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back to bornbackwards
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12/25/02
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Iggy Pop has collaborated
with both Green Day and fellow ex-Stooges Ron and Scott Asheton
on songs for his upcoming album. It is the first time the
three Stooges have worked together since 1973's landmark proto-punk
album "Raw Power." The new album is scheduled for Spring 2003.
Rumblings of a possible Stooges reunion are being heard.
That news we had on 12/18/02 about Wesley
Willis dying of brain tumors was wrong. According to his label,
Alternative Tentacles, he has a treatable form of Leukemia.
He is currently undergoing medical care and his doctors are
hopeful for a recovery. |
Suge Knight was arrested.
Again. This time for violating his parole by associating with
gang members who are connected to a series of retaliatory
shootings this year. As a condition of his parole, Knight
is not allowed to associate with gang members. Hope he has
fun in prison for the 80th time, at least Snoop if safe for
a little while longer.
Happy Birthdays to both Adam, who is 20, and
Jesus H. Christ, who turned 2002.
Joe Strummer is my personal lord and savior. |
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12/23/02
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Joe Strummer, founder and leader of the
legendary first-wave UK punk band The Clash, died at home
in Broomfield, Somerset England on Sunday night of a suspected
heart attack. He was 50 years old. The Clash formed in the
mid-70s and was one of the prime leaders of the punk movement,
second in influence only to the Sex Pistols. The band turned
the disillusioned anger of punk from simple reactionary
destruction towards a more concrete political mindset. They
also injected a much needed sense of melody as they expanded
and explored various other music from around the world such
as reggae, rockabilly, ska, dancehall and dub, among others.
In the process they became one of the greatest rock bands
(and my personal favorite) of all time: simple yet exploratory,
angry but fun, fast but focused. Their 1979 double album
London Calling is considered by many critics as one
of the best albums that rock and roll ever produced. Unfortunately,
Strummer's death comes right before a heavily suspected
one-off reunion to commemorate their induction into the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. In recently years Strummer had
performed with his new band The Mescaleros and Irish folk-rockers
the Pogues. He is survived by his wife Lucinda, two daughters
and one step-daughter. The family has asked that instead
of floral tributes, money is paid to the Mandela SOS fundraising
concert, which is aimed at raising awareness of the Aids
epidemic in Africa and which Strummer was scheduled to take
part in on February 2.
Tonight, we listen to London Calling
as loud as we can, watch Westway to the World
and talk about the Clash till the sun comes up, not that
we don't do that all the time anyway. Goodbye, Joe.
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12/18/02
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An unconfirmed but
widely-circulated rumor states that Bert McCracken of the
Used and his girlfriend Kelly Osborne got into a fistfight
with Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins! Always the media
whore, Osborne has recently been playing up her animosity
for Corgan and his new band Zwan. At a radio show in New York,
Osborne was heard to say that the only reason Zwan was playing
the show that night was because of "oral favors" given to
the program's director. After The Used's set, before Zwan
was supposed to play, McCracken not only told the crowd to
throw things at the stage but also attempted to trip Corgan.
His response was a kick to McCracken in the stomach (nice!).
Both bands began to fight and were led off the stage. I'm
not sure how inflated Osborne and McCracken's egos are, but
these kind of childish antics only earn them equal measures
of derision. No one should fuck with Corgan: he's a rat in
a cage and writes songs about how he hates Jesus. This is
also possibly the coolest thing he's done in the last 8 years
and almost makes up for Machina.
A question to our readers: Why are Osborne and McCracken pursuing
such flagrantly immature drama? Are they trying to be the
new Oasis?
The upcoming Vagrant releases have their names:
Saves the Day will be releasing In Reverie in June
and Dashboard Confessional does not disappoint by giving his
new record the exceedingly melodramatic title of A Mark,
A Mission, A Brand, A Scar which will poison your soul
when it hits in May.
2003 is a banner year for Wilco fans. The
band has plans to release both a new EP and a DVD edition
of the lovely I Am Trying to Break Your Heart documentary.
The six-track EP will feature an alternate version of "Kamera",
Yankee Hotel Foxtrot-outtake "A Magazine Called Sunset,"
tour-favorite "Bob Dylan's 49th Beard" and three brand new
songs that comprise the bands first material written without
former guitarist Jay Bennett. Some of the new songs are completely
improvised and all are contenders for the next Wilco album.
The DVD is scheduled for release on April 1st and will feature
behind-the-scenes footage and over twenty live cuts, which
in total are longer than the film itself. All of this is in
addition to the previously reported Down With Wilco
full-length collaboration with The Minus 5 which is due February
25th.
And that's not all! Uncle Tupelo, the progenitors
of the poorly named alt-country movement, will re-release
their first three albums No Depression, Still Feel Gone,
and March 16-20, 1992, all of which have been out of print
for years. The band featured future Wilco bandleader/song-writer
extraordinaire Jeff Tweedy. The re-releases are planned for
March 11th. |
Cursive's highly anticipated
(at least by me) new album The Ugly Organ is due out
March 4th and will be preceded by a single on Jan 21st. The
single will feature the album track "Art Is Hard" along with
the non-album track "Sinner's Serenade."
Jennifer Lopez is the last person on Earth
to tire of her J.LO moniker. She adopted the nickname to coincide
with her 2001 J.Lo album but claims it's now wearing
thin (no shit) and wants to be known as Jennifer again. "I
still like Jennifer or Jenny. J.Lo just caught on. My mom
has a problem with the J.Lo thing. I say, 'Mom, don't call
me J.Lo.' It's like the other person. It's not me. It's the
other celebrity person."
A statement from Fueled By Ramen Records that
we stole from punknews.org:
"Recover has signed to a label with the Universal Music Group.
For the time being, the band is still with Fueled By Ramen,
but their next record will no longer be on our label as previously
planned. This band has grown tremedously with us and more
quickly than we could have imagined. We have full confidence
in Recover to succeed at any level. We also completely endorse
their wishes to do what they believe is best for the growth
and success of their band."
The band's last release on FBR will be their contribution
to the New.Old.Rare 4-band split CD, coming out on
January 28th.
In related news: more rumors about a possible
FBR / Island/Def Jam pairup. Midwest Punkzine and Emotionalpunk.com
report that the deal has been inked and finalized. No official
word yet from FBR.
Merge Records, home of Superchunk and fucking
Spoon (!), has announced the signing of seminal English punk-pop
band Buzzcocks. The label will release the group's self-titled
7th studio album on March 18th, 2003.
K Records will release not one but three
separate variations of the new Microphones album Mt. Eerie:
the a capella version Singing from 'Mt. Eerie', the
percussion-only Drumming from 'Mt. Eerie', which are
both out now, and the 'full-band' version titled, fittingly
enough, just Mt. Eerie, which is due January 21st.
Keep your eye on this one kids, the K press sheet says that
"epic is too shallow a word to describe [its] boundless beauty
and vision."
Yeah, I've heard that one before.
Don't go to college. Final exams will kill
you. Work in a gas station, you'll be much happier. |
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12/18/02
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AOL, already America's
biggest internet service provider, has just received a patent
on AIM, AOL's instant messaging service. All the way back
in 1998, AOL bought ICQ’s parent company, Mirabilis, which
gave them control of over 200 million instant messaging users.
Now they have the right to sue other instant messaging services
such as Yahoo and Microsoft for patent infringement. I'd imagine
this is the first step in AOL beginning to charge for AIM.
Good plan, AOL! Knockout the competition and then charge $20
a month for instant messaging! Yay for monopolies!
According two a few message boards and a Pittsburgh
booking agent, Wesley Willis is apparently dying. He has cancelled
the rest of his current tour due to malignant brain tumors
and isn't expected to live past this month.
Rock on Chicago.
Nickelback has collaborated with Kid Rock
and Dimebag Darrell of Pantera in a cover of Elton John's
"Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)." No, really. |
R. Kelly has a new
record coming out on Jive Records January 28th called "Chocolate
Factory." The title implies that it will detail his experiences
when he was in jail awaiting trial.
Chris Carrabba, announced last Tuesday that
his new album A Mark, a Mission, a Brand, a Scar will
be more "dynamic," but also said in the same interview, "With
every EP we've done, it's gotten a little more diverse."
So I take it that "dynamic" in this context means that he'll
add a few more instruments in the background and re-record
"The Places you Have Come to Fear the Most."
MTV is introducing a new company policy that
could severly limit the bling blingingness of rappers in their
videos. Apparently MTV is finally catching on to rappers promoting
their clothing, favorite liquor, and 'dope' rides in their
videos and the music video giant wants to stop this free promotion.
MTV thinks that if Puff Daddy wants to advertise his Sean
John clothing line or if Busta Rhymes wants you to buy Courvoisier,
they should actually buy advertising to sell their products.
Quite a novel idea, I'd say. As this policy comes into effect,
MTV will blur out much more brand names that appear in the
videos and may even ban videos from the air. |
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12/11/02
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12/11/02
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Vagrant Records will be releasing
the Dashboard Confessional Unplugged performance as a dual
CD/DVD this month. It's a double-shot of worthlessness considering
that this will not only be the third released recording of
some of these songs but also because of the fact that HE'S
ALREADY FUCKING UPLUGGED. They just keep repacking those same
songs with a different gimmick each time, "Oh this time it's
unplugged. This time it's with electric instruments. This
time it's unplugged on MTV." Chris Carrabba's probably still
got another three releases left before his misguided fans
realize that he is fucking them harder and longer than any
of the under-aged groupies who misplaced their youthful sentimentality
and misguided romanticism on a "sensitive," cardboard man-child
with ugly sideburns, properly "ironic" thrift store shirts
and $80 designer jeans.
CDNow.com has bought by Amazon.com, who are
on a quest to own or affiliate with every site on the Internet.
CDNow has been turned into an exact copy of Amazon.
Gone is the wonderfully vast database full of neatly categorized
release dates, biographies, import records and surprisingly
relevant reviews (not those stupid Amazon fan reviews where
people just prattle on without really knowing what they're
talking about. If I wanted that I'd read Bornbackwards.com).
In related news, ArtistDIRECT.com needs to
find $20 million to stay financially viable.
In the latest issue of Spin Magazine is a
list of the top five albums that New Found Glory has been
listening to on their tour bus. At the bottom of the list:
their own album! I can just picture them playing air-guitar
to their own songs, giving out high fives and telling each
other how much they rock. Newsflash: they don't. They are
the Leif Garret's of a new generation, only they can't sing
and they're fucking ugly.
Thursday changed their name to The Used.
The Black Flag reunion rumor we reported on
11/20/02 was a bust. Greg Ginn didn't show. But several other
shows have been scheduled for the California area.
The Juliana Theory and Something Corporate
have announced a co-headlining tour this January and February.
It will be called "The Corporate Analrape Tour," in support
of The Juliana Theory's major label debut "Love." (Are these
really grown men thinking up these album titles?) In keeping
with the corporate violation theme of the tour, ticket prices
range between $12 and $16.50.
None More Black (ex-Kid Dynamite) have signed
to Fat Wreck Chords. Paint It Black (the other black-named
ex-Kid Dynamite band) are expected to sign to Jade Tree Records
solely because Jade Tree loves to sign bands that have former
members of other bands on their label.
Godawful "Christian" rockers Slick Shoes (aka
MxPx) have left Tooth and Nail Records for Side One Dummy.
River Cuomo of Weezer is dragging himself
through the mud even further. Beyond the embarrassingly trite
and emotionless Maladroit and Green Album, he has contributed
vocals and possibly played guitar for a track on the new Limp
Bizkit record. Way to go Rivers, that's just kind of sad.
The band calling themselves Guns N' Roses
have cancelled their first tour in almost a decade. The announcement
comes after missing two shows in a month. The first no-show
caused a riot amongst normally placid Canadians in Vancouver.
The second prompted a 10-minute rain of beer bottles, ceiling
tiles and debris from the upper tier while audience members
on the floor threw seats at the stage, mixing board and each
other. This was all accompanied by chants of "Axl sucks."
Pissed off fans speak only the truth: fat old guys with shitty
fake dreadlock-wannnabe braids and shiny plastic-surgery faces
who are trying to recapture their glory days most definitely
suck. And yes, that means that he's not the only one.
Rumors has it that Island/Def Jam Records
has taken an interest in Gainesville-based Fueled By Ramen
Records.
It's official: Ryan Adams sucks. His website
says so. He's also selling official tour t-shirts emblazoned
with the "Ryan Adam sucks" logo. Pitchforkmedia.com believes
this may only be a warning sign of his possible insanity,
reporting that at a recent show, Adams hired a clown to enter
midway through the set and sit behind him on the stage just
outside of the spotlights. The clown went unacknowledged through
the remainder of the show and proceeded to smoke, drink whiskey,
and read a newspaper.
The people who live below us are fucking assholes.
They think I'm "emo." I think they're "ignorant
shitheads." |
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Running out of things to do when you're drunk
off your ass and your "friends" abandon you far away from
home? Take Wayne Horsman's lead - stumble your way into a
grocery store, plop down in the motorized cart designed for
the handicapped and then reap havoc throughout the store.
Wayne took it upon himself to run down other shoppers, knock
over displays and ram all kinds of merchandise in Eagle's
Food Store outside of Andalusia, Illinois. For this reason,
he was arrested and thrown in jail for disorderly conduct
and public intoxication. It's a shame this guy is 32 and really
just a dumb drunk, not some stupid teenager.
Marvel Comics has broken ground by introducing
the industry's first openly gay title character in a comic
book. The Rawhide Kid has been a Marvel character since the
1950's, but his latest revival marks a new beginning for this
gunslinging hero. Ron Zimmerman, a writer for the "Howard
Stern Show", has teamed up with The Rawhide Kid's original
artist, 86 year-old John Severin, to give a new role model
to the gay rodeo. In this latest version, the Rawhide Kid
uses jokes and euphemisms to reveal his homosexuality without
saying anything explicitly. An excerpt from the first edition
of the series has the Rawhide Kid commenting about the Lone
Ranger: "I think that mask and the powder blue outfit are
fantastic. I can certainly see why the Indian follows him
around."
Venetian Snares (aka Aaron Funk) and his girlfriend
Rachael Kozak (aka Hecate) are releasing a new album under
the name Nymphomatriarchs. As the name suggests, this duo
isn't exactly putting out the model "Adult Contemporary" album
of the year, but if you were thinking "X-rated sounds from
every position imaginable put into techno form", then you
hit it right on the head. Funk and Kozak recorded themselves
sexing it up on several occasions, and Funk has plans to assemble
the sounds into a full-length album. In the January 2003 issue
of Playboy, Funk says, "It's weird to deconstruct the sounds
of sex. It makes you conscious of a lot of stuff you'd normally
ignore. I remember thinking shit like, 'Oh, that slap will
make a good snare drum.'" |
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12/04/02
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Rosie O'Donnell and
her life partner, Kelli Carpenter, have recently welcomed
a new baby girl in their lives. Ms. Carpenter gave birth to
Vivienne Rose O'Donnell this past Saturday. As if this poor
kid wasn't looking forward to enough heckling in school from
all those heartless O'Doyles, Rosie and Kelli have also announced
that they named her after the main character in Rebecca Wells'
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. We'll be sure to keep
our fingers crossed for little Vivienne that Daddy at least
grows his hair out by the time grade school comes around.
For all you Radiohead fans, guitarist Ed O'Brien
has released a few words concerning the upcoming album due
this spring. While sitting with XFM Online, O'Brien proclaimed,
"As I always say, it's gonna be an album of three minute pop
songs. That's what they always say but that's what it is this
time." Additionally, Thom Yorke has promised, "No computers
this time." No one is sure whether to believe him on this,
myself included. But thanks to Pitchforkmedia, I do know that
the band has already concluded about four weeks of production
on the record, with two weeks spent in LA and another two
at their studio in Oxford.
We're very happy for Liam Gallagher: the Oasis
lead singer had a bunch of teeth knocked out at a German club
this weekend. |
So I finally caught
the video for Shepard Smith's favorite J.Lo song, "Jenny from
the Block", and damn does that song suck. Is there even any
rhythm to that song? It's like one bad sampling after another,
and then god knows what she's trying to actually sing about.
What the hell was she thinking? And how the hell am I supposed
to react to that soft-core porn with Ben Affleck that she
calls a music video? As Adam says, "Hey! At least you get
to see a luscious, beautiful ass!" Then I respond, "Yea, and
J.Lo has some nice bedonkadonk herself."
Steven Segal is the best actor ever. Thank
god for his cinematic masterpieces that lull me to sleep late
at night with graphic violence and terrible accents. Steven,
you are my hero.
Unionized pole dancers (believed to be the
only in the nation) walked the picket line yesterday in San
Francisco, arguing that a contract offer by management at
the Lusty Lady just didn't cut it. The dancers wore pink T-shirts
that read "Bad girls like good contracts". Their complaints
include recent hourly wage cuts and the elimination of their
one paid sick day. These Lusty Ladies are demanding their
old rate of $27 an hour, a hiring cap at the club so there
are enough shifts to go around, and also changes in the making
of the schedule. But my favorite part of the story (and really
my only reason for reporting it) is the chant the girls' used
as they picketed: "Two, four, six, eight, pay me more to gyrate!"
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11/27/02
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11/27/02
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Mission of Burma, that band of ultimate
chaos and hook-filled art pop and simply the greatest and
most underappreciated thing to come from 1982 (besides myself),
are continuing their recent 20-year reunion. The band has
not only confirmed shows in Chicago, Detroit, and Minneapolis
this weekend but also revealed that a documentary titled
Inexplicable is in the works. The film, slated for
a Spring 2003 release, will go behind-the-scenes of the
reunion tours and feature various interviews with musicians,
writers, and family members recounting Mission of Burma's
formative years. Additionally, Pitchforkmedia.com has speculated
that the band's continued touring may hint at the exciting
and absolutely electrifying possibility of new-recorded
material. A new Burma album would be a godsend to a stagnant
musical word, and if it is of the quality of their first
and only 1982 LP Vs., there could even be the possibility
of igniting a new rock revolution ala Nirvana. Mission of
Burma were truly ahead of their time, twenty years later
everyone else may finally be catching on.
Slash, Izzy and Duff have decided to strike
back at Axl Rose by reforming the classic Guns and Roses lineup
without him. The currently unnamed band recently tried out
former Skid Row front man and general worthless-shithead Sebastian
Bach on vocals. You can practically hear the 80s revival shifting
into first gear, god help us.
Elvis Costello has split from his wife Cait
O'Riordan after 16 years of marriage. They met when Costello
produced the Irish-punk-folk band The Pogues while O'Riordan
was a member. They later married in 1986. The pair are believed
to have broken up in September but the announcement has only
just been made. I'm sorry, Mr. Costello.
The toilets at Vagrant Records are apparently
backed up quite bad. Brace yourself as this foul-smelling
collection of faux-emo comes floating your way: new albums
by Reggie and the Full Effect in February, Dashboard Confessional
in May and Saves the Day in July are all planned. Totally
septic overflow may be avoided though in March when a new
album by Alkaline Trio is released.
Omar Rodriguez, of The Mars Volta and formerly
At the Drive In, will be producing Radio Vago's forthcoming
full-length debut for Buddyhead Records.
Speaking of Buddyhead, Travis Keller is selling
a Platinum copy of Jimmy Eat World's Bleed American
on Ebay. It's already up to $365 dollars with 9 days left.
But get this, that shit looks gold to me, not platinum, because
you know it's shiney and yellow. Click
here to appraise it for yourself.
The latest and greatest purveyors of shitty
grindcore, The Locust, have officially signed to Epitaph/Anti-Records.
If I twitch and scream for thirty seconds and call it a song
will I get a bucketload of Epitaph money too?
Washington DC will host the Future of Music
Coalition Policy Summit on January 5-7. Ian Mackaye of Fugazi
and Dischord Records will moderate the conference which features
talks on pirating/marketing on the Internet, the nature of
intellectual property, the the current state of the industry,
musicians and health insurance, and whether major labels are
still capable of innovation. Other attendees will include
Patti Smith, John Flansburgh of They Might Be Giants, and
keynote speakers Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) and Representative
Howard Berman (D-CA), who is the Ranking Member of the House
Judiciary Subcommittee on Courts, the Internet and Intellectual
Property (meaning his views directly affect musicians and
mp3-downloading fans).
Lou Reed is set to release his new double
album, The Raven, on January 28th. The album will feature
guests like Willem Dafoe, Steve Buscemi, David Bowie and Ornette
Coleman reading the poetry of Edgar Allen Poe to music written
by the former Velvet Underground frontman. It's looking to
be Reed's most obscure and confusing project since the feedback-and-nothing-else
double album Metal Machine Music. Chances are that
it will sell heavily among adolescent girls who dress in black
and wear too much eyeliner.
Run DMC have decided to go out with class,
respectfully retiring after 19 years because of the recent
murder of their DJ, Jam Master Jay. However, a charity album
is in the works titled Self Destruction 2: The Album,
headed up by Daddy-O of Stetsasonic. The album will feature
Public Enemy, Queen Latifah, Busta Rhymes, Jurassic Five,
Shaggy, Jermaine Dupri, KRS-1, Redman and MC Lyte. The album's
goal is to address the violence in hip-hop and help destroy
the ridiculous "gangsta" image. Proceeds will go to families
that have been victims of violence. Visit the official
website for a manifesto, a growing list of artists, and
more. If they succeed, we'll never have to hear about how
much more of everything (money, cars, guns, bitches and drugs)
some rapper has compared to us. Bling Bling, fucker.
N'SYNC star Lance Bass has taken to begging
the public for the $20 million fare to finally get him up
to space. His first attempt to board a Russian flight to the
International Space Station was aborted after his sponsors
failed to come up with the money in August. You know, instead
of actually using his own fortune.
Rumor has it that Ja Rule got his ass kicked
outside his Washington concert for dissing DMX. What?
Ben Affleck is reportedly going to be featured
completely nude in ads to launch lover Jennifer Lopez's new
aftershave called, get this, "Man." A source says, "Ben had
his doubts. But the reality is there's nothing he wouldn't
do for Jennifer - she's the priority in his life." What a
sweetheart that guy is, no thought of money at all.
Sources report that Extreme Ops is going
to be the shittiest movie ever. However, it will still make
millions of dollars. |
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If your birthday's in February (like mine),
you can now add one more thing to your wish list. Yep Roc
Records, based out of Chapel Hill, NC, has reported a release
date of February 25th for Down With Wilco, a collaboration
between Seattle collective The Minus 5 and one of my favorite
bands, Wilco. The Minus 5's Scott McCaughey and Wilco's
Jeff Tweedy produced this 13-song collaborative effort,
while McCaughey also spent quite a bit of time recording
with Wilco in the studio. I just marked the glorious day
of February 25th on my calendar with a bright red Sharpie,
and I expect you to do the same.
Bryan Laulicht and Sasha Bakhru, both undergraduates
at Columbia University, were arrested last week for cheating
on the Graduate Record Examination. One student would transmit
the questions from the test to another student sitting in
a van parked nearby; the student in the van would then look
up the answers using a laptop computer and transmit them back
to the student taking the test. The two seniors at Columbia
were subsequently arrested and charged with third-degree burglary
and unlawful duplication of computer material. So basically
they just spent more than $140,000 for an Ivy League education
that now means absolutely nothing.
An elderly man has robbed a pharmacy in Marseille,
France for the fourth time in less than a year. He's not after
all those francs though, but rather the entire stock of Viagra
locked up in the back. Either this guy has a really horny
wife, or he's finally caught wind of this whole 'internet'
thing and its ample supply of teens with webcams. This blue
pill bandit has always struck at closing time armed with a
knife and marched the three female staff members back to the
locked cabinet where the pills are kept. But hey, at least
he's helping to save all those endangered species we discussed
last week.
A holiday window-dressing display in a clothing
store has caused quite a stir in downtown Oslo, Norway. With
the help of some inflatable dolls purchased from the condom
specialist store next door, the clothing store has easily
caught the attention of passers-by with a display of Santa
Claus receiving a gift of his own during this joyous holiday
season. While one doll is dressed in the usual Santa garb,
another is on its knees in front of St. Nick, with its face
buried under Santa's lovely red robe. A sign in front of the
display proclaims 'Santa Klauz is coming soon!' In response
to the expected criticism of the display going too far, store
manager Hugo Grimsrud argues, "I think we've been very clever."
I definitely support Hugo on this one - nothing says Christmas
quite like Santa getting his candy cane sucked off in a store
window. And you know what, I think our old pal Shepard Smith
would back me on this one, too.
Kim Kelly, evidently one porker of a porn
star, is hoping to lose 10-20 pounds during a 30-day diet
she plans to start on the first of December. Forget Weight
Watchers or Jenny Craig, Ms. Kelly has decided to take that
proverbial road less traveled. Instead of those complicated
point systems, she's opted for a diet consisting mainly of
semen - or as she puts it, 'man juice'. Ms. Kelly is aiming
for at least 6 meals a day, with occasional snacks and pig-outs.
She also plans to drink plenty of banana smoothies in between
her regular meals for extra nutritional supplement. More than
800 men have already offered to provide their support for
Ms. Kelly's endeavor. Some rumors have surfaced that Frank
Gifford, Michael Jackson, and Rosie O'Donnell are among those
enlisted to help.
Principal Rooney and Pee-Wee Herman enjoy
children a little more than we thought. Jeffrey Jones, best
known for playing Principal Ed Rooney in Ferris Bueller's
Day Off, and Paul Reubens have been arrested by LAPD for possession
of child pornography. Although part of the same investigation,
authorities maintain the two cases are unrelated. Jones, 56,
surrendered to police on a felony charge of "using a minor
for prohibitive acts" and possessing child pornography, a
misdemeanor; meanwhile, fifty year-old Reubens turned himself
in to police and was booked on the misdemeanor count of possessing
child pornography. Both actors shelled out $20,000 for bail
and await court appearances in December. The dim-witted principal
faces up to three years in state prison and will have to register
as a sex offender for life if convicted, while everyone's
favorite pervert in a gray suit faces a maximum of one year
in county prison and a fine of $2,500 for his charge. I wonder
if Pee-Wee would let me take care of that kick-ass bike of
his while he's in the county pokey…
. As the second season of "The Osbournes"
gets underway this week, I must admit that I anxiously await
another fun-filled season of Osbourne mayhem. Whether or not
you agree with the way Sharon and Ozzy choose to run their
household, you can't deny how ridiculously entertaining each
half-hour of footage really is. The only downside of the show
is having to see that thing they call "Kelly".
In related news, there's a rumor going around
about that "Kelly" thing getting engaged to Bert McCracken,
lead singer of Thursday-clone The Used. Rumor has it they
also got matching heart tattoos on their wedding fingers to
celebrate the occasion. If it wasn't for Pam and Tommy, that'd
be really cool and original. Actually, scratch that; nothing
involving that beast will ever be cool or original.
Speaking of not cool and unoriginal, one of
that beast Kelly's picks for her favorite videos on a recent
MTV 2 show with her brother Jack was Good Charlotte's "Lifestyles
of the Rich and Famous". Given the fact that she looks and
sounds disgusting, this choice comes as no surprise to me;
however, I'm still trying to decide if she picked this wretched
song simply because of horrible taste or because she relates
to the song since she's a snobby, arrogant, big-headed bitch.
Personal attacks on celebrity strangers are
fun.
Eminem's childhood home in Warren, Michigan
is up for sale on eBay. The three-bedroom, two-bathroom house
has been appraised at $91,000 and the highest current bid
is $11,000,600 as of Tuesday morning. Officials are reportedly
looking into the validity of this eight-figure offer, though
they can confirm numerous other six- and seven-figure offers.
First of all, who the hell cares that Eminem once inhabited
this beat-up old house. Second of all, who in their right
mind would offer hundreds of thousands of dollars, let alone
millions, for this worthless piece of property simply because
some popular white rapper/actor once called it home. Newsflash
for the highest bidder: When you go to sell this piece of
shit ten years down the road, it's not going to be worth anymore
than it's worth today; it sure would suck to lose 11 million
dollars, but man would I enjoy laughing in your face.
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11/20/02
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11/20/02
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Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes is planning
not only his sappiest album but the sappiest of all
time! The weepy songwriter, who is beloved by both 14 year
old 'artistic' girls and Jeff, is planning to release an
album of traditional Christmas songs which will be released
December 1st. When your child wakes up on Christmas morning
to find his stocking empty and shakey, whiney, sobbing music
coming from the stereo, he's going to ask you, "Who ruined
Christmas?" Tell him the truth, tell him, "the devil named
Conor Oberst."
I have a running list in my hand of the top
five broken up bands that I would give anything to see. Right
up near the top is the Clash circa 1979. Well, it seems that
the former songwriting duo of the Clash, Mick Jones and Joe
Strummer, have finally mended the differences that broke up
the band. Jones joined Strummer on stage for the first time
in 20 years, in London at the Acton Town Hall the other night
and performed the Clash favorites "Bankrobber," "White Riot"
and "London's Burning." They said that the reunion had not
been planned and Jones was at the show simply as a guest,
and because the moment felt right. Rolling Stones reported
that although none of the members have a reunion planned,
Strummer would support a one-night reunion for their
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction in March. Now I know
old bands getting back together to cash in on their former
popularity is totally lame but … it's the fucking Clash!
If I had a sister I would not hesitate to sell her into slavery
without a second thought for the chance to have seen Joe Strummer
and Mick Jones together.
I think I messed myself.
Speaking of fucking awesome bands that need
to reform: Black Flag! Rumors are circulating that Gregg Ginn
may actually perform with Henry Rollins, Chuck Dukowski, and
Kira. Amoeba
Records has already scheduled a show on December 3 at
7pm but no one yet knows what the lineup will be, whether
it will be vintage Black Flag or just the people who performed
on the recently recorded Black Flag tribute album organized
by Rollins.
I'm from Coral Springs and I hate New Found
Glory. They went to my high school. Unfortunately, the rest
of the town doesn't feel the way I do and has honored the
undeserving teeny-loving pop-punkers with "New Found Glory
Day" on November 13th., in which they received the key to
the city and performed before 6,000 people. So, basically
the town is even more lame and boring than it was before and
should be avoided at all costs!
I hope they realize that the key doesn't actually open anything.
That Daredevil movie they're making, you heard
about it? Yeah it stars the talentless Ben Affleck. It doesn't
sound like a very good idea does it? Well, it sounds even
worse now, as the talentless Rob Zombie recently recorded
vocals for a song called "The Man Without Fear" with the remaining
members of way-more-than-just-talentless Drowning Pool for
the soundtrack.
More good news about bad bands: Student Rick
broke up! Have you heard about them? Yeah they were totally
Beatles influenced. [editor's note: read again with sarcasm]
From punknews.org:
"NBC Ireland used Fugazi's "Waiting Room" in a commercial
for "Law and Order SVU" without the band's permission. Ian
MacKaye has responded to punknews.org with the following:
'We didn't license our music to that irish tv commercial,
they used it without our permission. we've been taking action
against them, but nothing has been resolved as of yet. -ian/fugazi'"
Billy Corgan's new band Zwan just signed with
Reprise Records.
London's New Musical Express (NME) Magazine,
have announced that Jack White is officially "The Coolest
Man in Rock." The list was overloaded with psuedo-garage and
shit-rap, as Fabrizio Moretti of The Strokes came in second,
White's ex-wife/sister, Meg was fourth, and Nelly placed ninth.
I hereby proclaim Nelly to be "The Ugliest Man In America."
Take off the fucking band-aid!
Everybody's already talking about that picture
of Michael Jackson but I would just like to say that he is
one creepy motherfucker. I don't know how he finds any kids
to molest anymore, I'd imagine they're all scared off because
he looks like a fucking skull-demon. Click
here for a Chronology of Jacko's Face |
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If you were losing any sleep over the absence
of openly gay prosecutors in our great nation's justice
system, rest assured your pillow is once again your friend.
Judge Bonnie Dumanis became the first openly gay prosecutor
in the country when elected San Diego County District Attorney
on Tuesday, November 12th after defeating current District
Attorney Paul Pfingst by about 3,500 votes out of a total
570,000 votes cast. Gay advocates nationwide have shown
their support in stating it was no surprise Judge Dumanis
was able to pull of the victory given her reputation and
experience. How San Diego managed to elect a gay prosecutor
before San Francisco is still beyond me.
On his plane trip to India recently, Microsoft
chairman Bill Gates was probably expecting to be greeted by
thousands of Indian tech-nerds riding in motorized rickshaws.
What he wasn't expecting, however, was the gigantic 8-foot
tall air-filled condom awaiting his arrival in India's technology
hub of Hyderabad. The super-sized sheath was meant to pay
tribute to Mr. Gates' generous donation of $100 million through
his charity, The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, to spread
AIDS awareness in India. And no, Adam, it wasn't "Ribbed for
His Pleasure"
Fox News anchor Shepard Smith evidently has
more on his mind than just the day's headlines. During a recent
segment on The Fox Report, an hour-long news program that
he hosts on Fox News Channel, Smith let loose a Freudian slip
while giving viewers the low-down on J.Lo. In describing the
attitudes of New Yorkers regarding J.Lo's new song "Jenny
from the Block" about her roots in the city, Smith proclaims
"But folks from that street in New York, the Bronx section,
sound more likely to give her a curbjob than a blowjah… or…
uh… bluh… block party." He proceeds to apologize for his slip-up
before stating, "I have no idea how that happened, but it
won't happen again." Hey Shep, I think it's pretty obvious
by that smirk on your face exactly how that happened. It must
be pretty tough to concentrate on that teleprompter when
that tent being pitched in your lap is so distracting, you
creepy bastard. Oh and what the hell is a curbjob anyway?
Here's the video of the slip. [editor's note: Don't be fooled
by the rocks that she's got, that guys wants J.Lo on his cock]
Moron of the week: Matthew Mokanyk. After
a dispute with his landlord over damaged carpet, this loser
decided to pay off the debt of $1,853.87 in nothing but pennies.
Yes, that's right; Mokanyk shipped his landlord 185,387 pennies
shrink-wrapped in 74 boxes, each box weighing 14 pounds. All
in all, the delivery weighed in at more than half a ton and
cost Mokanyk weeks of planning and $1,000 on top of the original
payment. Sure that's kinda funny, but it's sure as hell not
$1,000 funny.
Miss Cleo has canceled $500 Million in customer
bills to settle federal charges brought against her with regards
to roping lonely housewives and closet homosexuals into paying
hundreds of dollars for calls that supposedly promise insight
into better sex lives and money-making schemes. Now, you can
go ahead and joke about why she didn't see it coming, but
I think it's funnier that we have people in our society lame
enough to pay over $1 Billion a year to hear some actress
with a Jamaican accent tell them how pathetic their lives
really are.
British auction house Cooper Owen has put
various Beatles paraphernalia on the block this week. The
headliner of the auction is a leather, barrel-shaped box,
decorated with Middle Eastern-style pipes, once owned by John
Lennon. According to Cooper Owen, Lennon used this "stash
box" to hide his drugs from the housekeepers at his home in
Surrey, England. Also being auctioned are two rare recordings
of Lennon talking to his stepdaughter Kyoko, a rare guitar
which sounds like an organ that was presented to Lennon and
Paul McCartney in 1964, a drum owned by McCartney, and a Christmas
card Lennon wrote just days before his 1980 murder in New
York City. There's no doubt in my mind that some of John Lennon's
last wishes were for his personal cards and conversations
to be sold for thousands of dollars to millionaire yuppie
collectors some twenty years after his tragic departure from
this world.
Talk about diversifying…the nation's oldest
handgun maker, Smith & Wesson, has reached a licensing agreement
with golf club designer Ernie Vadersen to have his Vadersen
Design Group produce a line of high-end clubs bearing the
Smith & Wesson logo. Vadersen claims the clubs will capitalize
on the gun company's expertise in machining and metallurgy.
I claim that both Vadersen and Smith & Wesson will capitalize
on middle-aged NRA-promoting schmucks who can't wait to spend
hundreds of dollars on a new set of golf clubs that'll amaze
the rest of the foursome on Saturday morning. Isn't America
great?
Apparently Viagra is saving more than just
geriatric sex lives. The availability of Viagra has consequently
decreased the demand for Chinese sex potions that utilize
parts of various animals, including some endangered species.
Frank von Hipple, of the University of Alaska in Anchorage,
has reported a decline in demand for antler velvet from Alaskan
reindeer and sex organs from Canadian hooded and harp seals
ever since the launch of Viagra back in 1998. Researchers
and environmentalists also have hopes for green turtles, geckos,
and sea horses, which are used in traditional Chinese remedies
for erectile dysfunction. It's a beautiful world where pharmaceutical
execs and tree-huggers can come together for a common cause
(bringing animals and penises back from the edge of extinction)!
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11/13/02
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On an episode of TRL
earlier this month, Jordan of New Found Glory stated that
he had crush on Avril Lavigne. Hopefully they'll fuck and
have the most untalented and fashionless babies in the history
of the world. Then all of us "normals" can point and laugh
at the horribly deformed and offkey mutant babies.
Speaking of New Found Glory and mutants, Troma
Studios has produced NFG's new video, "Head on Collision"
with a special appearance by The Toxic Avenger, who is actually
a very decent representation of what Jordan and Avril's children
will look and sound like.
Last week, Winona Ryder was convicted of stealing
$5,500 worth of goods from Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills.
Sentencing is scheduled for Dec. 6, 2002. Word is still out
on whether she will be imprisoned for making the movie 'Mr.
Deeds,' Adam say it's good. "The part with the Butler is funny,"
he insists. No.
Sting's ego has announced that The Police
will reunite for one-night only and perform three songs when
they are inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2003.
How much do you want to bet that two of the three will be
"Roxanne" and "Don't Stand So Close To Me?" Also being
inducted are the Righteous Brothers, AC/DC, Elvis Costello
and the Attractions and one of my all-time favorites bands
The Clash. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is fucking punk
this year, isn't it? What about the Sex Pistols? Were they
not important enough?
It was revealed Tuesday, after he recovered
from his latest round of plastic surgeries, that Micheal Jackson
is in fact Justin Timberlake. |
Blink 182 to
suck even worse on next album!
Yes that's right, according to MTV News, Blink is considering
embracing the spirit of the 80s by "experimenting" with electronic
drums and keyboards, among other things. "We want to do something
really dynamic," said bassist and vocalist Mark Hoppus. "We
want to try different effects in the studio, try different
instruments, try different sounds, different arrangements
on songs. I think this will be one of those albums that people
will either love or throw in the trash and spit on." As opposed
all their other albums which were universally thrown
away and spit on.
Speaking of Blink 182, Hayley said she saw
Travis Barker and Tom Delonge sticking up Transplants stickers
all over town when they came through on tour with Box Car
Racer. What a bunch of tools.
Jackass band CKY will be opening for upcoming
Fake Guns N Roses US tour. Hopefully Buckethead's KFC bucket
will disappear up someone's anus in a hilariously filmed stunt.
Death Cab for Cutie drummer Michael Schorr
has made a "mutual and happy" decision to leave the band.
This marks the second drummer to leave Death Cab in its six-year
existence.
The Strokes may have good fashion, but their
sense of humor sucks. I base this claim on the fact that so-called
"comedian" (but in actuality, totally unfunny) Jimmy Fallon
will be opening seven of their November tourdates. Additionally
they will be the musical guest on the November 16th episode
of the consistently awful and shockingly still-on-the-air
sketch comedy show, Mad TV.
Cheerios sure are tasty. |
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11/06/02
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You should know by
now that Jam Master Jay, the DJ of 80s rap pioneers Run DMC,
was shot and killed on October 30th in a recording studio
in Queens. Basically an unidentified assailant walked into
the studio, shot him and left.
Island/Def Jam is in the middle of an 80s
metal and pop-punk signing frenzy, all in the form of a single
band: Thrice. That's right, the board-short and Vans wearing
frat boys of Thrice have finally announced their long
rumored deal with Island.
An open letter to Good Charlotte: I hope you
choke and die on some of your own suck.
J.Lo and Ben Affleck have officially announced
their engagement. We here at Bornbackwards.com hope they have
children that are uglier than sin. Does this mean J.Lo's nipple
tweaker is out of a job? |
The former members
of Kid Dynamite are entranced by their love of the color black
(listen I know it's not a color but actually a shade,
fuck off): Dr. Dan Yemin and David Wagenschutz (both also
former members of seminal Jersey rockers Lifetime) have founded
the band Paint it Black, their debut will be released on Jade
Tree (of course) in February. The former vocalist of Kid Dynamite,
Jason Shevchuk, who broke up the band when we he left to pursue
an acting career has announced the formation of his new band
titled None More Black. I guess that gig on NBC's 'Passions'
just never panned out for him.
Phil Spector, the legendary producer who invented
the 'wall of sound' style and quit the music business over
20 year ago, has apparently been so invigorated by the current
crop of bands that he has decided to return to producing.
He has signed on produced Starsailor's second album and has
expressed an interest in working with the Vines. What the
fuck? Those bands would make me quit the music business, not
bring me back to it. The last record he produced was the Ramones'
1980 release End of the Century. |
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10/30/02
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What's the only thing
weirder than Frank Black's music? His musical biography! This
is not a joke, both Entertainment Weekly, Pitchfork Media
and Punknews.org have reported that New York-based writer/producer
Josh Frank is working on "Teenager of the Year," a musical
based on the life of Frank Black, from his days in the Pixies
through his solo work. Black was reported to have been amused
by the idea until he realized that it was completely serious.
I'm just trying to imagine a whole onstage chorus dancing
all goofy and shouting out the words to "Desbaser."
Slowreader, the new pop band formed by ex-Impossibles
Rory Phillips and Gabe Hascall, have posted all 11 tracks
of their upcoming debut album as streaming audio on their
website www.slowreader.net.
It's rich and mellow, like the wine Jeff collects from supermarkets
but with more class.
Being dropped by Interscope hasn't stopped
Unwritten Law from planning a new release, a CD of their acoustic
MTV special "Music In High Places." Wow, that sounds totally
fucking terrible. The world has plenty of acoustic pop-punk
with Dashboard Confessional. Why do we need more? The Unwritten
Law guys should take a hint by the whole 'being kicked off
a major label' thing and realize that they just weren't destined
to be musicians.
That rumor about Henry Rollins playing The
Punisher turned out to be false. Retraction time.
In related Rollins news, he is selling a see-through
guitar on eBay that was signed by the likes of Cedrick Bixler
of the Mars Volta, Keith Morris, Chuck Dukowski and Kira Roessler
of Black Flag, Tom Araya of Slayer, Josh Homme and Nick Oliveri
of Queens of the Stone Age, Exene Cervenka of X, Tim Armstrong
and Lars Fredericksen of Rancid, Motorhead's Lemmy and Rollins
himself. The signing occurred while recording the Black Flag
tribute Rise Above: 24 Black Flag Songs To Benefit the
West Memphis Three. The guitar is already up to $4,050.01
with five days left to bid. Click
here for the auction.
Monday (October 28th 2002 for those of you
with 'intelligence problems') was the 25th anniversary of
the Sex Pistols' Nevermind the Bollocks… In celebration
I suggest we all go out and smash busts of that damned bloody
queen. |
Numerous people were
let go from CDNow.com and BMG Direct yesterday. Sources report
that the emails the fired employees received described the
company as being in its "death throes." Now where will I go
to look up old album release dates and read condensed biographies
of bands? If CDNow goes down, I'll never look as musically
knowledgeable again!
And so my empire of lies comes crumbling to the ground…
A metal band with an orchestra? What an original
idea.
Kiss will play with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra on Feb
28 at Telstra Dome in Melbourne. Merchandising overkill is
sure to follow. This might be interesting if the orchestra
is going to wear full Kiss makeup.
New Found Glory changed their name to A Simple
Plan.
The Cassettes have announced that their already
completed second album (just a month after the debut) will
be released on the Italian label Lovely Alice with no plans
to release the album in the US. Lovitt Records will carry
the album as a mailorder import. Three MP3s of the new material
have been posted here.
The new songs are decidedly different than the fuzzy 60s pop
of their debut, with "June Bogs" displaying a heavy
blues influence and "Lonesome Sound" sounding like
an authentic gypsy folk song. If you're wondering what gypsy
folk sounds like, download the song and you'll see its a perfect
description.
Also, Frodus.com
has posted two Frodus songs remixed by DC electronic artist,
Brahm, that may see future release as a 12" single.
Yo La Tengo has announced their second annual
Hannukah festival, booking Maxwells in Hoboken, NJ for all
eight nights of the festival. Special guests and opening acts
to be announced. The band hopes to get a different comic to
open each night. Last year's festival featured David Cross,
Janeane Garofalo and Gilbert Gottfried. As further proof of
Yo La Tengo's love of winter religious celebrations (even
conflicting ones), each concertgoer will get a free copy of
their new three-song Christmas EP. The band has not yet announced
their plans for the month-long Islamic holiday of Ramidan
but it's sure to be a spectacular meeting of music and atonement.
Pious fasting totally rocks!
Jimmy Fallon is not funny. At all. |
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10/23/02
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Led Zeppelin to
reform and tour after 22 years.
Singer Robert Plant, 54, guitarist Jimmy Page, 58, and bassist
John Paul Jones, 56, plan to hit the road next summer with
Jason Bonham, the son of their late drummer John. This ain't
no half-assed Page And Plant tour, this is full-fledged Zeppelin
and the old fogies will probably rake in five-figures on the
merchandising alone. Franklin told me that he shit himself
just a little bit when he first heard the news.
What's almost as bad as having hundreds of
thousands of people die in an unexpected terrorist attack?
Having Good Charlotte, Goldfinger, and Mest collaborate on
a song about it. That's right, these three horrible bands
(with suspected links to Al Qaeda) have recorded the song
"The Innocent" which you can download at mp3.com
featuring the tagline (bad grammar included), "This song is
a Tribute to the people we have lost in last weeks attacks
on the USA Please download it and share it with any many people
as you like. All profits will be donated to charity." What
profits are you fucking losers talking about? You're giving
it away as a free download! What a crock of shit.
MSNBC.com
has posted up some excerpts from Kurt Cobain's soon-to-published
journals. He kind of comes off like a whiney, overly-disturbed
dork but totally redeems himself with the hilariously true
comment: "We simply wanted to give those dumb heavy metal
kids (the kids who we used to be) an introduction to a different
way of thinking and some 15 years worth of emotionally and
socially important music and all we got was flack, backstabbing
and Pearl Jam."
Wow, tons of horrible bands have been breaking
up this month: The Promise Ring, Fenix Tx and now Save Ferris.
October rules!
NME.com has reported that Audioslave, the
"supergroup" featuring Chris Cornell of Soundgraden and Tom
Morello of Rage Against the Machine has paid Audioslave, the
unsigned band from Liverpool, $30,000 for the right to use
the name.
The Elephant 6 Collective is officially dead.
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From punknews.org:
"Henry Rollins has officially been anounced as the actor to
portray Frank Castle, otherwise known as "The Punisher", in
the upcoming film of the same name. Details are sketchy, but
it is supposed to be released within 2003."
Although it's only a rumor I'm very very excited about this.
Henry Rollins is the perfect person to play a crazy vigilante
ex-marine.
Interscope Records finally wised up and kicked
Unwritten Law off their label. Fuck yeah, October rules! This
news would have been even better though, if it had happened
years ago before they released any of the band's albums.
Further evidence of October's superiority
to all other months: The MCA / Victory deal has fallen through.
That's right, MCA will not be purchasing a non-controlling
25% interest in Victory as previously reported.
Here's a nice image of Jennifer Lopez getting
her nipples tweaked on the set of her latest video. How does
someone go about getting the job of "celebrity niple
tweaker?"
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10/14/02
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Fearless Records hates the music buying public.
They will soon be releasing their "Punk Goes Acoustic" compilation
to the dismay of music lovers everywhere. All you budding
Dashboards better stop moping in your room, thinking about
metaphors for your unrequited love's hair and start trying
get on this awful, awful CD.
The Buzzcocks are recording 14 tracks for
a new album that's expected to be released in 2003. 53-year-old
men singing "Orgasm Addict" is kind of gross.
Fact: America has awful taste.
Audioslave, the band formed from former Soundgarden
and Rage Against the Machine members that's already broken
up once, has their first single available streaming from their
website
right here. Yeah, it sounds like Rage with Soundgarden
vocals but not as bad as I expected. It's like 1994 all over
again, back when I used to sing along to "Black Hole Sun"
when it would come over the PA at the skating rink! Yeah,
I was lame.
Stole this from Punkbands.com:
"Ex-Refused member Kristofer Steen will be making an official
Refused documentary and he need your help. Here is Kristofer's
message: Livefootage, photos, anecdotes or anything even vaguely
connected to Refused is desperately needed. Please let me
know if you have anything connected to Refused. My main focus
is on stuff shot or taped -97 and -98. But feel free to pester
me with stories, critique, comments or anything else you could
think of. Thanks. / Kristofer Steen styltis@hotmail.com.
If you have anything you think he would like to use please
get in touch with him by the e-mail address above!"
It may be a capitalist attempt by an ultra-hardline Communist
band to cash in on their posthumous success but goddamn if
I'm not excited!
Also on the documentary front, Nate at Lovitt
Records has this to say:
"Lovitt Records is looking for footage of its bands (Sleepytime
Trio, Four Hundred Years, Engine Down, Bats & Mice, Fin Fang
Foom, Maximillian Colby, etc.) for an upcoming DVD. Contributors
will receive credit and a free copy of the DVD; please send
any submissions to: Lovitt Records/Attn: DVD Extravapalooza/PO
Box 248/Arlington VA 22210-9998."
I want to get me one of those too.
There's one guy in the world that thinks NOFX
is the best band ever. His name is Robert. Man, does that
guy have an extra chromosome or what?
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MTV.com has posted a patched-together video
of the 'lost' Nirvana song "You Know You're Right." It's supposedly
made from made from archived Nirvana performances, videos
and unseen footage but the images flash by so fast that they
barely register.Check
it out. I think that thing gave me ADD. Or is it called
ADHD now? The video is slightly depressing though, reminding
you of that split second when mainstream rock was good again.
It's 1994 all over again!
Fact: Living in America the last year has
been pretty scary. Snipers, Anthrax and bombings, it's like
a bad Steven Segal movie. That's a joke, because he doesn't
have any good movies.
Radio stations have been receiving some negative
callout reseach on Christina Aguilera's drag-queen anthem
"Dirrty," prompting some stations to drop, or at least consider
dropping, the single well before the album release date. "Dirrty"
is done for.
At one of the Promise Ring's Plea For Peace
tourdates last week on the west coast, the band announced
they are breaking up. Now I never have to hear Davey von Bohlen
lisp out "Very Emergency" again! Cool! Isn't that swell?!
Less wonderful news: Reel Big Fish were unfortunately
unharmed after their bus caught fire while they were sleeping
at a Kingdom City, Missouri truck stop. At least their instruments
burned?
Jade Tree Records has moved its 2002 CMJ label
showcase to the Warsaw in Brooklyn, NY from the original scheduled
Irving Plaza in Manhattan after discovering the latter is
tied to Clear Channel. "Jade Tree's ethical business stance
simply isn't in line with Clear Channel's," said Darren Walters,
co-owner of Jade Tree. "Clear Channel's unfair competitive
tactics and strategies, along with its monolithic approach
to standardizing whatever media it becomes involved with-from
concert venues to radio-are among some of the most unfair
and marginally legal practices in the business today." Fight
the good fight, Jade Tree.
For more information on why Clear Channel is the enemy of
us all, read our History
of Radio feature.
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10/06/02
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| So the Q and not U show last
night was utterly amazing. That is all. |
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10/04/02
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Courtney Love, Dave Grohl and
Chris Novoselic have finally settled their lawsuit over ownership
of the unreleased Nirvana material. The long-delayed boxset
will finally see light in 2004 while a single album of rarities
is released in the meantime. The "Greatest Hits" compilation
(who's only selling point is "You Know You're Right" which
you can get right here
and avoid buying this asinine compilation) is expected by
Christmas.
Speaking of that greatest hits travesty, here's
the proposed cover:
Silver foil on black. Booooring.
In her new video "Dirrty," Christina Aguilera
looks like the kind of cheap slut that I wouldn't get within
10 feet of for fear of catching a disease. In related news,
Britney is planning her response single "I M A Filthy Whore."
Christina is expected to release the song "Herpes 4 U" to
compete with it. I wonder which one will end up in gangbang
pornography first? Ah, who am I kidding, it'll be Mandy Moore.
Cursive is back up and running after abandoning
a US/Japan tour with Eastern Youth due to frontman Tim Kasher's
collapsed lung. In the meantime they've managed to finish
a new album, The Ugly Organ (no doubt inspired by the
previously stated unstable lung) which will be out February
of 2003. Before that you can catch Cursive on the Plea for
Peace tour. |
Mark Chapman, the man who shot
and killed John Lennon, will be up for parole on October 8th,
one day before Lennon's 62nd birthday. He has spent 22 years
in Attica State Jail after gunning down Lennon outside of
his New York apartment on December 8, 1980.
The Flaming Lips want to give you a
party! Send them a jpg of something you made that was inspired
by the Flaming Lips and you could win a party that includes
Flaming Lips "Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots" CD, Limited
Edition Flaming Lips Lithograph, SONY Stereo, 5 Cases Of Jones
Soda (featuring your Flaming Lips artwork on the bottles)
and $50 in Pizza. Go to http://thedst.com/contests/flaminglips_contest.html
for more information.
Victory Records' latest teen heartthrobs,
Student Rick, have been voted 'Band of the Month' in the always
illustrious preteen girlie magazine YM (that stands for Young
and Modern for those of you out there who aren't in the know).
Not only does the band name-drop The White Album but goes
so far as to claim the Beatles are a major influence.
1. The Beatles did not sound like Blink182.
2. The Beatles were never in fucking YM.
3. The Beatles were not one of a million homogenous and interchangeable
soundalike bands that all completely suck shit.
MTV purchased the rights to make a shitty
movie out of the life-story of Napster creator Shawn Fanning.
Pretty-boy Dashboard Confessional has posted
two new demo mp3s of a new song called "Tonight I'll Take
What I Can Get" featuring not only a slide guitar but also
a laughable faux-southern accent to accompany his irritating
whine. Warning: suck-factor of the new Country Confessional
is extremely high. Click
here if you want a laugh. And no, it's not folky. It's
shitty. There's a difference.
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9/25/02
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Fenix, Tx broke up! Lets have
a parade. One down, 4,869,219,207 shitty bands to go!
Fat Mike and Erin Burkett celebrated their
ten year wedding anniversary on September 20th. That's weird,
I didn't even know Fat Mike was married. I guess when you
got the cash the ladies all want a piece.
Guttermouth is looking for a new bass player.
If you've never played any type of instrument then Guttermouth
is the band to join! You could only make them better.
So remember the song that Courtney Love and
Dave Grohl were fighting over? Both claimed it could be a
huge hit, Dave wanted it to be the centerpiece of a huge boxset
of unreleased material and … well Courtney wanted it tacked
onto the end of a Greatest Hits Collection so she could make
a bunch of money off all the songs everybody's heard a thousand
times before (newsflash: Nirvana's Greatest Hits is already
called Nevermind). Well, the song was "You Know You're
Right" and its big claim to fame is that it was the last Nirvana
song recording in a proper studio. Fortunately, someone leaked
it onto the Internet. All Praise to Technology. We'll probably
get sued for this, but here
it is. Now you have absolutely no reason to buy that Greatest
Hits bullshit. Give her another six years and she'll be digging
up his body and selling pieces of it to the highest bidder.
P.S. The song kind of blows anyway. Sounds like a second-rate
Nirvana b-side (no, not like Puddle of Mudd, that's a 20th-rate
Nirvana, silly).
From punknews.org: Green Day frontman Billie
Joe Armstrong says that bassist Mike Dirnt recently had left
wrist surgery to treat carpal tunnel syndrome. Dirnt's recovery
is expected to take from six to eight weeks. Also, on November
19th, Green Day will release a behind-the-scenes documentary,
titled "Pogo Paradise," on DVD and VHS. The moral: Kids, don't
whack off too much or you will have to undergo wrist surgery
when you are 40. That is all.
Two MP3s of the new Q and not U album, Different
Damage up now at qandnotu.org
in the media section. The remake of "Animal Calls" is fucking
gooood.
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On October 22nd, David Bowie
plans to release 23 different versions of his new greatest
hits collection: The Best of Bowie. That's right, the
tracklisting will be different depending on which country
you live in. The album will also come three ways: double and
single album CD versions as well as on a DVD with television
performances, videos and previously unseen footage.
Why's everybody so into Elvis again all of
a sudden? He's still fucking dead.
New York Hot-97 DJ Troy Torain quizzed Justin
Timberlake on how sexually intimate he had been with ex Britney
Spears, asking straight-up, "Have you eaten the coochie of
Britney Spears?" After much stalling on Timberlake's part,
Star promised that he'd play Timberlake's new solo single
"Like I Love You" 30 times this week in return for the answer.
Timberlake refused to answer at first, but finally said, "I
did it…I'm dirty… I'm in so much damn trouble, man. I'm gonna
get calls from my mother!"
Way to exchange intimate information in return for radio airplay
you fucking Michael Jackson ripoff slimeball.
Message board poll: Which is worse, Nelly's
band-aid or Avril Lavigne's tie?
Kelly Osborne is recording an entire album
with producer Rick Wake, who is the man responsible for producing
some of today's hottest awful acts: Jennifer Lopez, Mariah
Carey and Celine Dion. Why?
Dweezil Zappa, unrenowned son of Frank Zappa,
has found, restored and attempted to sell the guitar that
Jimi Hendrex set on fire at the London Astoria in 1967. The
reserve price was not met, however, with the highest bid only
reaching £300,000.
So, "rock" is back I guess. Too bad it's either
pop queens wearing guitars as necklaces (Pink, Avril [who
can't fucking play despite pretending to in her videos], Shakira
and Nick Carter) or pseudo-garage ala Australian posers The
Vines. Newsflash: That's not rock.
God, I can't wait for a new Sex Pistols or Nirvana to rip
everyone a new asshole.
Quit slacking! Enter our fucking contest already!
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9/14/02
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The mother of peer-to-peer file-sharing,
Napster, has finally been shut down for good. Bankruptcy court
judge Peter J. Walsh denied the sale of Napster to media conglomerate
Bertelsmann AG citing Napster CEO Konrad Hilbers' past employment
at Bertelsmann as a conflict of interest. After it's last
court-ordered shut down, Bertelsmann had invested approximately
$85 million into converting the once-free MP3 trading system
into a pay subscription service. Bertelsmann had sought to
outright purchase the companies remaining assets, name and
logo for $8 million dollars. Napster's few remaining assets
will now likely be sold off for the benefit of the company's
many creditors.
In New Music Express' quest to over-exaggerate
and erroneously proclaim every band in the universe
as either "the next big thing" or "the most important band
ever," they have not only announced that the Vines are better
than Nirvana but also that a just-announced split single between
the White Stripes and Strokes is "the most wanted album ever."
Off the record they confided to this reporter that the statement
encompassed 'the history of forever and ever!'
We reported earlier that VH1 had contacted
…And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead about possibly
being featured on a show about groupies. Well, apparently
plans for the show are still on as the following advertisement
has run in various newspapers: "BE ON VH1! Did you or someone
you know hang out & party with a rock star?" Keep digging
the bottom of the barrel VH1, this is why nobody fucking watches
you. Do we really need an entire show dedicated to people
who's friends met somebody famous once upon a time?
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In the grand tradition of shitty
bands copying other, shittier bands, Something Corporate is
putting out a DVD just like their heroes in New Found Glory!
Once again, both of these DVDs can be purchased at the 'punk/outcast'
store in your local mall.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Nominees for
2003: The Police, The Clash and Elvis Costello are all shoe-ins.
Other contenders include The Sex Pistols, Kraftwerk, ABBA,
Chic, The Righteous Brothers and, as always, Ozzy Osborne
and Black Sabbath. How many nominations does that make for
the old codger?
In their continuing effort to feature only
the biggest names in shitty music, this month's issue of Rolling
Stone features a cover photo of the Vines.
Keep the money flowing, hardcore: Rumors are
flying that Trustkill Records is set to be sold to Sony for
$1.5 million. Additionally, Dreamworks was recently seen sniffing
around Ferret Records' ass, word on the street is they may
be inking a deal soon. Don't ask me why.
Former Soundgarden vocalist Chris Cornell
is once again working with the former members of Rage Against
the Machine, Tom Morello, Tim Commerford and Brad Wilk. These
four were supposed to have been in a band called Civilian
but Cornell split due to a dispute with Rage's managers. Now
with new managers and a shitty name, they have reformed as
Audioslave. Five bucks says they sound exactly like
Rage.
Also, someone told me that the news channels
ran mostly Public Service Announcements on 9/11, so this is
our first official retraction. Jeff, you got told man. |
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9/12/02
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News from Barsuk Records: Death
Cab for Cutie's earliest recordings will be re-released with
ten other unreleased, rare tracks on October 22nd and will
be called "You Can Play These Songs With Chords."
Remember Nada Surf? Yeah, Barsuk is releasing
their newest effort, "Let Go." According to Barsuk, this album
is a "gorgeous CD chock full of beautiful melodies, sublime
lyrics, and great punchy pop/rock songs." Release date: January
2003
Willie Nelson had to cancel four tour dates
this week due to a broken blood vessel in his nose. Apparently
the truck driver-looking, country music-singing Nelson still
likes snortin' Coke. Dude, Willie, you're 69 years old. Lay
off the fucking dust!!!
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Worst quote of the week: "I am
fashion because I live fashion" by Sean "P. Diddy" Combs about
his Sean John clothing line whose sales topped $250 million
in 2001. So in case you were wondering, wearing oversized
t-shirts with P. Diddy's real name branded on the front is
fashion. Oh and don't forget the Lugz. I'm on my way to the
mall right now.
American Nightmare has disappeared from the
web due to legal problems over their name...and boy, do we
miss them.
It's was the anniversary of the September
11th attacks yesterday. If you don't live in a hole, you already
knew that. Somehow America has managed to commercialize an
attack on our own country. I wonder how much a TV ad was going
for during the news specials last night. I mean, I believe
in free enterprise, but isn't this a little much? |
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9/03/02
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The Bubonic Plague is about to
rip across America: That's right, The Starting Line and Taking
Back Sunday are going on tour together in November, hoping
to spread their wasting illness across our fragile country.
Speaking of diseases: New Found Glory's latest
bloody sore entitled Sticks and Stones has sold 500,000
copies, thus it is now a gold record. How do 500,000 people
have such shitty taste in music? If any of your friends have
severe NFG addicts, do them a favor, help break the chain,
direct them towards bornbackwards.com where we will assist
them in a calm, caring environment to reclaim their life from
bad musical taste. Bornbackwards.com - Because We Care.
Here's something lame: New Found Glory is
also putting out a DVD for all the kids in the mall to spend
their money on. I'm betting you can find it in your local
Hot Topic.
All of MTV's programming these days is just
about MTV. I mean, it wasn't even a full day after the Video
Music Awards before they started running retrospectives of
it every 10 minutes.
Speaking of the VMAs: Eminem threatened
Moby again. Come on Em, he's kind of an easy target.
If you're such a badass, pick on somebody who could actually
cause you trouble. Marshal Mathers, you fucking wuss:
Yeah, tough guys wear pink shirts.
Triumph The Insult Comic dog had this to
say about Eminem's threats: "I only wish Eminem could relax
and enjoy all he has: his unique talent, and his smooth
white hair, which brings to mind a beagle's nutsack. He
should lighten up...I mean, my mom was a bitch too, but
I don't go writing songs about it." Not that we like Moby;
he sucks too.
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Unwritten Law guitarist Steve
Morris was injured at his home on the night of August 29 night
from a bomb explosion. His neighbor (a local police officer,
no less!) planted the bomb because of a constant dispute over
noise levels. Apparently listening to Unwritten Law practice
every night is enough to drive even an upstanding member of
the community to become murderously insane. Personally, hearing
their songs on the radio has the same effect on me. The neighbor
was taken into custody and Morris suffered injuries to his
arm and eardrums. The band has canceled several shows.
McDonalds loves you. They're cooking their
fries (and chicken nuggets) in a new oil that has less fat.
Now you can eat twice as many, Fat America!
The rock world is perfectly set for some insane
musical genius to break it apart and completely conquer everyone.
Any takers?
This week Sleater-Kinney entered the Billboard
Top 200 at 107. Last week Bright Eyes entered at 161.
Reason #806 to hate Papa Roach: At a Boston
show on August 14th, Papa Roach frontman Jacoby Shaddix not
only pissed in a bottle and drank from it but also shared
it with a woman in the audience. The woman was apparently
drunk and told Shaddix between songs, "I will drink your piss,"
he proceeded to stick his dick in a bottle (apparently an
action that Shaddix is only too familiar with), filled it
with his urine, took a rather large taste of it and then handed
it to the woman. The woman drank so much of the urine that
her friends had to yank it out of her hands. A few days after
this happened, Papa Roach was hired by Pepsi-Co to promote
it's new product, Pepsi Blue. That's not a joke. It's strange
because Pepsi Blue tastes more like shit than anything else.
Guns and Roses is demanding $500,000 a show
on their comeback tour. Will any promoter pay that much so
people can see an aging, chubby and obviously surgically enhanced
Axl play with a couple of chumps who wear chicken buckets
on their heads? I don't think so.
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8/22/02
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Humanity's greatest sin, Dashboard
Confessional has a new video for his song "Saints & Sailors"
the title of which brings to mind vague and unsettling images
of gay, pedophilic sex. The video is sure to expound on that
and lucky us, we can see it EVERY HOUR ON THE FUCKING HOUR
on MTV2 today. How could a highly advanced civilization like
ours subject itself willingly to such horrors?
Good Charlotte are fucking terrible. Who gave
them a record deal and why? I hope the Aeffect kicks their
sissy asses again.
Somehow the Juliana Theory managed to beat
their own record at Worst Titled Album In Existence, following
up their sophomore effort Emotion Is Dead with their
new album Love. Ok guys, we get it. You're "emo," you're
sensitive, you don't need to name your fucking album Love!
Even a homosexual man would say that title was a trifle gay.
On the other hand, a straight man like myself would say it
was really fucking queer.
Also, who the fuck is buying all those Nelly
albums and why? I'll give somebody five bucks if they can
tell me what's under that stupid band-aid on his face. Is
it a cut? A mole? Does the poor boy have a lil blemish?
That band Embraced should learn some history
and realize there was already a band called Embrace featuring
the mighty Ian Mackaye way back in 1985-86. And they didn't
suck.
The production team behind Refused's massively
important 1998 swan song The Shape of Punk to Come,
Pelle Henricsson and Eskil Lovstrom, are set to produce the
latest Poison the Well album. This should be interesting.
Yesterday was Joe Strummer's 50th birthday.
We wish the genius behind The Clash a healthy and happy one.
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The tracklisting for the long
awaited 20 Years of Dischord 173-song 50-band 3-CD
boxset has finally been announced. The first two CDs feature
one track from every band on the label (including bands on
the 1985 seminal hardcore comp Flex Your Head). The
third CD will feature only unreleased songs by Minor Threat,
Fugazi, Dag Nasty, Shudder To Think and others as well as
6 live video clips. Oh and a 134-page booklet. It's being
released October 7th. You should pick up a spare pair of pants
before you listen to it too because I guarantee you will soil
whatever you are wearing. If you buy this for me I will make
you my wife.
DISC ONE :
1. Teen Idles - Get Up and Go
2. The Untouchables - Nic Fit
3. State of Alert - Public Defender
4. Minor Threat - Screaming at a Wall
5. Void - Dehumanized
6. Youth Brigade - Barbed Wire
7. Government Issue - Rock 'n' Roll Bullshit
8. Scream - Fight/American Justice
9. Iron Cross - Live for Now
10. Red C - Pressure's On
11. Deadline - Stolen Youth
12. Artificial Peace - Suburban Wasteland
13. Faith - Subject to Change
14. Skewbald - Sorry/Change for the Same
15. Marginal Man - Missing Rungs
16. Gray Matter - Oscar's Eye
17. Rites of Spring - Drink Deep
18. Beefeater - Just Things
19. The Snakes - Snake Rap
20. Dag Nasty - Circles
21. Embrace - Money
22. Soulside - Punch the Geek
23. Egg Hunt - We All Fall Down
24. One Last Wish - This Time
25. Fire Party - Cake
26. Ignition - Rebuilding
27. Three - Domino Days
28. Shudder to Think - Red House
29. Happy Go Licky - Twist and Shout
DISC TWO :
1. Fugazi - Blueprint
2. Lungfish - Friend to Friend in Endtime
3. Fidelity Jones - Destructor
4. The Nation of Ulysses - Spectra Sonic Sound
5. Holy Rollers - Perfect Sleeper
6. Jawbox - Motorist
7. Severin - People are Wrong
8. The High-Back Chairs - Summer
9. Autoclave - I'll Take You Down
10. Circus Lupus - Pop Man
11. Branch Manager - Mr. Weekend
12. Slant 6 - What Kind of Monster Are You?
13. Hoover - Cable
14. Trusty - Goodbye, Dr. Fate
15. Smart Went Crazy - A Good Day
16. The Crownhate Ruin - Piss Alley
17. The Warmers - Poked it With a Stick
18. The Make-Up - They Live By Night
19. Bluetip - Castanet
20. Faraquet - Cut Self Not
21. Q and Not U - Hooray for Humans
DISC THREE : (unreleased)
1. Teen Idles - Get Up and Go
2. Teen Idles - Deadhead
3. Untouchables - Stepping Stone
4. State Of Alert - Draw Blank
5. Minor Threat - Straight Edge (live)
6. Minor Threat - Understand
7. Government Issue - Snubbing
8. Government Issue - Asshole (with Ian)
9. Minor Threat - Asshole Dub
10. Youth Brigade - I Object
11. Rozzlyn Rangers - Rozzlyn Rangers
12. Void - Black, Jewish and Poor
13. Void - Authority (take 1 and 2)
14. Scream - Search for Employment
15. Deadline - No Revolution
16. Faith - No Choice
17. Marginal Man - Manipulator
18. Dag Nasty - All Ages Show
19. Fugazi - The Word
20. Fugazi - Burning (live)
21. Shudder to Think - Drop Dead Don't Blink
22. Circus Lupus - We Are The One
23. Slant 6 - Are You Human?
24. Interview |
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8/17/02
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8/17/02
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More news about the Aeffect/Good Charlotte
fight. According to Steve from the Aeffect, the fight broke
out at a Warped Tour barbeque. Apparently a member of Good
Charlotte threw a hot dog at the girlfriend of an Aeffect
member. Fighting ensued between the two groups and Alkaline
Trio joined in to finish off GC. Who says new wave isn't hardcore?
Also about the Aeffect: Expect a full-length
in March with two EPs in the fall/winter. One EP will be a
split with fellow new-wavers, The Start.
Apparently, the only thing holding Recover
back from signing with a major label is the money: they want
more of it. Reportedly, they are holding out for a two million
dollar contract.
In other Recover news, they have just begun
working with the Smashing Pumpkins' former manager. Keep in
mind, Recover, heroin will not make you famous and don't let
him tell you otherwise.
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Ed Headrick, the man who patented the Frisbee,
died at the age of 78. His ashes are to be molded into Frisbees
that will be given to some family and friends. Now his kids
can play Frisbee with him until the day they die and become
Frisbees for their children to play with.
A woman in Annapolis was tricked into giving
oral sex to a man posing as a police officer. He said she
wouldn't be in trouble for being in the park at such a late
hour if she sucked it. Newsflash idiot! COPS DON'T WALK AROUND
IN WHITE T-SHIRTS AND DARK SHORTS ASKING FOR BLOWJOBS IN A
PARK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! THAT MAN WAS A HOBO!
For all you non-Floridians, we have a little
test called the FCAT that all the little kiddies take. A school's
grade is based on the children's test scores. If the kids
do shitty, they get a shitty grade, if they do well, they
get a good grade. A school full of morons in central Florida
received an F-grade. Now the kids are wearing shirts that
say "F=Fantastic" so they don't feel so badly about being
the dumbest kids in all of Florida.
Moby's new album is not selling very well and
we're not surprised at all.
A group of British kids were trapped in an
attic for 27 hours because they couldn't open the trap door.
As it turns out, all they had to do was PULL the trap door
open, proving once again that American kids are smarter than
British kids. Unless, of course, those American kids live
in central Florida.
Linda Glenn stabbed her husband in the chest,
called the cops, and then left her cell phone on. "So the
dispatchers say they listened as Glenn told her husband she
was afraid she'd go to jail for murder if he died. The couple
is then heard discussing a story to cover up the crime. "(local6.com)
So wait, did I just miss something or did the guy actually
try to help his wife after she STABBED HIM IN THE FUCKING
CHEST??? Christ.
The New Guy is out on DVD! Snatch that shit
up!
Ninjai.com is putting out new episodes again.
Go check it out and love that little ninja man.
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8/13/02
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8/13/02
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The Aeffect have been kicked off the Warped
Tour. That's right, apparently they got into fisticuffs
with those stupid, prettyboy, "MTV Rock Show" cocksuckers
in Good Charlotte. The Aeffect may play an updated version
of new wave but make no mistake, they are real men's men
and they won't put up with poser motherfuckers. Aaron had
staples in his head once, if that's not tough I don't know
what is.
In related news, Good Charlotte has a new
album coming out October 1st entitled "We Suck The Corporate
Dick For Wads of Green, Green Money." Should be killer.
Fresh off their Golden Jubilee Reunion gig
with Trail of Dead, The Sex Pistols will be headlining KROQ's
second annual Inland Invasion show on September 14th in Devore,
California. It is the Sex Pistol's first US appearance since
their money-driven Filthy Lucre Tour six years ago. They will
be sharing the stage with such punk veterans as X, Social
Distortion, The Damned, Bad Religion, The Circle Jerks and
The Buzzcocks. Also performing are a slew of bands currently
choking punk rock of any vitality and danger it had left:
Blink 182, New Found Glory, The Vandals (who have been raping
punk's corpse for years already), The Offspring (ditto), and
Unwritten Law. What an odd lineup. With that much "punk" in
the room, I wonder how long it will take for the various bands
to call each other either "poser" or "sellout."
Punknews.org reports: "The Hives may not be
recording any new material in the near future thanks to a
legal dispute over their recent multi-million pound record
deal with music giant Universal. The success has prompted
Universal Music UK to step in with a rumoured £7.5 million
worldwide album deal. Now The Hives and Universal UK face
a legal challenge from Burning Heart, Epitaph and Warner Brothers
over the deal. Lengthy legal arguments threaten to prevent
The Hives being able to release any new music until the dispute
is settled (nme.com)."
Take that, relentless hype machine! At least they can't rename
and repackage another Stooges LP as their own material again
for a couple months. Hey Swedes, with all that money Universal
is giving you maybe you should buy some fucking ORIGINALITY!
Assclowns.
In other neo-garage news, The Strokes have
pushed back their sophomore LP until early 2003. They are
reportedly looking for a Nico-like personage to help them
recreate their own version of Andy Warhol's Exploding Plastic
Inevitable art tours.
That's a joke by the way. Because they sound like the Velvet
Underground, get it? Haha, my joke sucks cause it's too obscure,
go to hell.
Have you ever wanted to punch Ludacris in
the face? You want to slap Jay-Z in the mouth? What about
Redman, MethodMan and DMX? Well here's your chance, Electronic
Arts is currently in the midst of creating a new video game
entitled DefJam Wrestling. The game will not only feature
the rappers as controllable characters but will also be licensing
their songs and the creators will be listening to their input
into what they'd like the game to be like. |
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A local Hollywood, FL. hotel, The Diplomat,
will be hosting a porn convention and will be closed to
the public for three days. The Internext Expo is a convention
usually held two times a year in Las Vegas by Adult Video
News Online. The hotel is booked solid with porn webmasters
looking to increase their profits and random perverts looking
to score some new pocket pussies.
When asked to comment, Jeff said, "Fourteen inch black dildos?!
Count me in!"
In other porn news, a thirteen year old boy,
driven mad by the thought of hot, high-gloss photos of girl-on-girl
action, held up a news stand for a skin mag. Oh man, the kids
are totally gonna beat the shit out of "Jerk Off Johnny" when
he gets back to school.
A Mexican surgeon in Tijuana "accidentally"
cut the penis off a man who only wanted a circumcision. Like
John Bobbit, the man had his penis reattached and copies of
his new semi-autobiographical porno, "How Nacho Got His Cock
Back," are availible this weekend at The Diplomat in Hollywood,
FL.
In other retarded doctor news, a Harvard-educated
doctor in Boston left a patient on the operating table while
he went to cash a paycheck. The doctor said he had to get
to the bank because he was in a "financial crisis." Upon
returning to the operating room he remarked, "Whew! I'm
glad I got that malpractice thing cleared up. Now, where
was I?"
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8/01/02
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8/01/02
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Britney Spears is on the way down. An internal
study group at a major label (which is still unnamed) has
determined that Britney’s teen idol days are over as her
audience moves on to more meaningful artists and that her
new album Britney only sold half as many records
as her last album. Unfortunately the report names these
new “meaningful” artists as Pink, Alica Keys, Ashanti, Avril
Lavigne and Christina Aguilera. So much for the teen pop
demographic growing up into bigger and better things.
“The study shows that Britney didn't know when to stop with
her "almost a girl, not yet a woman" routine, and is now
out of sync with her core audience. Less than 20% of 12-18
year old females believe Britney is still a virgin.”
Damn, Britney’s not a virgin? What tipped everyone off?
The Arbiters of Bad Taste, MTV2, have nominated
their latest Hero of Mediocrity, Dashboard Confessional, for
an award for his sucktastic video of “Screaming Infidelities.”
No wonder I don’t watch TV.
"You're a New Found Glory fan, RIGHT? Good..
so here's our quest, which you're all gonna be part of. With
your help, let's get 'My Friends Over You' all over MTV. You're
asking yourself why should this be done? As a member of the
NFG team you'll have amazing opportunities to take part in
exclusive "members only" contests and badass giveaways like
a personal phone call from the entire band, signed guitars,
signed CD, signed drumheads, shirts and much more! Not bad
for supporting your favorite band!"
OMG!!!!!11 Badass personal phonecalls from
the BAND?!?! That’s almost as good as fucking the drummer!
Geez, I love being a 14-year-old girl!
Jawbreaker, Etc., a collection of b-sides
and rare tracks, was released a few days ago on. If you like
emo, every shitty band you’re into stole their entire gimmick
from Jawbreaker, so pick this album up and show you’ve got
‘roots.’
The debut album from Slowreader (ex-Impossibles)
will be released November 5th on Fueled By Ramen. The other
ex-Impossibles project, the20goto10, will release its first
album winter of 2003.
The Breeder sisters, Kim and Kelley Deal,
are set to make cameo appearance on Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
They were invited on the show after the producer heard their
version of the 'Buffy Theme', which has become a mainstay
of their live sets this year. That Sarah Michelle Gellar would
certainly make a great breeder.
Hilary Rosen, chief executive officer and
demon-spawn of the RIAA, said that it's unfair to expect record
companies to cut costs. She says people who steal music by
downloading soundfiles or burning discs illegally are responsible
for sales drops. "In the age of $150 sneakers, $12 movie prices
and $40 video games, I'm just unsympathetic," Rosen says.
"At any price in the $10 to $18 range, CDs are a great value."
After this statement she proceeded to tear off the face of
a nearby child and suck out its young, delicious soul.
After all, sales aren’t dropping because every
CD the RIAA pumps out is a total worthless piece of shit,
of course not, it’s those damn music pirates! Too bad there’s
no way to download sneakers for free.
In other Satan-related news, the RIAA is requiring
all members (that more or less the entire major music industry)
to include the new copy-protection technology on their CDs
whether they like it or not. We here at bornbackwards.com
would like to remind our readers that copy-protection can
be cracked by scribbling with a black marker around the edge
of the CD. Thank you and good night.
Recent findings indicate the heart attack
that felled John Entwistle, the recently deceased bass-player
for the Who, was brought about because of his cocaine use
at the time.
Attention rockstars: If you continue to do hardcore drugs
when you are 60 you will die.
The Flaming Lips are going to release two
boxsets that will be comprised entirely of remastered and
previously hard-to-find albums, EPs, b-sides and demos, most
of which have never been available on CD before. The first
box, Finally The Punks Are Taking Acid: 1983-1988 will
be released September 17 and include Hear It Is (1985),
Oh My Gawd!!! (1986), Telepathic Surgery (1989)
and their impossibly-rare 1984 debut EP along with about 11
bonus tracks. The second set released on October 11, The
Day They Shot a Hole In the Jesus Egg will have In
a Priest Driven Ambulance (1990), along with three B-sides
originally released on the Unconsciously Screamin' EP and
a vast collection of hard-to-find material, like the "Mushroom
Tapes"-- demos and alternate mixes of material from the Ambulance
project. |
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Kim Coletta, the founder of DeSoto Records,
has decided to disband the label. She began the D.C. label
13 years ago and has decided that she wants to focus on
other things. She states on the DeSoto website, desotorecords.com,
that she wants to write a kid's indie-rock album after concluding
that music geared for kids "seriously sucks."
Also from the DeSoto site: Burning Airlines
has also decided to break up and go their seperate ways. J
Robins has a prominent producing career and a solo recording
career might be in the works. Bassist Mike Harbin just started
a new label called Silver Three and drummer Pete Moffett has
been working as a drum tech for Alanis Morrisette.
And yet more news from DeSoto Records: The
Dismemberment Plan has just finished making a video for "Time
Bomb" off of their latest release, Change (Jordan says go
buy it--I agree).
The Plea for Peace/Take Action Tour dates
have been announced. Bands on the bill include: Anti-Flag,
The Bouncing Souls, Coheed And Cambria, Common Rider, Cursive,
The (International) Noise Conspiracy, Jimmy Eat World, Lawrence
Arms, Le Tigre, Northern State, Poison The Well, The Promise
Ring, Snapcase, Thursday, Wau Wau Sisters. Check out the Tour's
webpage for dates: takeactiontour.com
Some fat fucking moron has filed suit against
McDonalds, Burger King, and Wendy's because of his obesity
and failing health after eating their food for his entire
life. He claims he didn't know that fast food was unhealthy
and the fast food chains should be responsible for telling
customers that. Yet another reason why stupid people (and
fatties) do not deserve to live.
Could it get any worse? Liza Minelli now has
a reality TV show in the works for VH1. Shoot me in the fucking
head.
U.S. Representative Howard Berman has introduced
a bill to Congress that would allow record and movie studios
hack into personal computers to find illegally shared music
and movies. It also would let industry use denial-of-service
attacks -- commonly launched by hackers to flood commercial
Web sites -- to knock personal computers offline so they can't
trade copyrighted songs and films. In other words, Berman,
who is the single largest recipient of political donations
from the entertainment industry (hmmm...coincidence?), wants
to make it legal for the entertainment industry to invade
citizens personal computers and delete or interfere with information
stored there. It's funny how Congressmen forget the Bill of
Rights when they have people throwing money at them. Remember
that amendment about unlawful search and seizure, Mr. Berman?
Looks like the kids are eating that acoustic
emo shit up. Rolling Stone has listed Bright Eyes as one of
ten bands to watch in the next year. Next stop: MTV.
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7/25/02
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TNN has hired John Kricfalusi
to do 6 all new episodes of his groundbreaking animated series,
‘Ren and Stimpy.’ They’ve also bought the rights to all 52
past episodes of the show, which originally aired on Nickelodeon
from 1991- 1995. Amazingly enough, the series will bring some
class to the network, as they are presently airing old ‘A-Team,’
‘Baywatch,’ and ‘Star Trek’ episodes 24 hours a day in an
attempt to corner the coveted 18-34 lonely male nerd ratings.
Grammy-nominated outlaw country singer Steve
Earle has written a song titled “John Walker’s Blues” that
compares the American defector to Jesus. Critics think that
it might be a bad career move, considering that 99.9% of the
country music audience will be offended to the point of wanting
to shoot Earle with their shotguns at the mere hint that their
ancient outdated religious figure has anything to do with
anyone else’s ancient outdated religious figure. Some choice
lyrics:
“Allah has some other plans, a secret not revealed.”
“Now they're dragging me back with my head in the sack to
the land of the infidel.”
“If I should die, I'll rise up to the sky like Jesus." |
Weezer has summer EP coming out
soon. Entitled The Lion and the Witch it will have
6 live songs and a new song. In a poor attempt to bolster
their solely sagging "indie cred", copies of the
EP will be released exclusively to independent record stores
and thus totally hidden from the majority of their fanbase.
This live stuff seems like it could get a bit repetitive as
they supposedly are working on a live DVD to come out late
fall 2002 early winter 2003. They also may be diluting their
market share as they just put out Maladroit and are
planning on a winter 2003 release for their fifth album. Rumored
to have a backlog of hundreds of songs, we are left wondering
if there is enough for Rivers to put together a good album…
Could Mr. T be headed to reality TV? In a
WB show that will be forever known as the harbinger of the
apocalypse, the former A-team star is pegged as a possible
roommate for 7 other B and C list celebrities. “The Surreal
World” will debut this fall and these washed up idiots will
give new meaning to the word pathetic. The shows producers
have a list of 40 former musicians, one- time pop stars (who
are definitely NOT musicians), and sitcom stars from which
to pick from. The name of the producing company? Mindless
Entertainment. How fitting. |
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7/25/02
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In case you to miss Korn when
they come to town on tour (and why would you miss Korn!?!?!?),
one fan summed up their NYC show with one statement, "The
best show since Kid Rock."
The White Stripes' "Fell in Love With a Girl"
has been nominated for four MTV Video Awards including Best
Video of the Year.
In other White Stripes news, they are shooting
a video for their next single, "Dead Leaves and the Dirty
Ground" with Michel Gondry who has directed both Bjork and
Radiohead videos. .
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Gene Kan, 25, the developer of
the peer-to-peer file sharing system, Gnutella, died this
past Sunday. It is rumored that he committed suicide. I think
the devil-worshipping international terrorists known as the
RIAA had something to do with it. Shawn Fanning better watch
out...
A candy factory worked died after falling
into a vat of liquified chocolate, yesterday. What an amazing
way to die...
In Courtney Love's continuing efforts to fuck
her dead husband's body, "Journals," a hardcover book of Kurt
Cobain's diaries, will be released November 11. The book includes
over 800 pages of Cobain's writings from 23 notebooks he kept,
dating from his pre-Nirvana days all the way up to days before
his suicide in 1994.
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7/16/02
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Salon.com reported that the reason
Ozzy Osborne is always dumping buckets of water on himself
when he performs is to cover up the fact that he has a horrible
bladder problem and is always peeing in his pants during concerts.
The Osborne mansion also has a special bathroom with rubber-lined
walls because his aim is so bad. Somehow, MTV's cameras have
avoided showing us all that, so much for reality television.
In related news, Austin destructo-rockers
And You Will
Know Us By The Trail Of Dead received the following letter
offering them a chance to be part of a VH1 reality show about
groupies:
"I'm pulling together some research for a show for VH1 about
groupies. We're looking for a group of women eighteen and
over to follow in a Real World type of setting as they follow
their favorite musicians. We're looking for the women that
are at every show, trying to get backstage and on the tour
bus. We're looking for wild characters who know what they
want -- and what they want is to hang with the band. Do you
guys have fans like that? Thank you for your assistance. I
look forward to speaking with you further about this project."
A humongous response was posted on their website which basically
boiled down to "Even if we did, I would never subject any
of our fans to such wretched and superficial exploitation?
By making shows such as these you perpetuate stereotypes about
such people, making you far more responsible than the bands
who chose to indulge them. Why are you people incapable of
making shows about things that are supposed to elevate human
consciousness? Are you so pathetic as to think MTV's Real
World a model for ANY type of television programming?"
It's a miracle! For the first time in 20 years,
Michael Jackson is black again! He has joined forces with
the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to claim that
the music industry is a racist institution that exploits black
artists. Jackson has gone on record saying Sony Records chief
Tommy Mottola is "the devil" and a racist. He also claims
the reason his latest album Invincible was a commercial
failure was because Sony didn't put enough promotion behind
it. I got news for you Jacko, Sony pumped $25 million into
promoting your album. The reason it failed is because it's
absolutely awful (see here).
Also, the music industry doesn't just exploit black musicians,
it exploits everyone!. Jackson also organized a protest
and boycott in front of Sony Headquarters in New York. 1000
people were planned to attend but only 150 actually showed
up.
If you're in a fraternity you're an idiot
who's paying for your friends. And yes, that's news to some
people. |
Tre Cool of Green Day hates Blink
182:
"Well it's the end of the tour. I don't give a fuck if they
read it or not. They can't quit the tour now...We were walking
on pins and needles to make sure their comforts were met and
their egos were stroked the right way. We didn't want them
to quit the tour. They're good for filling the seats up front.
They're good for bringing in the moms." He also says Blink
is on the rocks. During the tour, Mark Hoppus was seen only
hanging out by himself or with the other bands. Tom Delonge
stayed in his bus and only talked to his bodyguard and his
manager.
In other Blink news, Tom and Mark are both
having children because it will increase their target demographic
by two.
Def Leppard are playing a show at the grand
opening of a Super Walmart in North Carolina. The show will
be on July 31st, the day after the release of their new album
X. Those Super Walmarts have absolutely everything
under the sun, maybe that drummer can buy an arm? Or maybe
they can buy a new career as glorified Walmart greeters? "Hey,
welcome to Walmart today, we're Def Leppard. You want a Walmart
sticker? Want to hear "Rock of Ages?"
The South African version of Sesame Street
plans to introduce an HIV-positive female character. No, this
is not a joke.
Papa Roach covers the Pixies song "Gouge Away"
as a bonus track on their atrocious new CD. Life's not fair!
Life's not fair!
Way cooler than their music is Local H's brilliant
promotional idea to auction off a show on eBay. The highest
bidder will receive a private show at a date and location
of their choosing. The auction winner can sell tickets for
the event. Local H says if the stunt is successful, they may
chose to a do a tour in the same fashion. The auction is up
to $8,600 with 8 days left (check
it out), fans in Chicago and Milwaukee apparently pooling
their money to try to win.
Faux 80s rockers Thrice have signed with Island
Records who seem to be scooping up the 'hardcore-mixed-with-whatever'
bands.
RATcage Records will release a live CD of
the Beastie Boys back when they were a punk band. The show
to be released was in 1982 at CBGBs with the Reagan Youth
and the Young and the Useless.
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7/09/02
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Seventeen magazine loves emo!
In the latest issue there is an article titled "Am I Emo?"
that includes bands to listen to and cool fashion tips. If
you want to look really emo, the magazine suggests
you carry around reading material by 'deep' authors like J.D.
Salinger. Books have finally become a fashion accessory, man
I'm so ahead of the curve! So back in summer camp when I was
12 and I used to sit in the cabin and read 600-page books
instead of playing soccer, I was actually being really cool?
And when the other kids ripped the last 50 pages out it wasn't
because they hated me, but because they were jealous of how
fashionable I was? I feel like a real trendsetter, a regular
Versace.
Emo is the new ska.
Q and Not U news: A 7" with the Eternals will
be released soon as part of Makoto Record's split series and
a cover of Neil Young's "Don't Let It Bring You Down" will
be out this fall on a comp from Exotic Fever. The new full
length titled Different Damage will be released on
October 21st with the following tracklist:
1. Soft Pyramids
2. So Many Animal Calls
3. Air Conditions
4. Black Plastic Bag
5. Meet Me In The Pocket
6. This Are Flashes
7. Everybody Ruins
8. Snow Pattern
9. When The Lines Go Down
10. O'No
11. No Damage Nocturne
12. Recreation Myth
Release date frenzy! The Black Sea (ex-Frodus,
current Fugazi) will bring you the sounds of the future this
October when they release their debut EP on Lovitt with a
full-length planned for Spring 2003. Shelby is going to save
rock and roll, just you watch.
In related news, the Frodus live radio CD
kicks major ass.
Two months later and nobody even remembers
Andrew WK. We've finally beaten the terrorists.
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The RIAA is making plans to start
suing individuals who file-swap, beginning a campaign that
will target the people with high volumes of shared songs.
Don't you people know that if you file-share you're just as
bad the man who nailed Jesus to the cross?
A movie is being made out of Johnny Rotten's
life, based on his autobiography Rotten: No Irish, No Blacks,
No Dogs. Fear not for the project does have some street-cred
with Penelope Spheeris on board (director of 1981's famous
LA punk documentary "The Decline of Western Civilization")
and John Lydon himself being used as creative consultant.
So you're trying to tell me that punk rock was around before
Blink invented it in 1995?
Speaking of Rotten, the Sex Pistols July 27th
Reunion show in London is going to be opened by none other
than current destruction-advocates And You Will Know Us By
The Trail Of Dead. According to New Musical Express
all the bands opening the show are recent favorites of the
individual Pistols.
Jets to Brazil is dropping another album full
of E-M-O for all the sensitive boys and girls on October 15th
titled Perfecting Loneliness. Maybe if they wrote some
songs that didn't sound like Hanson, people would come to
shows and they wouldn't be so lonely.
Four of the five members of Canadian emo-core
band Grade promptly quit after suddenly realized the last
20 albums they've put out just rip off Hot Water Music's patented
beard-and-shout formula.
The Association for the Advancement of White-guy
Afros (AAWA) suffered another major defeat recently when Cadillac
Blindside announced they was breaking up.
Korn's latest album apparently isn't selling
very well. In an attempt to jumpstart album sales, Korn guitarist
James "Munky" Shaffer is trying to stir up some controversy:
"I think this is true Hitler went to Heaven [if such a thing
as Heaven really exists]," Shaffer told Britain's Metal Hammer
magazine. "He felt that what he did was right, and I think
that if what you feel you're doing is right, in your heart,
then you can't be wrong!" |
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6/28/02
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John Entwistle, bass player
for The Who, died in Las Vegas at the Hard Rock Hotel and
Casino, Thursday at age 57, apparently of a heart attack.
An investigation is under way into the cause of death. This
is just one day before a Who North American tour was set to
kick off and leaves only Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend
as the two original members. Who's Next?
Ok so COURTney Love, Dave Grohl and Krist
Novoselic have finally agreed on a way to make money on all
those unreleased Nirvana songs. A Nirvana greatest hits collection
is due out this Christmas (to coincide with the cash-in on
his diary) featuring the hyped-up "You Know You're Right"
and several other demos and rarities to be decided. This will
be followed in the spring by the long-delayed Nirvana boxset
as well a single-disc distillation of the set for those who
want to look really cool without dropping the 70 or so bucks
it costs to be a real fan and have a boxset.
Q and not U are finishing up work on their
sophomore LP titled "Different Damage" expected to be released
in fall with US and European tours to follow. Wow, this album
actually has a title that makes some sense.
Ian Svenonius (ex-MakeUp, ex-Nation of Ulysses)
and Michelle Mae have a new project called the Scene Creamers.
Anyone else detect a hint of irony?
Our buddy Shelby Cinca has been busy, his
new band The Black Sea (with Fugazi member Joe Lally and former
Frodus member Jason Hamacher [Yes, this is looking to be the
band of 2002]) will release an EP and his slightly older (but
still new) band The Cassettes will release a full-length.
Both releases will be this Fall on Lovitt Records and I will
be obtaining them the moment they are released.
The next Dismemberment Plan record is looking
to be some fucking crazy shit. Their website reports their
new songs are all in the vein of the sample-crazy, utterly
schizophrenic and completely genius "The Dismemberment Plan
Gets Rich" which was released on a split EP with Juno a few
months ago.
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones new album was
leaked onto the internet early a few days ago and has since
been downloaded exactly three times.
Some dork is overdubbing bass-lines on White
Stripes songs and uploading them to his website.
Tim Kinsella, the man with like 8,000 fucking
emo bands, has yet another new band: Friend/Enemy. Add this
to his legion of other bands (most still active) including
Joan Of Arc, Cap'n Jazz, The Owls and solo project Tim Kinsellas
(yes, he added an 'S' to his name). Bornbackwards suggests
he puts his money where his guitar is and depart on a major
4-band tour (of all his bands of course) and actually play
in each of those bands every single night. Could Tim handle
playing in that many bands each night? Because I know I can't
handle listening to him in that many.
Creators of all that is unholy, Finch, has
released a new version of their torturous album, What It
Is To Burn with a new studio version of the title track.
Apparently the last version of the album only had a demo of
the song. Does this strike anyone else as fucking stupid?
You don't release an album with only a demo version of the
motherfucking TITLE TRACK and then four months later release
the real studio version so their fans (ha! That's a good joke)
have to buy it again. We give Drive-Thru records a middle-finger
salute, not just for this rude little maneuver but for even
releasing the album in the first place.
P.O.D. looks like Korn, sounds like Limp Bizkit
and loves Jesus.
Jesse Michaels, former frontman for seminal
punk 80s band Operation Ivy, is releasing a record called
This Is Unity Music with his new band, Common Rider.
Singing about scene unity when you're 15 is kind cool but
not when you're 30. That's actually kind of sad. |
According
to Thom Yorke the new radiohead album will be more focused
and less neurotic. Praise Jesus, now I can listen to the future
of music without spazzing out.
Chicago police just found four more tapes
of R. Kelly "educating" the youth of America in "the art of
the bump and grind." That guy is totally fucked … just like
any 12-year-old that stands within three feet of him.
Korn apologizes for Limp Bizkit:
"Yeah, sorry about that," [Munky] told Metal Hammer.co.uk.
"I mean, Fred Durst knocked on our bus door in Jacksonville
like, 'Hey man, listen to my tape,' so it's our fault. I'm
not ashamed of that, it's just sometimes when you bring a
band to the public you can't control what people are going
to do, and it's silly to think you can when you want them
to do one thing and they do another. You just feel frustrated."
Now if only they would apologize for themselves.
Nickelback singer-guitarist Chad Kroeger nabbed
the dubious distinction of being named "ugliest person in
rock" in a recent online poll. I would say the ugliest man
in rock is COURTney Love.
Former 80s pop-star Adam Ant has been in an
insane asylum the last couple months. In a pub in North London,
Ant apparently unplugged the jukebox and insisted it was "time
to try another flavor" after which he pulled out a toy gun
and forced the other patrons to let him finish their drinks
or he would "Make them walk the plank or haul them 'round
the keel." As he was taken into custody he began warning of
a coming "Ant invasion." A representative for Ant met the
allegations with the cryptic statement, "You may not like
the things we do; only idiots ignore the truth." Well, he
was released from the asylum sometime last week and now he
looks like Richard Dryfus. See for yourself:
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6/28/02
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Former members of Frodus, Shelby
Cinca and Jason Hamacher, and Joe Lally of Fugazi have started
a new band called The Black Sea. You can download a demo mp3
at http://theblacksea.cc/. Exadore just wet his pants.
Blink 182 is a bunch of money-grubbing bastards.
After their side-project, Box Car Racer, debuted at number
11 on Billboard, they have announced two new Blink 182 spin-offs.
Travis Barker is teaming up with the shit-punkers of Rancid
to start The Transplants and Mark Hoppus joins Zach Lind of
Jimmy Eat World, among others, in Station BR.
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The Matt Skiba/Kevin Seconds
Split CD is scheduled for release in September on Asian Man
Records. The tracklist will be:
Matt Skiba:
1. Good Fucking Bye
2. The City That Day
3. Next To You
4. In Your Wake
5. Soul To Keep (For Phyllis)
Kevin Seconds:
6. Extra Something
7. Ugly Mouth
8. 1981
9. Yesteryear
10. Motherfuckers |
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6/22/02
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Four executives of the nation's
third-largest drugstore chain, Rite Aid, have been indicted
on counts of conspiracy to defraud, making false statements
to the Securities and Exchange Commission, tampering with
witnesses, and obstructing various investigations after it
was discovered the company manipulated their reported earnings
to defraud their investors. Who would have thought Rite could
be so wrong?
New Found Glory's latest watered down pop-punk
effort, Sticks and Stones, debuted at #4 on Billboard's Top
200, selling 91,000 copies in it's first week of sales. The
next Blink 182? No, the next Sum 41!
The Dismemberment Plan will be playing two
benefit shows this weekend in Washington D.C. The shows, held
at the Black Cat, will benefit the Fort Reno Concert Series
and The National Marrow Donor Program, respectively. Also,
two hairdressers will be at each show collecting hair for
Locks of Love, an organization that makes wigs for children
who have lost their hair.
K-Mart has finally abandoned the last phase
of their 37 year long "Blue Light Special" marketing campaign
with the renaming of their website, bluelight.com. K-Mart
officials have opted for a more logical choice, kmart.com.
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Desaparecidos, Conor Oberst's rock 'n' roll
band, has found a new bassist in Casey Scott, from Athens,
Georgia, just in time for Desa's summer tour. He replaces
Landon Hedges who left the band in the middle of their tour
last February. Supposedly tensions were high between Conor
and Landon after an incident at their Gainesville show where
a drunk girl was professed her love to Landon and repeatedly
yelled, "More Landon in the Monitor!" during their set.
Conor, being the fragile emotional being that he is, was
devestated at not being as popular with this particular
girl (supposedly the whole new album is about this incident).
Landon tried to console him, but Conor fired him and then
turned teary-eyed to his bottle of
Merlot while mumbling to himself, "More Conor in the
monitor?"
A Fort Myers, FL woman is suing a disk jockey
and his parent company, Clear Channel Communications, because
of an offensive on-air prank. DJ Bruce da Moose of WBTT, The
Beat, called the woman's cell phone and acted like a doctor
who was treating the woman's boyfriend for an STD. He told
her that she might be infected and asked about her sexual
activity, all of which was broadcast on the air. Later she
was told it was a prank. Just another example of tasteless
and trite radio programming brought to you by the washed up
frat-boys at Clear Channel. |
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6/19/02
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Audiogalaxy caved in before the
awesome might of the RIAA. They have adopted a 'filter-in'
system which requires the songwriter, publisher and
record company to all provide permission before a song is
allowed on the system. The new system is part of a settlement
with the industry-funded court-happy Recording Industry Association
of America, which sued Audiogalaxy last month and has litigation
pending various other file-sharing services including Kazaa,
Morpheus, and Madster. Get your free Metallica Mp3s while
you can, the party's just about over.
Nickelodean has balls. Who knew? Despite over
100,000 e-mails and phone calls in protest, Nickelodeon telecast
a special for children about accepting same-sex parents on
Tuesday night. Pete and Pete had some pretty fucked up homosexual
undertones (see Ardy, the self-proclaimed "strongest man in
the world") but damn did that show kick ass.
Sales of hip-hop albums in the first quarter
of 2002 were down 26% from the same period last year. Maybe
now I can actually go out somewhere without hearing at least
four ego-tripping songs about either money, women or 'thug
life.' Fucking poser rap-superstar motherfuckers, the largest
part of your fan base is white, middle-class teenagers.
I hate to admit it but all that Batman/Robin
shit in the new Eminem video made me laugh quite a bit.
Rolling Stone is about to suck about twelve
(that's not an arbitrary number I just made up, it's scientific)
times more than it already does. For the past several years,
Rolling Stone has been removing itself from it's musical base
and focusing more on general pop-culture numbness. But now
due to steadily declining sales, they have decided to join
the "tits-and-ass-on-every-cover, geared-toward-stupid-illiterate-jocks"
magazines like Maxim and … well, every other fucking magazine
currently on the stands. Corporate magazines not only still
suck but they're getting worse.
The deregulationist and wholly-owned puppets
that Bush assigned to the FCC are considering lifting the
ban on dual network ownership. This means that a single company
could own more than one television or radio network. CBS could
own NBC or Fox or fucking Clear Channel. The Future is now.
One network, One Company, One World. Hail our forth-coming
corporate master!
America makes me sick.
The power went out at a Britney Spears concert
after two songs on Friday night. The lights in the arena were
still on but there was not enough power to work her pyrotechnics
and stage show. So the concert was cancelled and when the
fans heard, they booed her off the stage.
In other Britney news, she has just signed
on to make "The Worst Movie Ever" (Yes, it's worse than Jason
X). Britney's second movie will be official endorsed by NASCAR
and will be set in the world of stock car drivers. Who wants
this? Who need this movie to make their life complete?!
America makes me sick. |
A documentary detailing the
drama behind Wilco's genius Yakee Hotel Foxtrot will
see a limited release on July 26. I Am Trying To Break
Your Heart, directed by Sam Jones, exposes the label hunting,
lineup changes and more behind everybody's favorite summer
record.
A story on Salon.com reports that semen may
be a natural anti-depressant, guess that's why Adam is so
happy all the time. Check it out here.
In related news, we
got pictures of the Eat A Bag Of Dicks show we attended last
week.
Check out how fucking cool it was (click for full sized. Warning:
that last picture has some male genitalia in it, yeah that's
how fucking rock these guys were):
Photos by Nathalie and Jeff
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6/14/02
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Eat A Bag Of Dicks was fucking
incredible the other night. The craziest shit I've ever seen.
You're not a real hardcore band until you have two bass players
and at least 10 screamers (half without mics and one with
just a megaphone); the band is the fucking moshpit. This is
the future of hardcore--nay, the future of rock itself! Fall
in line or get out of the fucking way.
Cursive's Tim Kasher has been hospitalized
with a collapsed lung. Scheduled tourdates are cancelled.
He's due for surgery today but unfortunately has no medical
insurance, Saddle Creek Records has set up a PO Box for anyone
interested in helping.
Tim Kasher
c/o Saddle Creek
PO Box 8554
Omaha, NE 68108n
Times are tough for MC Hammer, he's tightening
his belt and selling his awards. That's right, he's selling
his 3 (count 'em 3!) platinum records on ebay AT THIS VERY
MOMENT!! Don't be a fool and miss out on this simply amazing
opportunity to own your very own piece of the early 90s shit-rap
explosion! Check it out right
here
If you buy tickets from Ticketmaster or see
a show at a Clear Channel venue YOU ARE BEING FUCKED! That's
been obvious for a long time, but now they're being really
obvious about shitting on you. You will be unable to park
in a venue's parking-lot unless you pay a $40 'Premier Parking'
charge. And it only guarantees you a spot until showtime,
if you're a minute late you lose your $40 spot. Have fun being
bent over, kids.
Fueled By Ramen is supposedly working on a
DVD of the Impossibles last show.
The Strokes are recording their second album
of Velvet Underground covers in NY hoping for a fall release.
Hey guys, do "White Light/White Heat," I love that song!
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Gordon Gano, the Violent Femmes
frontman, is going release his first solo album entitled Hitting
The Ground in late August. The album will feature a whole
crowd of guest stars including They Might Be Giants, PJ Harvey,
Frank Black, Linda Perry, Mary Lou Lord, Martha Wainwright,
and Velvet Underground alumni John fucking Cale and Lou fucking
Reed.
Warner Bros. Has decided to kill the recent
superhero-movie trend by making a Wonder Twins movie. That's
right, remember the Wonder Twins? They were on Superfriends,
Jayna could turn herself into any animal and Zan could turn
himself into any kind of water, like a puddle or something.
Oh and they had a blue monkey. And get this, Warner is teaming
up with Gaylord Films to make it. For real, that's not a joke
(well I didn't make it up at least). Oh yeah, and it's 'live-action.'
When will it fucking end? Tommy Lee is recording
his own reality show for VH1. Motherfucker! That guy's a prick
and Methods of Mayhem is truly truly terrible. Man, fuck Motley
Crue, too. That shit is for pussies. Death to false metal.
And to reality television.
I stole this from punknews.org: "In an interview
with http://www.punknews.org.uk/, Lawrence Arms frontman (and
former Slapstick/Broadways member) Brendan Kelly had this
to say about pop-punk: "That stuff is a bunch of shit. We
just went on tour with some horrible pop boy band "punk" bands.
One was on Drive thru and one was on a major. Let me go on
the record as saying that shit like that is intolerable. It's
so boring, it's not punk, it's barely even fucking rock music"
Testify brotha!
The Aeffect will be bringing the 80s back
to this year's Warped Tour for 6 weeks. Their new stuff is
supposed to be more rock, with real drums and guitars and
stuff in addition to their synth-assault.
David Bowie covers the Pixies song "Cactus"
on his new album Heathen. Let's hope it's better than
that Get Up Kids' cover of "Alec Eiffel." |
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6/10/02
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Hot on the heels of Joey's death,
Dee Dee Ramone was found dead in his LA home by his wife.
Cause of death is thought to be an accidental drug overdose.
I hate to say it but this is what happens when you sniff glue
for 30 years.
R. Kelly was indicted on 21 counts of child
pornography for videotaping himself having sex with a 15 year
old. Maybe he can serenade the rest of the cellblock with
"I Believe I Can Fly" while they repeatedly rape him
up the ass. Don't cry R., just try to imagine that the enormous
syphilis-infected cock ripping up your anus is a doctor with
a really enormous finger giving you a prostate exam.
Britney spears is being sued for stealing
a song, twice even. Songwriters Michael Cottrill and Larry
Wnukowski submitted the song "What You See Is What You Get"
to one of Britney's agents, hoping to get it on her then-forthcoming
album Oops, I Did It Again. The song was rejected but
later appeared on the album as "What U See Is What U Get"
and again with minor alternations as "Can't Make You Love
Me." She was a clever girl to change the song title that much,
you can't even tell she stole it ... or did she just have
her managers do it for her?
That old radge Mick Jagger is being knighted
at the Queen's Golden Jubilee. Apparently he's being honored
for single-handedly rejuvinating the English economy in the
1970s through his multi-million dollar purchases of narcotics
from London drug dealers. |
Scientists are going to test
whether Einstein's Theory of Relativity works in space by
placing clocks on the International Space Station. It will
take several years to get the results but the scientist will
look for any small differences in the time displayed between
the clocks.
In the latest issue of Rolling Stone, Weezer's
Rivers Cuomo says he likes Disturbed and Limp Bizkit. He's
actually quoted as saying, "I'm all about rap-metal." He also
makes some statements about how cool goth is. So it looks
like the last two shitty albums was just the start and there
will never, ever be another good Weezer album in our lifetime.
Oh and he's sporting a fashionable new beard that makes him
fit in great with all the other child molestors in town.
An Amish group in Ebensburg, Pennsylvania
is going to court to fight an ordinance requiring their horse-drawn
buggies to have a reflective, orange safety triangle on the
back so motorists can see them at night. The Amish believe
that if the driver of an enormous SUV doesn't see them and
accidentally runs them down, that it is the will of God.
God hates the Amish.
The 7-year-old son of an Indian Diplomat in
the Gaza Strip was awarded the Microsoft Office User specialist
certificate. It is so advanced that some U.S. universities
require their students earn it to graduate. |
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6/04/02
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EMI is facing legal action over
the ownership of the copyright of Gorillaz, the virtual cartoon
band featuring the voice of Damon Albarn of Blur. The Gorillaz
artwork was created by Jamie Hewlett in with Tom Astor, the
two animators have ended their partnership (which also made
Tank Girl) but Astor's company claims to own the copyright
to the Gorillaz artwork and character designs. Just imagine
what this entails for the real world, people could sue a rockstar
for infringing on the copyright of someone else's "image."
I encourage anyone who's a big, fat fucking goof (all those
guys that I went to highschool with) to sue Fred Durst and
any goody-goody slut (all those girls that I went to highschool
with) to sue Britney Spear.
Fugazi has postponed their UK tour due to
a death in one of their immediate families. A free show on
July 1st in Washington is still on though. Rescheduling the
UK dates in the same towns and venues is a top priority for
the band.
No, no come to Florida instead!
Clinic's hospital scrubs and masks are kind
of scary.
This kid on our message board, Drew hates
us. He keeps calling us 'geeks.' Well it's all over now, we're
just gonna shut down shop and never open our mouths again.
Midtown's fans are apparently worried that
the band has sold out and has gone 'pop-punk.' Guys, I got
sad news for you … they've always been pop-punk, the only
style (ha!) differences between their albums is that the new
one is faster and better produced. It's still just as fake-emo
and cloyingly poppy.
The final Impossibles show was Saturday. It
was actually two shows, one in the afternoon, one at night.
900 people showed up for first show and over 1000 people were
there for the second. The first show ended with Gabe making
out with a kid who jumped on stage. I knew that song about
the Teddy bear had homosexual undertones! Fueled By Ramen
printed up some t-shirts to mark the occasion and any extras
will go up in their web-store. Fuck I wish I could have made
the drive for Texas for that, sounds like quite a time.
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The band with the worst name
in history, Frenzal Rhomb has kicked out their bass player.
Never mind, I forgot about Hoobastank … and Puddle of Mudd
… and Limp Bizkit … and Korn.
Adam has a baby kitten he's named 'Jesus' and
whenever it poops outside it's litter box he says "Holy shit!"
Frank Black has announced two new
albums about spaceships, aliens and eyeballs. The 65-minutes,
18-track Black Letter Day with a Tom Waits cover and
the 33-minute, 11-track Devil's Workshop will both
be released August 20th on SpinART Records. Both albums will
feature The Catholics and Black's recent fervor for recording
live to a two-track with no overdubs. Unfortunately, Frank
is ruining one of his best jokes: the instrumental Pixies
b-side "Velvety Instrumental" (the title of which led one
to believe that there was a non-instrument version when such
was not the case) will finally get lyrics and be rerecorded
as simply "Velvety" for use as the opening track on Black
Letter Day.
Remember Nsync's Lance Bass wanted to go into
space? Well Russia basically said "Fuck off!" only, you know,
in Russian. Niet!
In related news, our very own University of
Florida has been chosen by NASA to conduct research into advanced
recycling technology for use in space. The goal of the research
is to find a way to create an enclosed, self-sustained environment
for use in space colonies, space stations, space flight and
possibly even in submarines and is imagined to be the first
step in planning a manned Mars mission. The mission would
take 3 years by current standards and the sustainable, recycling
environment is seen as the only viable way to keep the astronauts
alive. Currently astronauts must take all the supplies they
will need with them and then bring the waste back to Earth.
Parts of the project include water filtration, generation
of oxygen and genetically engineering plants capable of thriving
in zero-gravity, low pressure environments.
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5/31/02
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Our news is too much like Buddyhead.
The Osborne's success has spawned a flurry
of jealous celebrity imitators. Among those desperately seeking
their own reality television series are Gene Simmons, COURTney
Love, Brandy, Puff Daddy, David Lee Roth and get this ...
Cybill Shepherd and Kato Kaelin. While most of the others
are just pipedreams at the moment, Brandy is actually talking
with MTV about a program based on her pregnancy with a working
title of Making The Baby. Puff Daddy is also in negotiations
with MTV. A Puff Daddy show might have been interesting last
year, back when he was banging J.Lo and pulling guns in nightclubs,
now that would be some quality reality-television. But something
tells me Puffy will behave himself while on-camera, basically
using the show as extended MTV-sponsored commercials to pimp
the bullshit 'gangsta' products he puts out as Bad Boy Records
and Sean John clothing.
David Bowie's classic album of space-androgyny,
The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from
Mars is being released as an expanded double CD in honor
of its 30th anniversary. The second disk will feature b-sides,
outtakes, demos and alternate version of the classic album.
David Bowie looks fucking
horrible these days. It's funny he had that song called "Diamond
Dogs" because now he looks like an old bulldog instead
of the intertsellar princess he used to be.
Like I said last time, the Recording Industry
Association of America just brought a lawsuit against AudioGalaxy.
However, Verizon has proposed a decent solution to the online
file-sharing debate, that would work much the way the radio
industry is supposed to work; granting "compulsory licenses"
to users to use digital audio and video in any way they see
fit. The users Internet Service Provider would pay for the
license fee and the money would be used to pay artists and
record labels royalties based on the number of files swapped.
It would probably spur on ISPs to try to gather together enormous
media libraries for the benefit of their users (and to try
to snag users from competing ISPs) and would only result in
an increase of a few dollars per user per month to their ISP
bill. The RIAA dismissed the plan out of hand and plans to
continue consuming the delicate souls of the innocent. So…
I could get the latest Jimmy Eat World from AOL soon? Killer!
Guided By Voices' Bob Pollard is recovering
quickly from a back injury that forced the band to cancel
a few shows this summer. The band plans to release a series
a limited 7" single, one per week, to promote their return-to-Matador
album Truth and Cycles.
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That Method Man and Red Man deodorant
commercial is fucking stupid. I guess it's better than the
bucket of shit they called a movie, How High
That Coke commercial that the Roots did is
pretty shitty too.
The UN has released a report by 1100 scientists
that predict the destruction of 70 per cent of the natural
world in 30 years, mass extinction of species, and the collapse
of human society in many countries. The report was commissioned
to look to 2032 and based on the changed in the last 30 years
predict what could happen in the next 30. 1183 species of
birds, about 12 percent of the world's total, and 1130 species
of mammals, about a quarter, are threatened with extinction.
There are 2.2 billion more mouths to feed than in 1972, and
there will be another 2 billion in 30 years. About 4 billion
people, two-thirds of the world's population, live on less
than $2 US a day. Not mention massive water shortages for
much of the planet.
It looks like we have bigger things to worry about than P.
Diddy's TV show will suck or not.
NASA has found water-ice in vast quantities
below much of the surface of Mars and may commit itself to
a manned Martian mission within 20 years. Could we be saved?
The Faint's Todd Baechle was arrested in Albuquerque,
N.M., after pulling a Jim Morrison and publicly exposing himself
at a show. I guess those No Doubt tours get pretty crazy,
I if I had to hear "Hey Baby" every night would make me want
to tear my clothes off too.
Thursday has posted a long-ass letter on their
website officially announcing their signing to Island and
exposing Victory as a bunch of greedy, money-grubbing shiteaters.
They said the only way they could escape their contract with
Victory was to sign with a major. Didn't Midtown say and do
these same things last month? Just to reiterate, Midtown is
still complete garbage.
This last ones from Brian:
Here's some good news on the highly
rumored addition to another holy trilogy near and dear to
every geeks' heart, the Indiana Jones series. With Frank Darabont
recently signing on to write the next installment of the saga
it looks as if Indy's return to the silver screen will be
official. In fact, Lucasfilm has already set a solid release
date of July 4, 2005 and will most likely share this announcement
with the little bitches who don't read our news any day now.
Lucas has once again proven that he truly is the nerd Messiah,
promising to deliver Episode III and Indy 4 to us in the same
summer.
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5/25/02
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You know, the last time I saw that Saves
The Day video on MTV2 I thought to myself, "I wonder what
America's largest monopolistic media corporation, AOL-Time
Warner, thinks of this whole wacky 'emo' thing that's going
on!" Well somebody must have heard me because the latest
issue of Time magazine has a story called 'Emotional Rescue'
and it's all about ... you guessed it, emo! You can read
it right here.
Unfortunately, all journalistic integrity is lost when the
first two words of the story are 'Chris Carrabba.' It also
says "emo is heavier music for heavier times"
gimme a fucking break, Slipknot is heavier music for heavier
times.
The story has great lines like "You might think Carrabba
is a rock star. He's not. He's an emo star" and "EMO is
about feelings, the sad kind, but it makes teens and record
labels happy." The whole story is a load of complete horsecrap.
It also goes on to call emo 'the antipop,' sorry but the
last time I heard Saves The Day they sounded pretty fucking
catchy to me.
I hope some midwestern white kids read it
and get all jaded and pissed about their 'scene selling
out.'
Third Eye Blind has said that their new CD
will go for more of an 'emo sound.' The scene is like totally
selling out!
Sony Music's new copy-protection CD technology
can be cracked by simply scribbling around the rim of the
disc with a felt-tip marker.
The White Stripes are blowing up, they're playing
the MTV Movie Awards.
They just started recording tracks for their next album Elephant
in a London studio.
To anybody who thought they were siblings, online zine Glorious
Noise has found and posted a copy of Jack and Meg's marriage
license dated September 4th, 1996. According to the document,
John Anthony Gillis married Megan Martha White on September
21st, 1996 in Lyon, Michigan. So I guess that rumor about
him slamming Winona Ryder is fake too.
Korn's Jonathan Davis is sick of nu metal,
just like the rest of us. "I'm afraid of the whole thing now,
it's getting so diluted that it isn't even interesting anymore.
It's soulless."
Thursday isn't going to record any new material
for their last Victory/MCA release, it'll be outtakes and
live recordings. All the new material will be saved for their
Island/Def Jam debut.
The RIAA's next target is AudioGalaxy, they
say its efforts to filter copyrighted music have been ineffective.
Prepare to be roasted by the flames of hell, AudioGalaxy.
The RIAA currently has copyright suits pending against Napster,
Morpheus, Kazaa, Grokster, MP3Board and Madster (formerly
known as Aimster).
Everywhere I go I keep hearing that goddamned
Puddle Of Mudd song over and over again. It's that one about
his kid and it's supposed to be touching or emotional or something
but all it makes me want to do is kill the little fucker for
being such a bad muse and inspiring that awful crap. I'm sure
I'm not the only person with these feelings, so if Wes Scantlin
wants his kid to live he'll quit that Puddle of Shitt he calls
a band and never bother us again.
Cursive will be releasing a split CD of all-new
material titled 8 Teeth to Eat You with a Japanese
band called Eastern Youth. |
I stole this from Punknews.org:
Billboard is reporting that with the rerelease of the Sex
Pistol's "God Save The Queen" single, the band hopes to achieve
which they should have (and some say DID) achieve in 1977.
On its release in `77, the song, in spite of a daytime airplay
ban by the BBC, shot up the British chards. It officially
peaked at #2, just below Rod Stewart's "I Don't Want To Talk
About It." Rumors persist that the figures had to be doctored
to prevent the song from hitting the #1 spot. The song was
banned, in the AMG's words, because it "attacked some of the
country's most cherished patriotic notions at a moment when
those notions were being trumpeted the loudest"
John Lydon (Rotten) is trying to do it again.
He made this statement at a press conference in London,
"This is our jubilee, this is our Britain and you have kind
of lost that idea... Let me remind you what being British
is all about... This is our country, this is our flag, they're
our monarchy, they don't work too well at the moment but
let's make the [expletive] do a good job. Let's get rid
of the useless ones and keep a few of the goodies."
Krist Novaselic has started referring to Courtney
Love as COURTney. Sorry, Krist but we're going to have to
steal your joke.
In related news, gold-digging COURTney has
been delaying the Nirvana boxset because she wants to use
the song 'You Know You're Right" as an extra track on a Beatles-1-style
greatest hits collection because it would sell more than a
box set. She's just sad she can't make any of the really good
money off Hole because nobody likes them. Or her.
Like I was saying, it was just announced that
Hole is breaking up.
From the Associated Press:
Charging that payola has made a comeback, a coalition including
the music industry's major trade groups is calling for a federal
investigation into the practices of the deregulated radio
industry.
The group of musicians, songwriters, record labels, retailers
and unions intends to submit a letter Friday to the Federal
Communications Commission and Congress asking for tougher
scrutiny of practices they say restrict competition -- and
artists' chances of getting on the air.
The letter claims that payola has resurfaced in a new form
since it was outlawed. Payola rules introduced 40 years ago
made it illegal for radio stations to take money in return
for playing a song without disclosing the practice to listeners.
In its letter, the coalition contends that since deregulation
in 1996 a few groups of powerful radio stations have come
to wield an unhealthy amount of control over the industry.
The group specifically targets Clear Channel Communications,
the largest owner of radio stations and the biggest live concert
promoter in the country.
The coalition wants the FCC to investigate whether an artist's
decision not to play in a Clear Channel venue, or not to use
a Clear Channel promotion company, results in Clear Channel
removing the performer from its playlist.
Macrock not McRock.
Spin Magazine is a big fucking joke and I
feel sorry for anyone who wastes their money it. |
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5/16/02
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As if he doesn't have enough money and women,
Snoop Dogg will host the next edition of Girls Gone Wild,
predictably titled Girls Gone Wild Doggy Style. Maybe instead
of focusing on all the pornos he's been hosting lately he
should try to make his music not blow ass ... or is that
asking the impossible?
Courtney Love says she has a "buttload" of
unreleased Nirvana material. The "buttload" is apparently
measured at 109 tapes.
"I have the holy grail of rock & roll. That's the story. But
not all of it's great. Some of it's fragments. There's some
stuff that's not very melodic that I'm not fond of, but, hey,
if you're a fan of [Radiohead's] Kid A, it might be really
great. On those tapes,are everything from shitty collages
to some pretty stunning, awe-inspiring acoustic songs to stupid,
fucked-up shit. The songs began at our home, usually in a
closet or in his room, and I have everything from stuff you've
already heard in demo form to gasp-out-loud acoustic songs
to things he's playing with Patty [Schemel, Hole's drummer]
and Eric [Erlandson, Hole's guitarist] to things he's playing
with the fucking heroin dealer to collages."
OK, so where the fuck is my Nirvana boxset already? Don't
brag about shit you're never going to release, it just makes
you look like even more of an insane evil bitch.
Emo poster-boys Further Seems Forever (the
band Chris Carrabba abandoned once Dashboard Confessional
took off) are getting ready to record their sophomore album
for the Jesus-loving Tooth & Nail Records. They also wrapped
production on a video for a song off their last album. Look
out MTV viewers, the emo revolution is coming right at you,
full speed ahead!
Word on the street is that the second and
third seasons of The Osbornes will not be filmed in England
as previosuly suspected. It seems it will be filmed in Beverly
Hills but on a 'set' (which is actually a working house but
not the one in the first season) so as not to stir up problems
with the neighbors like last time. I just don't know if the
show will be as funny without Ozzy tossing logs through his
neighbor's window.
John Bobbit was arrested for domestic abuse.
In related news, an LA man correctly predicted his arrest
date and won a "When Will Bobbitt Beat His Bride" contest
sponorsed by a Nevada brothel. The winner got an all-expenses-paid
trip to the bordello but has declined to announce his name
to the public.
Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are back
together. Who didn't see this coming? She just loves the man's
fuck too much to ever let him go.
Rhino Records is getting ready for the June
release of the next three albums in it's Elvis Costello reissue
series. 1979's Armed Forces, 1982's Imperial Bedroom
and 1991's Mighty Like A Rose will all be released
with a second disc of rarities, demos and b-sides.
They're putting these things out like crazy, I still need
to pick up the reissue of This Year's Model. Fuck.
That new Boxcar Racer video is the best comedy
under 5 minutes that I've ever seen. Pure Genius.
Emotionalpunk.com is pretty funny too. I'm
now a regular reader, it's a stunning blend of satire and
very subtle sarcasm targeted at the pop-punk/emo reviews.
At least that's what I take it as, I mean how could shit like
this be for real? It uses words like 'innovational' and gives
Saves The Day a 9 for originality. Like I said, excellent
satire. |
Big stupid jock, Andrew W.K.
is touring with punk bands the Casualties, Icarus Line and
the Used.
Fugazi is touring the British Isles. Hey guys,
come down to Florida! Yeah, we're on the same continent as
DC and we'd like to see you a lot more than those ungrateful
Limey bastards, I swear.
Emo/New Wave/Hanson-impersonators Jets To
Brazil are currently recording their third album at Inner
Ear and Water Studios with J. Robbings. The album is set for
a fall release and the band will be touring late this summer
to debute some of their new material.
Cokehead braggarts Oasis are trying to scum
up some attention the only way they can: by trashing Radiohead
in the May issue of Q Magazine.
"They seem so pissed off being in a band. That doesn't inspire
kids to pick up guitars. They're moaning about the marketing,
the videos. If I was 15 I'd think, I'll get a job down the
car wash. Whereas us, we love it. It's the best job in the
world. Granted, some of the stuff on Amnesiac is brilliant.
The Bends is the bollocks. Karma Police is mega. But they
don't want people to like their music so they can go fuck
themselves ... We're not fucking wizards. We're four blokes
from Manchester who happen to be in the BEST BAND IN THE WORLD."
And yes, they really said that.
Aaliyah's parents are sueing Virgin Records,
alleging negligence and recklessness that caused the plane
crash last year. The families of two other crash victims filed
similar lawsuits Monday.
Pepsi.com reports that your favorite shit-eating
corporate tools, Sum41, will headline the Pepsi Taste Tour
(more like the No Taste Tour. Oh no wait, that was the recent
Green Day/Blink/Jimmy Eat World tour) in September. The tour
will consist of 11 invitation-only club dates. Doesn't sound
very punk to me.
Alkaline Trio are going to record their fourth
album at the end of the month. Fearless
Records latest marketing ploy is to rape the memory of punk
rock right up it's ass. It's 'Punk Goes...' comp series is
about as original as most of the shit bands on it. The first
was 'Punk Goes Metal,' recently released was 'Punk Goes Pop'
(Further Seems Forever doing an Nsync cover, how ironic) and
next up is the frighteningly banal 'Punk Goes Acoustic.' Oh
wise Allah, why have you abandoned us into this word of Dashboard
devotees?
Bob Pollard, the man behind Guided By Voices,
has suffered a back injury during a show last week. Their
current mini-tour has been canceled as a result but their
July/August tour schedule is apparently still happening.
I guess now he'll only be able to put out 3 albums this year
instead of the 16 he's usually capable of.
Isaac Brock will be touring the entire summer
with his new sideproject, Ugly Casanova, and then with his
drugged-out main band, Modest Mouse.
Napster Inc. Chief Executive Konrad Hilbers
is stepping down. Also, the online music start-up is considering
a bankruptcy filing.
So wait, Napster still exists?
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5/12/02
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Thursday's new single, Cross Out The
Eyes, will be aired every single hour on MTV2 on Thursday,
May 16th. Jesus, talk about overexposure, I guess you gotta
get your video aired 24 fucking times a day before you're
a 'hit' with the Korn-loving kiddies of America.
The Sex Pistols, England's favorite leather-and-filth
clad sons, have announced that they will be playing a show
at London's Crystal Palace on July 27th to commerate the Queen's
Golden Jubilee. The cover art for their Jubilee 'best-of'
album (wouldn't that just a repackaged 'Nevermind The Bollocks?')has
just been released:
Oh you wacky lovable Pistols, what mischief will you get yourselves
into next?
Check this shit out: Salon.com is running
a story about a new kind of pop-up advertisment that automatically
installs a spy-ware program on your computer without your
knowledge and without you clicking a single link. People are
watching you on the internet, they see who you talk to, what
you buy and how much porn you download.
Read
it here
Geriatic patients The Rolling Stones have
announced that they will announce (an announcement for an
announcement? stupid) their 40th anniversary tour (so that'd
make them each like how old? 80?) by flying an airship into
Van Cortlandt Park in New York. I'm gonna start taking bets
on whether Mick Jagger will break his hip or not.
Natalie Portman recently said this about the
new Star Wars movie, Attack of the Clones:
"I hadn't even seen a Star Wars movie until I got the part,
I mean, come on. I'm a girl. But in this one, you've a hunky
guy in Hayden. Even when he's not being lovey-dovey, the girls
can focus on his muscles when he's fighting. There's always
something for the girls to keep their eyes on."
Did anybody else realize she was fucking dumb? I didn't, she
totally had me fooled. |
Douglas Adam's new book, The
Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time, has
a sales rank of 42 at Amazon right now.
Ten Foot Pole signed to Victory Records and
nobody cares.
Good Riddance is planned to rape some Kinks
and Black Flag songs, they're releasing a cover album. Hurray
for ruining other people's songs!
That new Alkaline Trio song, Jaded On Green
Beers off that shitty Atticus poppunk comp, is actually
really fucking good. It's all fast and punk and shit. The
production is pretty clean but it rocks like old times.
Rancid have decided that their brand of Clash-influenced
gutter punk hasn't been getting them enough attention lately.
Why yes, what they really need is some of that elusive 'MTV
Punk' cred that they only hand out to the really, really good
bands. That's right, you heard it here: Rancid members (and
former Operation Ivy visionaries) Tim Armstrong and Matt Freeman
are teaming up with Blink drummer Travis Barker to form a
side-project (seems to be all the rage in the Blink camp these
days) called The Transplants. Their sound is described as
a mixture between "drum 'n' bass and punk." Isn't that what
Le Tigre does? Sounds like a lot of genius and effort went
into thinking up a wonderfully original synthesis that will
result in the best music ever! Mall punks rejoice, your two
favorite bands are joining hands.
Another Operation Ivy alumni is in the news
too: Jesse Micheals' new band Common Rider is bringing ska
back to Hopeless Records.
A-Ha is enjoyed renewed popularity. Apparently
their new record, Lifelines, is topping the charts in Norway,
Germany and Slovakia, and is selling well all over Europe.
Seriously.
George Carlin is a dirty, dirty old man. He
just turned 65.
We all know that recently the US military
has been struggling to meet their enlistment quotas, but did
you know it has a new policy of keeping officers long past
their discharge date? It's true. The 'Stop-Loss' policy is
involuntarily keeping soldiers in the military, even some
men who have served for 20 years are being told they can not
retire. This order has affected over 10,000 soldiers in over
30 occupational fields in the US Army alone. I bet it won't
be too long before they start drafting people again.
Sweet Canada, the true bastion of freedom, I shall arrive
posthaste! |
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5/12/02
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R. Kelly responded publicly on BET Wednesday
to accusations that he videotaped having sex with an underage
girl. In an interview on BET Tonight, hosted by Ed Gordon,
R. Kelly explained, “I want America to know you can't believe
everything you hear, and nowadays you can't believe everything
you see…I'm not an angel. But I'm no criminal."
He then added, I don’t, however, see nothin’ wrong with
a little bump ‘n’ grind.
Ozzy Osbourne has signed a deal with publishers,
Simon and Schuster, in which he will write two books. The
deal, worth $3 million, calls for one paperback that ties
into his MTV series, and one hardcover memoir of his family.
I just hope he writes better than he talks. |
The Federal Trade Commission has filed complaints
against three makers of electronic abdominal exercise belts
for making false and deceptive claims promising "rock hard
abs with no sweat.” FTC Chairman Timothy Muris said, "Unfortunately,
…these electronic ab gadgets don't do a thing to turn a
bulging beer belly into a sleek six-pack muscle stomach."
So, wait…he’s saying that I have to actually workout to
get into shape?!
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5/08/02
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Mark Mothersbaugh, lead singer of Devo,
is freely admitting his band has put subliminal messages
in it's music for over 30 years. Mothersbaugh says it's
"entirely possible" he snuck messages like "Question Authority"
into the Rugrats theme song and "sugar is bad for you" into
a cereal commercial. I think I just found my new hero. Mark
Mothersbaugh, I love you and I want your children.
MTV is thinking about providing closed-captioning
on The Osbornes so people can understand what the fuck Ozzy
is mumbling about all the time.
Alternative Press is preparing to publish
their worst issue ever. Next month's edition of the magazine
will have Dashboard Confessional on it's cover and feature
stories about Box Car Racer and New Found Glory. If I was
13 I would really have to pick that up.
Speaking of Box Car Racer, you can preview
their new CD here.
Box Car Racer is the Blink 182 'side-project' supposedly influenced
by hardcore giants like Fugazi and Refused. Big suprise, it
sounds exactly like Blink.
You can also sample a portion of the new Get
Up Kids album, On A Wire, right
here . Big suprise, it sounds like boring sterile pop.
As long as we're on the topic of boring pop,
Saves The Day are not only in the latest issue of Teen People
but are listed as 'the hottest Boy Band under 25.' A big hand
to Teen People for finally having the guts to expose Saves
The Day for what they are.
In other bad pop-punk news (there seems to
be a lot of this today), 'A Tribute To Sum 41' will be released
in mid-June. Don't these posers only have like one album?
Proof that even the mentally retarded can succeed in the music
business, it's truly heartwarming.
|
Jerrold Schwartz, the 42-year-old
leader of Boy Scout Troup 666 has pleaded guilty to sodomizing
one of his troopers in 1996.
Where can I find one of their troup patches?
I would pay good money for a boy scout patch that said 666
on it. I would totally wear it everywhere and talk about how
my scout master was named Damien and he was always after my
ass.
The first reconstruction efforts on the World
Trade Center are about to commence. Digging will begin at
the site of 7 World Trade Center today.
Lovitt Records kicks ass.
Guinness World Records just conducted a poll
to decide Britain's favorite pop single. Predictably the Beatles
had the most entries on the final list but the number one
spot was suprisingly nabbed by Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.
Say What? Eighth on the list was the Spice Girls' Wannabe.
And the Brits used to have such good taste.
Oh well, here's the list. Britain's favorite pop singles:
1. Bohemian Rhapsody -- Queen
2. Imagine -- John Lennon
3. Hey Jude -- The Beatles
4. Dancing Queen -- Abba
5. Like a Prayer -- Madonna
6. Angels -- Robbie Williams
7. Penny Lane/Strawberry Fields Forever -- The Beatles
8. Wannabe -- Spice Girls
9. Yesterday -- The Beatles
10. Let It Be -- The Beatles
The weekly German newspaper Die Zeit recently
uncovered and published detailed plans for a German invasion
of America in 1900. The plan focused on attacks on New York
City, Boston and other northeastern urban centers. Kaiser
Wilhelm had the plans drawn up to try to force the United
States into signing a treaty that granted Germany free reign
in the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. |
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5/08/02
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Apparently Kelly Osbourne likes Courtney
Love about as much as we do. She was quoted as calling Love
a "nosy fucking bitch with nothing better to do than talk
about other people," after Love disclosed that the Osbournes
are receiving $20 million for next season's The Osbournes.
Ms. Osbourne denied Love's claims were true.
Australia's Roadrunner Records held an actual
funeral for Nu-metal Friday evening at a small church outside
of Melbourne. After the ceremony, a procession of the one
hundred attendees was lead to the graveyard by an organ version
of Iron Maiden's "Number of the Beast." There, Nu-metal was
put to rest with one of its notorious symbols, a red fitted
baseball hat. |
Laryngitis is the best disease
ever! Kid Rock had to cancel his Knoxville show scheduled
for Tuesday due to a severe inflammation of his vocal cords.
If only this condition were permanent…
Carlos Stephens, producer and diabolical villian
behind Master P's music, was arrested Monday after carrying
two loaded, semi-automatic pistols through Louis Armstrong
International Airport security. When questioned about the
weapons, he claimed he worked for No Limit Records and that
he needed the guns in his work. I guess they take that "No
Limit Soldier" shit pretty seriously.
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5/06/02
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Megadeth has broken up after 19 years, Dave
Mustaine is apparently suffering from nerve damage after
an accident to his left arm and may never be able to play
guitar again.
The official press release can be read at www.megadeth.com.
Dashboard Confessional will never play New
Jersey again.
At an annual concert in Asbury Park, NJ a band called Side
Swiped led the crowd in repeatedly chanting 'Dashboard Sucks.'
His ego bruised but his wallet bulging, Chris has decided
that he will never play in New Jersey again. Now if
we can only get the rest of America to chant 'Dashboard Sucks'
we can finally defeat the terrorist threat known as ... Chris
Carraba!
From the Seattle Weekly:
"Accused shoplifter/groupie extraordinaire Winona Ryder apparently
has stolen yet another rock star's heart. White Stripes singer-guitarist
Jack White reportedly is the latest rocker to jump on the
merry-go-round that is Ryder's love life."
A story published by Reuters recently tells
of a report that states that 'Internet users who download
songs for free from unauthorized "peer to peer" services are
more likely to increase their music purchases than regular
Internet users.'
Take that RIAA bastards.
read
a copy of the story right here.
There is a new sideproject fronted by a former
Hippos member called Southbase. In related news, The Hippos
are just ... so terrible ... I don't even want to talk about
it.
Oh Jesus ... the Hippos ...
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Garth Brooke's complete-failure/alter-ego,
Chris Gaines, may be making another record. If you'll remember,
a few years ago Garth pretended to be someone else, someone
named Chris Gaines. He recorded a Gaines album that was universally
panned and released to predictably poor sales. The whole incident
was just a publicity-stunt/soundtrack for the still-unreleased
movie, 'The Lamb' of which Gaines is apparently a character.
Brooke's has said that when 'The Lamb' finally is released
he plans to record a new soundtrack.
I don't have a joke for this one, it's just really pathetic
and it makes me wish I were dead.
The initial 500,000 copies of Maladriot, the
new Weezer album being released on May 14th, will be numbered.
So now it has collectable value, but it better have musical
value too. I don't want to buy another Green Album goddamn
it.
After a concert in Tucson, someone called
Unwritten Law a bunch of 'sellouts.' Lead singer Scott Russo
chased the person down and spit in his face. What exactly
did they sell out? I don't remember them ever being a good
band, or even punk. They've always been shit and they still
are.
When asked by KROQ what he thought of Sum
41 and System of a Down, Noel Gallagher had this to say:
"Doesn't it actually make you feel good to be alive to know
you have seen the worst two bands in the history of music?"
He then proceeded to snort a line of coke, beat the shit out
of the DJ and proclaim Oasis to be the greatest band in the
history of forever and ever. |
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5/05/02
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Spider-Man has officially fucked Harry Potter
in the ass this weekend, raking in a whopping $114 million
and destroying Potter's $90.3 million opening weekend. Remember
the part where he was shooting web and it looked like semen?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That made me giggle.
In a related story, it's lame to wear your
favorite Spider-Man t-shirt to the Spider-Man movie unless
you are under the age of twelve. This is WORSE than wearing
the shirt of the band that is playing the show because Spider-Man
is not actually there to see that you like him. Nor is he
real. |
It's Cinco De Mayo, and no one
cares.
Persuaded by Egyptian boycotts of American
goods due to our support of Israel, McDonald's is changing
the name of all of their restaurants in Egypt to Man Foods,
confirming all of our fears regarding what goes on in the
McDonald's kitchen.
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5/01/02
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Finally, lawmakers are discovering what
kids have been saying for years: Cafeteria food fucking
sucks. According to the General Accounting Office, school
food illnesses rose 10 percent each year from 1990 through
1999. They account the rise to poor storage, handling, and
service practices and the lack of one single, unified safety
food agency.
Matt Groening, creator of The Simpsons, stated
in a London Financial Times interview last week that "we are
close to winding (the series) up." Groening claims it is becoming
increasingly difficult to come up with original story-lines.
He did say, though, that winning an Emmy, would perhaps extend
the show's life another couple of years. I think death threats
are in order, this man can not be allowed to stop humoring
us.
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Not satisfied with the amount
of money they found in a Washington state Starbucks safe,
two robbers allegedly went to work filling coffee orders and
pocketing the proceeds. The robbers served 18 unsuspecting
customers while the actual employees were locked in a back
room, according to an Associated Press report. The robbers
have yet to be caught.
Saves The Day is in the latest issue of Seventeen
Magazine, right where they belong.
Governor Jeb Bush broke down in tears during
a drug summit Tuesday, thanking attendees for their support
after his daughter's arrest on drug charges. Bush claimed
his crying episode is due to "a little genetic problem handed
down" from his dad. Ironically, this was the same reason Bush's
24-year-old daughter has a drug addiction. |
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4/30/02
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Further evidence that the Recording Industry
Association of America hates Jesus:
The RIAA is trying to levy royalty fees on Internet radio
stations. The fees are to be charged per listener, per song
and will only affect Internet radio because traditional
radio has 'proven its role in promoting new music'.
"It's unfair to say we're the ones who should
give them a free ride," says John Simpson of RIAA affiliate
Sound Exchange, which collects licensing fees. "We've seen
a lot of Webcasters go out of business well before they
had to pay any royalties to artists. I didn't see them going
to Congress to get bandwidth costs down."
If this news pisses you off, contact your local Congressman
and tell him that the RIAA eats babies.
The best release of 2002 has just been announced.
The long lost 1987 Pixies demo tape will finally see the light
of day. Eight of the songs were released as the Come On Pilgram
EP but the remaining nine tracks have never been heard by
the general public and include early versions of songs that
would later appear on Surfer Rosa, Doolittle and Trompe Le
Monde. The following songs will be released July 9th on SpinART
and will be titled 'Pixies':
01 Broken Face
02 Build High
03 Rock a My Soul
04 Down to the Well
05 Break My Body
06 I'm Amazed
07 Here Comes Your Man
08 Subbacultcha
09 In Heaven (The Lady in the Radiator Song)
The boys from Texas, Recover, have posted a
video
for the song Bad Timing which will appear on an upcoming
EP on Fiddler Records.
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Shit-rockers Blink 182 will be
guest staring on an upcoming episode of The Simpsons with
Tony Hawk.
The Get Up Kids have posted a streaming version
of the first song off their new album on their website. I
was excited until I remembered they fucking suck and I hate
them.
The following comments about President Bush
were made by Dr. Adel Sadeq, the head of the Department of
Psychiatry at Ein Shams University in Cairo, and recipient
of the 1990 Egyptian State Prize.
"Your stupidity is reflected in your facial features. Your
face reminds me of the face of those who frequent a clinic
for the mentally retarded. Your gaze is mindless and unfocused.
Your eyes are misleading. Your facial expressions are incompatible
with the matter [being discussed], and your tone of voice
is completely disconnected from the content of your words
a salient characteristic of the mentally retarded." Dr. Sadeq
then vocalized his support for suicide bombings and said he
would 'throw Israel into the sea'.
No, that's not a joke, he actually said that.
The MTV Road Rules soundtrack CD will be releasedout
in July on Roadrunner Records. Artists appearing are The Juliana
Theory, The Deftones, Incubus, Nickelback, The Hives, Hoobastank,
Thrice, Finch, Jimmy Eat World, Saves The Day, New Found Glory,
Thursday, Cave In, BRMC and more. Wow, that sounds like a
soul-killing collection of fucking awful music. But it's mostly
underground bands so that makes it cool right? Right?
Just in time for the Queen's Golden Jubilee
celebration, everyone's favorite band of misfits and social
outcasts, The Sex Pistols, are preparing for several releases
including a greatest hits collection, the rerelease of God
Save The Queen on vinyl and CD and a box set featuring
studio, demo and live songs. Time to break out my leather
jacket and safety pins. |
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4/30/02
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In a bizarre stroke of luck for half the
nation, the lead singer of Creed, Scott Stapp, was involved
in a car accident Monday, and has subsequently cancelled
the rest of the band's North American Tour. His vehicle
was reportedly struck by another car that was traveling
60 miles per hour. Doctors are certain that he would have
perished if Jesus was not by his side.
Anna Kournikova is suing Penthouse magazine
claiming that the pictures of her in this month's issue are
fake. Kournikova's agent told Reuters on Monday, after viewing
the pictures, that they were not of his client and that "anyone
who knows her, when they see the photos, will immediately
know the magazine did it on purpose to exploit her and make
some additional money." A freelance photographer came to Penthouse
with the pictures claiming they were genuine and Penthouse
is confident that they are indeed of Ms. Kournikova.
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Poison the Well has joined the
recent group of underground bands going mainstream by signing
a deal with Atlantic. Metal?
A Honduran newspaper claims Lisa "Left-Eye"
Lopes of TLC, who was killed in a Honduran car accident last
week, was also reportedly involved in another accident three
weeks earlier. Apparently, she was a passenger in a vehicle
that ran over and killed a ten-year-old boy. The parents of
the boy did not press charges because Lopes paid all of their
hospital and funeral expenses.
If I told her once, I told her a million times, I said, "Girl,
don't go chasin' them waterfalls."
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4/26/02
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Early 90s musical icons are dropping like
flies lately.
Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes of female R&B trio TLC was killed
in a car accident late Thursday night in Honduras. Lopes,
who was on vacation in Honduras, was among seven people
in the car and the only person killed.
A Washington Superior Court judge denied Dave
Grohl and Krist Novoselic's request for Courtney Love to undergo
a psychiatric exam in their ongoing trial regarding Love,
Grohl, and Novoselic's Nirvana LLC partnership. Judge Robert
H. Alsdorf stated, "...this court cannot ignore or discount
the likelihood that requiring a mental examination in response
to a marketing dispute would serve no purpose other than to
contribute a circus-like atmosphere to the trial. Defendants'
Motion is, therefore, DENIED."
Love then began pissing herself and screaming 'Helter Skelter'
while ripping apart documents to celebrate both her legal
victory and sanity.
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In other 'Courtney-Love-In-Court'
News:
A Los Angeles Superior Court judge ruled Thursday that Vivendi
Universal is allowed to seek "speculative" damages against
Courtney Love after she stopped recording for them in 1999.
Love claims she had the right to stop recording because, according
to her, California law states that an artist can break their
contract after seven years.
Vivendi Universal are the only people in the world upset that
Love hasn't been recording.
A Los Angeles judge has throw out Beach Boys
lead-guitarist, Al Jardine's suit against the group. Jardine
sued claiming his band had excluded him. Similar individual
cases against Brian Wilson and Mike Love, the only two other
Beach Boys still alive, have also been thrown out. Unfortunately,
Jardine was allowed to rephrase and re-file the suit, dragging
this ridiculous lawsuit out even longer. Jardine is also seperately
seeking $4 million in damages against the group for excluding
him from a series of concerts held last year. God only knows
what they'd be without him. Well, God and everybody who went
to those concerts.
Some personal advice for the Beach Boys, 'catch a wave and
you're sitting on top of the world,' if you keep those words
in your heart, you can accomplish anything. |
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4/26/02
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The Recording Industry Association of America
(RIAA) is requesting federal funding to help it fight piracy.
This basically means that the RIAA will be using your
tax dollars to pay for initiatives designed to prevent you
from downloading and/or burning music. But apparently it's
not piracy when artists only make 10 cents off a $20 CD
In related news, the RIAA was spawned from
Satan's belly, emerging full-grown to walk the Earth and rain
plague and pestilence upon musicians and music lovers alike.
The Metal Edge Rockfest 2002 Summer Tour will
feature Dokken, RATT, Warrant, FireHouse and LA Guns. The
'Rockfest' is sure to be the comedy event of the season. Bornbackwards
encourages all attendees to wear a 'Death To False Metal'
shirt and constantly shout the names of Poison songs whenever
a performer is on stage.
Winger is fucking going
on tour too. What the hell is going on? Did Limp Bizkit make
redneck cockrock financially viable again? Jesus help us.
Rory Allen Phillips,
former guitarist/singer for The Impossibles has two new bands
in the works; Slow Reader, making 'quieter music', and The
20goto10, a new rock band named after BASIC codes. You can
download their first song right here
Also, The Impossibles
will be playing two farewell show in Austin on June 1st
The Mars Society is
hoping to send a crew of mice (dubbed Mice-stronauts) into
orbit for two months. The experiment is said to simulate Martian
gravity (the first mission to try to create some sort of artifical
gravity) and test the effects that Martian gravity has on
life and development. The two month period is said be enough
time to allow the Mice-stronauts to both reproduce and for
their brood to mature.
|
Charles Manson was denied parole
for the tenth time.
"He's really not much different than he was in 1969 or 1970,"
said Los Angeles Assistant District Attorney Stephen Kay.
So 30 years of federal prison hasn't made him any less of
a murderous, hateful and violently insane psychopath with
a swastica tattooed on his forehead? How strange.
The British Invasion
is finally over, for the first time in 40 years not a single
British act is on the Billboard Top 100 chart.
"After all, why import rubbish from abroad when you have plenty
of rubbish in your own backyard?" wrote the Daily Telegraph's
rock critic Neil McCormick.
Check out this hot
picture of Eminem we found. Doesn't look so anti-gay there
does he?
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4/23/02
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In the most asinine news this year, Dashboard
Confessional will appear on an upcoming episode of MTV2
'Unplugged'. Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose?
It can also be assumed that this 'Unplugged' session will
be released on CD so that kids can buy new versions of the
exact same songs they've purchased 48 other times.
Matt Sharp, former bassist for Weezer, is sueing
the band for royalties owed and credit for songs he co-wrote.
Kid Rock is being sued for copyright infringement.
Microhits Music Corp. claimes the song Cowboy borrowed elements
from an 1989 song called I Wanna Be A Cowboy. This raises
some important issues such as:
How could someone have thought that song was even worth stealing?
Does Kid Rock even have a career anymore?
This is Digital Clash.
The Clash's Westway To The World has just been released as
a Director's Cut DVD.
Freedom of speech just went out the window
and Drive-Thru Records just went insane. They've threatened
to sue the individual users of a Punknews.org message board
for defamitory remarks regarding the Midtown/Drive-Thru controversy
unless Punknews removed the postings. This only serves to
further tarnish Drive-Thru's already filthy image and has
led to people defaming the label not just on Punknews.org
but all over the internet. It's the hip new thing, don't be
the last kid on your block to type 'driVethRu sUX it!!!!'
on an anonymous internet message board.
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Hatemonger Eminem will be dressing
up as hatemonger Osama bin Laden for his new video, 'Without
Me,' which is set to premier in early May.
In related news, birthrates are expected to
jump up by 1/4 this June and July as a result of the September
11th Attacks. Terrorism is a huge turn-on.
Fanboys the world over rejoiced as Star Wars
'Attack of the Clones' toys were released today.
Lance Bass of Nsync is petitioning NASA to
be the third space tourist. If I have to see a clip of him
on the news with a group of Russian Cosmonauts singing 'Bye
Bye Bye' in broken english, somebody's going to die.
Creepy old men can finally stop downloading
upskirt photos of Anna Kournikova off the internet this June
when she will appear in Penthouse magazine. The nude photos
were taken by a hidden photographer against her wishes. Probably
one of those same creepy old dudes.
The body found in Layne Staley's (the 34-year-old
singer of Alice in Chaines) apartment earlier this week is
in fact Staley himself. The body was surrounded by heroin
paraphernalia and police believe the cause of death to be
a heroin overdose. No shit.
An Arizona man was arrested yesterday for biting
off his 2-year-old son's thumb and holding it in his mouth
for about six hours in an attempt to mix their DNA. Raymond
Jones, 39, was found by police naked and high on PCP. As Jones
was being interrogated, the thumb fell out of his mouth. Police
found the child several blocks away at the entrance to the
trailer park where they lived.
Doctors could not reattach the thumb. |
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4/23/02
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There's trouble in poppunk paradise. Apparently,
Midtown and Drive Thru Records are bickering and talking
trash about each other. Midtown said something along the
lines of 'they cheat and lie' and drive thru's response
was 'No, they're the ones who cheat and lie.' Come on now,
this is like when a slapfight breaks out between the two
retarded kids that everyone else in the class makes fun
of. The only reason people pay attention is because it's
hilarious. Midtown was quoted as saying, "If we had
to do another record on drivethru .. I would have shot myself
in the face. ... Gabe and I actually had this whole thing
planned out .. we were going to shoot each other in the
face... Yah, and do it in their house so we can get their
30 thousand dollar carpet dirty." Also Midtown is apparently
responsible for persuading Dashboard Confessional not to
sign to Drive-Thru. How scandalous. The Midtown interview
that started all the bickering was originally posted on
Absolutepunk.net but was soon removed because they're fucking
pussies. So much for being Absolutepunk, huh?
Luckily, we managed to save the interview before it went
down. read
it for yourself. You can also check out Drive Thru's
equally childish, long as hell and nearly illerate response
right
here. I guess they were too busy signing identical poppunk
bands to use the spell check on their computer. And finally,
the short
response by Midtown's manager, Jillian, which seems
like the most credible and uncaring of the three.
On a Wire, the new Get Up Kids album will be
released on May 14th and should give me something to make
fun of for the next few months.
Fueled By Ramen is looking for new members
for it's E-Team. Check
it out. They're also releasing the new Cadillac Blindside
album May 28th. |
George Lucas apparently isn't
done digitally inserting asinine crap in the original Star
Wars trilogy. He has lately been dodging questions of whether
he will insert a scene of Jimmy Smits as Bail Organa right
when Alderaan explodes. George, the movies are already good,
please don't ruin them. Instead, focus on making Epsiode 2
good. Thank you.
The man with the glasses, Elvis Costello, releases
his new record, When I was Cruel, with his new band, The Imposters
(that man is too witty for his own good), on April 23rd. It's
supposed to be a throwback to his rock days. A short tour
will follow.
Excellent.
The new Weezer record, Maladroit, will be released
May 14th on Interscope. I'm hoping it's better than the last
piece of shit they put out.
Makeoutclub.com ripoffs are springing out of
the wordwork. First there was Wangoutclub.com then Undiesonlyclub.com
and now there's Starsandskullsclub.com and Nevergetoveryou.net.
Guess there are more lonely scene kids out there than anyone
thought.
Frailty is a boring movie. It tries to go for
a Usual Suspects type ending that just doesn't work. I could
tell right from the begining. It's supposed to be a horror
movie but in the end he turns out to be doing god's work,
so isn't he a good guy then? Did I just spoil the ending?
Don't worry, you could see it coming from a mile away anyhow. |
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4/20/02
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What could be better? Hardcore with dress
up themes, 20 guys on stage, and a big bag of dicks. Eat
a Bag of Dicks plays at Full Circle in Gainesville on Wednesday,
June 12. I'm just going to see how they are going to fit
twenty people on Full Circle's tiny stage. You can download
mp3s at loyno.edu/~bmfunck/bag.html.
I guess MCA likes shitty independent labels.
Not only do they have a deal with Drive-Thru Records, but
they just bought a quarter of Victory. What's with Victory,
the Godfathers of metal-core, signing all these pop-punk bands
now? I guess Snapcase wasn't paying the bills anymore. Stay
tuned for the Aerosmith/Hatebreed Super Bowl Halftime show.
Also, rumor has it that Vagrant Records have
been bought by Interscope. The specifics are sketchy, but
Interscope will be handling radio promotion. |
In other Vagrant news, Dashboard
Confessional's Places You Have Come to Fear the Most is now
selling about 8,000 copies a week. Maybe money will help heal
Chris' broken heart.
Ex-Nirvana members, Krist Novoselic and Dave
Grohl, much like the rest of the world, think Courtney Love
is insane. They recently asked a Seattle court to force Ms.
Love to have a psychiatric evaluation as part of a case in
which Love wants to disband her Nirvana business partnership
with Grohl and Novoselic. As part of the worst legal reasoning
ever, Love claimes the partnership should be voided because
she was stoned when she signed the deal. Who would have guessed?
A body was found in the Seattle home of Alice
in Chains lead singer, Layne Staley, yesterday. Seattle law
enforcement and coroner have not yet confirmed the identity,
but stated the person has been dead for a number of days and
could possibly be Staley himself. |
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