Plague is about to
rip across America: That's right, The Starting Line and Taking
Back Sunday are going on tour together in November, hoping
to spread their wasting illness across our fragile country.
Speaking of diseases: New Found Glory's latest
bloody sore entitled Sticks and Stones has sold 500,000
copies, thus it is now a gold record. How do 500,000 people
have such shitty taste in music? If any of your friends have
severe NFG addicts, do them a favor, help break the chain,
direct them towards bornbackwards.com where we will assist
them in a calm, caring environment to reclaim their life from
bad musical taste. Bornbackwards.com - Because We Care.
Here's something lame: New Found Glory is
also putting out a DVD for all the kids in the mall to spend
their money on. I'm betting you can find it in your local
Hot Topic.
All of MTV's programming these days is just
about MTV. I mean, it wasn't even a full day after the Video
Music Awards before they started running retrospectives of
it every 10 minutes.
Speaking of the VMAs: Eminem threatened
Moby again. Come on Em, he's kind of an easy target.
If you're such a badass, pick on somebody who could actually
cause you trouble. Marshal Mathers, you fucking wuss:
Yeah, tough guys wear pink shirts.
Triumph The Insult Comic dog had this to
say about Eminem's threats: "I only wish Eminem could relax
and enjoy all he has: his unique talent, and his smooth
white hair, which brings to mind a beagle's nutsack. He
should lighten up...I mean, my mom was a bitch too, but
I don't go writing songs about it." Not that we like Moby;
he sucks too.
|
Unwritten Law guitarist Steve
Morris was injured at his home on the night of August 29 nig | | |
