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back to bornbackwards
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12/17/03
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Saddam Hussein
was captured! This should be the end of the w...oh wait, it's
not over yet. He was captured on Sunday the 13th and Democrats
everywhere shuddered as they realized that now none of their
candidates would stand a chance against Bush in the 2004 election
(not that they did before). You've all surely seen the pictures
of a filthy, beardy Hussein getting an oral exam while looking
like the lovable, mischevious little scamp he is.
I think I speak for everyone when I say 'Thank God we finally
got the guy who had nothing to do with September 11th!'
Interrogations of Hussein reportedly aren't going well. While
he did turn over some other high-ranking officials (what a
leader), he has been greeting interrogators with a mix of
sarcasm and defiance. CNN even called him a 'wise ass' on
air. "Where are the WMDs, Saddam?!"
"Where do you think? I had them up my asshole. Or Syria,
who knows."
He is still denying that Iraq had chemical, biological or
nuclear weapons, but officials say that they expect that in
the early stages before they 'break' him. Good luck, he's
ex-Iraqi intelligence.
George W. Bush has already said that "the war is not
yet over". Damn. I had my hopes up for a second there. But
no, now that the lines between this war and "The War On Terror"
are officially blurred, we'll most likely push on into Iran
and Syria. My other fear is that people will see Hussein's
capture as justification for this otherwise fruitless war.
Hussein's daughter, Raghad Saddam Hussein, said that her father
appeared drugged in TV pictures of the arrest. She and her
sisters do not want their father to be tried by an Iraqi court,
like president Bush had planned. "He should not be tried by
the [Iraqi] governing council which was put in place by occupiers
... we want an international, fair and legal trial," she told
the Al Arabiya television network. She has even gone so far
to look for a lawyer to represent him. Meanwhile president
Bush is already calling for Hussein's execution. We're not
saying he's wrongly accused ... but what happened to 'innocent
until proven guilty'? Who knows, maybe what we thought were
chemical weapons that he was giving to his people were actually
... bits of delicious salt-water taffy? Something to think
about, to be sure.
I'm sure you've all seen pictures of the Iraqis celebrating
in the streets over Hussein's capture, but did you know there
are also tons of protests? In fact, attacks against US
soldiers only intensified after news of Hussein's capture
reached the airwaves. The US military killed 11 gunmen after
being ambushed with automatic weapons and rocket propelled
grenades in a town north of Baghdad. After the ambush, the
military rounded up around 80 guerrillas. In Hussein's hometown
of Tikrit a roadside bomb injured three US soldiers, two of
them seriously. Three other Iraqis were shot dead by US troops
during a pro-Saddam protest in Ramadi. Pro-Saddam demonstrations
have been held in several Iraqi towns since his capture. In
Tikrit, about 700 people rallied and chanted, "Saddam is in
our hearts, Saddam is in our blood." US soldiers responded
truthfully, "Saddam is in our jail."
In related news, a guy I knew was killed in Iraq on Sunday,
the 7th of December.
Ray Hutchison 1983-2003
Right after we reported that Desaparecidos were going
to be on the Plea for Peace tour, they dropped out
to work on their new album.
This will be the BBW's last news post of the year. We'll be
taking a much needed hiatus until January 7th when we'll return
with new news and our 'Best of 2003' feature shortly after.
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Reports from
the search of Phil Spector's house have been made public.
From the looks of it, Spector murdered this girl in a fashion
grisly enough to be worthy of a Slayer song. Reportedly, there
was a trail of her blood from Spector's stairs all the way
down to a chair, where she was found seated with a gunshot
wound to the head. Police also found her teeth scattered all
over the downstairs of Spector's house. What a fucking whacko,
he's probably just mad at the Beatles for taking all his production
off Let it Be ... Naked.
"'The Long and Winding Road' without a string orchestra?!?!
What the fuck is this? That's it, somebody's gotta die."
Conventional wisdom says you have to change with the times,
these days all the pop-punk bands are calling themselves emo
and all the emo bands are calling themselves indie rock. Not
one to be left behind, Deep Elm Records is finally
retiring its Emo Diaries compilation series.
That's right, Chapter 10: The Hope I Hide Inside, to
be released March 16, 2004, will finally end the poorly named
series, which featured such awful subtitles as "A Million
Miles Away", "An Ocean of Doubt", "I Guess
This Is Goodbye" and "Sad Songs Remind Me".
But it's less like an ending and more like a retitling, because
Deep Elm is changing with the times and accepting demos for
their new compilation series ... This is Indie Rock.
Sure it's the next logical step, but the title is almost worse
than the The Emo Diaries was. Wait, nevermind. Nothing
could be worse than that, because The Emo Diaries is
fucking awful.
Speaking of emo, The Early November has sampled The
Get Up Kids in their song, "Baby Blue". The song, already
dangerously close to Get Up Kids material, samples the line,
"I don't want you to love me anymore" from the song "No Love"
off of 1997's Four Minute Mile. This is so fucking
bad that it's almost not funny. But did you expect anything
else from Drive-Thru Records? Or the 'Emo-Pop-Punk'
scene as a whole? I don't think there has been any new material
since that Get Up Kids album back in '97. But this is a step
further than just copping some band's schtick, they actually
blatantly used a line from another song and shoved it into
the middle of their own.
Bright Eyes and Neva Dinova are doing a split
that's due out on Crank! in April. Both bands play on all
of the songs. It'll be out on CD and 10". Jake of Neva Dinova
will also be going on an acoustic tour with Blake and Jenny
of Rilo Kiley, another Saddle Creek band.
Here are the dates:
01.09 Pomona CA Glasshouse
01.10 West Hollywood, CA Troubadour
01.11 San Francisco, CA Bottom Of The Hill
01.13 Hoboken, NJ Maxwell's
01.14 Cambridge, MA Middle East Club
01.15 Providence, RI TBA
01.17 New York, NY Knitting Factory
01.20 Middlebury, VT Middlebury College
01.21 Purchase, NY SUNY / Purchase
01.22 Wellesley, MA Babson College
01.23 Poughkeepsie, NY Vassar College
01.24 Clinton, NY Hamilton College
01.26 Chicago, IL Abbey Pub
01.28 Omaha, NE Sokol Underground
Good news coming out of Boston: The Mighty Mighty Bosstones,
the international flag-wavers of ska, have gone on a totally
skatastic hiatus of indefinate length. Which probably means
they are actually breaking up. Want to know part of the reason?
Gravel-throated frontman Dicky Barrett is the new announcer
for shit-house talk show "Jimmy Kimmel Live"
on ABC. Skamazing!
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12/10/03
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So Ryan (aka Exadore,
aka XxNFGforEVERxX@yahoo.com) has officially reached Dustin
Diamond celebrity status. Our very own intervieweR recently
became the interviewED - that's right, he finally got to catch
while his "friend" pitched. What, you ask, did Exadork mumble
in his 15 seconds of fame? Well, just to name a few things:
dolphin sex, spider monkey shit-flinging, kidnapping Republicans
and favors involving "neither-regions". The Dutch would be
so proud. Check out his interview with Shane from Deep
Fry Bonanza right here
- it's totally awe-some, mangeth.
Speaking of losers, the Sci Fi channel is actually
in the news for backing a researcher in her lawsuit against
NASA. Leslie Kean, an investigative reporter and sexy
piece of ass, filed a lawsuit in federal court in Washington,
D.C. "aimed at getting NASA to tell the public what it knew
and when it knew it." The "it" in question refers to a UFO
that reportedly crash landed in southwestern PA and was recovered
by government agents back in 1965.
Also backing Kean in her quest for the NASA documents is a
group called the Coalition for Freedom of Information. Among
the information that is free already: eyewitness testimony.
James Romansky was one of the first to arrive at the scene
38 years ago. "Now, I'm prepared for a smashed-up airplane
... and I'm thinking, 'What in the hell is this?' I'm looking
for wings, propellers, motors, a fuselage - but there's none
of that," Romansky said. "There's no rivet marks on it, no
weld marks on it, no windows, no doors - no possible way of
getting in and out of this thing that I seen...There was writing
on it, but not writing that you or I could understand. I always
referred to it as something like the ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics.
There was dots and dashes and circles," Romansky continued.
Sci Fi stands behind Kean because of its vested interest in
a documentary about UFO's it's making called "Out of the Blue".
When asked for an opinion on the upcoming documentary and
lawsuit, Romansky replied, "This should have been done a long
time ago. The United States government has given us a snow
job for the last God knows when. I can't understand it for
the life of me. They can't come out and say it's nothing because
I was 10, 20 feet away from it." I swear to God...our fucking
government and its FUCKING SNOW JOBS! |
One-time
Nirvana bassist and current political activist Krist
Novoselic has announced possible plans to run for lieutenant
governor of Washington (the state, you moron) in 2004. Afterall,
his music career is nonexistent at this point - why not give
politics a try?
There's a company out of south Florida, Applied Digital Solutions
Inc., producing microchips the size of a grain of rice
that can be implanted in human limbs. These VeriChips transmit
a unique I.D. number by radio frequency to appropriate scanners,
with potential applications that include building I.D. badges,
medical "bracelets", anti-kidnapping devices and even digital
wallets. Soon enough these puppies will be shot into one of
your triceps right after they cut the umbilical cord - then
the suits upstairs can track every purchase you make, every
trip you make, every movie you see, every meal you eat, every
fat girl you finger and every tissue you saturate while
sitting in front of the computer with your fly down, toes
curled up and right arm pulsing. God is your life pathetic.
Pitchforkmedia.com ("the fork" for those in the know (at the
Slice)) has quelled any rumors about the Pixies opening
for the Red Hot Chili Peppers in a Parisian show next
June. It's a shame, too...Ryan was sooo close to a full erection.
But, alas, there IS still hope for a reunion performance sometime
this spring.
Instead of sending out Christmas cards this year, I've
opted instead for bumper stickers. But they're less Christmas
related as they are, well, Jesse related. I printed up "I
heart Jesse" and "What An Ass On Jesse" and "Jesse: A Wit
Above" as opposed to the usual "Merry Christmas". Oh and I
really didn't "send" them per se...I kinda took the liberty
of plastering them myself to the bumpers of all my friends'
(and also plenty of strangers') cars around town. But don't
worry, guys - in the giving spirit of the holidays, I expect
absolutely nothing in return!
Your Christmas list isn't complete without...
Happy Birthday, Jesus!
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12/10/03
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12/10/03
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A full 32 years after America
did it, China has finally announced plans to send a
manned mission to the moon. Luan Enjie, director of
the National Aerospace Bureau, said in typical broken English,
"By 2020, we will achieve visiting the moon." Apparently the
Chinese government didn't realize from all the American missions
that there's absolutely nothing of worth or interest on the
moon. Nothing. This is apparently a prestige thing and China
hopes to use it to raise its standing on the international
scene, but really there's no glory in doing something 50 years
after somebody else did, especially when it was totally worthless
the first time anyways. First they take our opium, then our
ping-pong and computers, and now they're taking our moon landing.
Filthy Chinese dogs!
Does anyone know why there are so many awards shows happening
in December? I'm not talking the Oscars or the Grammys
or the MTV Video Music Awards, I'm talking about the really
lame ones: The Commies on Comedy Central, The Video Game Awards
(do we need those?), The Big in 2003 awards and the DVD Exclusive
Awards (WTF?!?!). If anyone can explain these bizarre and
totally irrelevant awards shows, please do. Why are Jenna
Jameson and Pamela Anderson at the Video Game Awards? Have
they ever played Pong even, or are they just there to give
geeks an erection between cutscenes from Grand Theft Auto?
Al Gore has officially endorsed Howard Dean
for the democratic presidential nomination, over his former
running mate Joe Lieberman (ouch). This gives Dean a substantial
boost right before primary season begins. Silly pundits and
eager journalists of all strips have already begun debating
over whether this is a political move by Gore to challenge
Hillary Clinton in the fucking 2008 (!) presidential
election. But apparently no one realizes that election won't
happen for 5 more years, and we have a more immediate one
to worry about next year anyways. Not to mention that if Dean
wins in '04, Gore and Clinton won't be competing at all.
Ozzy Osbourne underwent emergency surgery after breaking
his collarbone, several ribs and a vertebra in his neck on
Monday. The injuries were sustained while riding on an all-terrain
vehicle in London. According to Ozzy, his behavior on the
Osbournes the last few years has been the the result of his
'doctor' who had 'overmedicated' him. By his 'doctor' he actually
meant himself, and by 'overmedicated' he meant 'totally fucking
wasted, bro!' Reportedly he was on a 42-pill-a-day regimen,
which included anti-psychotic drugs and tranquilizers.
He was probably in the same mind-numbing state when he recorded
that awful fucking duet with his daughter Kelly, complete
with scenes cut from the Osbournes that are supposed to fit
the emotion of the song. But I can't feel any emotion for
someone with a red Mohawk. Seriously, the worst thing since
"Mama I'm Coming Home."
George Clinton, leader of the far-out Parliament
Funkadelic collective (the most sampled band ever),
was arrested for cocaine possession in Tallahassee, Florida
on Saturday. Police spotted Clinton, 63, in his car trying
to conceal something, which turned out to be a glass crack
pipe. He then started to reach into his pocket and the officer
asked if he had anything there. The funk musician happily
responded, "I've got a little cocaine." Dr. Funkenstein spent
less than an hour in jail before Bootsy Collins and
the rest of the precocious and adorable P-Funk gang posted
his $2,650 bail.
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The Supreme Court has allowed Rosa
Parks to sue hip-hop duo Outkast for their song
called ... 'Rosa Parks'. She claims
that her name was used without her permission and wants
it struck from future albums, songs, and videos. The song
from 1998's Aquemini, does not specifically mention
Parks, but the chorus does reference her famous 1955 bus
ride.
This really says something about artistic freedom. If you're
not even able to mention someone's name in the title of
your song, then what's next? They do not speak of Parks
at all in the song, much less show her in a negative light.
Look out world! A man who was once the director of the ATF
(Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms), Bradley A. Buckles, is now
going to head up the anti-piracy division of the RIAA.
Yep, the record industry is bringing out the big guns. This
suggests that the RIAA is being supported by the government
in their actions. John Ashcroft even commended him
on his transfer. I guess the RIAA figured that since the ATF
did such a good job at Waco, they couldn't go wrong with this
guy. Buckles says that he thinks file-sharing is doubleplusungood
and that he'll do anything he can to fight our in enemies
in EastAsia. Eurasia. Oceania. Cyberspace. I can't wait until
Bush declares The War On File-Sharingism.
In other news of government agencies controlling the media:
the FCC claimed it has the right to set the media ownership
rules, regardless of what the people or Congress think. Until
last summer any company could own broadcast stations that
reached 35% of America, but the Republican-run FCC rewrote
the guidelines and made it 45%. Congress then passed a bill
making it 35% but buckled under pressure from Bush and changed
it to 39%. Probably because of the large contributions the
President gets from the broadcast industry. Those in Congress
opposed to the FCC action said they would try to overturn
the FCC's other new rules when they meet again next year.
There's a hot new reality show coming. It's one where people
compete as political candidates. I'm not even close to kidding.
It's to be called American Candidate, and they would
use real people not politicians. The candidates would participate
in press conferences and debates, devise campaign strategies,
produce TV ads, choose their positions on issues, and try
to gain public support. If the show makes it to the air, it
would be during the 2004 presidential race on Showtime and
should be popular enough that it will distract attention from
the actual election going on. Expect to see write-in
ballots with the names of the participants instead of the
names of the real canidates.
I can't wait for this to come out.
Jason Mewes, or Jay from all the Kevin Smith
movies, had a documentary made about his addiction to heroin
and the subsequent recovery. It looks pretty good. Here's
the official site.
The Alkaline Trio dropped off of one day of the Vagrant
2003 tour so that they could play on David Letterman this
Friday. A good choice, I think, but I wouldn't have been on
the shitty tour in the first place. And If I were going to
the show, the only band I would be going to see is Alkaline
Trio. Look at the rest of the roster: Reggie and the Full
Effect, From Autumn to Ashes, and No Motiv? Sounds more like
a hit list to me. So if you're some kid up in Bumfuck, Ohio
and you don't like those other shitty bands, just get a refund
and use the money to buy crack-cocaine instead. It's endorsed
by George Clinton! |
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12/03/03
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12/03/03
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Sunday, 11/30/03, was proclaimed
to be Joey Ramone Day in New York City. Not bad for
a guy who sang about sniffing glue and looked like a mongoloid
throwback. The purpose of Joey Ramone Day was actually to
commemorate the dedication of Joey Ramone Place at the corner
of the Bowery & 2nd Street in New York City. The dedication
didn't exactly go through smoothly though. Four days before
the sign was supposed to be installed it was found to read
"Joey Ramone Way". What blasphemy and disrespect for the dead,
everyone knows Joey Ramone hated 'ways' and had dreamed his
whole life of one day being a 'place'. The event was held
at CBGB's and attendees included Tommy & Marky Ramone, Joey's
mother, brother, & uncle, Legs McNeil & John Holmstrom of
Punk Magazine, Chris Frantz & Tina Weymouth of the Talking
Heads and several others who are not interesting or worth
mentioning.
Jesus finally fulfilled the Second Coming, but don't
think this is the Apocalypse or anything. He just showed for
a few minutes to save humanity endless pain by telling Creed
to break up. Being the loyal Jesus freaks that they are they
had no choice but to promptly follow his command. That's right
folks, Creed is no more! Jesus was then carried back to heaven
by angels and mumbled something about the Apocalypse happening
during 'a Third Coming ... or whatever."
Major labels (all three of them) are clamoring to get both
of indie rock's current darlings, Death Cab for Cutie
and/or The Shins. Both bands have been mentioned on
The OC, which we all know is the biggest musical barometer
of our day and age. It's unknown though if either of the bands
is even considering moving to a major label scene full of
mergers, blitzkrieg promotion, label advances, copy protection
and 1000+ track studios; or if they're content to just stay
in the indie realm of having no money.
Stop Drop Rock and Roll Records has plans to release a Lifetime
'tribute' album featuring bands like Catch 22, Ensign, Dynamite
Boy, Near Miss and Belvedere. It sounds less like a tribute
and more like pissing on a legacy. No word yet on whether
the bevy of bands that completely ripped off Lifetime (like
Saves the Day or Taking Back Sunday) will be involved, but
you can rest assured that it will suck ass no matter what,
because the label releasing it is fucking called 'Stop Drop
Rock and Roll' and their website is a cjb.net address.
Thank god somebody is releasing these tribute albums
otherwise how would I have ever heard of such obscure bands
like Jawbreaker or Lifetime or fucking Weezer!
Have you always wanted to see The Wizard of Oz
synced up with Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon
but were just too damn lazy to: a) pull up your pants, b)
clean the chicken wing bones off your stomach, c) forklift
yourself off the couch and d) start the movie AND the record
at the same damn time? Well now you can live your dream !
Because Dark
Side of the Rainbow has the movie and album all synced
up and ready for you to play! Overanalyze those coincidences
and reach for the stars, brother! The DVD also has trailers
for Alice on the Wall and 2001: A Pink Floyd Odyssey,
but I've never heard of those movies and albums having any
special significance together.
R. Kelly is in such legal trouble over his statutory
rape videotape that the only defense his lawyers can seem
to come up with is that it was 'digitally altered'. Despite
the fact it clearly looks like Kelly's herpes-scarred phallus,
his defense has brewed up a conspiracy theory involving 'unknown
conspirators' with superb video manipulation tools. The conspirators
are 'alleged' to have either digitally dropped him into the
sex video or replaced his perfectly legal fuck-toy with a
computer-generated minor. Kelly's defense is unsure at this
time which of these complete lies they will attempt to use
in court though.
Proving that we are now firmly living in 'The Future', the
Pentagon is doing research that involves attaching
robots to Segway scooters. No shit. The program's
goal is to create intelligent robots on self-balancing scooters
that can make decisions on their own and communicate with
living troops in the field. The robots are expected to perform
search missions and transport gear and wounded soldiers. No
word yet on whether the robots will be able to effect regime
changes with the flick of a switch during our half-legal wars
in Islamic countries.
Celine Dion now has a perfume, for those who want to
smell like a talentless drowned rat. |
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Sweetadeline.net
reported last Tuesday that, before his death Elliott Smith
had about 7 songs for his upcoming album that he considered
completely done. They have also said that there are several
other songs that either just need to be mixed or just need
one more track of bass or keyboards added. I'm hoping for
an early to mid 2004 release, but we'll see. They also posted
three pictures of Elliott working in the studio here.
The 2004 Plea for Peace Tour is shaping up to be pretty
good. Cursive and Desaparecidos (Conor Oberst's
other band) have signed on to participate. Hopefully they'll
put some more good acts on there, last year's roster really
blew. Dates have not been announced yet, but rest assured
they're coming to your town. And if they don't? Well...you know
what you did wrong.
Ozzy Osbourne recently stated in an interview that
he was molested as a child. I still don't think that explains
why his home life is so fucked up, but I know doing acid for
12 years straight had at least a small part in his children's
retardation.
Tony Blair is a Bush puppet. Think about that one.
Ahhhh...the holiday season. Lights, Christmas music, snow (if
you don't live too close to the fucking equator), stepping
on people until they're nearly dead: it's a magical time.
That's right we're getting word of the first wave of holiday
tramplings. Patricia VanLester was run over by a crowd
of soccer moms, rushing to get bargain basement DVD players
at the Orange City, Florida Wal-Mart. She was unconscious
on top of a DVD player when she was found by Wal-Mart Paramedics.
VanLester says that she remembers nothing of her trip to Wal-Mart.
Officials from the always compassionate Wal-Mart contacted
her at the hospital and offered to put one of the DVD players
on hold for her.
Wal-Mart: Watch for falling prices. And don't forget, when
you're buying your cheap crap, make sure that's the floor
you're stepping on and not someone's face.
The American Civil Liberties Union is now representing
a college student from the University of North Carolina, who
is being charged with copyright infringement by the RIAA.
The student was charged for sharing nine, that's right, NINE
songs from his computer. You would think a court would throw
a charge this small out.
A spokesman for the ACLU had this to say, "We don't support
copyright infringement in any manner. Our motion is about
due process rights. The Constitution and the First Amendment
protects the right to engage in anonymous speech and that
includes anonymous speech on the Internet." A spokesman for
the RIAA replied, "SATAN IS THE NEW GOD! CARSON DALY IS THE
NEW JESUS! N*SYNC ARE THE NEW BEATLES! PUDDLE OF MUDD
ARE THE NEW NIRVANA! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY!
BUY! BUY!"
Marilyn Manson is undergoing a criminal investigation
in Zurich, Switzerland, after a Christian group, Christians
for Truth, filed a formal complaint. The charges would make
it where Mr. Manson couldn't play there again. The charges
include, but are not limited to, allegations that Manson violated
a law protecting religion, and incited violence at his last
concert there in 2001. To get the concert banned, Swiss lawmakers
have to prove that a majority of the population finds Manson's
views offensive. Personally, I don't take any offense to his
lyrics; it's the music that bothers me.
Manson responded to these allegations by saying, "[my performance]
was meant to provoke a debate about violence and religion."
He should have said, "I am not one-half of the problem, Zurich
is stained and it's not my fault." |
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11/26/03
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11/26/03
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Long rumored but recently confirmed
is MP3.com's suspension of operations. The site was
originally purchased in 2001 by Vivendi Universal for $372
million after a series of lawsuits, but falling profits and
a nonexistent business model have taken their toll. A few
months ago Vivendi shut down the European version of MP3.com
and put the website up for sale in the summer. CNet Networks,
who purchased MP3.com for an undisclosed sum, will be deleting
all hosted content including music, images, links and artist
pages as of December 2nd. MP3.com was a hugely important part
of the digital music revolution: essentially any jackass with
a computer and some home-made music could take advantage of
the endless distribution of the internet for free. Now they
actually have to shell out the 10 bucks a month to buy some
server space, horror of all horrors! No longer will you be
able to hear the shirt-less, brain-fried surfer dude who lives
next door to you top the pop-punk charts! No longer will you
have to enter all the information on your mother's birth certificate
in order to download one song from a shitty local band.
CNet's replacement for MP3.com should be up sometime next
year. Information regarding it is slim but a notice on CNet.com
states, "We are working hard to build a service that will
be best-in-class at hosting, promoting, and showcasing your
work."
Next year's edition of the Warped Tour is shaping up
to look almost exactly like the last one, and that's sure
to please self-loathing emo kids in ridiculously tight shirts
and gnarly skateboardin' mall punks alike: New Found Glory,
Taking Back Sunday and Coheed and Cambria are the first bands
to sign up. The 2004 tour will wrap up with a 'star-packed
10-year reunion show featuring bands from throughout the tour's
history,' which basically means Rancid, Bad Religion, NOFX,
Pennywise, Blink-182 and Less Than Jake, the usual tour-headliners.
I would hardly describe that as 'star-packed' unless you count
the fact that Rancid's Tim Armstrong co-wrote the new Pink
album, and he's probably slamming her raw. But nobody really
considers that 'stardom' because Pink is ugly.
Recover have finally begun working on their new full
length record. They will be recording in Los Angeles with
producer Don Gilmore for the next several months. A word to
the wise, brothers: drop the tough-guy nu-metal bullshit of
that awful fucking EP, otherwise you and Finch will be sharing
sob stories when you're both washed up.
Proving that People Magazine culls its writers from
throngs of high-school girls: Chris Carabba of Dashboard
Confessional was voted one of People's "Sexiest Men Alive."
We seriously wonder whether anyone over at People actually
heard one of his very unsexy records. Perhaps they
were all too busy staring at his gorgeous smile and deliciously
decadent tattoos.
Or perhaps they were too busy staring in shock and wonderment
that something as worthless and idiotic as
A String Quartet Tribute To Dashboard Confessional
could exist. Anything for a buck, Jesus Christ.
A new Desaparecidos album is currently in the works
and should be released by early February. Guitarist Denver
Dalley is also currently working on an electronic side-project
with band-mate Conor Oberst on vocals. Anyone who refers
to this project as 'Byte Eyes' should be forced to watch the
Jessica Lynch movie on repeat for 10 days.
The EMI-Warner Music Group merger that we reported
on 11/05/03 has been completely upstaged. An investment group
lead by Canadian media mogul Edgar Bronfman Jr. has purchased
Warner Music Group from AOL-Time-Warner for $2.6 billion.
The deal halts the EMI merger, which will prevent further
consolidation of the industry. The new Warner Music Group
will focus solely on being a record label, freed from the
vast concerns of its synergy-fueled media-spanning parent
company. Labels under the Warner umbrella include Warner Bros
Records, Reprise, Maverick, Atlantic, Sire and Elektra.
An array of DC talent has been assembled for Pancake
Mountain, a new district television show for children
(of all ages! Yeehaw!) Pancake Mountain features former Husker
Du frontman Bob Mould and WTOP radio reporter Neal
Augenstein as well as a theme song composed by Brendan
Canty of Fugazi/Rites of Spring and Kathy Wilcox
of Bikini Kill. Former presidential candidate John
Anderson will also be involved. The show's first musical guest
will be none other than Ian MacKaye of Minor Threat
and Fugazi. MacKaye will perform with his new group The Evens
(which also features Amy Farina), and will be playing their
children's song (!) "Vowel Movements."
We couldn't put it any better than punknews.org,
"And City Paper dared to do a cover story saying this guy
has ruined DC music by not being fun enough."
Speaking of Minor Threat, Dischord Records has finally
issued the long-awaited Minor Threat Live DVD! "Along
with the 40 minute 930 performance originally released on
the VHS video, this DVD includes a 35 minute video of a 1982
Minor Threat show in Camden, NJ, a 12 minute clip of Minor
Threat's second ever show (DC Space, December 1980), and excerpts
from a 1983 interview with the vocalist, Ian MacKaye."
The Swedish hardcore band Refused, who is said to have
'inspired' Boxcar Racer and Crazy Town among others, is putting
out a new DVD entitled Refused Are Fucking Dead. The
DVD will be released in spring of 2004 and is said to include
the band's videos and never-before-seen material.
Refused is also reissuing The Shape Of Punk To Come,
the album that for better or worse introduced hardcore to
the upright bass and techno beats, has been re-mixed and re-mastered
with the intention of releasing it on DVD Audio format. The
new 5.1 surround sound version of the album will be available
in the beginning of 2004 on Epitaph with undisclosed new material.
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Just when you thought all humanity was lost...BAM!
Here comes Quagmire with a Russian mail-order bride
on one arm and some Asian transvestite on the other! Thanks
to unexpectedly high DVD sales (nearly 1 million copies of
the first DVD set and more than 500,000 of the second installment)
and strong ratings in syndication, Seth MacFarlane's love
child Family Guy could see a return to the big time
as early as January 2005! Network execs have announced that
20th Century Fox is considering a plan to resume production
of Family Guy for 35 new episodes now that their packets have
been lined nicely in the last few months. Keep your fingers
crossed next Christmas for what could possibly be the best
belated gift of your pathetic little lives.
FOX News and various other sources are reporting that police
seized about a dozen explicit love letters and poems from
good ol' Neverland written by Michael Jackson to the
young boy accusing him of molestation. Some reports have linked
the letters to the accuser through Jacko's pet name for him:
"Rubba". Yes, that's right - "Rubba" as in the boy
telling his therapist and then the police, "Michael told me
he was my rubba rubba friend." Apparently one of the "games"
the two used to play was called "rubba rubba".
Will Ferrell knows comedy.
Merriam-Webster's Dictionary just added a new paragraph to
their entry for 'irony'. One of MTV Europe's execs
recently criticized all these new TV Pop talent shows
(enter: American Idol and its worldwide counterparts), claiming
they're only producing talentless manufactured music. "These
programs make good TV but from a musical point of view, they
do not have any value," says Brent Hansen, President and Chief
Executive of MTV Networks Europe.
Most reports have said Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie
are actually fun to watch in the new FOX reality series The
Simple Life. My report goes something like this: Paris
Hilton is much more fun to watch in her erotic home movie
now circulating the world wide net. She's a tiger in the sack,
and I loved every second of it. They should make that
a new reality show.
To honor one of the first stories I ever reported here on
BBW, I present you with the tale of Tammy Sully. In order
to pay $37 for an unjust ticket, she decided to bundle up
3,700 pennies and ship them off to her local district courthouse
(all 22 pounds of them). Of course someone on the receiving
end cries "Bomb!" and evacuates the whole building. Now Tammy
Sully has a court officer on her ass about taking the pennies
back and paying her fine in a more conventional fashion (he
claims he doesn't have the staff to sit around counting pennies).
You know, I don't blame him - why should the government accept
pennies as legal tender when it's only the one who
produces them? Hypocrisy should be painful, like getting slapped
across the face with a sack of 3,700 pennies.
The nation's syphilis rate was on the rise again this year,
mostly because of an increase in cases among gay and bisexual
men. There's only one obvious explanation: Clay Aiken.
With Thanksgiving nearly upon us, I'd like to remind
everyone just how spectacular this holiday really is. In fact
Thanksgiving reigns holiday supreme in my book, even towering
above Christmas and its bountiful gifts. The Day of Turkey
carries no baggage whatsoever - no religious affiliation,
no frivolous spending on materialistic gifts, no raping from
Hallmark nor from 1-800-FLOWERS. Any and all money is spent
on loads and loads of delectable food that'll tickle your
tummy the whole damn day and then all night long. And what
better way to enjoy the best meal of the year than with your
entire family in all its dysfunctional glory. So do yourself
a favor - sit back and enjoy the simple beauty of a day meant
for nothing more than eating tasty food and appreciating your
life. |
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11/12/03
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11/12/03
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I hate puns. Just to clarify
in preparation for any personal attacks on grounds of hypocrisy,
I hate those contrived puns found in commercials and tacky
half-hour cable programs promising the inside scoop on George
Clooney's sex life. Especially those horrid commercials
with professional sports superstars making lame references
to their respective sports while promoting deodorant and tater
tots - you know which ones I'm talking about. It blows my
mind how advertising agencies are continually paid millions
of dollars for writing ridiculously obvious, cheesy-ass puns.
Isn't the point of a pun to catch the audience off-guard with
a humorously unexpected word association? A pun is not supposed
to enrage and infuriate like most Bornbackwards record reviews.
Speaking of pedophiles, Michael Jackson's Neverland
Ranch hosted a few unexpected guests on Tuesday. If you guessed
a school bus from the local YMCA full of young boys in petite
running shorts, you're wrong (Jacko's currently out of town,
filming a 'video' in Vegas). But if you guessed 20 officers
from the Santa Barbara Sheriff's Department with a search
warrant in hand, then you're right! No official statements
have been made regarding the purpose of the raid, but we all
know the details anyway: home movies, hairless balls and soft,
supple skin. [Editor's note: The raid was prompted by new
allegations of sexual molestation by a 12-year-old boy. A
warrant for Michael Jackson's arrest was issued this morning.
Details about the police's findings at Neverland Ranch are
sketchy at best. Jackson issued a statement saying,"These
characters always seem to surface with a dreadful allegation
just as another project, an album, a video, is being released."
They also seem to turn up whenever he fucks their sweet little
assholes.]
This
is why I'm doing a math minor.
In keeping with this week's overt sexual theme, next I turn
to Jeannie McAllister from Evans, Colorado. This mother of
four is petitioning to have a book about puberty removed from
the local library. McAllister describes It's Perfectly
Normal: A Book About Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and
Sexual Health as "mildly pornographic" and promises
to pursue her goal by circulating petitions and picketing
the library. Heaven forbid her kids learn about sex from a
book as opposed to that creepy high school kid that lives
up the street with the Magic cards...
Can you believe this tool has his own show?
Q: Why shouldn't you stick your head out of the window on
a school bus?
A: So trees can't use it for batting practice. Ask
16-year old Raul Gonzalez from Indianapolis...actually, you
should probably now direct any questions to his parents.
Join
me in the metrosexual revolution!
Jenna Jameson has shown interest in buying the now
bankrupt Penthouse magazine. Adam has shown interest
in buying a Playgirl subscription.
The boys of Wilco, the band that watches over me each
night as I fall asleep, are currently in New York hard at
work on their new album, due late this spring. Its tentative
title, "W*lco Happens", doesn't sit very well with me; but
I have faith they'll fix that before springtime. No matter
what, Wilco is still better than any current shitty band you
listen to.
In our effort to be the next TeenBeat:
Hillary Duff (Lizzie Maguire) cheated on Aaron Carter
(Dirk Calloway) with Frankie Muniz (Malcolm in the
Middle). I bet she was disappointed to find Malcolm's other
head is nowhere near as disproportionately large. What a slutty
two-timing twat...we got your back, Aaron. So does Shaq.
Apparently Ashton Kutcher thinks he's quite a tough
guy now, with his sideways trucker hats and frivolous sweat
bands. Bring it, bitch, you ain't got shit on us and our boy
Aaron Carter (Dirk Calloway)! |
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Absolutepunk.net
has hinted at suing us, because they think our worst
zines feature is great and they wish they had thought
of it first. This is the second time they've threatened us
with legal action. The first was when we posted an interview
with Midtown that Absolutepunk didn't have the balls to leave
up after it was rumored that MCA threatened to sue them. You
can't get sued for conducting an interview, douchebags! Jason
Tate, the webmaster, even posted a long, rambling, very
defensive response on their messageboard in which he doesn't
even touch upon the issues we mentioned in the article. In
our article, we brought up innacuracies on their worst of
2002 list, in which they picked albums from The Strokes and
The White Stripes from 2001. All he did was go on a rant about
how he hates the White Stripes, and men who take women's names
in marriage.
Speak on our behalves here.
Sources say that Mike Myers is interested in starring
in the title role of a biographical movie about The Who's
late drummer, Keith Moon. Mike Myers would be perfect
for this crazy-ass son of a bitch. Also vying for the role
is Rushmore star, Jason Schwartzman, who was also the
drummer for Phantom Planet. Myers has my vote, because even
though Schwartzman knows how to play drums, it was in a shitty,
derivative rock band, who does the theme song for the O.C.
Mickey Mouse turned 75 on Tuesday, which should make
the cartoon character public domain, but the corporate scum
fucks at Disney bribed congress to bend copyright law
in 1998 and extended the life of their copyright by another
25 years or so.
Rush Limbaugh recently returned to the airwaves after
undergoing treatment for his addiction to Oxycontin. Limbaugh
has often said that drug users should get stiff penalties.
And to those calling him a hypocrite for being an addict "Just
because I may have been doing something that appeared to be
contradictory to what I was suggested others do doesn't mean
that what I was suggesting others do was wrong, critics want
to harp on all this hypocrisy, there is no hypocrisy in this."
Sounds like a load of steaming horseshit to me. He also said
that rehab didn't turn him into a "linguine-spined liberal".
That's too bad for us. A spokesperson said that he will most
likely not be prosecuted, because Florida usually goes after
dealers and not users. I guess that's why so many minor drug
offenders are in our prisons. It's just another case of a
rich white guy using his political sway to get out of trouble.
Courtney Love is in the courtroom AGAIN. No, it's not
a sequel to "The People Vs. Larry Flynt", Love was arrested
in October, trying to break into her ex-boyfriend's house.
She was charged with one count of misdemeanor burglary and
two felony counts of possession of painkillers. Who would
have thought that Rush Limbaugh and Courtney Love would have
something in common (besides the fact that they are both batshit
insane)? Love did not show up to enter her plea of innocence
because last time she showed up and rambled on about throwing
a sleeping pill at a cop. She was also in rehab a little while
ago after an accidental overdose. Her lawyer said that she
confused her medications. My guess is she's less cohesive
than Ronald Reagan, after all the heroin she did.
London's Mayor, Ken Livingstone, is in a shitload of
trouble after saying that George W. Bush is "the greatest
threat to life on this planet." The propaganda machines have
already started over there, as the papers have taken to calling
him Red Ken. Hey, England, NEWSFLASH! You're a fucking SOCIALIST
country. Mr. Livingstone's full statement is as follows;
"I actually think Bush is the greatest threat to life on this
planet that we've most probably ever seen. The policies he
is initiating will doom us to extinction. I don't formally
recognize George Bush because he was not officially elected."
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11/12/03
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11/12/03
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Malls around the world were empty
this week. The reason: all the mall punks were in shock after
they heard the news that Face to Face was finally breaking
up after 13 years. Yes it's true, Vagrant records even posted
an obituary on their site while all the mall punks wore their
darkest cargo shorts and used their black skateboard on this,
their day of mourning. But fear not misty-eyed mall punks,
the band's 'songwriting' duo, and I use the term loosely because
they essential wrote one song over and over again for
6 fucking albums, will continue on as the equally whack side-project,
Viva Death. And acting just like a respectable band, Face
to Face is also preparing a career retrospective DVD and CD,
which will have the exact same track listing as Don't Turn
Away. Now if only we could get every single other band
on Vagrant to follow suit, we could all be happy again.
Small Brown Bike broke up too, but nobody's
mourning them.
Wyoming preacher Fred Phelps is planning to erect an anti-memorial
to Matthew Shepard, the gay college student who was
murdered five years ago. The planned monument will be 5 to
6 feet tall, made of marble or granite, and feature a plaque
with an image of Shepard and an inscription reading "Matthew
Shepard, Entered Hell October 12, 1998, in Defiance of God's
Warning: 'Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind;
it is abomination.' Leviticus 18:22." The monument will be
erected in the City Park of Shepard's hometown of Casper,
Wyoming, already the location of a statue of the Ten Commandments.
Here's
a petition to stop it that probably won't do any good
anyways. Does anyone else find it strange that weirdo Christians
continually quote that one line from the Old Testament, but
they don't even care about any of the other rules or laws
of the Old Testament. God hates Gays and people who eat pork,
so you're all equally damned regardless of what kind of sausage
you chose to put in your mouth.
GO KOSHER OR KISS YOUR SOUL GOODBYE!
The deadliest beard in show business, Rick Rubin, is
producing the fifth Weezer album. But that still won't
make it as good as even the worst songs on Pinkerton.
Rick Rubin also announced that The (International) Noise
Conspiracy has left Epitaph and signed to his American
Recordings label, which is owned by Island/Def Jam. Remember
that T(I)NC song "Capitalism Stole My Virginity"? Well, now
capitalism is giving them boatloads of diamonds and a "Sorry
I Date Raped You" card from Hallmark. Now they're going steady.
Rolling Stone is reporting that the corner of 2nd Street and
the Bowery in New York City will officially be renamed "Joey
Ramone Place". The corner is on the same block as CBGB's
(duh, the club made famous as the nexus of the first wave
of New York punk by bands like the Ramones, Blondie, Talking
Heads, Richard Hell and Television) which will celebrate it's
30th anniversary next month.
In addition to the mergers we reported on last week, Sony
Corp. and Bertelsmann AG (BMG) are now planning to merge
their music divisions to create the second-largest record
company in the world. The new company will go by the very
uncreative name of Sony BMG. My own personal choice would
be 'World Dominating Monstrous Gorilla Conglomerate, Inc.
a division of Sony'. In a single week the number of major
labels has been cut in half, and if the Warner-EMI goes through
the number of majors will be the same as the number of Austin's
testicles: three. |
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The Postal Service recently received
a cease and desist order from the US Postal Service,
demanding they change their name. A spokesman for the USPS
had this to say, "We may not be able to keep bombs and anthrax
out of your mail, but at least we can perpetuate a frivolous
lawsuit!" No word on whether or not Ben Gibbard will
counter-sue to get the government agency to change their name.
Chicago police officer Alan Freeman was arrested and
stripped of his badge when he and a crew of burglars broke
into an apartment to steal 2.5 million dollars and 11 pounds
of cocaine and it turned out to be a sting. The only reason
he was caught was that he bragged about it to another cop.
It's stupid to brag about a crime. But to tell a cop before
it happens is fucking retarded. Freeman confessed that he
was going to use the money to retire, and that "It was all
about the American dream." Sounds to me like somebody
watched Scarface way too many times. Former officer Freeman
posted 10% of his $150,000 bail. Which is $15,000 for all
of you who aren't math buffs. The fact that he has this kind
of money leads me to believe that he's done something like
this before. I bet the fucking prick gets off.
Larry Flynt purchased nude photos of our greatest "war
hero", Jessica Lynch. The twist is that he purchased
them to keep them out of circulation, not to publish them.
Flynt gave this explanation, "Jessica Lynch is being used
as a pawn by the media and by the government to create a hero
who can sell this war to the American people. The U.S. government
wasn't alone in their actions. They were co-conspirators with
the media, who wanted to force-feed us a Joan of Arc." Wow.
For a pervert, he sure makes a lot of sense. That almost makes
up for him sending those pornographic Christmas cards to his
grandchildren. When asked what she thought about Flynt having
naked pictures of her, Lynch responded, "I don't care, it's
not like he can do anything with them. He's paralyzed from
the waist-down."
Sony is releasing copy protected CDs in Germany
because nobody here will buy them. The new copy-proofing will
allow buring copies for "personal" use, but customers will
not be able to copy the songs onto their computers and share
them over the Internet. When will they learn? As soon as they
release any form of copy protection, a million geeks will
be working on cracking it. Completely useless.
Harry Knowles from Ain't It Cool News wrote an interesting
review of The Matrix Revolutions. The review proposes
that the movie is an allegory to the state of the world right
now. According to Mr. Knowles, the machines represent The
United States and Capitalism, The freed humans represent the
terrorists, and Agent Smith represents something they both
hate, Communism. It's some pretty cool shit. Read
it Here. |
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11/05/03
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11/05/03
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Universal Music Group,
the largest record label in the entire world, is about to
get even bigger. According to Billboard, Universal has purchased
DreamWorks Records to the tune of $100 million. DreamWorks
was started in 1994 as the music wing of the company jointly-founded
by Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and Jeffrey Katzenberg.
The goal of the label was to be an artist-centric haven where
musicians could grow and mature into a commercial career.
But apparently, none of them grew fast enough and rumors have
long circulated that the label was eager to exit the business.
If you're wondering why DreamWorks never became a success,
just take a look at a few bands from their current roster:
AFI, Toby Keith, Papa Roach, Saves The Day, All-American Rejects,
Nelly Furtado, Alien Ant Farm, Boyz II Men, Jimmy Eat World,
and Brand New, among others. Rampant speculation has Universal
dumping most of these bands and keeping only the bankable
and successful artists (or as they said it, "stripping out
the overhead") as DreamWorks is folded into Interscope/Geffen.
This marks the third Geffen-affiliated label (after DGC and
of course Geffen Records) to be bought out by Universal.
Some day all the record labels of the world will join together
into a Voltron-like Super-Label that will fight crime,
file-sharing and communism all over the world.
Hail, Hail the conglomerate international!
Various other rumors are spreading that an EMI-Warner
Music Group merger is extremely close at hand, with EMI
offering upwards of $1.5 billion dollars. The London Daily
Mail has reported that the heavily-rumored merger could come
as soon as next week. Looking at all this money being thrown
around in the music industry in the last two days could lead
someone to think that file-sharing just has to be hurting
profits. I mean, two years ago it would have been a solid
$1.6 billion dollar deal, right? The industry has to recoup
that money somewhere, and in situations like this it's really
the artists that are hurt. Poor Britney Spears hasn't eaten
all week because you downloaded "Monster Mash" on Kazaa! Shame!
We'd like to take a Buddyhead moment and ask you to call Taking
Back Sunday at (214) 263-6208 and let them know that Bornbackwards.com
says, "You're So Last Summer."
Remember kids, "There's no 'I' in 'sucks ass'."
NOFX on CNN? Believe
it.
Justin Guarini, the first American Idol
runner-up, was dropped by RCA last week after his singles,
album and movie flopped harder and faster than most guy's
dicks after watching a Christina Aguilera video. It's a good
thing he has a lucrative career as Sideshow Bob to fall back
on.
Boxcar Racer broke up! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Please God, by all
that is holy in the Vatican, say it's not true! Now where
will I get my true hardcore music from?
Napster's
back, but now you have to pay for it. Can you believe that
cat with the headphones totally sold out like that? Whenever
I used to get ready to go out on a date, my mom would remind
me, "Nobody wants the cow when they can get the milk for free."
I used to be like, "Mom, are you calling me a cow?"
Perhaps our the nappy cat should take her advice to heart.
There's a band named Ruder Than You. They're a ska
band if you can possibly believe that.
Rap music is just far too violent these days, even inspiring
horrendous street violence in foreign countries around the
world. Reuters is reporting that Hayrettin Demir, a Turkish
man, was stabbed to death today after selling Eminem
T-shirts in an Istanbul suburb. 19-year-old Dilaver Akkurt,
who was passing by at the time, believed that Demir was referring
to his mother, Emine, who lived in the area. A knife fight
broke out between the two after Akkurt asked the T-shirt vendor
to stop shouting "Eminem", which in Turkish means "my Emine".
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Catholic school girls are more than
just a good lay. A mob of 20 recently chased down a known
sexual predator on the streets of Philadelphia after he exposed
himself outside their school one-too-many times. Rudy Susanto
just couldn't get enough of those plaid skirts outside St.
Maria Goretti School, until the girls decided to return the
favor by beating him themselves. With the help of a few neighbors
(c'mon, it is the City of Brotherly Love), the girls tackled
him to the ground and took their revenge via fists to the
face and kicks to the groin. Witnesses reported a soft
cheer from the on-looking crowd, "Ru-dy...Ru-dy...Ru-dy!" -
but alas, just as he had dreamt, the Catholic school girls
were too much for him to handle.
Some 5-year old girl in Amsterdam was caught handing
out ecstasy pills and balls of heroin and cocaine
in class thinking they were candy. Needless to say, her mother
and three brothers were subsequently arrested after police
found hordes of drugs in the eldest brother's car. When asked
about the prospect of two dozen five-year old girls on X all
in the same room for the taking, Pete Townshend had just this
to say: "I have important research I have to attend to."
Lanessa Riobe is a 16-year old high school student from Kissimmee,
Florida. She wore a costume to school on Halloween just like
many of her friends, and that costume was a t-shirt decorated
with condoms in honor of the safe-sex commercials she's seen
so often on television. "A lot of my friends are sexually
active," Riobe told reporters. "I tell them, if you're going
to do it, be safe." Her school wasn't so much a fan and decided
to send her home with a three-day suspension for disrupting
class with her provocative costume. Now, her lame condom costume
is no Max Fischer, but she certainly didn't deserve
a suspension. Here's a girl that's actually paying attention
to those PSA's on which our beautifully bureaucratic government
wastes millions of dollars each year, and then she's punished
for it. Let's face it Washington, kids are having lots and
lots and lots of raw, dirty sex...oral, anal, three-way, DP,
bukakke. Urging abstinence (and only abstinence) in
health class is such a waste of time and money. Kids don't
need your lectures; they need condoms...from Lanessa.
Forget brushless carwashes, I want topless carwashes!
If you're not buffing out the wax on my hood with bare
breasts, don't even bother. I foresee many trips in my
Honda to Memphis next semester since T&A Gentleman's Car
Wash will soon be opening. The establishment is quite
classy it seems...apparently the T&A stand for 'Totally & Acceptable'.
In order to promote the release of their new DVD, The Complete
Master Works, Tenacious D took to the skies of
New York. Their original plan called for a 45-day hunger strike
while suspended above Times Square in a glass cage, but they
didn't quite make it the whole way through. In fact, they
only lasted 23 minutes before Jack Black freaked out and Kyle
Glass pulled handfuls of hidden M&M's from his costume. That's
right - hidden M&M's. Such a stunt is funny by itself, but
when you think about how much of a faggot that David Blaine
really is, then it's just hilarious.
City officials in Mount Holly, New Jersey think they're
funny by putting up new speed limit signs throughout town
that include such messages as "Free Speeding Tickets Ahead"
and "Meet Our Judge - Exceed 25 mph". Call me crazy, but seeing
these signs will only make me drive faster through their town
while flicking off its inhabitants for being SO FUCKING OBTUSE.
Here's a few of my own suggestions:
1) Slow down or we'll rape your wife.
2) Driving faster will not compensate for your small penis.
3) He's not sleeping with that blonde because you drive too
slowly.
4) You may be going fast, but you still drive a Suzuki Esteem.
If you haven't seen Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's
reality show, Newlyweds, you need to fix that. As if
seeing her cleavage wasn't rewarding enough, her complete
lack of common sense never ceases to amaze. Her dad has gone
on record to say that she knows she's on camera and takes
on this funny 'dumb blonde' role. He even goes so far as to
compare Jessica to Lucille Ball. She's not acting out any
roles, people - she's just a moron.
Fran Drescher is doing Old Navy commercials. The up-side
is we don't have to hear her voice; the down-side is she still
thinks she has a career.
There are two movies out right now that you shouldn't pass
up: Kill Bill: Vol. 1 and Lost in Translation.
If you have any taste whatsoever in quality movies and quality
soundtracks, you'll leave the theater with that rewarding
smile of gratification you need so badly in your life right
now. I'd even be willing to bet you'd pay to see at least
one of them in the theaters a second time- they're that good.
So get out of the house for once, fat-ass. |
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10/29/03
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10/29/03
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Sean "P. Diddy" Combs' is being accused of using
Honduran sweat shop labor to produce his Sean John
clothing line. If you're unfamiliar with Sean John simply
walk outside and find the nearest rich white suburban kid
pretending they were born from a crack-addicted welfare
mother in the very heart of the LA projects. He'll tell
you all about Sean John and it's deep connection to 'street'
life. Anyways...
The director of National Labor Committee, Charles Kernaghan,
came to New York with a worker from the Southeast Textiles
factory in Choloma, Honduras which manufactures Sean John.
Among the conditions discussed were daily body searches, contaminated
drinking water and 11- to 12-hour daily shifts for the workers.
Female workers were subjected to mandatory pregnancy tests,
and were immediately fired if the test was positive. Additionally
the poor Honduran workers earn only 24 cents for every $50
Sean John sweat shirt adorning the back of a middle-class
white kids playing pretend. They make less than 1/200 of the
fucking retail price!
"We had absolutely no knowledge of the situation; however,
we take these matters very seriously," said Jeff Tweedy,
executive vice president of Sean John, as he checked his diamond-studded
wrist watch. After brushing off his Versace suit, careful
not to scuff his white gold pinkie ring, Tweedy entered a
$500,000 Bentley and sped away laughing manically.
About 80 percent of the Southeast Textiles factory is used
for Sean John clothing. The other 20 percent is used for Rocawear,
co-founded by rapper and producer Jay-Z and rap music producer
Damon Dash. It's a regular hiphop dance party down in Honduras
ain't it? Except instead of dancing they have to sew ugly
clothes and instead of Cristal they get to drink mud-water.
Rhino Records' humongous upcoming punk boxset has been
forced to change its name by none other than Johnny Rotten
himself. Formerly titled Ever Get the Feeling You've Been
Cheated?, a reference to Rotten's famous parting line
at the end of the Sex Pistols last show in 1978, the set will
now be called No Thanks. According to CNN.com, Rotten
took offence to Rhino using a quote of his to sell a product
that he has nothing to do with. Prior to this, the Sex Pistols
has been the only major band from the 70s punk scene not to
license a song to the project. Rhino has launched an advertising
campaign listing all the bands appearing on their box, and
to tie in with the new name, "[the] bands that just said,
`no thanks:' the Sex Pistols." "We didn't want to pick a fight
with John Lydon [Rotten]," said Marc Salata, Rhino's production
manager, "But it doesn't seem too difficult to pick a fight
with John Lydon."
The new issue of Rolling Stone has Robert Smith talking
about the next Cure album, due next spring, "It's going
to be a very heavy album... Cure heavy, not nu-metal heavy."
Island/Def Jam officially announced today that they
signed Fall Out Boy--the horrible, horrible pop-punk
band, not Radioactive Man's sidekick. All this follows
rumors that Island actually made a deal with the band months
and months ago, before their first tour even, and secretly
gave Fueled By Ramen Records money and support to promote
Fall Out Boy's record. The idea was to help them build an
'indie reputation and fan base' before splashing them all
over MTV, MTV2, Teen People, Much Music, KROQ, Rolling Stone,
Alternative Press, Cokemusic.com ... you get the picture. All
this is part of a larger trend of rumors circulating around
several major labels secretly working out deals with just-formed
pop-punk bands and then pimping them out to the idiot kids
in the 'underground' scene through such shit-rag 'zines' as
Emotionalpunk.com and Absolutepunk.net, who as you can imagine
are only too happy to give excellent reviews to anything with
a galloping beat and extremely whiney harmonies. Congratulations
Warped Tour kids, you're being lied too!
When asked for his thoughts on the matter, Radioactive Man's
only response was, "Up and at them! Up and at them!"
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It has not yet been determined if or when Elliott
Smith's unfinished album, From a Basement on the Hill,
will be released. Luke Wood, the late Mr. Smith's A&R guy,
said on a radio show last weekend, "I think there's definitely
enough of that record that his family will be able to finish
it up." Smith was said to have around 30 songs recorded for
this record, which he planned to be a double album.
For those of you who live under a rock, he was found dead
by his live-in girlfriend at her apartment at 12:15 PM Tuesday.
Some rumors say that Smith was still barely alive when he
was found at his girlfriend's apartment. The autopsy and toxicology
reports have yet to be released but sources say that it was
from a single wound to the heart using a steak knife. Elliott
had reportedly had substance abuse problems earlier in his
life, but friends and family stated that he seemed to be done
with them. He was very frank about his drug and alcohol abuse
in his lyrics. Such was apparent in the songs "Bled White"
and his biggest hit "Miss Misery." Smith was 34.
A concert is taking place in memoriam of Smith on Monday,
November 3 at the Henry Fonda Theater in Los Angeles. The
bill includes Conor Oberst, Beck, Grandaddy, Beth Orton,
and Rilo Kiley. All performers will reportedly be playing
at least one of Elliott Smith's songs in their set. Beck and
Beth Orton also had cameos in the feature film Southlander:
Diary of a Musician along with Smith, who played a
bus driver. The show sold out within a few hours of being
announced and all proceeds go to The Elliott Smith Foundation
for Abused Children.
Still unhappy with their choice for Governor, the people of
the State of California have set everything ablaze.
An alligator got loose in a storage compartment on an airliner
in Newark, NJ on Monday. The reptile was captured without
incident, but as a consequence President Bush declared "Everything
green will now be profiled as a terrorist." The alligator
could not be reached for comment.
The US Government is developing a type of armor that
is modeled after the Storm Trooper uniforms from Star
Wars. This is not a joke. It will automatically
splint broken bones and patch wounds and automatically harden
to block bullets if fired from a far enough distance. The
suit will also include a GPS, a heart monitor and sensors
that automatically tell the soldier when an enemy is near.
Now if only we could get it to play the "Imperial March" we'd
be all geared up for world domination! George W. makes a fine
Darth Vader to papa Bush's wrinkly and completely evil Emperor
Palpatine.
Some asshole named Michael Little that works at the Washington
City Paper has it out for Fugazi. He wrote a huge
article about how much he hates them and cleverly titled it
"In On The Killjoy" and subtitled "Thanks to Fugazi, D.C.'s
rock scene is a steady diet of boring." This fuck must want
to write for Rolling Stone, due to the amount of tired and
idiotic cliches he spits out about how rock is supposed to
be sleazy and dirty, full of the stereotypical 'sex, drugs
and violence.' Fugazi doesn't live up to his conceptions of
rock and roll, so he hates them. The article is complete with
out-of context quotes and false claims that if you play any
Minor Threat song backward, you'll hear MacKaye saying, "Put
out that cigarette, now!" I wish this guy had a public e-mail
address so I could send him hate mail. Five dollars to whoever
finds it for me. No lie. Five dollars. In the mail.
Here's the link. Happy hunting! |
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10/22/03
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Rumors that were circulating
across Internet message boards last night are true: singer/songwriter
Elliot Smith committed suicide with a knife yesterday
at the age of 34. Fans on various boards were whipped into
a furor over the news, but no real news could be found anywhere
on the net until this morning, when a good-bye letter and
an obituary were posted on the front page of sweetadeline.net,
Smith's official website, confirming the various rumors. Smith
was still in the process of recording his sixth album From
a Basement on the Hill, which he had been working on since
2001, and it is unclear how this will affect the album, which
was planned to be released near the end of this year on Dreamworks.
Conspiracy theories are already beginning to circulate, much
like Elvis, but we here at Bornbackwards.com have our own
ideas
on the matter.
The Bush administration is pushing their media manipulation
into bold new territory, territory formally known as 'lies'
and 'total deceit', now known simply as 'public relations'.
The
Olympian has reported that letters from hometown soldiers
serving in Iraq have appeared in a number of newspapers
across the country describing. The letters describe their
success rebuilding Iraq and mention the goodwill of an Iraqi
populace that waves and smiles at passing troops. That's great
and all, but every single letter is exactly the same in every
detail except for the fucking signature at the bottom. Six
of the soldiers to whom the letters are attributed said they
agreed with it, but none of them said they wrote it. A seventh
soldier said he did not sign the letter, and didn't even know
of it's existence until his father congratulated him on getting
it published in the hometown paper.
Pitchforkmedia.com is reporting that a much-bootlegged 1972
concert featuring a reunion of the Velvet Underground
luminaries Lou Reed, John Cale and Nico is finally
going to be officially released in Britain and only Britain
on the Burning Airlines label on November 3rd. The concert
in Paris features live performances of several of their solo
songs as well as choice selections from their band's debut
album, Velvet Underground & Nico. The album will be
titled Bataclan 72, after the name of the venue where
it took place.
Don't let expensive makeup, flashy cinematography or crotch-less
underwear fool you, Christina Aguilera is sinfully
ugly. |
A conspiracy
is brewing against independent rock musicians in the northern
Great Plains states of Colorado and North Dakota. Both Dub
Narcotic Sound System, led by Calvin Johnson (founder
of K Records and member of Beat Happening), and Eastern
Youth (from Japan, obviously) suffered accidents in the
last week involving their vans--the vehicle, not the shoe.
Johnson and friends were forced off the road when they tried
to avoid a deer outside Fargo, ND. Bassist Chris Sutton and
Johnson were both hospitalized: Sutton broke his jaw while
Johnson suffered from three broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder
and a concussion. Eastern Youth suffered through more drama,
if less injury thankfully. Their van's front tire blew out
and they were sent sliding down the freeway upside down. But
after a few more shows, they'll be returning to Japan with
only a few minor bruises and horror stories about the American
highway system.
To help with the medical costs, K Records is setting up "The
Dub Narcotic Sound System Medical Fund." In addition to benefit
shows, donations can be made through K's online catalogue
at kpunk.com.
When confronted with charges of the vast right-wing conspiracy
against indie rockers, North Dakota officials simply replied,
"What the fuck are you talking about, kid?" Suspicious indeed.
Ladies and gentlemen, a new rap superstar has emerged! Tougher
than 50 Cent, rougher than DMX, more pop appeal than Jay-Z-Who
is this mysterious rapper, you ask? Why, it's none other than
80s wrestler and Slim Jim spokesman Macho Man Randy
Savage. This is not a joke! There's really no other adjective
to describe his rhyme style except 'sick'. It mostly consists
of the vaguely homoerotic Randy Savage speaking words that
kind of rhyme and sometimes giving us his trademark 'OH YEAH!'
Every few minutes a black man shouts very loudly, making sure
to remind you that this is the Macho Man who's rapping
here. The Macho Man Randy Savage, y'all! He even has
a song calling out Hulk Hogan as a Hollywood phony and urging
him to 'be a man!' The Macho Man awkwardly raps, "They call
you Hollywood Hogan, don't make me laugh / Cause your movies
and acting skills are both trash," seemingly totally oblivious
to the fact that his rap has far less entertainment value
than Suburban Commando, 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega
Mountain and Muppets in Space combined.
In another too-weird-to-be-true story, Blink-182 is
touring with Bubba Sparxxx in November. It's named
'the DollaBill Tour', because realistically there's no fucking
way anybody's going to pay more than a single buck to see
it. And even then, it'd only be for the same reason people
slow their cars to look at train wrecks. In related news,
Blink-182 has titled their new album Untitled. Fucking
brilliant! |
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10/07/03
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10/07/03
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Did you see the latest episode of that hot reality
show "The California Recall Election?" Oh man, lemme
tell you all about it. Last week Arianna Huffington
was voted off the island. Several women came forward and claimed
that Arnold Schwarzenegger grabbed their naughty bits,
but that wasn't enough for the tribe to vote him off too.
I kept a tight grip on my remote the whole time! In last night's
episode Gray Davis was voted off and Arnold crushed the last
few competitors in the final competitions, winning the million-dollar
prize and the governorship of California. It was really must-see
TV, even Dee Snider made a cameo appearance to root for Arnold.
Poor Gary Coleman is gonna have to wait for "I'm a
Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! 2" to win.
The kind folks at Dischord Records really love their
neighborhood, much like the late great Mister Rogers. As everyone
knows, the friendly, cardigan-wearing punk label only releases
bands from the local Washington, DC area. Now they're releasing
a benefit compilation for Radio CPR (Community Powered Radio),
a microbroadcast station serving the Mt Pleasant, Columbia
Heights, Petworth, and Adams-Morgan areas of DC. Titled Begin
Live Transmission, the compilation plays like a radio
show with broadcast excerpts, station IDs, interviews and
a cross section of diverse musicians from the aforementioned
neighborhoods. Think of Radio CPR like Mister Roger's parent
station, PBS, in that they are 'reclaiming the airwaves from
hyper-commercial forces and re-orienting them toward causes
of community action and social justice.' But without the annoying
pledge drives. Check www.dischord.com/bands/various.shtml
for track listing.
Lovitt Records is putting out their first DVD on November
10th. Lovitt Transmissions: Volume One will have interviews,
performances and studio footage from Engine Down, Rah Bras,
Sleepytime Trio, Four Hundred Years, Maximillian Colby, Frodus,
Bats & Mice, Fin Fang Foom and more. I promise that it will
have more special features than the 2 Fast 2 Furious
DVD. Check lovitt.com
for a trailer.
Bad news for everyone's favorite post-hardcore apocalypticists--certainly
my favorite anyway--The Black Sea has had to
change its name due to copyright restrictions. Now known by
the some-what awkward, some-what cool moniker of Decahedron,
the band is continuing with plans to release their debut full-length
early next year on Lovitt, with a tour to follow. Now I pose
this question to you loyal Bornbackwards readers: How do you
copyright the name of a body of water? I bet if I snatched
up 'Lake Titicaca' I could make millions every time an immature
teenager giggles over it. For Decahedron's sake let's just
hope that nobody owns the copyright on geometric figures yet.
Do you smell that? Pretty bad huh? It's the smell of septic
tanks backing up all over the United States. Toilets are overflowing
and leaking filthy, greasy poo-water all over the floor. When
I say filthy, greasy poo-water I actually mean new albums
that were released yesterday by The Early November, Coheed
and Cambria, Hey Mercedes, No Motiv, and DVDs from NOFX
and Jimmy Eat World. When I say floor I actually mean
store shelves. Sorry for the confusion.
Adeline Records, owned by Billy Joe Armstrong of Green
Day are trying to fool you. Check out the silly crap they're
posting about their new band, "The Network are extremely
mysterious and never show their faces to humans or cameras.
The members hail from all corners of the world and were brought
together by an ancient prophecy, which predicted their rise
to world power and eventually their demise".
Surprise, Surprise but The Network is just a fucking pseudonym
for Green Day! Sorry Billy but lying to people ain't the way
to restore your punk rock credibility.
Friendster
has swept over the indie rock community faster than Makeout
Club did back in 2000. Every lonely fuck with messy hair is
trying to collect the most friends in some kind of bizarre
popularity contest that's impossible to win because none of
them have any real friends. Even bands and musicians
are getting into the Friendster action, including Belle and
Sebastian, Matchbook Romance, Har Mar Superstar, David Pajo
(formerly of Slint, Tortoise, Royal Trux and Zwan), Cat Power,
and strangest of all, angry indie uber-producer and DIY diehard
Steve Albini.
Duran Duran are recording a new album and preparing
a tour, apparently not realizing that it is now 2003 and no
one in the entire world gives a fuck. |
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10/7/03
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Limp Bizkit
recently covered The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes." Yeah,
I know. Fred Durst is fucking dead. Not only did they attempt
to homogenize the song, but they put the ol' "Bizkit Style"
into it. Durst even had the nerve to add some lyrics of his
own. Didn't these guys put out a song called "My Generation"
a couple of years ago? Freddie must have a terrible hard-on
for The Who. Too bad Pete Townshend likes children.
In related news, I no longer believe in God
The FCC turned down a complaint from the Parents Television
Council (PTC) that Bono violated regulations by saying, "This
is really, really, fucking brilliant," at the Golden Globes
in January. The FCC said that it was because the word was
used as an adjective and "did not describe sexual or excretory
organs or activities." Sounds kinda illogical to me, but whatever
works. The PTC is going to appeal the decision and Lara Mahaney,
director of corporate and entertainment affairs for the council,
had this to say: "It's not shocking to us on the FCC decision
because they're a toothless lion. They don't take indecency
seriously and that's why you see it proliferating on the broadcast
airwaves."
Someone actually wants the FCC to be tougher on TV broadcasts?
What the hell? I don't think it's possible. Without being
Orwellian, that is. All I can say in response is "Fuck!"
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Fuck Fountains
of Wayne. Goddamn, I hate joke bands. And for those of you
who are fans of them, this color is red,
and this color is blue. And this is
a picture of me giving you the finger.
Now have whoever is reading this to you pack up your lunch
so you can go to school on the "special bus".
Did you ever notice how much Jack White looks like
Gomez from the Addams Family?
Finally! Thanks to Sean Paul it's "in" for rappers
to have Jamaican accents. Take note. |
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10/01/03
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10/01/03
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Does anyone remember Fenix, TX, the band
that set the world on fire with its contribution to the Jailbait!:
Music from the MTV Original TV Movie soundtrack? Well
since their breakup a few of their members have gone on to
form new bands, determined not only to outdo their last poor
band name but to actually create the worst band in the history
of the entire world. Yes, those boys have really set their
sights high but they have actually succeeded! World, I would
like you to meet Ch Ch Ch Ha Ha Ha. Ch Ch Ch Ha Ha
Ha, this is the world.
We finally figured out why Arnold Schwarzenegger is
running as a Republican. You see, he's from Austria, and it's
the closest thing to fascism he can find.
Rushmore star Jason Schwartzman realized that
the only reason anyone cared about Phantom Planet was
because Jason Schwartzman was the drummer. In a bold attempt
to capitalize on his fame, Jason Schwartzman has quit the
band and is now attempting to get his solo project, The Jason
Schwartzman Experience, off the ground.
What do Fairweather, H2O and the Movielife all
have in common? Besides blowing homeless dudes for quarters
behind the 7-11, I mean. Well, they've all needed to break
up for a long, long time ... and now they finally are! Everyone
is so jubilant over this news that the mayor of New York City
even declared it a holiday, No More Suck Day. Adults who got
the day off work took their kids to the park to have a little
picnic, watch the ducks, do a little fishing and bask in the
pure joyful knowledge that this planet's suck level has been
taken down by three whole notches today.
Rumor has it that NOFX will announce their "retirement"
soon. We're sure the press release will have several poop
and fart jokes subtly inserted into its subtext. We're also
reasonably sure that this could just be a huge publicity stunt
to set up the context for the title of their next album, ...Depends
on the Retirees! Get it? Depends brand adult diapers?
God, this is too easy.
80's superstar Robert Palmer died at the age of 54
in Paris last Friday. Authorities believe it may have been
due to a fatal overdose, relying on widely circulated rumors
that Palmer was quite deeply Addicted to Love.
I shouldn't even have to write jokes about this but...
Apparently striking up a wonderful friendship at their weekly
NAMBLA meeting, Michael Jackson and R. Kelly
are joining forces to express their mutual love of tender,
underaged flesh over thumping R&B-soaked club beats. Although
there are some creative differences, (for instance Jackson
prefers little boy's anuses while Kelly enjoys pissing on
young girls) Jackson's new single "One More Chance" was penned
by Kelly to be the token new song on his upcoming number one
hits album. This isn't the first time the two perverts have
terrorized America's youth together though, Kelly wrote "You
Are Not Alone" (I don't need a joke for that title, its got
humorous overtones all on its own) from Jackson's last
hits album HIStory. |
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Face it, America's fat - even fatter than your
mom. And we obviously have no one to blame but McDonald's.
I was gonna suggest we rally together to sue those McBastards,
but now they're cleaning up their greasy image, which certainly
doesn't bode well for our would-be case. Currently being
tested throughout Indiana are McDonald's new adult happy
meals - marvelous little healthy gems known as Go Active
Meals. Each meal includes a salad, an exercise booklet and
a pedometer meant to encourage walking. I'm still trying
to figure out why you'd need a new pedometer with each meal,
but I guess it's just more economical that way for Mickey
D's. Ronald himself encourages you to drive your lazy fat
ass through the drive-thru to pick up one of these healthy
sensations as soon as they hit your area.
If it weren't for the internet, we'd never know about the
splendid sexual fetishes that surround us. First
I discovered furries and thought life just couldn't
get any better, but now I've found dogging. That's right,
dogging. It's sweeping Britain as we speak, soon to swim
across the Atlantic for our own American pleasure. According
to those who know best, the term "dogging" loosely describes
a variety of sex acts performed outdoors or in parked cars
in front of strangers. What sets it apart from bland ol'
voyeurism, however, is the encouragement of onlookers to
join in the fun. Hell, some doggers go in solo and come
out with 3 or 4 partners. Websites and message boards have
sprung up all across the interweb to promote, coordinate
and educate on the virtues of dogging. British authorities
are having quite the trouble containing this craze in public
parks and empty parking lots. If doggers would just clean
up their used condoms and lubricant after they're through
under the monkey bars, authorities wouldn't even have to
bother with them. I'm sure we Americans will be much slicker
about it. And if you happen to cross paths with a dogging
couple in a parking lot anytime soon, their leaving the
lights on in the car means they want you to watch and open
windows are an invitation for fondling. Just wanted to make
sure you're aware...
The Indonesian justice ministry is on the verge of outlawing
cohabitation, oral sex and homosexual sex. You're 3 for
3, Adam...better watch your back in Jakarta.
More evidence that America is more bloated than ever, you
ask? How about Keith and Julane Davis' Goliath Casket company?
The Goliath Casket company has found a niche market
in over-sized caskets - measuring 44 inches across (20 inches
wider than standard caskets) and capable of holding a body
up to 700 pounds without "losing its integrity". Wow. When
asked about their inspiration for Goliath Caskets, Mrs.
Davis responded, "It's just going to local restaurants or
walking in a normal Wal-Mart. People are getting wider and
they're getting thicker."
Fred Durst is such a faggot.
The California recall election is back on, and Arnold
will rape your wives.
Check out the new face at Johns Hopkins Hospital...
"Dr. Robot" is part of a new study to see what patients
prefer when their doctor isn't physically available - see
and talk with their doctor through an interactive robot,
or see a substitute doctor. Sure, the robot has infrared
sensors, a movable video screen, a zoom video camera, a
microphone and a speaker - but I think I'll still go with
the human. Though I do like Dr. Robot's antennae.
And my mom said I'd never amount to
anything...
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9/10/03
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9/10/03
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For those people like myself who completely
hide themselves away from society and shun all forms of mass
media, this news is for you: country music legend Johnny
Cash died last Friday at age 71 in Nashville, TN. His
death from respiratory failure related to diabetes comes just
four months after his wife, June Carter Cash, passed away.
Cash had been hospitalized for the last two weeks, forcing
him to miss the MTV Video Music Awards which surprisingly
nominated him for seven awards. Cash's epic career, during
which he created a simple but totally distinct blend of country,
folk, rock and rhythm, spanned 6 decades and over 100 hit
singles and well over 100 albums. Plans for a 5-disk boxset
of Cash's American recording sessions with Rick Rubin
are still underway.
A while ago, three members of Taking Back Sunday left
the band for the fairly obvious reason the world should not
have to deal with two Saves the Days. Unfortunately, this
logical reasoning just couldn't penetrate the baseball-sized
skulls of the other two members of the band who decided to
continue onward. They found new members and soldiered on with
their lifelong dreams of being a totally derivative and utterly
boring punk band. The band performed only three of their new
songs last week at the Roxy in LA, but major label A&R men
could still smell money. The race is now on amongst the major
labels to see who winds up with the mediocre album from the
cookie cutter band. Unfortunately, the story doesn't end there:
the guys who left Taking Back Sunday just couldn't give up
the touring life of snorting coke off the tits of confused
15-year-old groupies. They've formed a new band called Straylight
Run, and without breaking too much from their musical
past, this band also blows pro-simian tree mammals. And even
though they only played their first show ever this week, the
same A&R men were excitedly rubbing themselves while watching
the display of interspecies oral sex.
Although their Touch and Go full-length hasn't been released
yet, !!! are already being courted by Warner Brothers,
Geffen and Strummer/Universal.
Count the Stars singer/guitarist Chris Kasarjian is
in the hospital with a collapsed lung and broken ribs after
a van accident. What is actually surprising is that God himself
did not come down to earth and rip Kasarjian apart for the
horrible sin of naming his band Count the Stars. This betrayal
of everything holy only leads the human race further along
its downward spiral. Perhaps this was just a warning, and
Kasarjian will ultimately see the error of his ways and rename
his band ... or better yet break it up and retreat to monastery
never to lead humanity astray again.
The Strokes have posted a truly awful new song on their
website,
trading in their bouncy but lackadaisical pop hooks for drum
machine hand claps and a moog. It's unknown whether the song
is indicative of a new sound, but given that every song on
their last album sounded exactly alike things aren't looking
so hot for Room on Fire, their upcoming album. In another
bad sign, singer Julian Casablancas was seen at Tower Records
trading in his Velvet Underground records for store credit
that he used to purchase albums by the Anniversary and the
Rentals. Dude, you're rich, you don't need to trade shit in
like us regular folks!
This year's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees have
been announced with George Harrison topping the list.
Although he has already been inducted into the Hall of Fame
as a member of the Beatles, Harrison's nomination this year
is for his sometimes-spotty solo work. Other nominees include
(The Artist Formerly Known as the Artist Formerly Known as)
Prince, John Mellencamp, Jackson Browne, Bob Seger. The nominees
also dip into the semi-obscure and utterly ridiculous with
Iggy Pop's Stooges, a band that was truly under-appreciated
in it's time, and ZZ Top, a band that should never be appreciated
ever. Previous nominees back for another try this year
include the Sex Pistols, Black Sabbath, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Gram
Parsons and Patti Smith.
Go-Kart Records will release the first ever commercially
sold MP3 CD on November 4th. Titled Go-Kart MP300 Raceway,
the album will be a two-disk compilation with over 300 songs
from 150 bands. If you're wondering what would be the point
of buying an album that you could just download yourself and
can only listen to in a computer, well ... there is none. But
surely out of 150 bands there must be something good, right?
Nope, unless you consider Allister, Anti-Flag, Sick of it
All, Bouncing Souls, Rx Bandits, Silverstein, the Vandals,
the Movielife, Elliot or the Grabass Charlestons to be musical
luminaries in these dark and sinister times. But face it,
only three special ed kids and one dude from Nebraska think
that. |
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Some intelligent grocery store cashier in North
Carolina recently accepted a $200 bill as legal tender.
The phony bill featured a picture of Dubya on the front
and White House lawn signs on the reverse side with such
slogans as "We Like Broccoli" and "We Like Ice Cream".
Authorities already arrested another man in North Carolina
earlier this month for attempting to use an identical $200
bill at a convenience store. Police are still searching
for the suspect that used the counterfeit money at the grocery
store; however, they've already beaten the hell out of the
cashier who accepted the fake funds, citing that "stupidity
should be painful".
A 13-year old female student was recently expelled from
her middle school in Pennsylvania for having oral sex
with another pupil on a school bus. Sadly, the blowee was
also expelled for participating. The young girl's mother
unsuccessfully appealed the expulsion under the grounds
that "the [school] district violated her daughter's constitutional
rights and was not clear in its written policies that oral
sex on a bus was unacceptable behavior." The girl claims
she starting blowing because of peer pressure from other
kids on the bus. "Then I looked at (the boy) and said, 'Well,
what are we supposed to do?' and he said we were going to
lose our friends if we didn't," she said. I wish I was that
smooth back in 8th grade; it would have totally helped my
rep. Oh and this incident took place in Beaver County,
Pennsylvania. What are the odds...
Kevin Spacey is producing a movie based on Bringing
Down the House, a book by Ben Mezrich that chronicles the
adventures of a group of MIT students that won millions
of dollars at blackjack tables throughout Las Vegas during
the 90s. Mezrich and other MIT geniuses would spend all
their spare time becoming card-counting experts and then
take their act to Vegas. Weekend trips would bring in hundreds
of thousands of dollars, and these guys were heading to
Vegas every single weekend during the height of their glory.
Hotels would take care of everything - airfare, 2-story
deluxe suites with personal butlers, every meal and every
drink. These bastards lived like kings while screwing over
casinos for millions of dollars using their extra-large
craniums to count cards and secretly signal each other at
various blackjack tables. Card counting isn't illegal, but
as soon as security figures you out you're kicked to the
street and never allowed back; lucky for them, it took security
quite a few years to do so. Mezrich and his pals had a nice
set-up going - new members in the group would train for
months before ever going to Vegas, working their way up
the ranks in the team after proving worthy in backroom card
games in Boston's Chinatown. And since they're MIT kids,
they designed their own computer programs that would calculate
the best strategies for certain situations (even updating
it with real world experience after every Vegas trip). I'm
starting to regret choosing UF over MIT...
Manitoba government officials over in Canada recently
put through an order for 40,000 flavored condoms which will
be distributed throughout their prison system. That's a
shitload of condoms!
Spoon! Time Magazine! And the headline reads
"These Guys Just Might Be Your New Favorite Band"! It's
a great little article - provides ample history and insight
into their future plans. Oh and front-man Britt Daniel enjoys
cereal and jogging every single morning. Check out the wholesome
Time goodness right
here. Then, once you're done reading, go order their
new "The Way We Get By" EP like I did! Trust me, you won't
regret it.
John Ritter, actor and comedian best known for his
role in the 70s on "Three's Company", passed away September
11th after collapsing on the set of his current TV series.
You can now find him somewhere off in a better place, somewhere
far away from that god damn problem child and his conniving,
vindictive ways.
So the recall election in California has been postponed
because officials claim outdated voting equipment would
disenfranchise tens of thousands of voters, particularly
minorities. But alas, Arnold may still have his way as the
9th Circuit Court of Appeals announced this Tuesday that
it may hold an expanded hearing on the decision to delay
this historic, fucked up election.
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9/10/03
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9/10/03
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2003 is truly the year of the reunion. All
year we've been hearing about thousands of old bands reuniting
for a new tour, a new recording, or resurrecting old unfinished
material to finally complete it. Scroll down through the
news from this year, you'll see. It was all nice and good,
"Hey the Stooges are back!" or "Wow, Sebadoh's
playing together again!" but none of it really mattered
until now. Rumors have been made truth, and what was long
though impossible is now imminent: According to no less
than MTV, The Pixies have officially reunited and will
tour in April of 2004 with the possibility of a new album
afterwards!!!!!! This news deserves another exclaimation
point! Or two! Perhaps you didn't hear me: In fucking APRIL!
That's like next week!
Back on 7/16/03 we (and the rest of the indie-centric
media world) reported that the great and wonderful Pixies
has been jamming together secretly for months and that the
possibility of a reunion was in the air. Although no dates
have been set, it is now official, the Pixies are fucking
back. That numbness in your feet and tingling along your
scalp could either be signs of your extreme happiness and
excitement (as anyone with good taste surely is at this
moment), or you might want to check yourself into a hospital
because you're experiencing heart failure.
Kids born in the 80s can finally hear Kim
Deal sing about giant black penises in "Gigantic,"
and those that missed the band the first time around can
finally heckle them by screaming the names of Frank Black
solo songs. Oh, it is a good day for music indeed.
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Striped uniforms are
making their comeback in prisons across the country!
Authorities attribute their recent surge in popularity to
confusion regarding the current solid orange uniforms -
apparently prisoners in orange are being mistaken for highway
and electrical workers along with "trendy" teens. Usually
the handcuffs, shackles, and shotgun-toting guards give
the prisoners away to me, but maybe I'm just observant.
The biggest complaint about the striped uniforms so far:
female inmates worry the horizontal stripes make them look
heavier.
The makers of Grand Theft Auto, a popular video game
series that allows teens to travel throughout cities opening
fire on anything that moves using an arsenal of weapons
equivalent to Charlton Heston's, are being sued by the family
of a slain motorist, Aaron Hamel. The two teens who killed
Hamel on Interstate 40 near their home in Newport, TN claim
their inspiration in doing so came from GTA; these sadistic
stepbrothers, William and Joshua Buckner (16 and 14 years
old, respectively), opened fire on passing vehicles with
their shotguns on the night of June 25th. The Hamel family's
attorney, Jack Thompson, had this to say about Take Two
Interactive and the video game industry: "The industry needs
to cough up money so victims and their families can be compensated
for their pain...The shareholders need to know what their
games are doing to kids and their families. They need to
stop pushing adult rated products to kids. These products
are deadly." Actually Jack, your greedy clients need to
realize that the video games aren't deadly, but rather the
twisted Tennessee inbreds who play them that can't distinguish
reality from fantasy. This murder was most unfortunate,
but Take Two Interactive is in no way responsible for the
actions of William and Joshua Buckner. Christ, next you're
gonna tell me some fat-ass with no will power is suing McDonald's
for making him obese...
Google celebrated its 5th birthday earlier this week
on September 7th as I celebrated the 5th anniversary of
my first online masturbation. I still remember typing in
"free porn" like it was yesterday...
Warren Zevon passed away at the age of 56 on September
7th at his home in Los Angeles. Zevon was a lifelong smoker
who contracted inoperable lung cancer. His successful career
spanned nearly four decades, during which he typically chose
the proverbial path less-traveled with odd collaborations
and unexpected guests on albums. His best-known hit (and
a favorite of mine since I was about 5 years old), "Werewolves
of London", has remained a cult classic since its release
on Excitable Boy in 1978. David Letterman had Zevon as his
only guest on CBS' Late Show one night last October, devoting
the entire hour to the life and music of Warren Zevon.
We all know Kobe Bryant didn't rape that whore. She
gladly went up to his room, begged for his man-unit, then
got wild and asked for it from behind. I guess it didn't
occur to her that something that massive would cause some
pain when squeezed into a small hole. It hurt, she got worked
up about it and the rest is history. If Kobe would have
just taken her number after he poked her to make her feel
important and not like just another conquest, none of this
nonsense would have happened. I guess now he'll know for
next time.
Political commentator Ann Coulter has the longest
neck in the biz, hands down. Check out this snapshot of
her out feeding on the Serengeti that I got my hands on:
Son of a bitch! I get off my ass to go out for a run, come
back in around 12:30 and find Wilco half-way through a beautiful
performance of "Jesus, etc." on Leno - you know, only one
of my favorite songs from one of my favorite bands. That's
what I get for exercising! Never again...
Now that I've written news two weeks in a row, I'm taking
a 35-day vacation like my pal Dubya.
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9/03/03
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9/03/03
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Seminal 80's lo-fi indie rockers Sebadoh
have announced two acoustic reunion shows to celebrate Domino
Records' 10th anniversary this October. Lou Barlow, the band's
primary songwriter for most its existence, said he hopes to
relive the conditions of Sebadoh's first tour: playing mostly
songs from Weed Forestin and performing with only Jason
Loewenstein, using four-string guitar, bass, and stomping
on tambourines for a beat. Sounds like the one-man-band routine
of the homeless guy who digs through my dumpster, only he
can also play the harmonica and give dollar blowjobs at the
same time.
Bright Eyes is taking bitching and whining to a whole
other level this September when Saddle Creek releases a limited-edition
boxset of seven, count them, seven vinyl LPs. That's like
... six times the indigestible crap! The box contains most of
his recorded output before the most recent album and even
includes rare Japanese tracks that sound like a dying cat
found it's way into a recording studio and leaped around on
some acoustic guitars or something. Wow, the next Dylan!
Chicago's most famous mentally-damaged musician, Wesley
Willis, has died at the age of 40. Although suffering
from schizophrenia and chronic Leukemia, Willis finally met
his match at the metaphorical hands of a case of internal
bleeding. He was famous across the country for his bizarre
music, which usually only featured a shitty Casio keyboard
and Willis' tuneless shouting completely nonsensical pop-culture
lyrics about mullets and Batman. The singer leaves behind
him more than 50 albums, making him one of the most prolific
songwriters of the last 25 years.
You ever see those kids wearing cut-off cargo pants, a gazillion
patches on their backpacks, and Chuck Taylors with stars drawn
with ballpoint pen on them. Chances are that one of those
patches is from a band called "Brand New," (second
choice for a band name was "On Sale! Buy One Get One Free!")
and they were totally that kid's favorite band until today
when they read on an internet news site that they ended a
major label bidding war when they signed to Dreamworks this
weekend. Sorry to ruin your day, pop-punk dude.
Whoa, that was totally awesome! Did you guys see the MTV
Video Music Awards the other night?
Yeah, neither did I.
But MTV's marketing execs sure worked overtime to try to perk
up the laps of 15-year-olds boys across the country, by having
Madonna and Britney Spears perform an obviously
choreographed French-kiss. That beats out even T.a.t.u.'s
lesbian near-orgy last year at the MTV Movie Awards. In an
attempt to snare the attention of those same 15-year-old boys,
we here at Bornbackwards.com have decided to resort to the
same pathetic and tasteless tactics:
Click for full-sized masturbatable version.
Also, how can you have awards for videos that you never play?
Just a thought.
Among the band's that have recently covered the White Stripes
"Seven Nation Army": The Flaming Lips at a British
Festival, Audioslave to an audience of two at Lollapalooza,
and Metallica last night at the VMAs. To be fair though,
what the hell else was Metallica going to play?
Karate is reportedly recording 8 tracks for an upcoming
to-be-announced full-length. |
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What a coincidence - Bornbackwards
is celebrating its 2nd birthday while I'm celebrating my
second birth in Christianity. Jeff Tweedy is no longer
my only savior.
So anyone who caught the VMA's had the pleasure of
seeing Madonna kiss both Britney and Christina
- and we're not talking innocent pecks on the cheek either.
I'd like to thank these three "divas" for making my night,
and I'd also like to thank Missy Elliot for making
her entrance while simultaneously waving good-bye to my
hard-on...ugly dyke.
Speaking of faux-divas, Pink recently turned down
an invitation to perform at Prince William's 21st
birthday bash. Her reasoning: she was disgusted to learn
that William enjoys the sport of hunting. She and her PETA
friends find such activity repulsive and cruel. Now I don't
mind Pink sticking up for a cause, but airing her music
nationwide is more of a crime than participating in a sport
that's existed since the beginning of mankind. She's ugly,
too. Check out her letter to his highness right here.
Japanese fads are so much better than lame American
fads. I'm sure you remember those "see-through" skirts we
reported a while back; now those crazy adolescent Japanese
girls are spending their yen on nude photos of themselves.
Apparently there's a whole club of these girls who go around
to different arcades, find these little photo booths, bring
a few of their friends inside and then take dozens of pictures
with each picture showing more skin than the last. Sounds
like Pete Townshend's dreamland, doesn't it?
I was reading about this Brazilian telephone company
that's offering sex position downloads to your wireless
phone. The positions are based on the Kama Sutra,
and each animation comes with a short explanation and difficulty
gauge. So far they've got about 40, but they're working
on more as you read this. I'm gonna coordinate this service
being offered in the States and make hordes of money - just
you wait. Besides, downloading musical ring tones is soo
last year ... unless we're talking Papa Roach, then it's
really really fucking cool.
That new show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is really
taking off. First Bravo, then NBC primetime, now guest appearances
for the Fab 5 on talk shows and awards shows. The best part
of the show, by far, is the 80's-inspired theme music, which
you can now hear at any time blasting from the cars of hipsters
who are actually gay but pretend to be secure in their pseudo-heterosexuality
as they ride around town all day with the windows down in
tight sleeveless black shirts, girl's jeans and large wrap-around
sunglasses.
Al Franken's latest literary offering, Lies and
the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look
at the Right, will soon debut at #1 on the New York
Times' Bestsellers List. I haven't read the book, but the
title alone gets my vote for numero uno.
Why does everyone in my life, male or female, always
call me gay?
Like it or not, Arnold is going to be the next governor
of California. I can get over the fact that he's
got no political experience whatsoever, his dad was a Nazi,
his one-line catchphrases like "Hasta la vista, Gray" blow
worse than Collateral Damage and his accent went out of
style twenty years ago ... as long as he promises to deport
Kelly fucking Osbourne.
Some teenage rebel in Malaysia was recently detained
for looking "excessively
punky", which included torn clothing and a bright red
Mohawk. Officials lectured him with verses from the Koran
and warnings to abandon his unhealthy lifestyle before shaving
his head. Next time I see Jeff and his Fashionhawk I'll
be sure to hand him the Bible and an electric razor.
I can no longer talk shit about Canada now that Broken
Social Scene has been tearing up my CD player. I mean,
with songs like "late nineties bedroom rock for the missionaries"
and "i'm still your fag"...how can you go wrong?
If your dog doesn't look like an emaciated chihuahua-terrier
mix then take it back right now and demand your money back
because you, my friend, got screwed.
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8/13/03
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The theme of this update
is new albums. Think of it as my very first concept update.
This September will see Thursday release their major
label debut, War All The Time, it's just unfortunate
that nobody really cares anymore, most of their fans having
moved on to listening to a hot new underground band called
The Used. Perhaps you've heard of them? Also the title seems
to imply some type of anti-war tirade months after the war
ended. Bornbackwards suggests the more timely title, Occupation
and Reconstruction All The Time, although it's not nearly
as ominous. With hilarious song titles like "Between Rupture
And Rapture" and "This Song Brought To You By A Falling Bomb,"
it's sure to be winner.
Also set for a new release is Johnny Cash, who surprisingly
is not dead yet. Cash is preparing a box set entitled Unearthed
for release this Christmas. The set will be five disks with
over 100 songs from Cash's past 10 years of recordings with
uber-producer Rick Rubin, who's most-noted for his
work with Run DMC and the Beastie Boys. The decade of collaboration
has so far produced the four American albums, which
featured Cash performing covers of songs by popular contemporary
artists like Nine Inch Nails, as well as songs written exclusively
for him by people like Glenn Danzig and Tom Waits. The set
will include four entire CDs of unreleased material with the
fifth disk serving as the "greatest hits" of the American
sessions. Cash's collaboration with Clash frontman Joe Strummer
on Bob Marley's "Redemption Song" and with Nick Cave on 50s
rock tune "Cindy Cindy" are both rumored to be included.
And even more new releases on the way: Elvis Costello's
got one called North, his 23rd album, due September
23rd. Unlike last year's excellent When I Was Cruel,
Costello has said that there will be less than 12 bars of
guitar on the record, "It's all original songs written at
the piano. There are 11 songs and they are among the most
direct I've ever written lyrically, and, musically, I hope
they do something new." Let's just hope 'something new' doesn't
mean he's going back to the whack-ass syrup-balladry of All
This Useless Beauty and his collaborations with Burt Bacharach,
which may very well happen due to his recent divorce and engagement
to jazz singer Diane Krall. Those are the kinds of things
that make a young man's heart turn towards recording really
terrible music, just ask the fucking Get Up Kids. According
to Costello the songs fit together sort of like a concept-album
and they range from 35-piece ensembles to solo piano tunes.
The first 100,000 copies will also include a DVD with music
videos that I will own come September. |
Pennywise
have announced six record release shows in Hollywood, Anaheim
and Pomona, California for their new album From The Ashes.
Apparently, nobody told the dickpuppets in Pennywise that
you can't have six fucking record release shows, because
then it becomes what we in the business call 'a tour.'
Azure Ray is releasing 'The Drinks We Drank Last Night,'
a 3-Song CD Single on Sept 9th with the full-length 'Hold
On Love' due out October 7th, both on Saddle Creek.
In case you were ever wondering, it has now been proven that
Paul McCartney really was replaced with a lookalike
in 1966. Don't
believe me?
Universal Records recently received $1 million worth
of marijuana in the mail. The box, weighing 150 pounds,
was delivered to 1755 Broadway, but the address of the other
Universal building, 825 Broadway, was crossed out. The building's
guards tried passing the box through an X-ray machine but
nothing showed up. Inside were four boxes of marijuana that
they turned over to the FBI. Although the pot may have been
intended for one of Universal's many rap artists, like Eminem,
50 Cent, Dr. Dre, Ja Rule or U2, it was addressed simply to
'Ronnie.'
Jack Osbourne is a total sellout man. When I saw him
on "The Osbournes" I thought he was a rebel. He didn't take
shit from nobody man, not even Ozzy! Then he went to rehab,
which I know is for quitters (yuck yuck), but that just makes
him more badass: it proves he's got a substance problem.
But now he's totally just cashing in for a buck man, starring
in the new Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie, 'New York
Minute.' Dude, what? That's not cool at all man! My little
sister likes that shit. At least, she does until I play my
Slipknot albums so loud that she cries, rock on! The
plot follows the 17-year-old sisters as they try to avoid
a truant officer. Ashley plays an overachiever and Mary-Kate
a member of a punk rock band being managed by Jack. Yeah,
just like Avril Lavigne plays a member in a punk rock band.
God I crack me up, time for some 'Knot.
Sigur Ros is also in the process of recording their
next album, which is reported to be 'more accessible.' But
that just means that the songs will all be seven minutes long
instead of eight, the lyrics will be actual words instead
of a made-up Icelandic fairy language and the title won't
be an unpronounceable symbol. For Christ's sake they called
their album ( ), people! You don't get much more inaccessible
then that. At the same time though, the band is saying they
"don't even know much yet themselves" how the album will eventually
sound ... so what the fuck am I even reporting? Sigur Ros' postmodern
bullshit is becoming a bit tedious. Made-up gibberish that
you can interpret yourself and write in the totally empty
lyric booklet? News that contradicts itself? Next they'll
be dressing up in swan costumes and punching out photographers
like Bjork ... only you know as an art statement. |
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8/01/03
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The Flaming Lips
and their animal-costumed antics are popping up much too often
on this page lately but... September 2nd will see the Lips re-release
the fifth best
record of 2002, their lovely half-concept album, Yoshimi
Battles the Pink Robots, in an attempt to try to land
the number four slot this year. Sorry boys, as much I love
you, re-releases don't count and Vagrant's already given us
$2,000 to make sure that the new Dashboard Confessional is
fourth on the list this time. Yoshimi will see a complete
remix to 5.1 audio along with two unreleased tracks, "Up Above
the Daily Hum," "If I Go Mad/Funeral In My head," both British
b-sides, as well as acoustic and Japanese versions of "Yoshimi
Battles the Pink Robots Pt. 1," and a 'floating in space remix'
and acoustic version of "Do You Realize??" The pimped out
album will also come with a bonus DVD that has five music
videos from the album, three behind-the-scenes documentaries,
a trailer for the Flaming Lips' movie Christmas on Mars
and "Phoebe Battles the Pink Robots," a piece that Pitchforkmedia.com
is reporting was from a scrapped episode of "Friends." This
the perfect chance for anybody who held back on Yoshimi
last year in favor of the new album by their favorite Norwegian
Black Metal band. For anybody who's already got the album
... well, you're shit out of luck.
Rumor has it Interpol is in serious talks with Island
for the bands next record.
Whitebred Midwestern kids with no set of beliefs of their
own, are super excited because their favorite Christian Hardcore
band, the poorly named Stretch Arm Strong, is putting
out a new record called Engage on August 19th. Holy
shit, XjesusX totally rules! Thanks for blessing us with this
release! I promise to do the mosh most holy and fuck up any
infidels I meet in the circle pit.
[Editor's Note: Please do not send us this to review.]
This just in: Middle aged men join forces to try to make the
best damn 'punk' tunes ever recorded. This breaking story
amazingly involves some of the Warped Tour's most talented:
Not only Jim Lindberg of Pennywise, but also Jack Grisham
of T.S.O.L., have joined, holy shit get this, THE OFFSPRING
(!!!!!!) in the studio to help work on their seventh record,
a concept album titled Idiotic Novelty Single & the Land
of Filler.
Keep your eyes on this one boys, she sounds like a saucy little
fox.
Continuing the recent trend of ill-advised, half-hearted and
totally unnecessary tribute albums, The Militia Group will
be putting out one dedicated to The Police. The album
will feature only the hottest pop-punk bands of today mining
the legacy of a great band they have absolutely nothing to
do with: Copeland, Coheed and Cambria, Taking Back Sunday,
Fall Out Boy, Mae, and many, many more I'm sure. It'll be
a wonderful journey into butchered songs full of whining,
then shouting, vocals. |
Have you
seen the hottest new reality show on TV? It's called "The
California Election" and it's a bit like "I'm a Celebrity,
Get Me Out of Here!" See the premise is that viewers at home,
at least in California, get to vote the current governor,
Gray Davis, off the island and select a new leader for the
tribe. Candidates competing for a spot on the show number
over 125, including former child actor Gary Coleman, comedian
Gallagher, wheelchair-bound Hustler publisher Larry Flynt,
columnist Arianna Huffington and, of course, the big celebrity
draw, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Other wacky people competing
on the show include a discount cigarette chain owner, a medical
marijuana activist, a porn actress, and a retired Oakland
police officer who's campaign will center on legalizing ownership
of ferrets as pets. Hundred-year-old Mathilda Karel Spak is
also appearing on the show, insisting her age shouldn't hamper
her chances of winning the gubernatorial prize. "I've made
plans until 105, then I'll take things easy," she told her
lone supporter. The majority of the candidates are divided
into two rival tribes, the 'Democrats' and the 'Republicans'
who will compete head-to-head in debates and wacky psychical
challenges. Hilarious high jinks are sure to ensue. You can
catch the show weekdays on CNN and FOX News, but remember,
people don't start getting voted off the island until October
7th.
Q and Not U, everybody's favorite grammatically challenged
postmodern dance-troupe, have finished the recording of two
new songs. "X-Polynation" and "Book of Flags" will appear
together on a single being released September 8 on Dischord
Records.
Snoop Dogg is being sued in federal court for allegedly
offering marijuana and ecstasy to two underage girls if they
would flash their illegal jailbait titties for the "Girls
Gone Wild Doggy Style" video. Both girls appear on the
cover of the video, so if you own it consider yourself a child
pornographer, as well as a pervert. This is all part of a
larger, ongoing investigation of Girls Gone Wild founder Joseph
Francis, who is facing racketeering charges and is accused
of drug possession, child pornography and of course, the promotion
of prostitution. Snoop recently distanced himself from Girls
Gone Wild, telling the Associated Press in his charming double-negative
way, "If you notice, there hasn't been no girls of (ethnicity)
at all on none of those tapes, no black girls, no Spanish
girls - all white girls, and that (stuff) ain't cool, because
white girls ain't the only hoes that get wild." Snoop's statement
was backed up by Martin Grochky, 22, a visitor to Cancun during
last year's spring break, who confirmed that white girls are,
in fact, not the only hoes that go wild.
A government-funded study has concluded that conservatism
and conservative politics can be explained psychologically
as a neuroses based on "fear and aggression, dogmatism and
the intolerance of ambiguity." The report also linked together
Hitler, Mussolini, Ronald Reagan, George
W. Bush, and rightwing talkshow host, Rush Limbaugh,
arguing that they all suffered from the same condition, condoned
inequality and believing in a return to an idealized past.
Republicans are furious, although the authors included the
disclaimer that the report "does not mean that conservatism
is pathological or that conservative beliefs are necessarily
false." |
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7/22/03
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Rhino Records
is about to do for punk rock what they did for early 60s garage
with the Nuggets compilations. Rhino will release a
massive four-CD 100-track boxset named after Johnny Rotten's
famous last quote with the Pistols, Ever Get The Feeling
You've Been Cheated? The 70s Punk Rebellion, on October
28th. Although the compilation stops at 1980 and doesn't even
feature a Sex Pistols track, it looks mighty good and
has a slew of absolutely seminal bands that have been ripped
off and regurgitated repeatedly over the last 30 years.
For instance: Public Image Ltd, The Ramones, The Clash, Blondie,
Talking Heads, Buzzcocks, The Saints, The Damned, The Jam,
Pere Ubu, The Modern Lovers, The Germs, X, Television, The
Adverts, The Heartbreakers, Iggy & The Stooges, X-Ray Spex,
The Slits, The Mekons, Wire, Richard Hell & The Voidoids,
The Pretenders, New York Dolls, The Dictators, Generation
X, Subway Sect, Stiff Little Fingers, The Vibrators, Dead
Boys, Elvis Costello, The Undertones, The Dickies, Rich Kids,
Sham 69, Devo, Joy Division, Siouxsie & the Banshees, The
Cure, Black Flag, Fear, and Dead Kennedys.
In addition to giving today's bands a host of new influences
to mine, it will also help you the next time you get
into a battle for punk rock supremacy with your friends. Just
start rattling off bands from this enormous boxset and you're
sure to win. I mean, the only retort they'll be able to come
back with will be, "Oi, Boxsets ain't punk!" and let's be
honest, that's just weak.
This is how bad American Military Intelligence is:
the Pentagon proposed a plan to Congress that would
let people make bets on future terrorist attacks in the hope
that it would help military planners predict future threats.
Jesus, that's even dumber then the time Adam tried to use
a 'happy birthday' balloon because he was out of condoms.
No good man! The scheme would have cost 8 million taxpayer
dollars and would have allowed bets on the likelihood of assassinations,
coups and every possible disaster that could happen in the
Middle East. The proposition was quickly retired though after
it caused an uproar in Congress, and the Pentagon was clearly
embarrassed when Democratic senators dubbed it a "terrorism
betting parlor."
Bob Hope died.
So did Eric Braunn, bassist of Iron Butterfly.
Limp Bizkit was chased off stage after just six songs
by booing fans and a hostile crowd at a concert in Chicago
with Metallica. According to the Chicago Tribune, there were
several 'Fred Sucks' banners and Fred Durst was showered
with bottles, coins and garbage from the moment the band took
the stage. Durst crouched down at first, apparently waiting
for the audience to stop hurling things. When it became clear
that there was no end in sight, he began calling the audience
"fucking pussies" and insulting them with a flurry of homophobic
slurs. The band then delivered a blatantly anti-gay version
of George Michael's "Faith," which the Chicago Sun-Times said,
"would embarrass a fourth-grader." Before finally leaving
the stage, Durst dared everyone in the audience to come up
and fight him. |
Professional
weirdoes The Flaming Lips are getting even more kid
friendly then releasing an album about Japanese girls battling
robots (which bears a striking resemblance to Iria-Zeiram,
if you know what I'm talking about pat yourself on the back
you friendless anime geek). They've now teamed up with none
other than Steve Burns, former non-threatening host of the
children's hit show Blue's Clues. His debut
album, titled Songs for Dustmites is being produced
by Lips' recording guru Dave Fridmann, engineered by Lips'
bassist Michael Ivins and will feature Lips' drummer Steve
Drozd playing on several tracks. Meanwhile though, Lips' frontman
Wayne Coyne is nowhere in sight. Although this may seem odd
at first, let's take a quick second look: children love Blue's
Clues, they also enjoy the Lips' pop sensibilities and
robot/superhero themes; College students love the Lips' because
of their neo-psychedelic leanings and endorsement of hallucinogenic
drugs, they also love to watch Blue's Clues either
as a drinking game or because it's the only thing that doesn't
freak them out when they're on a bad trip and it's 10 in the
morning. Stupid college kids.
And since I'm tired and don't feel like
writing anymore jokes that aren't funny anyways ... here's some
filler! Cursive tourdates with Asian sensation Eastern
Youth; Blood Brothers will also play a couple dates.
Wed-Sep-10 Minneapolis Triple Rock
Thu-Sep-11 Grinnell, IA Grinnell College
Fri-Sep-12 Chicago, IL Metro
Sat-Sep-13 Detroit, MI Majestic Theatre
Sun-Sep-14 Columbus, OH Little Brothers
Mon-Sep-15 Pittsburgh, PA Club Laga
Tue-Sep-16 Buffalo, NY Nietzsche's
Wed-Sep-17 OFF Thu-Sep-18 Boston, MA Middle East
Fri-Sep-19 Irvington, NJ Cricket Club
Sat-Sep-20 Philadelphia, PA Trocadero
Sun-Sep-21 New York, NY Bowery Ballroom
Mon-Sep-22 New York, NY Bowery Ballroom
Tue-Sep-23 Washington, DC Black Cat
Wed-Sep-24 Richmond, VA VCU College show @ Alley Katz
Thu-Sep-25 Carrborro, NC Cats Cradle
Fri-Sep-26 Charlotte, NC Tremont Music Hall
Sat-Sep-27 Atlanta, GA Echo Lounge
Sun-Sep-28 Orlando, FL The Social
Mon-Sep-29 Orlando, FL The Social
Tue-Sep-30 OFF Wed-Oct-01 Athens, GA TBA
Thu-Oct-02 Nashville, TN Exit In
Fri-Oct-03 St Louis, MO Mississippi Nights
Sat-Oct-04 Lawrence, KS Bottleneck
Badass streetwalker Ted Leo, so tough that even Conan
O'Brien's got his back, will be heading back into the studio
to record a new EP of hard jams for release in October on
Lookout Records. The EP will include a few covers of bands
like The Jam and Style Council. His posse, the drug-dealing
Pharmacists, will no doubt be along for the ride, so don't
nobody try and fuck wit' him. |
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7/22/03
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Everyone's favorite
Russia dykes are having relationship problems! And what would
try to get between two little lezzys faster than a man? Tatu's
Julia Volkova (the hot dark-haired one) has switched teams,
betraying her rugmunching fans to date a karate instructor.
Volkova may reportedly leave the group because of Lena Katina's
(the ugly one) jealousy, not just over her boyfriend but also
because of her role as 'leader' of the group. It's always
a struggle to determine who wears the pants in these gay relationships.
Also, this reporter speculated that they may be breaking up
simply because nobody cares now that they've seen them kiss,
most of their former fans going on to become fervent buyers
of lesbian amateur porno.
The Dead Kennedys are continuing their quest to totally
invalidate everything they ever stood for in favor of cashing
in on their name. The band has announced that they now have
another new singer, the pretend Jello Biafra named
Brandon Cruz being replaced by the pretend Jello Biafra stupidly
known as Jeff Penalty. Unsurprisingly, Penalty was the singer
of a Screeching Weasel cover band. Now he's the singer for
a DK cover band. Keeping milking that cow, boys.
The Notwist are getting ready to release a five-song
EP. The record, titled Different Cars and Trains, will
feature European B-sides and remixes of songs from the band's
wonderfully subtle Neon Golden. Look for it in November
on Domino Records.
2003 seems to be the magic year where all those "what ifs"
and "if onlys" finally get answered. Not only is Brian Wilson
dusting off Smile but the Stooges have gotten back
together, the Pixies seem to be next, and now word comes from
Pitchforkmedia.com that My Bloody Valentine are working
together again. Apparently the band is completing five songs
that they abandoned in 1989. The songs were originally slated
to be on the Glider EP, which was itself originally
slated to be a nine-song album. Only four of the nine songs
were completed though and the EP was rushed out. The band
has now decided to complete the songs for inclusion on a forthcoming
box set, with the selling point that it contains the originally
intended, full-version of the Glider album. There's
no way of telling what further amazing regroupings and revisitations
2003 may contain, but I've got my fingers crossed for that
Osmond reunion I've been dreaming about since I first came
out of the womb.
According to MTV.com, Guns N' Roses frontman Axl
Rose wandered into the Crazy Horse Too in Las Vegas on
July 16 and gave a preview of the band's long-delayed Chinese
Democracy album. One can presume he was lonely, frustrated
and endlessly wandering the wasteland of LA with tears in
his eyes. Rose apparently hoped to win the support of his
last two fans, the kind of people who would be in a strip
club on a Wednesday morning, by playing the unfinished album
over the nearly empty club's PA system. Rose then visited
the VIP room for hand jobs and champagne, hoping to assuage
his ego and have someone with nice tits wipe away his tears
while telling him that he was still a 'big man.'
Liberia's pretty fucked. |
Michigan
Rep. John Conyers and California Rep. Howard Berman, both
Democrats, have revealed themselves as complete fucking tools.
Just when you thought US lawmakers couldn't get more retarded,
these two senators have introduced a bill that would make
it easier to slap criminal charges on the 60 million Americans
engaged in Internet file sharing. The Conyers-Berman bill
operates under the assumption that each copyrighted work was
copied at least 10 times before various others, for a total
retail value of $2,500, which makes it a felony with up to
five years in jail. The RIAA giggled when they heard
the news, before returning to pulling strings and making their
personal senators dance a hearty jig for their amusement.
Just what we need, more people in jail!
Let's take a look at some of their major contributors, shall
we? (from opensecrets.org)
HOWARD L. BERMAN (D-CA)
Walt Disney Co $32,000
AOL Time Warner $29,050
Vivendi Universal $27,341
Viacom Inc $15,000
DreamWorks SKG $11,000
Sony Corp of America $7,000 |
JOHN CONYERS JR.
(D-MI)
AOL Time Warner $9,000
National Assn of Broadcasters $6,000
Walt Disney Co $6,000
Viacom Inc $5,000 |
If you've heard about Metallica suing a band called
Unfaith for using an E-F chord progression, it's a
hoax. The story was reported on MSNBC, CNN, Ananova.com, Dotmusic.com
Jimmy Kimmel Live and thousands of radio stations across America,
unfortunately the whole thing was a satire started by Unfaith
who posted fake MTV.com and Metallica.com web pages. You can
read the band's admission here.
The problem was, reporters saw the fake sites and reported
the story as fact, without bothering to check whether or not
it was real. So much journalistic integrity. As for Bornbackwards.com,
we realized it was a hoax from the get-go and were one of
the few news sites, besides the real MTV.com, not to report
the story. That's one retraction we don't have to make.
The 40th annual Father Christmas World Congress in Denmark
has officially decided that Santa Claus lives in the
horrible, horrible icy wasteland of Greenland. 130 Father
and Mother Christmases and Santa's helpers from 12 different
countries finally put an end to the debate about their real
home. The Santa's then paraded through Copenhagen to the strains
of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. In the middle of July.
I'm not kidding.
Uday and Qusay Hussein were killed yesterday
in a three-hour gunfight with US troops in northern Iraq.
Now where the fuck is Saddam already?
Lovitt Records is reporting that Luke Herbst, the drummer
for Bats & Mice, recently had an accident in which
one of his eyes was seriously injured. He is currently doing
fine and doctors say he should have normal vision again, eventually.
Unfortunately, he hasn't been able to work for over a month
and his bills have been piling up. Lovitt has set up a PayPal
account on their website
so he can get back on his feet. Lovitt says, "Many thanks
for any and all help." The band is currently playing out on
weekends and writing new material for a full-length they plan
to record this fall. |
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7/16/03
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Holy fucking shit! Seriously,
that's how excited I am, I can't even articulate myself without
swear words Great shitty anus warts, I actually squeeled and
kicked my little legs when I first heard this news. And now,
like the movie theater advertisements told me to do, I'm passing
it on. The almighty Pixies, one of the most remarkable
rock bands to ever set foot on this primitive planet, are
considering a reunion tour! Although it may certainly be
Frank Black bullshitting everyone in the world, as he
is known to do, the man himself told London's XFM radio station
that the band has been getting together for private, informal
practice jams lately.
This is major news as the primary reason for the Pixies' demise
was the falling out between frontman Frank Black (then Black
Francis) and bassist Kim Deal. If they've manage to resolve
their egos, they can get back to business because let's face
it, they need each other. Frank Black and the Catholics put
out an album every couple months that nobody buys and Deal's
The Breeders took 9 years to record a follow-up to their 1993
hit Last Splash, because she couldn't get a drum sound
she liked. Alone they are merely a fat man and an obsessive
twin, but together they combine with drummer David Lovering
and guitarist Joey Santiago to form the mighty robotic guardian
of rock and roll!
Unfortunately, Black likes fucking with people and said he
isn't totally sure about a reunion because he's afraid it
would be a complete failure and no one would show up. Sorry
Frank but that's your solo career, the line for a Pixies reunion
would be longer (and certainly cooler) than the geeks lined
up for the new Star Wars movie. Further teasing the public,
Black's website recently posted the following comments, "The
Pixies will get together later this year to record a new double
album of Latvian children's lullabies, after which they will
tour each and every country whose name begins with the letters
Cz."
The sad thing is that I applied for Czech citizenship before
I realized it was a joke. Oh Frankie, you rascal, you got
me again!
The Sex Pistols, who also like to fuck with their audience
(what little there is left), have said that they would like
to play a benefit show in Baghdad following their second U.S.
reunion tour this August. "If the people of Iraq are being
offered democracy, then they should understand it to its fullest
extent, and that is the Sex Pistols," said John Lydon, unsurprisingly
inflated his relevance to the modern world. No word yet if
the band is actually serious or if Lydon is just being an
ass like usual.
CMJ is reporting that Jesse Jordan, a 19-year-old Long Island
college student who was sued by the Record Industry Association
of America for copyright infringement, has raised all
$12,000 of his legal settlement in just six weeks by requesting
donations on his website.
The situation was further evidence that the RIAA just doesn't
get it, and that suing consumers is public relations
suicide. Donations were so numerous that Jordan began to help
raise the $15,000 settlement for Princeton student Daniel
Peng. |
MP3.com
is not only closing its European wing in a month but is currently
looking to sell its US division as well. Vivendi Universal
bought MP3.com in 2001, but the website's pay service hasn't
lived up to the company's expectations, because quite frankly
nobody is going to pay for something they can get for free.
Not only that, but it's a pain in the ass to fill out a form
everytime you want to download an mp3 from a shitty local
band you've heard is taking "(Insert your town here) by storm!"
In other business news, Converse is also experiencing
money problems. ESPN reported that Nike is paying $300
million to buy Converse, the maker of the Chuck Taylor
All-Stars sneaker that has been a staple of American cool
since the 1950s despite the fact that they make your feet
look like bananas. Now when you put on your punk-fashion-friendly
Chucks, try to imagine that they were sewn together by the
small hands of struggling little Indonesian babies who want
you to 'Just Do It ï.'
Remember when you were in 4th grade and you had a secret crush
on the girl (or guy, I make no value judgments) with the southern
accent and you wanted to keep it hush-hush but everybody kind
of already knew because of the way you would stare at her
during recess? Well, this news is sort of like that but not
as innocent and cute: Saves the Day's top-secret but
long-rumored signing to Dreamworks has finally been officially
confirmed by the parties involved. For those keeping track,
we reported the signing back two months ago on 5/14/03, as
always Bornbackwards.com keeps you informed about lame bands
well ahead of those other e-zines. By the time the
band's next album, In Reverie, finally comes out in
September, emo will already be as dead as your fragile childhood
emotions were when that fucking steel-hearted southern bitch
checked 'no' on your 'do you like me?' note.
The White Stripes' Jack White has broken his finger
in a car accident. White collided with another car while driving
in Detroit on July 9th. The injury has forced White to cancel
his band's spot on two European festivals, and presumably
to wear one of those finger casts that make it look like you're
flicking off everyone wherever you go. NME is reporting that
Renee Zellweger was also in White's car at the time
of the accident, and that the two are in fact dating, despite
a strange lack of press attention and celebrity gossip concerning
this new 'power couple.'
Anyway, let this be a lesson to all you readers out there:
never, ever get behind the wheel of one of those dangerous,
newfangled automobiles.
At first I thought he just hated women, but it turns out Fat
Mike's planned Rock Against Bush tour is actually about
politics. The NOFX frontman is shaping the tour into
his own twisted version of Rock the Vote, with free shows
at colleges and voter registration booths on hand. Nothing
has been confirmed yet, except that NOFX will play all dates.
A Rock Against Bush compilation will be released on Fat Wreck
Chords and will feature songs by Weezer, Green Day, Sum 41,
Foo Fighters, and the most political band in music today,
Good Charlotte. |
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7/09/03
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The Vandals,
the worst band in rock music, were nearly arrested at the
"Red White 'n' Boom" 4th of July festival in Las Vegas. Remember
that this is the state where men do coke in their hotel room,
hire prostitutes to fuck and possibly kill, gamble away their
life savings in 2.5 seconds and then wind up in the desert
with a gun in their mouth and tears in their eyes because
they just lost their kid's college fund. But idiotic novelty
songs about poop will not be tolerated! We can't have filthy
language in Las Vegas! Punknews.org is reporting that the
audience was shouting, "Fuck the police," and there was a
near riot. However, our own sources tell us that only a few
people in the audience taunted the cops and that there were
maybe one or two fights just because people were drunk and
it was fucking hot outside. A riot wasn't even close to breaking
out, because nobody wanted to hear the band play anyway.
Anyways, I'm actually kind of on the LVPD's side, the Vandals
are just so bad the cops were probably trying to get them
to stop playing any way they could.
R&B legend Barry White died at age 58 on July 4th by
a series of ailments including high blood pressure, kidney
failure, a mild stroke and ongoing infections. And get this:
White, who is best known for his smooth, seductive sex-music
like "Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe," leaves behind
9 children, one of which was born only four weeks before he
died! Now a fight is brewing between his first wife, Mary,
his second Glodean (who inspired many of his lyrics) and his
girlfriend Katherine Denton, the mother of his most recent
child. Because they all want the poor dead man's money.
For those wondering, he was not Chef on South Park.
Rancid is apparently shitting their collective pants
because of the backlash from their Warped Tour fans over the
band's deal with Warner Bros. Records. Ironically enough,
Warped Tour is a corporately funded event, rife with major
advertisement money, although don't tell the kids with the
Independentñ shirts, Dickiesñ
shorts and the Vansñ shoes. Hoping
to assuage these hypocritical fans, Lars Frederiksen has said,
"It's a unique deal that doesn't play by the traditional record
biz rules... It's Rancid putting out an album on Hellcat,
with the possibility of additional support from [Warner Bros.]."
Effectively, the album will be handled by Warner Bros. in
everything but name. While the band may be using Warner distribution
and advertising, the upcoming album, Invincible won't
carry their logo. |
In what could
turn out to be the worst idea in this young century, the Vans
Warped Tour has decided to film a teen slasher movie set
in ... you guessed it, the Vans Warped Tour. Although the backwards
baseball caps, mini-mohawks, cut off Jnco shorts and other
'punk rock' fashion choices are sure to inspire terror, the
actual 'plot' (and I use the term loosely) is about a disgruntled
employee who puts a curse on the Tour. And no, wiseass, the
curse is not the Tour's lineup of bands that mix shitty ska
with shitty punk, although it certainly would explain a lot.
The film is being done by B-movie gore-specialist Troma
Films, who produced the Toxic Avenger series, and is being
called "Punk Rock Holocaust," because, of course, the Warped
Tour is the perfect allegory for the suffering, pain, misery
and execution of European Jews in the 1940s.
Proving that old dudes still rock, Steve Hansgen and Brian
Baker (of punk legends like Minor Threat, Dag Nasty, Bad Religion,
etc) have started a three piece old-school hardcore band called
Middle Aged Brigade, in a direct nod to early 80s punk
classics Youth Brigade (who ironically still perform together
well into their middle age). Shit, I don't even think I need
a joke for this one. Baker wrote on the Dag Nasty website,
"We sing about issues relevant to people in our age bracket.
How can any self-respecting 35+ year old punk rocker find
meaning in the songs of high-school drama and misplaced youthful
energy that the current crop of bands provide?" Take their
song "Battle of the Bulge" for instance, which chronicles
Baker's battle with middle-age weight gain, or "Tough Choices"
which is about whether to purchase an SUV or a Minivan for
the family's transportation needs. An EP will be released
in July on Jeff Nelson's (also a former member of Minor Threat,
as well as being co-owner of Dischord Records) Adult Swim
Records.
Holy fucking shit! The
next step in human evolution was just born: This kid has
four legs, three arms, and three kidneys. No kidding, he'll
always have a lucrative career in the circus. |
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7/02/03
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In an effort to further
alienate all of America, the Recording Industry Association
of America, has decided to begin suing individual users
of internet music file-sharing networks like Kaaza and WinMX.
The RIAA will spend the next month identifying targets among
the estimated 80 million people, focusing specifically on
those offering a "significant" amount of songs, although an
actual number has not been disclosed. In August the first
lawsuits of "at least several hundred lawsuits" will be filed.
All this is in an effort to scare the public into behaving
and shelling out $18.99 for the latest Ashanti album. The
decision comes just weeks after the U.S. appeals court ruled
that Internet providers must identify subscribers suspected
of illegally sharing music and movies. U.S. copyright law
allows for damages of $750 to $150,000 for each song.
Openly antagonizing customers, in this case declaring fucking
war on consumers, is no kind of business plan I ever heard,
and effectively it is the attempts of a wounded music industry
to distract itself from it's actual huge problems. It's also
a public relations debacle. If the RIAA thought people hated
them now, just fucking wait.
Trying to capture more of the underground market, Vagrant
Records has branched out beyond their regular pop-punk,
straight into mosh-metal screamo, by signing hardcore band
From Autumn to Ashes. Rumors are flying that they're
also after Brand New. With such diversity of bad bands
on such a bad label, kids with bad taste everywhere will still
think that Vagrant is the best thing ever.
In other news that nobody cares about but I'm reporting anyways,
Andrew WK will release the DVD/CD single "Tear it Up"
on July 17th. It's sure to be full of deep philosophical musing
about things such as 'partying' and 'getting crunked up,'
and feature big guitars and ... more big guitars. He'll also
release a new album of his genuine pull-no-punches tard-rock
entitled The Wolf on September 9th.
Projected sales: 2.
According to Pitchforkmedia.com, Liars' second full-length
album, which is now titled They Were Wrong So We Drowned,
won't find it's way into your filthy, unwashed hands until
at least February 28th, despite being completely finished.
That's 8 months away for any music-loving high school dropouts
out there. Because of the delay, Liars are planning yet another
EP in the meantime. That marks like 4 in the last year.
In other disappointing Liars news, the band's rhythm section
has quit. This bodes ill for the Gang of Four comparisons
floating around and we can only hope that the Liars do not
hire Sara Lee and a drum machine to fill in for their missing
bandmates and become a shitty synth-club-pop band in the process,
just like the aforementioned.
President Bush finally did something worth not-actually-being-elected:
he's put the muzzle on telemarketers! Although the National
Do Not Call List has an absolute ton of loopholes and will
probably only triple the amount of junk mail and spam email
you get, it's definitely a step in a positive direction. My
own version of the Do Not Call List is this: when telemarketers
call, just start screaming and howling wordlessly into the
phone. Mention Jesus once or twice and they won't call back.
|
There are
plenty of reasons to hate Cat Stevens: his music sucks,
he hasn't done shit in years, and when he converted to Islam
he changed his name to Yusuf Islam. How pretentious really,
when Adam converted to Judaism for a girl you didn't see him
change his last name to "Jewish." Well, now there is yet one
more reason to hate him: he sued the Flaming Lips,
who now have to split all royalties from their single "Fight
Test" because of a resemblance to Stevens' "Father and Son"
from Tea for the Tillerman. Lips frontman Wayne Coyne
even admitted the resemblance to Britain's New Music Express.
D'oh, bonehead move there Wayne, haven't you ever heard of
'plausible deniability?'
Anyway, Cat Steven's sucks. Hmm, this article requires some
needless Muslim jokes: Yusuf Islam then declares a holy jihad
on all drugged out psych-pop bands after which the Flaming
Lips will send the Eastern infidel to his eternal damnation.
Adam Jewish shows up, congratulates the champions and offers
them access to G-d's heavenly kingdom if only they'll
convert.
The final Joe Strummer and The Mescaleros album is
now set for a fall release on Hellcat and has been given the
rather weak name Streetcore. Even though the album
will be on Rancid's label there's really no need to make it
sound like one of their records. Streetcore! Raaa, punk rock!
Rick Rubin is also contributing a recording he did last year
with Strummer, a cover of Bob Marley's "Redemption Song."
The new Death Cab For Cutie, Transatlanticism,
will be out in early October on Barsuk. Apparently it's the
long-rumored concept album about American-European relations
through the centuries, a musical-history narrative that Ben
Gibbard has been desperately trying to convince his bandmates
to do for years now.
Eminem's crackhead ex-wife, Kimberly Mathers, is facing
cocaine possession charges after she was arrested on a traffic
violation. Detroit cops found two small Ziploc bags, in her
glove compartment, which contained a white powder believed
to be cocaine.
According to Billboard.com a two-disc deluxe edition of The
Harder They Come, the legendary 1973 soundtrack to
the Jimmy Cliff film of the same name, will be released
on August 5th. The album was the first to really introduce
Jamaican music to the rest of the world of the world, and
consequently it became even more famous than the film. The
album will have new artwork and essays, including one written
by Clash bassist Paul Simonon. The first disc will feature
a remastered copy of the original album, with Jimmy Cliff,
Desmond Dekker and Toots & The Maytals, while the second
disc collects early ska and reggae singles by those artists.
Although we here at Bornbackwards.com heartily endorse Toots
and company, we fear this may trigger the long-feared fourth
wave of ska, with Yiddish kids combining the music not just
with shitty punk but also with Romanian folk music, perhaps?
POLL: Who will America 'preemptively strike' next? A) Syria
B) Iran C) North Korea. Answer on our message
board. |
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6/18/03
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Rancid-the band
that wishes more than anything in the world that this Christmas
Santa Claus will gift them, not with a pony, but by making
them the Clash-has officially signed with Warner Bros. This
is an especially odd bit of news considering Rancid has bragged
about turning down major label offers for years, especially
at the height of their commercial powers in 1995 when they
had two singles in heavy rotation on MTV and were offered
dumptrucks full of money by Madonna to be on her then-fledgling
Maverick label. From Out Come the Wolves, "Business
man come and shake my hand / show me numbers that I understand
... Say goodbye when you see me sign / Now I'm crucified. Crucify
me." Odd that a band that have been so vocal about their independence
and support of Epitaph, not to mention their own imprint label,
would sign to a major. Additionally, the latest issue of Alternative
Press features a cover photo of Rancid that states, "We didn't
choose punk--punk chose us." Bold statements from a band who've
sported mohawks for years and have a guitarist with the letters
P-U-N-K tattooed across his fucking knuckles.
Thom Yorke is going around telling people that Radiohead's
latest album, Hail to the Thief may be the band's last.
Hoping to escape the pressures of making full-lengths and
the scrutiny and media attention associated with them, Yorke
hopes to release only EPs. Of course, Yorke is notorious for
misleading people and said prior to Hail to the Theif's
release that it would be filled with 'sunny pop songs.' Meanwhile,
it's the bands darkest and most depressing effort to date.
I cry at night just thinking about it. Maybe he's got 40-minute
EPs in mind.
It has been confirmed: The Rapture's
next album, Echoes recorded over a year ago, will finally
be released by Strummer/Universal records.
American Hi-Fi has been dropped by Island Records.
Sources close to the band report that it was because, "they
suck real bad." |
The best
pop band in the world today has just lost their tourist keyboardist.
Kevin Lovejoy, who the Bornbackwards crew salivated
over in Atlanta, has deprived Spoon of his ivory-finessing
magic fingers! According to Pitchforkmedia.com, Lovejoy left
the band for a spot playing the keyboard for Michelle Branch,
everyone's favorite ...actually I don't think anyone likes her,
especially when they could be listening to fucking Vanessa
Carlton! She totally rules! Fuck that Branch bitch, it's all
about my sweet baby Carlton! Spoon leader Britt Daniels has
said he needs to "find someone with a reasonably clean criminal
record who can play keys for us" before the band's tour next
month. Drug dealers and slave traders welcome--no murderers
or jaywalkers need apply.
Clear Channel Entertainment has plans for a new service
called Instant Live that will provide concert-goers with a
CD of the concert they just attended as they leave the venue.
Fans can preorder the CD with their tickets or purchase it
from vendors after the concert, or from select retailer chains.
The service is currently being tested in Boston. It's unclear
though what types of profits and rights the bands themselves
will see from these CDs, how Clear Channel will produce them
so quickly and whether fans will be able to receive a refund
on the CD if it is a particularly piss-poor show or the mixing
is bad.
This could also spell the end of the live album, a long institution
in rock and roll that presented us with classics like Frampton
Comes Alive. But at least now you can finally get good
quality concert tracks of Creed to replace those shitty, grainy
bootlegs you keep buying for $25 a pop on Ebay.
Pennywise, the 'everyman' band of California skatepunk,
have announced that they will allow their loving fans to choose
their set at this year's excitingly bland Warped Tour. It
shouldn't be that hard for fans considering Pennywise only
has one song that they continue to play about 60 variations
of. Hey can you guys play the song that doesn't sound
like everything else you've ever put out? Oh, you don't know
that one, then how about the song about how lame society is?
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6/11/03
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6/11/03
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Brian Wilson, legendary genius behind
the Beach Boys late 1960s accomplishments, has announced
plans to finally perform his legendary lost masterpiece, Smile,
on a short UK tour this February. Smile was originally
intended to compete with the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper and his
Lonely Hearts Club Band, and was described by Wilson as
being as big a sonic improvement over Pet Sounds (which
was itself in response to the Beatles' Rubber Soul)
as that album was over their previous work. The album was
abandoned in 1967 though as Wilson lost his mind under the
weight of his own expectations and his conspicuous consumption
of hallucinogenic drugs.
The album's replacement Smiley Smile featured radically
simplified and reworked versions of some of the songs. It
flopped and Wilson spent most of the 70s in drug-hazed insanity
as the Beach Boys became yesterday's news and eventually mutated
into a nostalgia act. Various Smile tracks resurfaced
as cornerstones of later Beach Boys album, but seriously reworked
and often finished without Wilson's consent.
The only completed piece of the Smile sessions to ever
see the light of day was the million-selling pop landmark
"Good Vibrations." Various plans have been made over the years
to finally finish and release the album, including a boxset
that nearly saw release in 1987, but Wilson has notoriously
avoided the subject at all times. The new concerts, starting
with four dates at the Royal Festival Hall in London, will
mark the first ever performances of a full set of Smile songs
and there is no word yet on which songs he will play exactly,
as bootlegs of the album often contain upwards of 30 tracks,
often only fragments of songs. The announcement on his website
though seems to suggest that he'll be performing what he had
planned to be the entirety of the album from start to finish.
Undoubtedly the concerts will be released as a live album,
just like Wilson's Pet Sounds tour not long ago, and
could be the first step in seeing Smile itself officially
released.
It's nice to know that a 21-year-old kid, whose only journalistic
resource is the Internet, can outscoop CNN and every
major news source in America by two fucking weeks! That's
right, CNN and everywhere has finally picked up the
story we reported back on 5/28 about the search of a Maryland
lake for possible evidence related to the anthrax mail attacks
in 2001. Glad to see CNN is so on top of things. It's a little
scary to think that a kid with a computer can unearth more
information than the entire US news media. As a result BBW's
new slogan is "Better than CNN, More biased than Fox."
Unconfirmed rumors are circulating that The Rapture
has signed to Strummer/Universal Records.
According to Billboard magazine, Courtney
Love may soon have her own record label to spew forth
the solid waste that no one else will touch: her solo work.
The former Hole is nearing the end of negotiations
with the fools at Virgin Records to create an imprint label
and release her first solo album of raw sewage, America's
Sweatheart.
Bert McCracken, frontman of shit-rockers
The Used, was hospitalized after falling ill during
a show thought surprisingly not from the poison that is his
music. The band's management has reported that he was suffering
from pancreatitis, "a condition that is not life threatening
and is curable. Bert is being treated with prescription drugs
and rest. He needs to eat better and take better care of himself."
...And, this is just our amateur medical opinion, not have sex
with people like Kelly Osbourne?
Ever the public relations mastermind, Mike Tyson says
he'd like to rape Desiree Washington, the woman who accused
him of rape in 1991. While still somehow trying to maintain
his innocence, Tyson says that being labeled a convicted rapist
makes him want to do it now. Tyson, who served three years
in prison, was quoted by MSNBC as saying "I JUST HATE her
guts. She put me in that state, where I don't know. I really
wish I did now. But now I really do want to rape her."
After their brief reunion at this year's Coachella festival,
The Stooges are planning their first new album since
1973's gloriously ragged Raw Power. Plans are to enter
the studio this summer to make a whole new album. Not only
that but their scheduling more shows: The band will be performing
in Detroit in the middle of August with no less than Sonic
Youth as their opening act! What remains a mystery though
is if the Minutemen's Mike Watt, having filled in on bass
duties at Coachella, will continue on with the band. The Stooges
first tested the idea of a reunion during recording sessions
in Florida in January for former (and now current again) Stooges
frontman Iggy Pop's next solo album. That album, titled
Skull Ring is said to be released by Virgin Records
on September 30 and features rather bizarre contributors like
Green Day and Sum 41. If Iggy still likes smearing himself
with peanut butter and stabbing himself in the chest during
live performances this could be the most exciting news since
... Brian Wilson deciding to finally perform Smile. |
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Mandy Moore is to appear
nude in her upcoming movie still going by the name of "Untitled
Mandy Moore Project." It is not confirmed what parts of
her body will be shown, but she has been quoted as saying
that she has a butt double. There is still a chance we will
see the pop star's breasts. Jerry, friend and billiards
foe, is stifling his erection with everything he can find.
Bandages, seven layers of underwear, string... even old newspapers.
The kid is obsessed with her. He's also still a virgin because,
yes, he's scared of pussy. Email him at jerry@bellsouth.net
and make fun of his labiaphobia.
Pete Yorn says he wants penis-reduction surgery because
"it's getting out of hand." I don't know what that means,
but most likely it means he's a lying sonofabitch who wants
to bang more chicks. Isn't rock stardom enough, you greedy
bastard? There are plenty of guys here in Gainesville that
would like to bang chicks, but you're stealing them with
your "big dick." I bet you speed up really fast between
speed bumps to let people know that you have a big cock.
God, will I ever fucking stop talking about this guy's dick?
Will I? HUH?
The New Jersey Devils won the Stanley
Cup, but no one cares because no one watches hockey.
In news that hits closer to home, Arthur Alas
has gone missing. The last I heard he was going on a some
sort of wacko self-discovery journey. Before he left, he
sent me the following email:
Dear curly haired friend,
I have curly hair above my penis, but it's nowhere as lovely
as your mop. I'll be going away for a while. It looks like
people have been frowning down upon me ever since I compared
Jeff to the Beatles. I'm sorry. It was my mistake. Fags
don't get a second chance. Not even Jeffs.
My blunders show that I need to take some time off for self
discovery. I hope this letter reaches you after you discover
your car stolen. If it's not stolen, you can thank the Church
of Latter Day Saints. Sometime in the future I may get
back to you. I plan on finding out the meaning of life.
Also, did you see the Stanley Cup!?! That shit was fucking
awesome!
I will see you my curly haired fatty.
-Arthur
I don't really know what it all means, but I'm sure it's
just above me. Anyway, let's all drink a pint in his name.
Here's to you, Arthur. Cheers.
Rock 104, our local "Shittiest Radio Station", recently
had a contest to meet Saliva. Here's how they described
the winner: "John Doe kicks ass and drinks beer and he's
going to meet Saliva. WOO!" This just goes to show that
rednecks control the airwaves and Saliva sucks ass. Thanks,
ClearChannel!
If you haven't heard, Radiohead has a TV station
on the internet: www.radiohead.tv.
Every hour, on the hour, they have what seems to be a variety
show, mostly creepy mini videos of cartoons, interviews,
or random images, all using the new album as background
music. It's interesting, but gets a little old after a while.
It's worth a watch. Go check it out and then masturbate
because you love them so much, and you want to marry Thom
Yorke because he is a genius with a gimpy eye that no
one understands.
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5/28/03
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This year at England's
Glasonbury Festival, Friday June 27, will be the world-premier
screening of "The Last Night London Burned." The film documents
the reunion of former Clash-leaders Joe Strummer and Mick
Jones in November 2002. It was their last live performance
together due to Stummer's death the following month.The 35-minute
film is said to feature interviews and footage of Joe Strummer
& The Mescaleros, joined by Jones in their performance of
Clash classics "Bank Robber," "White Riot" and "London's Burning."
Jeremy Michael Ward, 27, of The Mars Volta and De Facto was
found dead of a heroin overdose at his home in Los Angeles.
Ward was the 'sound manipulator' for The Mars Volta, working
on every one of their recordings and live shows, although
he often went unnoticed because of his decision to perform
offstage. The band had just returned to L.A. for a week of
rest during their tour with the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Amnesty International released a report today stating that
the "war on terror" has left people around the world feeling
more scared than at any time since the cold war. The organization's
annual report also said that the fight against terrorism was
being used by countries like the US and Britain to trample
on human rights. Torture, imprisonment without trial, and
other things that would have been considered an outrage during
the cold war are now readily accepted by some people. Amnesty
used Guantanamo Bay as example, where the US is detaining
600 foreign nationals at a military base in Cuba. The report
called it a "human rights scandal" and demanded the prisoners
be released or charged immediately.
Good news: We finally found some Weapons of Mass Destruction!
Bad news: We found them in a field in Maryland, 50 miles from
Washington. Sanitation crews unearthed 100 vials of anthrax
and other dangerous bacteria near Fort Detrick, which was
home to a US germ warfare program until 1969. The base has
maintained their stock of viruses ever since, you know for
'security purposes.' The leading theory is that a disgruntled
Fort Detrick employee carried out the unsolved anthrax letter
attacks in 2001. Although over 2,000 tons of hazardous waste
has been unearthed at the site, the story has garnered little
media attention besides a local news item in the Washington
Post. |
Just like a bloated pregnant woman, emotionally
unstable and sexually unappealing, the Dismemberment Plan
has finally decided on a name for the little fetus they've
got incubating in their fat uterus, The People's History
of the Dismemberment Plan. The album is said to be a
collection of challenging and unusual remixes. The band
imagines that one day the album might grow up to be a doctor,
a lawyer, an Olympic athlete or maybe even the president
of the whole goddamned world! The expected delivery date
given by the doctors is September 22nd.
Not only that but proud papa Travis Morrison,
the band's song-writer, is about to have another baby with
his new family, before his signature on the Dismemberment
Plan divorce papers is even dry! His solo album is the result
of an affair with producer Chris Walla (Deathcab for Cutie)
and is nearly in it's second trimester already. Pitchforkmedia.com
is reporting that the record is 90% done and 30% mixed already.
A long search through a baby-name book has resulted in Travis
naming the album N.T.W.R. which stands for 'No Taxation
Without Representation,' a political issue close to the DC-native's
heart. I don't want to level any judgments but I think the
kid might have a tough time in school with a name like that.
I met a kid named Trickle Down Economics once and he was pretty
maladjusted. You can check out three ultra-sounds (ie MP3s)
from the album at his
website. You can definitely see the influence of the Deathcab
genes as the songs so far are graceful pop numbers. But fear
not, they still have their father's eyes: unexpected sampler
textures and background vocals tend to appear suddenly. Either
way, these bouncing baby boys (or girls?) are something to
keep an eye on. They're our most precious natural resources.
Stanley Kubrick's soul lives on. His brooding, often difficult
movies are having an intense effect on moviemaking today.
Especially at Paramount Pictures, who have just recently optioned
the Avril Lavigne hit single "Sk8er Boi" with the intention
of adapting it into a feature film. According to Billboard.com,
ER writer/producer David Zabel has been hired to write
the screenplay, which will be produced by Paramount-based
MTV Films. The movie is said to be dark, terrifying and heavily
symbolic, akin to Kubrick's "The Shining," only based on Avril
Lavigne instead of Stephen King. And get this, although the
movie is not a musical, it will have a strong musical element
like "Flashdance" or "Footloose." Sure to be a triumph of
cinematic integrity and innovation!
Remember when Blink 182 decided they wanted to sound like
Fugazi and/or Refused, so they started Boxcar Racer but they
still just sounded like Blink 182? Yeah well this is an even
worse idea. Two guys named Rich, both alumni of ska bands,
have decided that Saddle-Creek is the new Moon Ska. Rich Balling
and Rich Zahnheiser, ex-members of the Rx Bandits and the
Hippos respectively, have formed Cowboy Communist. They emphatically
warn, "This is not ska!" (Yeah sure, whatever dude. Deciding
to not play ska anymore doesn't suddenly make you a good musician)
and they describe their new sound as "Bright Eyes meets The
Faint."
Whoa! What the fuck just happened? Did the most awful band
in all of history just form right before my fucking eyes?!
Is this actually happening or am I losing my grip on sanity?
Oh padded walls and electric shock therapy here I come. Thanks
a lot, Cowboy Communist! |
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5/21/03
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In a follow-up to a
story we posted on 4/23/03, Stone Temple Pilots frontman Scott
Weiland is now officially the frontman/ego/junky/troublemaker
for the new band being put together by the former members
of Guns n' Roses. The group also finally announced its incredibly
unoriginal and Matrix-influenced name, "Reloaded." Whoa, how
many previews do you think Slash sat through before that
brilliant one struck him? But I guess it's appropriate since
Weiland and Neo both wear dresses and believe that they're
techno-future-Jesus.
Things are getting increasingly sketchy for the new Iggy Pop
album, Skull Ring. In addition to working with the
remaining Stooges and Green Day, Pop is now also recording
a song with fucking Sum41! (?) Entitled "Little Know
It All," the song features all four members of the band, as
well the vocals of both Pop and Sum 41 vocalist Deryck Whibley
and is being recorded by Greg Nori, the Sum's producer. The
album, Skull Ring is an attempt to hook both a new
audience and fans of Pop's 60s/70s catalogue.
Mopey, whiney, acoustic-emo fans, wipe your tears from a moment
and read on: The New Amsterdams (aka 'The Get Up Kids go acoustic')
plan to release a new album called Worse for the Wear
in July. Here's the cover art:
Other names for the album included Deep Thoughts with Jack
Handy, On A Wire and Deny Listening to This
to Protect Your Masculinity.
The Saves the Day rumors we reported last week are apparently
true as the band has benn picked up by DreamWorks, despite
their past comments about never signing with a major label.
The reason: Richard Egan, head of Vagrant, apparently hated
the material on their new album In Reverie, which means
it must be really bad considering the fucking whack shit his
label has put out. I mean, the last Get Up Kids record? Hello?
Album art for the new Weakerthans album Reconstruction
Site, due out late July:
Spoon, the purveyor's of all things great, plan to release
a mini-LP (aka the expended, extended single of the 21st century)
in August for the pop-perfection of their single "The Way
We Get By." The seven track release will also feature live
radio performances of "Metal Detektor," "I Am the Key," "Anticipation,"
"Someone Something," "Me and the Bean," and "Advance Cassette."
Although disappointingly it does not include the radically
different live rendition of "Paper Tiger" they play in concert.
Pitchforkmedia is also reporting that this hunk of angelic
gospel may include all three of the videos the band recorded
for Kill The Moonlight. It'll be the best thing since
the gospel of motherfucking Christ! Only Spoon will save your
soul without demanding that you wait till you're married before
you start sexing random people up. They won't touch your children
in their no-no zone either. |
My favorite headline
of the week: "Anti-porn leader denies orgy links." Apparently
Dominique Baudis, a leading advocate of banning pornography
from French television (which shows about 100 hardcore films
in a month) and the current head of the nation's broadcasting
standards, has been accused of attending sadomasochistic orgies
hosted by a convicted serial killer. He said the claims were
a "total invention" and part of a plot by the sex industry
to discredit him. The claims first emerged during an investigation
into Patrice Algre, a serial killer serving a life sentence
for killing five women, who is believe to have also been the
leader of a sadomasochistic sex ring, that supplied women
and drugs for policemen, judges, businessmen and politicians
in the city of Toulouse, whose mayor at the time was Baudis.
Three former prostitutes named Baudis as a regular participant
at the often-violent sex-events.
Apparently the latest prefab-pop music craze in Britain is
the Fast Food Rockers. The Rockers, who dress in bright plastic
parodies of fast-food restaurant uniforms, are apparently
skyrocketing up the UK Top 40. Their lyrics include such gems
as "A pizza hut a pizza hut / Kentucky fried chicken and a
pizza hut / McDonalds McDonalds / Kentucky fried chicken and
a pizza hut ... I think of you and lick my lips / You've got
the taste I can't resist ... Let's eat to the beat." This all
pretty ironic considering my angle on the Waterdown
review I recently posted about the out-of-control aim
of the music industry to manufacture music that fits as closely
as possible to a specific consumer demand, regarding it like
you would a hamburger instead of art. Not that this is new,
but it's reaching previously unknown heights. Check out the
Fast Food Rocker's website for their ridiculous outfits and
their overplayed "innocent sexuality." Let's eat to the beat
indeed.
US soldiers in Iraq are using Metallica songs to help break
Iraqis they are trying to interrogate. The prisoners are exposed
to long sessions of heavy metal music which is said to be
"culturally offensive" to them. The most effective songs are
"Enter Sandman" and the Drowning Pool song "Bodies."
This is where I make the obvious joke about 'cruel and unusual
treatment' and everyone laughs.
The latest completely and totally inappropriate rock song
to be used in a commercial is none other than the Velvet Underground's
"Heroin." Yes friends, one of the most subversive songs ever
written is now being used to sell Nissan trucks. The bluntly
obvious and shockingly nihilistic song is, of course, a perfect
fit for the kind of Xtreme lifestyle led by people who own
Nissans. Also, AT&T has been using the Ramones' world-annihilation
classic "Blitzkrieg Bop" in their commercials. |
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5/14/03
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Due to disagreements
with Victory Records, Thursday, Taking Back Sunday, Grade
and Glasseater will not be on the upcoming "Punk Goes Acoustic"
CD from Fearless Records. God what a fucking shame, more than
anything else right now I was waiting to hear some mediocre
screamo bands 'reinvent themselves' as sensitive acousticrooners.
But fear not kids, the rest of the CD will be filled with
such musical innovators and conceptual geniuses as Finch,
Thrice, Midtown, The Ataris and Yellowcard. These bands will
literally recreate music when this acoustic compilation is
released. My bowels hurt, I think I'm gonna go reinvent taking
a shit.
The Osbourne family is falling apart! First, Jack's in rehab;
now Kelly is getting dropped by Epic Records because her album
sold fewer than 150,000 copies. Unfortunately, this means
we'll all have to hear Kelly bitch and whine about this all
fucking next season of The Osbournes.
You know, I recorded myself vomiting and ran it through a
delay pedal once. I called it 'conceptual noise-rock' and
released it on green vinyl under the title "The Regurgitations"
and it sold under 150,000 copies too. But I guess that's because
it didn't have a strong single like "Shut Up" to help push
it along.
I was an extra on the first episode of Three's Company, Gimme
a record contract I'm fucking famous!
Rumors are that Saves the Day is in serious talks with DreamWorks.
Lord knows why when the label could be talking to The Regurgitations,
who are sadly without a record contract at the moment.
Minor Threat and Jawbreaker tributes are in the works. Both
are looking piss-poor and full of watered-down bands 6 generations
removed from the original, trying desperately, even in their
original songs, to recreate what these two bands already did
years and years ago. Please don't buy them, it only encourages
more shit like this.
Fuck! I told you last week that the 'Taking Back Sunday Breakup'
parties were too early! Apparently the two members remaining
in the band are stubbornly committed to rebuilding the group
with new people. Somebody tell these fucking jokers that fun
time is over. JUST FUCKING BREAK UP AND MAKE THIS WORLD A
HAPPIER, SUNNIER PLACE TO LIVE YOU STUPID ASSHOLES! Taking
Back Sunday kills puppy dogs, butterflies and rainbows.
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According to MTV.com,
Fred Durst has started an 80s new-wave influenced side-project
called Pacifica. Well seeing as how Limp Bizkit is the modern
equivalent of fucking Skid Row or Nelson or something I guess
it's only natural for him to also try to be the modern version
of Flock of Seagulls too. Hey Fred, you're like an encyclopedia
of everything truly terrible about the 1980s, cocaine addict
and outrageous greed included. Dude, Fred ... just, stop.
President Bush fired most of the people responsible for Iraqi
reconstruction and installed a whole new team because the
country is in fucking chaos. Still no police, rampant looting,
gas shortages, stolen historical artifacts, a collapsing agricultural
network, missing nuclear components, no sign of Saddam, no
social order or system on the horizon. But hey, we got the
oil ministry safe! No fucking problem.
You'd think with SARS, a failing economy and the threat from
North Korea, that the Japanese would have a little more to
worry about than a seal with a hook through it's eyelid. But
since the Japanese are insane and make cartoons where women
get raped by tentacle monsters, sure, they're worried about
a seal. Tama-chan, a bearded artic seal presumably from the
Bering Sea thousands of miles to the north, showed up in a
polluted river in Tokyo last August and has been a celebrity
ever since. Every sighting draws crowds and news camera crews.
Fan clubs have been organized, and believe you me, the rivalry
between the Society That Thinks About Tama-chan and The Society
That Keeps Watch Over Tama-chan is fierce indeed. They even
gave the fucking animal Japanese citizenship! But the country
was in shock this week when Tama-chan reappeared with a hook
through his right eyelid, the pictures showing up on every
newspaper and TV station. "Tama-chan are you OK?" was asked
across the country. The animal returned to the front pages
Thursday when Pana Wave Laboratory, an apocalyptic sect, declared
that only Tama-chan can save the world.
Cave In have been added to this years resurrected Lollapalooza.
The Distillers have also signed on for Lollapalooza's second
stage. Sounds like a poor man's Warped Tour.
The child molestation charges against the Who's Pete Townshend
have been dropped, but he remained on Britain's sexual offender
watch-list. Since every one says we already rip-off Buddyhead,
we have to decided to go full-blast and be exactly like them
by recycling jokes:
child molester's delight.
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5/7/03
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Courtney
Love posted the following full-page ad in the Village Voice
and LA Weekly, "Join Courtney Love's touring band and get
famous, see the world! Must play bass or guitar (really play),
and look like a goddess. No boys! We like Emily the Strange,
Lolita Goth, Patty Schemel's drumming, Nuggets and
'Performance' the Movie. We love Flea but don't want you to
play like him. Send your videotapes to P.O. Box C238, New
York, N.Y. 10011" Meet famous dealers around the world! Learn
the proper way to suck a CEO's dick in order to gain a record
contract for your absolutely abysmal band! Gain a working
knowledge of how to get the most from your husband's dead
rotting corpse! Meet Linda Perry, who is co-writing several
songs with Love and has previously worked with mega-stars
like Pink and Christina Aguilera! Punk rock! Adventure! Excitement!
Mood swings! Cat fights! All this and more can be yours when
you join Courtney Love's new solo band (and don't worry about
how well you play, you'll be performing to backing tapes)!
Hanson not only still exists but has left Island/Def Jam.
They are apparently looking for a new label for their upcoming
third album. Time to take some lessons from Ms. Love, boys.
Colorado-based country station KKCS has suspended two DJs
for violating a ban on playing the Dixie Chicks. Unfortunately
this ban is not based on their ear-bleeding music, as would
seem to make sense, but on their politics. The ban has in
place since the band criticized President Bush in March, saying
they were 'ashamed he was from Texas.' People in Colorado
are apparently too busy listening to country radio to ever
hear about the First Amendment
X2 is way cooler than the first X-men movie.
The Strokes have kicked uber-producer Nigel Godrich
to the curb. After a few months of working with Godrich, producer
of bands like Radiohead, Beck and Pavement, trying to complete
their second album, the band has decided to scrap the sessions
and start over. The new session will be with the producer of
their last album, Gordan Raphael, thus ensuring that the band
gets the scratchy, distorted vocals they so desire and that
their next album sounds exactly the fucking same. As we reported
last month on 4/2, the band had reserved the option to review
and sever their relationship with Godrich after working on two
songs together.
Girlfriends, no they don't understand; talented mega-producers,
no they won't understand...
From punknews.org:
"Greg Ginn recently spoke with Mean
Street about both the resurrection of SST Records and a
possible Black Flag reunion.
On SST: "Now we have a real solid distributor with Koch and
now I feel very optimistic, because not only do we have a good
distributor, but they seem to be a really solid company and
that's going real smooth. So we'll begin releasing a lot of
music this year and have quite a lot of activity. It's real
exciting."
On the pending reunion: "If we took the greed factor out of
it and made it for a larger cause, it could be educational and
we could make a bunch of money for a grass-roots cat rescue
programs... So right now, we're putting together a show like that.
It'll be a Black Flag, first four years, thing like that."
On the band members: "Well, as you can imagine, people are in
different places with different schedules, and I've been trying
to put this together for the past couple months and we keep
running into scheduling conflicts, so it's kind of up in the
air right now. I want to see who would want to sing with us,
and all of the first four years' singers expressed interest,
which is Dez [Cadena], Keith [Morris] and Ron [Reyes]."
A Black Flag reunion with no Henry Rollins? Ehh, I don't know
about that.
News from Lovitt:
"The Black Sea is currently writing their full-length, which
they hope to have out this fall. They are also looking to start
playing live shows in the near future.
The Lovitt DVD is coming along great. Our friends at Bifocal
Media are doing a fantastic job putting it together for us.
We have some really amazing live footage and interviews from
Engine Down, The Rah Bras, Sleepytime Trio, Four Hundred Years,
Bats & Mice, and Fin Fang Foom among others for the DVD. We
should have a trailer on the website in the next few weeks.
Look for an early fall release ...
We are very excited to announce the addition of Chicago's Pinebender
to our family.
The Sleepytime Trio discography CD, memory-minus, has
been repressed and has been remastered by Chad Clark."
| Contrary to her previous
announcements, Kim Coleta has decided that she is not
shutting DeSoto records. The DeSoto newsletter states that
she is still working on her indie children's album; the Dismemberment
Plan remix album is nearing completion; Travis Morrison is
hard at work on his solo album with Chris Walla and Jason
McGerr of Death Cab for Cutie; and J. Robbins of Burning Airlines
is playing with a new band called Channels.
Sinead O'Connor has decided to shut her stupid Irish mouth.
She's announced that she is officially quitting music! A message
posted on her official website and confirmed by Billboard.com
said, "As of July 2003 I shall be retiring from the music
business [in] order to pursue a different career." She has,
in fact, decided to become a professional ripper of pope pictures.
It's about time that bald fuck found her true calling.
Ted Leo had to cancel the
Milwaukee through Atlanta portion of his May tour due to strained
vocal chords. He has decided to return to home and seek a
doctor's opinion in order to prevent any long-term damage
that might occur. His tourmates El Guapo have also canceled
most of their dates on the tour.
Punknews.org has posted some pictures taken of the Stooges
reunion at the Coachella Festival. Ron Asheton, Iggy Pop and
Scott Asheton played their first set together in 28 years
with the Minutemen's Mike Watt on bass. Check
them out.
Rumors are flying that Taking Back Sunday are going on indefinite
hiatus. It's a little early to start your "Taking Back Sunday
Breakup" parties as this is unconfirmed, but feel free to
uncork a bottle of champagne and savor this feeling of triumph
with a loved one in front of the fire tonight. |
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4/30/03
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4/30/03
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In an effort to expand their baby-killing, satanic
endeavors and assure themselves a place of power in the coming
Dark Empire, brothers Joel and Benji of Good Charlotte are
starting their own label as a joint venture with Epic Records.
A press release from Epic stated that the as-yet-unnamed label
will be dedicated to releasing only the most uninspired, hopeless
untalented records by people with birth defects. This is all
in an effort to make manifest on Earth the brother's dark
lord, Lucifer.
Who the fuck gave the Ataris a record contract?
The next Liars album, which is currently being recorded in
a basement, will be titled Who Needs $$ When We Got Feathers
and will be out this fall on Mute/Blast First.
In another example of how fantastically out of touch the music
industry is, they are now sending instant messages to users
of Grokster and Kazaa with messages that they could be identified
and face "legal penalties" for downloading songs. According
to music industry officials, about 200,000 people received
the message on Tuesday and at least one million will be getting
it within a week. The copyright infringement warnings, which
were sent by the Recording Industry Association of America,
said in part: "It appears that you are offering copyrighted
music to others from your computer. ...When you break the
law, you risk legal penalties. There is a simple way to avoid
that risk: DON'T STEAL MUSIC, either by offering it to others
to copy or downloading it on a 'file-sharing' system like
this. When you offer music on these systems, you are not anonymous
and you can easily be identified."
Because that won't make kids hate the music industry even
more. In fact I think I'll go download some Simple Plan
songs just because I can. I'm not even gonna listen
to them, just download and delete.
In a surprise to absolutely fucking no one, Jack Osbourne
is in rehab at the tender age of 17 at Las Encinas Hospital
in Pasadena, California for unspecified substance abuse problems.
The kid can't even legally drink yet and he's already in fucking
rehab! The excuse given is that Jack has been negatively affected
by the fame of his family's reality tv-show on MTV, but we
all know he just inherited Ozzy's love of drink and powder.
Thankfully this will provide us all with great television
for the next few seasons of the Obsournes. God Bless America.
Headbanger's Ball will make it's return on MTV2 starting May
1st, although it's unknown if the show will stick to it's
80's hair-metal roots or if it will be a strictly nu-metal
show. Either option is equally unwatchable.
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I'm back and bustier than ever.
You'd think that in light of recent events Sars brand cola
wouldn't sell too well in Taiwan, but apparently the Sars
recipe is just too damn tasty to give up. Not only have
sales not taken a hit, but they're actually on the rise
as the Sars craze sweeps the island. The execs are just
praying it spreads as fast as its viral counterpart. Yes,
it's real.
We all agree that Creed's music sounds worse than Anna Nicole
Smith ripping one in the hot tub with Madonna's new rap
playing in the background, but now someone is actually suing
them for their shitty music. The Smoking Gun has reported
that a $2 million class-action lawsuit has been filed against
Scott Stapp and his band mates for a horrible performance
at a Chicago-area show in December. The lawsuit alleges
that Christ-lover Stapp must have been "drunk or drugged-up"
during the disastrous performance, while demanding refunds
for all 15,000 people who attended. The band sent out an
e-mail in response that included the following excerpt:
"For now we hope that you can take some solace in the fact
that you definitely experienced the most unique of all Creed
shows and may have become part of the unusual world of rock
and roll history!" The unusual world of rock and roll history?
I think they meant to say, "Sorry, we know we suck."
In other news from the Gun, more kiddie porn charges have
made the headlines. This time it's 66-year old academic
Paul Mosher with the twisted pedophiliac tendencies. Mosher
had been University of Pennsylvania Vice Provost and Director
of Libraries since 1988 until being escorted out of his
office by Philadelphia police. Also escorted to the station
was Mosher's computer that contained more than 2,000 illicit
images of children. You'd hope an Ivy League scholar such
as Mosher would be a little slicker, but apparently he downloaded
all of these images onto his office computer at Penn's Van
Pelt library, the university's main library facility. Just
goes to show you that an Ivy League position won't compensate
for a lack of common fucking sense.
A federal study recently concluded that a big earthquake
is likely to rock the San Francisco Bay area by 2033. The
study, commissioned by the U.S. Geological Survey, set the
probability of such a quake at 62 percent. The last time
the survey was conducted, in 1999, the estimate was 70 percent.
Thank God we spent millions of dollars to find out that
the probability went down 8% of such a quake in an area
so well known for its seismic volatility! And now that we
know, there's just so much we can do to prepare ourselves
for its arrival.
Microsoft billionaire Paul Allen is funding a new science
fiction museum slated to open Summer 2004 tentatively called
the Science Fiction Experience. It's being described as
a shrine dedicated to the art, literature and film of science
entertainment. Experts are predicting this museum to become
the new Mecca for middle-aged virgins with ponytails.
Celine Dion is still ugly.
Steven King is fucking weird. While staying at the Ritz-Carlton
Battery Park over the Easter holiday, he became intrigued
with a 4-foot tall chocolate bunny created by the hotel's
pastry chef because "it was looking at him funny". He quickly
decided he wanted it back in his office in Maine for writing
inspiration, so the hotel charged him about a thousand bucks
and shipped it up in a refrigerated container. I can't imagine
why he felt this bunny was looking at him weird...
After the Boston Marathon earlier this month, area residents
filed quite a few complaints with the Boston Athletic Association
for runners urinating and defecating on their lawns before
the race. Pleasant Street resident Deborah Finney said she
spotted runners, both male and female, urinating near her
garage. She said several women tossed used tampons in her
yard. A neighbor of hers saw male runners dropping their
shorts to rub down their packages with Vaseline to avoid
chafing. Other neighbors reported runners wiping themselves
with toilet paper and discarding the soiled tissue in nearby
yards.
The Dixie Chicks recently posed nude on the cover of Entertainment
Weekly in response to criticism over supposed "unpatriotic"
comments made about President Bush and his war effort. One
of the headlines reads "Country's Controversial Superstars
Take On Their Critics". Since when are the Dixie Chicks
considered controversial? And there was definitely some
airbrushing done for that cover - all three actually look
somewhat attractive, at least from the neck down anyway.
Tom Cruise is gay. And so is Mudvayne.
A few words of wisdom for Adam and Ashley as they prepare
for their semester in London together:
- the Brits call cigarettes "fags" (to be used at pubs)
- the Brits refer to masturbation as "tossing and turning"
(not to be used at the breakfast table)
- don't brush your teeth (hey, it's British policy)
- you better learn to enjoy fish and chips pretty damn quick
- your pale faces will blend into the crowd nicely
- give into their accent, there's no use fighting it (but
be careful not to anger anyone on the street by making them
think you're mocking their accent)
- buy plenty of Burberry - it's the hot shit
- take 19 umbrellas, 1 for everyday use and 18 spares
- beware of claustrophobia in those British bathrooms that
are smaller than American stalls
- and for Christ's sake, have a fucking blast (but don't
get pregnant)
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4/23/03
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4/23/03
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War's over kids. You can tell when CNN changes
it's nifty graphics from "Showdown: Iraq" to "The New Iraq"
and their ratings drop like a rock.
According to the Chicago Tribune, Wilco has decided to release
their much delayed and now cancelled Kamera EP on the
Internet. The songs will be free to fans who bought copies
of Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. Putting the CD into a computer
will direct people to the band's website, where they can stream
the EP's six songs after inputting a code. It also comes with
three new optional covers and titles: "More Like the Moon,"
"Australian EP" and "The Bridge." The EP was issued in Australia
last January with plans to release it in the US, but the band
decided "that they didn't want to sell a 21-minute record
for 10 bucks or whatever it would cost to get into stores,"
said the band's 'digital strategist,' Ken Waagner.
235 people have died of SARS and none have of them have been
a member of Good Charlotte. What the fuck God, what are you
doing up there?
There are some days that touch you, that deeply affect your
existence and give meaning to your otherwise worthless and
dreary life: like when you graduate high school, or the day
you realize you're in love, perhaps the birth of your child,
or maybe the day you find out that Whippersnapper have broken
up. Maybe God does have a plan for us after all.
The bad news: Q and not U had to cancel their recent tour
dates because drummer John Davis broke his foot. The good
news: the band is using the free time to write and possibly
record a single that may be out this year.
In other Dischord news, the band that put DC on the map, Minor
Threat, will finally release their original demo tape as an
8 song single. It was recorded three months after the band
formed in 1980. The songs included are: 'Minor Threat', 'Stand
Up', 'Seeing Red', 'Bottled Violence', 'Small Man, Big Mouth',
'Straight Edge', 'Guilty of Being White', and 'I Don't Want
to Hear It'. I'm so happy I just slapped my roommate in his
stupid fucking mouth.
In more 'too cool for the 80s' news: 4AD Record's contract
with Elektra is finally over, which means that the label will
start reissuing the Pixies catalogue. Unfortunately, the albums
will receive no reissue bonuses, as by now almost every scrap
of rare Pixies material (including the demo tape) has already
made its way onto compact disc. But if you're some idiot living
in a hole who doesn't have any Pixies albums now is the chance
to catch up with the rest of civilization. However, two new
releases are in the works: the current two-disc best-of/live
release Death to the Pixies will go out of print in
favor of a brand new best-of compilation and a DVD featuring
all the bands videos, interview footage and multiple concerts
in their entirety.
Kid Dynamite will release both a CD of rarities and b-sides
and a DVD this fall.
Remember the "Guns n' Roses without Axl" project embarked
on by Slash and Duff? Well apparently it's called "The Project"
now (Good one guys! Almost as good as Slash's Snakepit, but
I'm not sure if anything can quite compare to a name so full
of emotion, subtlety and ... dare I say it, poetry?) They've
also apparently decided to really replicate the GnR
experience by searching out a singer that's just as over-rated,
egotistical and drug-addicted as Axl: Scott Weiland, formerly
the frontman of Stone Temple Pilots, is the top candidate.
MTV is sponsoring the 'Campus Invasion' tour featuring such
free-jazz luminaries as Finch and the Used. How about just
'Invasive' tour since this kind of shitty fucking music is
more humiliating and uncomfortable then a prostate exam.
Get it, I called them free jazz cause it sounds like fucking
shitty uncoordinated atonal noise instead of real music? Get
it, get it?
....I really got nothing else.
Modest Mouse drummer Jeremiah Green apparently doesn't realize
that being in such a fucked up weirdo band is maybe the coolest
thing he'll ever do. Yes friends, Jeremiah Green has quit
the band, apparently to focus on his new pop band The Vells.
The band has hired on Benjamin Wiekel to temporarily fill
in drums at live shows and on some of the next Modest Mouse
full-length, which the band is already in the process of writing
and recording and may release as soon as September. According
to Pitchforkmedia.com, the split was not amicable. Modest
Mouse guitarist Isaac Brock has said the situation was not
necessarily permanent, "We don't know where Jeremy is,
really. He just wasn't in a good spot." Yeah I wouldn't be
in a good spot either if I just left the only cool band on
Epic Records.
Lance Bass had this to say to TV Guide about American Idol:
"It's gotten a little too commercialized for me. I don't like
how they cheese it up with Ford commercials ... It's like cheesy
karaoke videos they're creating. It feels like they're selling
out."
Did he forget that he was in Nsync, the only thing gayer
than American Idol?
Has anyone heard Madonna's new song? It's cute that she's
embracing this hip-hop fad that's sweeping the country lately
by inserting a rap into the middle of the song. And not only
that but she let her three-year-old son write it: "I drive
my mini cooper / And I'm feeling super-dooper / Yo they tell
I'm a trooper ... I do yoga and pilates / And the room is full
of hotties / So I'm checking out the bodies."
Way to go Rocco. Kid's gonna be as famous as his mom some
day. |
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Are you sick of the Carpal
Tunnel Syndrome you get from your run-of-the-mill, everyday
NORMAL keyboard? Well, Safe Type Inc. has the solution!
They've designed a keyboard that looks like this:
I think this product is going to fail horribly and only
Jesse will buy it. He's a fucking sucker and has been paranoid
about carpal tunnel every since he crippled his hand masturbating
in the 6th grade.
When asked what he thought of this new keyboard, our friend
Arthur Alas said, "The Beatles are to music as Jeff
is to the gay community. They're both bigger than Jesus."
Madonna has released hundreds of fake MP3s of her new album
American Life which consisted of her asking, "What
the fuck do you think you're doing?" followed by static.
In response an angry fan hacked her website. The top of
the page stated, "This is what the fuck I think I'm doing..."
followed by links to MP3s of all the songs. Ryan had this
to say, "Why did she edit her new video!?!? I CAN'T LET
THIS GO!"
Oh yeah, her rap really fucking sucks too.
In Business news, Alan Greenspan will be running U.S. monetary
policy for another term. George W's choice to keep Greenspan
is the obvious choice because if we changed the Chairman
of the Fed now, our economy would fall farther into "ultimate
shitdom" than it is right now. What isn't as obvious is
that Greenspan just went through prostate surgery. Don't
worry, he's fine
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4/16/03
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In shitty music news,
Fred Durst wants another guitar player to tour with the band.
Fred says, "We're looking for a guitar player. If you think
you got the chops, we need you. And it would definitely be
cool if our guitar player was from Japan. Ooooh." Ooooh is
right Fred, show 'em your roots. Oooga booga.
Hey, remember when car phones were big? Yeah, me neither,
but Nokia is bringing them back with the new Nokia 810. The
phone consists of a handset and a separate screen to display
the numbers. It supports two separate user profiles, Bluetooth,
and assholes across the nation.
In other tech news, the Japanese are fucking insane. Just
look at this picture...
That thing has forty facial expressions, and she only went
to school for three years to learn them!
Spirited Away is out on DVD. I have an erection.
The Complete Third Season of Mr. Show will be out on DVD within
the first two weeks of August. I have another erection. |
Last Wednesday statues
of Saddam fell and the Iraqi people danced. Did you see that
one guy dancing with his hands in the air? He's happy because
he's going to sell the head on E-Bay.
The human genome project is complete. After years of hard
work, we finally know exactly which gene makes everyone in
Georgia either fat or ugly.
Whether you like Honda or not, this
advertisement is pretty damn cool.
In LiveJournal news, the majority of users consider the program
their "real" journal. Arthur Alas had this to say:
"There are two types of RealJournal-LiveJournal users. There
are the ones who are very serious and log their activities
for themselves and some friends. They keep the entries short,
mainly as a source for good ol' internet memories. I'm cool
with that; I like it. We all need a creative source with which
to vent. And hey, they're writing a little bit everyday, so
their writing skills may improve. The second type of RealJournal-LiveJournal
users is people whose journals consist of 'dude i got so wasted
last night, this shits hot with two t's. dude be jealous mother
fuckers!' They are both narcissistic and donkey cockish. I
mean, it's not even like they want to look back and be like
'Ahhh! Remember the time: "i got so wasted , that shit was
hot with two t's. duders were jealous mother fuckers!"' They
just want to think that if they say 'dude i got so wasted
last night, this shits hot with two t's. dude be jealous mother
fuckers!' people may stop and go, 'Maybe I am jealous! Maybe
it was hot with two t's, Maybe they did get wasted! Jesus
Christ my life's a sham! They are way fucking cooler than
me!' But that shit never happens, and I can only think, 'Jesus,
they blow huge donkey cocks', and then I stop talking to them
and hope that they get dysentery."
Thanks, Arthur, we can always count on you!
In Pedro Cerrano news, I just started watching the series
24, and I realized that the black Presidential candidate
David Palmer is played by the same guy that played Pedro Cerrano
in 1989's hit baseball flick, Major League. Now all
I can think of when I see him is Tanaka from Major League
2 telling Pedro that he has big balls. |
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4/9/03
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4/9/03
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According to the arbiter of taste, Rolling
Stone, the Hives are currently at work writing a new album
in their home of Fagersta, Sweden. Singer Pelle Almqvist
described the new songs to the magazine, "It's a bit stiffer
than the last album... Kind of like Devo crossed with Motown."
Hey you stupid fucking Swede, did you just hear what came
out of your mouth? That sounds like the worst fucking musical
combination since I suggested that somebody should start
a surf-dance band. It will undoubtedly be a big hit in America
though, surpassing sales of their debut album Veni Vidi
Vicious, where they combined The Stooges with the sound
of a donkey farting.
Davey VonBohlen and Dan Didier formerly of
The Promise Ring have somehow convinced Eric Axelson of The
Dismemberment Plan to join musical forces with them. They
have formed a new band together called In English, but what
they sound like is anybody's guess. Emo-funk?
That kind of scares me.
There's a band called Zombie Apocalypse. That's
pretty cool.
I saw a zombie movie once where the zombie's penis came off
in his hand. That was pretty cool too.
Thrice has decided to change the title of
their Island Record's debut. Originally The Artist in the
Ambulance, the album will now be called Dr. Feelgood.
The Recording Industry Association of America
is suing four students at Princeton University, Rensselaer
Polytechnic Institute and Michigan Technological University
for operating FTP file-sharing systems that offered more than
one million songs. The RIAA is seeking maximum damages of
$150,000 per song. That's $150,000,000,000 (a whole lot of
zeros), ten times the annual value of the entire music industry.
What's the point of pro-war demonstrations?
I mean, we're already at war. You win. Congratulations, now
go home and stop waving flags in my fucking face.
Thank god this is almost over.
The video of Madonna's new single "American
Life" has been scrapped. The video had a strong anti-war message,
filled with images of mushroom clouds, refugee children, military
uniforms and bombings. Madonna gave the following statement
on her website, "I have decided not to release my new video.
It was filmed before the war started and I do not believe
it is appropriate to air it at this time. Due to the volatile
state of the world and out of sensitivity and respect to the
armed forces, who I support and pray for, I do not want to
risk offending anyone who might misinterpret the meaning of
this video." So apparently a video that is critical of America
and warfare in general is entirely inappropriate during an
actual war. Being
anti-war is only appropriate during peacetime. Madonna
used to have balls. You can see stills from the video here.
All of this is part of a larger trend in American
culture lately. Everyone seems to be rolling over and capitulating,
afraid to offend anyone. The news media won't show casualty
footage and report what's really happening like they should
be doing because people will be offended. Is
this offensive to you? It should be, because that's the
reality of war. It's the truth and it's not being given to
us for the same reason Madonna is pulling her video and so
many people are censoring themselves, because somebody might
get upset.
Go back to sleep America.
At least the war has given us pretty damn
good names for the next generation of hardcore bands: Decapitation
Attack, Coalition of the Willing, Shock and Awe, Wave of Steel
and many others. That's all that matters to me.
Anyone else tired of me ranting and raving
without being terribly funny? |
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Those creepy Canadian bastards
are at it again. As if unleashing Celine Dion on the American
public wasn't enough of a slap to the face and simultaneous
kick in the balls, the Canadians are now putting together
their very own "Canadian Idol" television reality series
in yet another plea to be named our 51st state.
That abusive douchebag Corey Clarke from American Idol was
kicked off the show for lying about his past criminal record.
I wonder if the Canadian knock-off will draw just as many
felons as ours...
When the hell will Britney Spears learn that her success
in our culture rides completely on her chest? No one buys
her albums for the music inside; they buy them for the album
art. No one watches her music videos to hear the songs;
they watch them for the soft-core porn that she calls "dancing".
And, not surprisingly, no one dined at her trendy Manhattan
restaurant Nyla because Britney and her chest were never
on the premises. Nyla filed for bankruptcy on April 2nd,
leaving behind over $400,000 in debt to more than 24 different
creditors. If Britney had any sort of clue her next business
endeavor would include a Playboy shoot and line of lingerie
for Kmart.
According to ABC News, a ministry that set out to "renew
America one child at a time" by paying young people $10
each to memorize and recite the Ten Commandments has run
out of money. George Kelley, a 76-year old retired flower
shop owner from Nashville, Tennessee, began his Ten Commandments
Project back in 1997 and has reportedly distributed more
than $200,000 to children across the country upon receiving
their "memorization affidavits". Mr. Kelley has been unable
to compensate all 15,000 letters he's received since The
Associated Press reported on the project back in December.
My ex-lover and BBW co-writer Adam says for that kind of
money he'll do a whole lot more for George Kelley than just
memorize the Ten Commandments.
I think I've been stricken with the SARS virus...get out now
while you can.
First, some good Wilco news: the I Am Trying to Break
Your Heart DVD was released last week all over the country.
This beautiful package includes two discs and bonus material
ranging from commentary from director Sam Jones and Wilco
to more than 70 minutes of extra footage, featuring alternate
versions of songs from Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, live
concert performances, and much, much more. As for the bad
news: sorry kids, but Pitchforkmedia is reporting that Wilco's
supposed upcoming EP entitled Kamera will never hit
the shelves after all. Originally put together for bonus
release with the Australian version of Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
in January, its planned US release date for early 2003 never
came to be (and according to their publicist never will
come to be). The six-track disc includes three new songs
recorded after the departure of Jay Bennett and its tracklist
looks something like this:
01 Kamera (alternate take)
02 Handshake Drugs
03 Woodgrain
04 A Magazine Called Sunset
05 Bob Dylan's 49th Beard
06 More Like the Moon
All I can say is enjoy the new DVD and one of the many file-swapping
programs our glorious internet has to offer. Oh and check
out The Minus 5 on The Late Show with David Letterman on
Tuesday, April 29th.
Cher is uglier than ever - I just hope her televised "farewell"
concert ends up being legit.
We're going to see Spoon this weekend in Atlanta, and you
should be very, very jealous.
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4/2/03
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In addition to the
MC5, Television, the Yardbirds and Creem Magazine, another
ancient relic of garage rock past has decided to reunite:
Iggy and the motherfucking Stooges! As we reported back in
December, the remaining members of the Stooges, brothers Ron
and Scott Asheton, met up with their old pal Iggy Pop to collaborate
on four songs for his new album. Well now they're also
planning to play the Coachella festival in Indio, CA on Sunday,
April 27th. Filling in for deceased bass player David Alexander,
who died way back in 1975, is bass-god and indie superstar
Mike Watt of the Minutemen (like you should even need me to
tell you that. If you do, be ashamed, very ashamed). That
seems strange, because the Stooges entire aesthetic was based
on making a racket because they couldn't actually play
their instruments, but Mike Watt is one of the best bassists
around. Whether this one shot performance will turn into a
tour (oh my god, please) remains to be seen.
Radiohead's new album, Hail to the Thief
has hit the internet long before it's June street date. Even
the computer illiterate, techno-phobic staff here at bornbackwards.com
managed to get a copy.
There's a band called Count the Stars. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I guess they're emo?
What the hell is emo?
H2O has been dropped by MCA and about 6 people
are upset. All six of them consider Good Charlotte to be 'punk'
and H2O to be 'hardcore.' They'd be wrong on both counts.
Those same six kids are unfortunately part
of a much larger group who believe that going to the Warped
Tour, wearing Vans and owning NOFX albums makes them 'true
punks.' And boy are they pissed! The Warped Tour has just
announced that their 'secret' headliner this year is actually
... Avril Lavinge, gasp! OH NO, Warped Tour will be forever
ruined! ... because Warped Tour isn't already the lamest thing
on the planet. Those losers even started a petition to keep
her and her 'young' fans as far from their crusty, seedy punk
world of corporate sponsorship. Lord knows, they've got to
keep Good Charlotte underground. Check it out here
for a laugh but for god's sake don't sign it, my only joy
is hearing these kids whine.
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Thurston Moore of
Sonic Youth has launched a new online-only record label (actually
an MP3 label would is what it really is) called Protest
Records. The label is also being run by Chris Habib, the
New York designer who doubles as Sonic Youth's webmaster,
and will feature free MP3s, graphics and links related to
the war in Iraq and political opposition in general. They
will post submissions from all artists who are willing to
share their music for free. Their website already hosts over
50 tracks from the likes of Mike Watt & Thurston Moore, Cat
Power, The Evens (with Ian MacKaye), Jim O'Rourke & Glenn
Kotche, of course Sonic Youth, and others. Thurston Moore
told the New York Times that "[Protest Records] exists for
musicians, poets and artists to express LOVE + LIBERTY in
the face of greed, sexism, racism, hate-crime and war."
Just when you had written them off as a one-trick
pony and started calling their first album Was That It,
the Strokes have announced that they will be working with
Radiohead-producer Nigel Godrich for a test run on their new
album. Apparently they will work together on two songs and
if both parties are happy with the results they will continue
working together on the entire album. According to Bassist
Nikolai Fraiture, "The writing is much more sophisticated
and our performance and our musical ability is much better
than the first recording." Whether this means that the Strokes
will ask Nigel to loop, splice, digitize, reverse or use any
other kind of digital fuckery on them has yet to be seen.
Why are there no pictures of casualties or
video of actual combat (besides bombings) in the news? My
spider-sense is telling me these embedded reports (who are
restricted to riding with an assigned military unit) are being
censored. People die in war, traveling with the military you'd
think the reporters would be experiencing this.
The new Alkaline Trio album isn't sounding
very good so far.
Do you like your politics oversimplified and
then shouted at you over the sound of a heavily distorted
guitar? Then get ready buddy, because Tom Morello (of Rage
Against of the Machine and Audioslave) is set to produce the
new Anti-Flag album! Whip out that denim jacket with the sleeves
cut off, put those grimy patches on your tattered jeans and
start screaming about anarchy cause baby, it's just like '77
all over again! (read with sarcasm please) |
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3/25/03
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3/25/03
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Radiohead have finally announced the title
of their upcoming sixth album and at the same time have
registered their official complaint about the unelected
president of the US. Hail to the Thief will be released
on Capital Records on June 10th and was recorded in Oxfordshire
and Los Angeles. The track listing is:
2 + 2 = 5
Sit Down. Stand Up.
Sail To The Moon.
Backdrifts.
Go To Sleep.
Where I End And You Begin.
We Suck Young Blood.
The Gloaming.
There There.
I Will.
A Punch-Up at a Wedding.
Myxamatosis.
Scatterbrain.
A Wolf At The Door.
Is it anti-American for Radiohead to be making
these types of statements about our leader? No, because they're
British.
The Offspring, everyone's least favorite band
that makes millions of dollars off childish and utterly retarded
'novelty' 'punk' 'songs,' has been issued a Cease And Desist
order notice from Axl Rose when they considered titling their
next album Chinese Democrazy (you snooze, you lose).
The Offspring incorrectly believed that this would be funny
because of the fact that the next Guns 'n' Roses' album, Chinese
Democracy, has been in production for the last 8 years
and still doesn't have a release date. The single they
hoped to release from the album? "Freaky Outy (The Fantastic
March of the Booger People)." Thank god for novelty acts,
otherwise who would we count on to deliver totally worthless
songs besides "Weird" Al Yankovich, The Presidents of the
United States of America, and Taking Back Sunday?
Too bad no one can give the Offspring a Cease
And Desist notice just for existing.
Smackin' Isaiah have changed their name to
A Wilhelm Scream. Read the first name. Then read the second.
It's like nothing really changed at all.
From punknews.org: "Paul Westerberg is set
to release a new album on Vagrant by the end of the year.
Rich Egan [Vagrant president] is quoted, 'With Paul, we take
our marching cues from him... I think it's gonna be along
the lines of the last record. He definitely has enough songs
for a two-disc album, but I think we're gonna narrow it done
to one. He's recorded a ton of songs for it already.' The
new album is 'definitely going to lean more toward the 'Stereo'
disc [part of last year's two disk set], which was more of
a band effort. Anybody who liked the Replacements is gonna
love this record.'"
Celine Dion is a man.
So a Russian company
violated UN sanctions and sold Iraq some GPS jamming equipment.
WAY TO GO RUSSIA, THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT YOU FUCKING DRUNKS.
Your punishment is to live in the coldest, most god-forsaken
area of the planet.
Classic 70s punk band Television have reunited
to play four US shows (in NY, PA and DC) and reissue their
debut Marquee Moon on 180-gram (that means it sounds reeaal
good) vinyl on San Francisco label 4 Men With Beards.
Somebody told me that
Reel Big Fish are still around. What for?
Our sink smells worse than the dead bodies
decomposing in the scorching Iraqi sun.
A Monopoly-style board game to be released
soon in Italy will give players the opportunity to play the
life of a prostitute. The players will have to dodge police
raids, serial killers and pay their pimp in order to succeed
at Puttanopoly (No, I'm not kidding!) Each one of the eight
players start the game as penniless immigrant prostitutes
enslaved by the mafia and are forced to pay most of their
earnings to pimps. If the dice roll their way, they land a
week's earnings - up to 5,000 euros - in one go, win a trip
to work in Amsterdam or are rescued by an enamored client.
The game was created by the Committee for Prostitutes' Civil
Rights to raise awareness of the growing problem of sex slavery
in Italy, where prostitution is legal.
Let's break down President Bush's war budget:
Of the $75 billion, only $8 billion is earmarked for international
relief and reconstruction. However, most of that money isn't
even going to Iraq but to countries that have been helpful
to the US war effort, effectively a kickback for legitimizing
America's war and joining the 'coalition of the willing.'
Iraq gets only $3.5b, which is further split: $2.8b for relief
and the rest for fucking oil field repair (of course, because
it's Bush's #1 priority and was the first thing our troops
secured when the war started). I don't know about you, but
I think it takes more than $2b to reconstruct an entire fucking
country and their economy. Especially when it takes the entire
rest of the $75b to keep our troops in Iraq for only six months.
So American POWs being displayed on television
by the Iraqi military is a violation of Article 13 of the
Geneva Conventions, huh? According to an article in the Guardian
UK these are the Geneva Convention and International Law violations
that America has committed to the 641 post-9/11 prisoners
being held in Guantanamo Bay: "In breach of article 18, they
had been stripped of their own clothes and deprived of their
possessions. They were then interned in a penitentiary (against
article 22), where they were denied proper mess facilities
(26), canteens (28), religious premises (34), opportunities
for physical exercise (38), access to the text of the convention
(41), freedom to write to their families (70 and 71) and parcels
of food and books (72)."
For the complete list of violations read this
article.
Korn frontman Jonathan Davis is completely
fooling himself if he thinks significant sales of the band's
last album, Untouchables, were lost to piracy. According
to Rolling Stone, 'he vows to do something about it'. "We
got so fucked on our last one - it leaked four months early,"
he says. "[Next] time there will be no CD going out before
release. We're not going to give it to the label until a week
before it comes out."
How can he be so sure that the kids who downloaded the album
didn't just hit 'delete' when they heard how bad it was?
Travis Morrison of the Dismemberment Plan
has posted up an mp3 of one of his solo plans. With the recent
news of the D-Plan break up, Morrison announced that many
of their remaining songs would go towards a solo release.
Check it out here.
Pretty catchy if you ask me.
The BBW Oscar round up:
-Michael Moore's anti-war speech was absolutely appropriate.
What was inappropriate was the Oscar director raising the
music in the middle of people's speeches, even Adrien Brody,
the fucking Best Actor! What's even more inappropriate then
that, perhaps, was having this huge self-congratulatory pat
on the back for American culture while we're in the middle
of goddamned war.
-The Oscars are gay.
Next time on the BBW News: Making cancer patients
feel good again! Shopping trips and makeovers for the dying.
Tune in next week. |
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Just to let you know, the
United States' horribly homogenized, sensationalist, and
biased media outlets could be getting worse. The Federal
Communication Commission met last month to discuss further
deregulation of media ownership regulations. Back in 1996,
they passed a telecommunications act, loosening radio ownership
restrictions, allowing Clear Channel Communications to buy
up over 1200 radio stations (See my history
of radio feature for more background). Their meeting
this time was to discuss the law disallowing the joint ownership
of two different media sources in one city (ie: a radio
station, TV station, or newspaper). Some other issues at
hand were the number of television and radio stations a
company may own in one market; a ban on mergers between
the major TV networks NBC, CBS, ABC and Fox; and limits
on radio station ownership in the same city. In short, the
FCC is in talks about allowing possibly one corporation
the right of owning every single media outlet in the US.
Yeah. Excellent plan. Unfortunately, since the FCC, Congress,
and the White House are Republican run, just about anything
that gets approved by the FCC will become new law.
And speaking of Republicans, Clear Channel
Communications is and has been kissing their asses, not
surprisingly. This ass-kissing dates back to when President
Bush was Governor in Texas and Tom Hicks (now Clear Channel's
Vice Chairman) was chairman of the University of Texas Investment
Management Company, called Utimco, and Clear Channel's chairman,
Lowry Mays, was on its board. Under Mr. Hicks, Utimco placed
much of the university's endowment under the management
of companies with strong Republican Party or Bush family
ties. Also, In 1998 Mr. Hicks purchased the Texas Rangers
in a deal that made Mr. Bush a multimillionaire. (Completely
stolen from the
New York Times) Now, Clear Channel has organized Pro-War
rallies throughout the US, supporting their Republican politicians,
hoping for more favors from them in the future. All those
"grass-roots" Pro-War demonstrations you heard
about in the news are actually organized by major corporations.
Basically, Clear Channel has the money and power to sway
the Government in whatever way they choose. As Jonathan
Chait has written in The New Republic, in the Bush administration
"government and business have melded into one big `us.'
" On almost every aspect of domestic policy, business interests
rule: "Scores of midlevel appointees . . . now oversee industries
for which they once worked." (again stolen from above link)
And since public outcry of such practices has fallen by
the wayside due to our "war on terrorism," they go unchecked.
So, corporate power is melding with the state, Bush's agendas
are getting hastily pushed through Congress, and public
outcry has been stifled.
"Fascism should more properly be called
corporatism, since it is the merger of state and corporate
power." - Benito Mussolini
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3/19/03
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3/19/03
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Man, who didn't see this one coming? Instead
of recording old songs and repacking them as a new album
(like he's been doing for the last year and a half or more),
Chris Carraba of Douchebag Confessional will actually be
completely re-releasing his first album The Swiss
Army Romance on April 22nd with two new songs. It's
only been three years since this album was first released,
there's absolutely no reason for a 'deluxe' edition reissue!
He's not even giving the illusion of new product anymore.
Bornbackwards.com's prediction for the next
Dashboard Confessional news item: In a further attempt to
exploit his impressionable and foolhardy young fans, Chris
will actually begin selling his sideburn clippings. When that
becomes profitable and kids are paying upwards of $15 just
for little pieces of gross hair from a genetically deficient
man-child, he will actually begin auctioning his feces on
Ebay. "Brand new! In great condition! Still moist and soft,
defecated less than three hours ago, don't miss this wonderful
opportunity to own a post-digested piece of me! I was singing
the new bonus tracks on my upcoming rerelease of Swiss
Army Romance while I crapped out this little stink-wonder!
SPECIAL BONUS OFFER! Bid now and receive the Ultra Quilted
Northern Double-Ply Unscented Bathroom Tissue I actually used
after I took this turd.
Chris Carraba, We hope that when Saddam hits
the US with his chemical/nuclear weapons that you will be
caught in the center of the death and chaos because you, sir,
are an asshole.
The upcoming Alkaline Trio album Good Mourning
not only has a totally lame title but also a shitty cover:
Looks like a low-budget mobster movie or something. Let's
hope the production is similarly low-budget cause that over-produced
last album ... not so good.
The BBW Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Roundup:
- Billy Joel is on drugs ... still.
- Elton John is funny as hell, who knew? Anyone who introduces
Elvis Costello as a "cheeky fucker" is OK in my book. Especially
when you mention gay porn in your speech. Cheers.
- Why the hell did they keep cutting away to John Mayer every
time they went to commercial? Why was he even there?!
- The Police sucked, what a let down. "Roxanne" was unspirited,
especially the two-minute bridge they added. And inviting
the three least-talented people in the building, Steven Tyler,
Gwen Stefani and John Mayer to join them seriously marred
"I'll be Watching You." I mean, Elvis Costello and the Clash
were there! Invite them on stage instead! The only cool part
was when Stewart Copeland busted his snare head and replaced
it while still keeping the beat.
- Paul Simonon of the Clash still looks damn cool and intimidating.
- One of Joe Strummer's daughters is kind of attractive.
- Steven Tyler can't speak. His introduction of AC/DC was
one of the worst moments of the show. And for future reference,
anyone who sings the band's song while they're introducing
them is a fucking idiot.
- And of course, Steven Tyler had to be the loudest person
on stage. He sung over not only AC/DC when he joined them
on stage but also Sting, Stefani and Mayer combined!
- The Edge mentioned U2 about 40 times while he was introducing
the Clash. Get over yourself dude, you're called the fucking
Edge!
- Elvis Costello still rules.
- Why weren't the Sex Pistols inducted?
Whatever is old is new again: reunions, reformations
and recreations. The three stories below are all kind of related:
The surviving members of legendary pre-punk
band the MC5, guitarist Wayne Kramer, bassist Michael Davis
and drummer Dennis Thompson, played their first live show
together in more than thirty years at London's 100 Club last
Thursday. At a press conference prior to the show Kramer said,
"We are not the MC5. This is not an MC5 show. This is not
an MC5 reunion. It's a celebration of the music of the MC5."
The performance was to help launch a line of MC5 shirts (one
of which Justin Timberlake wore on the cover of Vibe) by Levi's
Vintage Clothing in the UK.
The Yardbirds have not only reunited but have
released their first new album since 1967's Little Games.
The only founding members of the band involved with the reunion
are rhythm guitarist Chris Dreja and drummer Jim McCarty.
The Yardbirds are best known for being the starting point
of master guitarists Jeff Beck, Eric Clapton and Jimmy Page
(although the three were never in the band at the same time)
and for metamorphosising into Led Zeppelin when Page hired
totally new musicians to finish playing the concert dates
that the Yardbirds had scheduled before their breakup. The
new album, titled Birdland, will include seven original
songs and eight new versions of classic Yardbirds hits that
will feature such luminous guests as guitarists Steve Vai,
Jeff Beck, Brian May of Queen, Joe Satriani, Jeff "Skunk"
Baxter of the Doobie Brothers, Slash, and guest vocalists
Steve Luthaker of Toto and Johnny Rzeznik of the Goo Goo Dolls.
The Goo Goo Dolls?!?! Sounds positively all star baby!
Creem magazine is back too! The famous Detroit
rock magazine which featured Lester Bangs and was immortalized
in Almost Famous has begun publishing new material
on the internet with the intention of resuming a print version
this summer. Creem, which originally published from 1969 to
1988, championed raw rock and roll such as the Stooges, the
MC5, Grand Funk Railroad, the Velvet Underground, Lou Reed,
Led Zeppelin, The Ramones, The Who, Black Sabbath and the
Replacements. The magazine featured the cream of the crop
(fuck you, we like horribly obvious and shitty puns that are
almost as bad as Alkaline Trio album titles) of criticism
at the time with writers such as Patti Smith, Greil Marcus,
Richard Meltzer, Cameron Crowe and Lester Bangs (who we've
mentioned already but is just so cool that we have to talk
about the fat mustachioed bastard as much as we can). It also
featured logos and covers by R. Crumb. It's doubtful whether
the new Creem can live up to the legacy of the old but with
the recent boom in garage bands that worship the Stooges and
the MC5, they just might. It's mission is to "show kids around
the world it's OK again to pick up a guitar and make some
fucking noise." Check it out here.
No matter what happens they will undoubtedly be a better publication
than this one.
All that and we're at war too. Check out this
article
on a worst-case scenario for Bush's oil war. It's a bit dramatic
and I certainly don't think it'll all happen, but some of
it very well could, and that's quite scary. |
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Frankie Muniz is a little
bitch.
Howard Stern, Mr. Insecurity himself, has
filed a lawsuit in Los Angeles Superior Court claiming that
the new ABC show "Are You Hot?" is a blatant rip-off of
a segment he does on his radio show. Defendants named in
the lawsuit include ABC, a California production company
responsible for the show, Scott Einziger (producer of "Are
You Hot?" and former executive producer for Stern's E! Entertainment
Television series), and Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling, a
listed consultant for the show who recently ended his long
tenure with Stern on his radio show after a bitter contract
dispute. Stern is seeking eight figures in damages and a
judge that won't recognize the universality of men (and
women) judging the assets and "hotness" of members of the
opposite sex.
After playing a domestic in "Maid in Manhattan",
J.Lo recently said in an interview, "Since I made the film,
I make it my business to say hello to the maids and people
working in the hotel, all the people I'd usually just whiz
past." Wow Jenny, you're too kind!
Joe Francis is the new Hugh Hefner. One
day he said to himself, "You know what, I kind of like seeing
random college girls flash home movie cameras, I'll bet
other guys would dig that too." Now the 28-year old Girls
Gone Wild mogul with a healthy 9 figures to his name splits
his time between three mansions, his Ferrari and his Bentley.
Oh and he's also building a 28,000 square-foot Mexican compound,
complete with beautifully tanned Latina chicas walking around
naked.
The new fashion craze of Japan: prints on
skirts designed to make them appear see-through. They look
pretty damn realistic too - see
for yourself.
Put your shoes on kids, we're going to war.
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3/11/03
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From thescout.net:
"New York's College Music Journal, considered the gospel for
the past two decades on what's being played on college radio
stations around the country, has admitted to distorting the
weekly college radio station playlists it publishes. Several
station programmers have noticed in past months that CMJ has
omitted albums that the stations have reported playing, and
replaced them with their own compilation album, Certain
Damage. That compilation is a promotional CD that CMJ
produces and distributes with each issue of their CMJ New
Music Monthly magazine. The company charges $3,000 per track
to record labels who aim to have their artists' songs included.
Quite clearly, CMJ has a very vested interest in assuring
that its own compilation gets airplay: Last year the company
released six different volumes of Certain Damage, containing
a total of more than 125 tracks, which at $3,000 a pop would
have garnered over $250,000 in revenue."
Stealing news from other websites is boring.
Squad 5-0 (Operation Ivy ripoffs turned Motley
Crue ripoffs turned Jars of Clay ripoffs) have signed to Capitol
Records.
Mr. Roger's died. He was special. Unlike us,
he made children happy and that 's quite noble.
My friend Guillermo found a used copy of Pokemon
Snap for the Nintendo 64 for four bucks. You're not as cool
as he is you Digimon loving son of a bitch.
Check out these Brazilian ads for Puma:
Buy Pumas and you too can suck dick. |
It's every nightmare
you've had in your entire fucking life only worse: zombies
eating your brain, your dog getting abducted by aliens, your
sister being raped by Hitler, your best friend telling you
your new haircut looks 'gay' , none of these can stand up
to it's horrific might. Vinnie Caruana, vocalist of The Movielife
(aka the Worst Band Ever [W.B.E.]) is joining forces with
Daryl Palumbo, the singer of Glassjaw (aka the Other Worst
Band Ever [O.W.B.E.]). They apparently realize that their
combined musical abilities are nothing more than a joke and
are calling their new side project H.A. They're planning an
album and tour sometime soon but let's hope we all wake up
in a cold sweat before that happens.
Student Rick broke up again. Assholes.
No one who reads this website will ever in
their entire life write an album as good as The Rise and
Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars. For
real.
A 61-year-old man was arrested in a suburban
Albany mall for wearing a t-shirt that said "Peace on Earth"
and "Give peace a chance." Mall security asked Stephen Downs
and his 31-year-old son Roger to remove their shirts. When
he refused the police were called in. The First Amendment
does not exist in Bush's America.
In related news, the Bush administration made
the following proclamation: War Is Peace, Freedom Is Slavery,
Ignorance Is Strength. Read 1984 by George Orwell and
discover the Republican design for America's future, complete
with striking parallels to our current state of affairs. Just
replace The Ministries of Truth and Peace with The Department
of Homeland Defense and it reads like the news.
Vanity Fair reporter Robert Sam Anson's upcoming
story on the Phil Spector affair suggests Lana Clarkson left
the producer's mansion with his driver. When she realized
she had left something behind, the chauffeur drove her back
and she tried to get in the house. Spector, wearing pajamas
and disoriented, shot her through the door, thinking she was
an intruder.
I don't know, Phil, I think she actually has to be in
your house before she's an intruder. Maybe next time check
the peephole before you open fire on a fucking door. Adam
says, "If a hot blonde b-movie actress breaks into my house,
it's not a .38 I'm pulling out." As you can tell, Adam is
a misogynist asshole. |
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2/26/03
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2/26/03
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The Weakerthans, the best thing of Canada
besides snow and ... I don't know, Eskimos or something, have
left their G-7 collective label and signed with Anti-Records,
a division of Epitaph, for their third album Reconstruction
Site. Look for some charmingly vulnerable new anarchist
prairie-rock this fall.
The first ever Total Request Live Tour will
feature 'punk' acts Good Charlotte and New Found Glory. I'm
totally requesting that there is some sort of major bus accident
and no one makes it out alive.
Les Savy Fav is putting out The Les Savy
Fav 7" Collection on CD later this year on the Savy-owned
Frenchkiss. The 18 songs are from the band's series of puzzle-piece
shaped vinyl that have been released on about a trillion labels
like Sub Pop, Desoto, X-mist, The Self-Starter Foundation,
Tiger Style with upcoming releases on Monitor, Suicide Squeeze,
and Cold Crush.
Radiohead has announced that their sixth studio
album will be released on June 9th, with the first single
set to hit the shelves on May 16th. The record at this time
has two different working titles: 2+2=5 and Are
You Listening, both vast departures from the previously
speculated title of Everyone in the Entire World Must Pay
Lip Service to Our Genius Even Though Half of Them Won't 'Get'
It.
I'm sure you all know that some 80s band called
Great White burnt down a club in Rhode Island and killed about
96 people when a pyrotechnic display set the club ablaze.
I hate to be an asshole but that's kind of what you should
expect from 80s metal nostalgia: a bunch of idiots way past
their prime who can't seem to understand that their glory
days were twenty years past and that it's downright stupid
idea to put on the same pyro-heavy show in some crappy bar
that they used to have in their arena tours. At least this
whole tale has a moral: Don't listen 80s metal or you will
be burned alive.
People in North Carolina are trapped in 1914.
Still believing it to be World War I, Neal Rowland, the owner
of Cubbie's, is now selling his fried potato strips as "freedom
fries" because of the French government's refusal to support
a US war in Iraq. I'd like some freedom fries and a liberty
steak, please.
Unsurprisingly, not a single US media source
reported the Bush administrations plans to restart nuclear
testing that we reported about last week.
It's the Bornbackwards.com Grammy roundup!
(With assistance from Jesse)
- Avril Lavinge is a fucking idiot.
- I think we're all in "agreeance" that next time Fred Durst
decides to use national television to preach his own anti-war
sentiments he should first consult a fucking dictionary.
- Who knew Erykah Badu was a man?
- Ashanti continues to make it clear that her place in music
must revolve around her knees instead of her voice.
- Lou Reed's looking pretty good.
- Simon and Garfunkel are looking pretty old
- Aretha Franklin looked like a giant marshmallow.
- Norah Jones is the new Alicia Keys. Who the fuck is Norah
Jones?
- What happened to the host?
- Whoa, Robin Williams, buddy, get a script before you go
out there. Same for you Dustin Hoffmanstreet.
- I'm forced to eat my words once again as The Clash tribute
was actually pretty good. Dave Grohl, Bruce Springsteen, Steven
Van Zandt and the king, Elvis Costello and drummer Pete Thomas
of the Attractions, all seemed very excited to be performing
the song and the surprising four-guitar version they played
sounded excellent. The only thing that hurt the performance
was having whats-his-face no-talent Tony Kanal bouncing around
like a lobotomized monkey behind everything. At least they
turned his bass down ... way down.
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As if heavy smoking, shitty
taste in food, foul breath and gnarled yellow teeth weren't
enough to cast British men in the ugly light, now news is
spreading that they're hung worse than their Asian counterparts.
The Harley Medical Group in Britain recently reported that
penis extensions are the top cosmetic surgery treatment
for British men, accounting for better than a third of the
cosmetic operations on men during 2002.
In other British cosmetic news, dentists
practicing under the Union Jack have been warned that they
face criminal prosecution under European Union (EU) law
if they use tooth-whitening treatments to remedy their patients'
golden smiles. So much as offering the treatment could result
in six months of jail time or a fine of 5,000 euros (which
is more than $5,000 for all you uncultured Americans out
there). The law stems from EU rules governing the supply
of hydrogen peroxide bleach, which is used in the whitening
treatments. The British people need teeth-whitening treatments
outlawed like Ryan needs another invitation to a slumber
party at the Neverland Ranch.
Roxio Inc. has reported that Napster shall
rise from the dead before the year is out. Napster will
offer services that charge a fee for each individual song
as well as subscription services that allow users to download
songs for a monthly fee. The thought of paying for Napster
makes my stomach turn.
Miriam Fisch, Chicago-area high school teacher
and national heroine in my eyes, has initiated a class-action
lawsuit in Illinois state court on behalf of all Loews Cineplex
patrons, alleging the theater circuit's policy of playing
pre-film product commercials amounts to a deceptive business
practice because the ads begin at the time advertised as
the start of a feature movie. Moviegoers across the land
have become increasingly agitated with pre-movie ads lasting
upwards of 10 minutes. The suit seeks "lost time' damages
of up to $75 per plaintiff covered under a class action,
as well as an injunction to force Loews to stipulate separately
when its onscreen ads will run and when movies will play.
We can only hope for more Miriam Fischers nationwide to
spark a movie-going revolution!
Unluckiest person of the week: a 48-year
old man in Boulder, Colorado was swimming at his local pool
when an unwrapped condom floated into his mouth. There isn't
enough Listerine in the world to ease his conscience after
that one.
Scientists in Barcelona, Spain have successfully
engineered the technological equivalent of Clear Channel
Broadcasting. They've created a new "tune technology" to
accurately pinpoint which songs will be hits, using 22 variables,
such as melody, beat, harmony and the distance between the
singer and the microphone. Researcher Mike McCready has
even claimed the computer program is 93% successful in picking
which songs will become hits. I've got a suggestion for
this new technology's name: The One Step Closer To Complete
Homogenization And Destruction Of Music As We Know It For
The Sake Of Record Sales And Bulging Executive Pockets program.
Chelsea Clinton has been offered a $100,000-a-year
job with a New York management consultancy by the name of
McKinsey. The 23-year old daughter of former President Bill
Clinton wants to be a business consultant specializing in
the health care sector. Miss Clinton has yet to accept this
incredibly well paid "entry-level" position, leading everyone
to believe she's a complete snobby bitch.
May ghetto-fabulous upper-middle class adolescent
boys across the land rejoice! Eminem's new clothing line,
Shady Ltd., will be featured in select Macy's department
stores a couple months from now, with a nationwide release
scheduled for the summer time. The Shady Ltd. line is owned
by Nesi Fashion Brands, which also owns the Rocawear juniors
clothing line (ala Jay Z) that does more than $200 million
a year. If you're in the market for an extra-long white
t-shirt or over-sized sweat suit, Macy's is new the hot
shit. If you're looking for trendy "form-fitting" apparel,
see Jeff's closet.
Now for a few highlights from a
recent interview with Avril Lavigne:
Interviewer: Is it daunting to think you've sold
10 million albums in six months?
Avril: Daunting?
Interviewer: You know, surprising?
Avril: It's weird. I don't understand the question.
Interviewer: So doing promotion and interviews are
the worst part of your job?
Avril: Yeah. That part is, like, a drag.
Interviewer: But you must understand people are interested
in you. They want to read what you have to say through interviews?
Avril: That's why I do it. That's how your fans get
to, like, hear you. They get to know you in a strange kind
of way.
Interviewer: Have you heard about the Avril virus?
Avril: Mmm hmm.
Interviewer: I guess that means you've made it -
a computer virus named after you.
Avril: I didn't understand what people were talkin'
about. I was like "What are you talkin' about? I'm not sick."
Then someone explained it was a computer virus and I'm like
"Oh."
Interviewer: There's a lot of rumours going around
about you, including an ex-manager saying you were more
contrived than Britney. Did that hurt?
Avril: That I'm more what?
Interviewer: More contrived than Britney.
Avril: I didn't hear that, but I think everyone kinda
knows the truth to that.
Interviewer: What truth? That he's bitter or about
you being contrived?
Avril: I don't want to talk about him.
Interviewer: Well, what about those rumours that
you were a record company creation, just like Britney?
Avril: Well, there's that rumour then there's the
whole thing where everyone likes me because I am not contrived
and because I came out as myself and I stood up for myself.
Different people have different opinions. Hearing people
say, "Oh you're fake," it's like, OK, right. No I'm not.
I mean, like, I wear my own clothes to photo shoots, like,
whatever. Everything I do, it's like, me. I'm not, like,
trying to be a flower or anything like that.
...No Avril, you're certainly not a flower.
Perhaps a corporate tool with one of the most annoying images
out there, but, like, definitely not a flower.
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2/19/03
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The following provides
complete proof that our unelected, sort of President Bush
is fucking evil to his stupid core. According to an
article in The Guardian UK, the Bush Administration is
planning a secret meeting in August to produce a new generation
of nuclear weapons. A leaked pentagon document mentioned "mini-nukes",
"bunker-busters" and neutron bombs designed to destroy chemical
or biological agents. The meeting of senior military officials
and US nuclear scientists at the Omaha headquarters of the
US Strategic Command would also decide whether to restart
nuclear testing and how to convince the American public that
the new weapons are necessary. The meetings would also prepare
for a US breakaway from global arms control treaties, and
the moratorium on conducting nuclear tests. This all comes
at the same time we are trying to take the moral high road
and condemn Iraq and North Korea for developing similar fucking
weapons! Apparently, one of the Bush administrations' primary
goals is to ignite a global arms race. "What for," you ask?
WHO FUCKING KNOWS, THE MAN IS A DERANGED RETARD WHO WANTS
TO MURDER EVERY LAST SOUL IN AMERICA. I swear to god I'm this
close to becoming a terrorist myself.
This year's craptastic Grammy awards (a look
of shock and dismay, "They're still having those? What the
fuck?" Why yes, yes they are) will feature Elvis Costello
(very cool), Bruce Springsteen (cool), Tony Kanal of No Doubt
(not fucking cool at all), and Steve Van Zandt of the E Street
Band (I don't know, whatever) performing a tribute to Joe
Strummer and the Clash. First of all, I'd like to point out
two things. 1) This whole thing reeks of insincerity on everyone's
part except the performers. Honestly, when was the last time
anyone at the Grammys gave an ounce of respect to Strummer,
his projects, or any artist who wasn't a platinum selling
flavor of the month? 2) They couldn't find a better fucking
bassist then that douchebag from No Doubt?
Additionally, a Clash reunion at the Rock 'n
Roll Hall Of Fame, with Springstreen playing Strummer's part,
is still widely rumored despite Simonon's assertions that
the band would never perform at an event where tickets are
$1500.
Speaking of Strummer, the remaining Mescaleros
have announced that their final album, which has the working
title "Fantastic" is mostly finished, needing just some overdubs
and backing vocals. The record tentatively has 11 tracks,
including one Joe recorded for Johnny Cash's American
album series with producer Rick Rubin. Unfortunately, Strummer
died before the sessions were complete and there are four
songs which the band recorded that have no vocals, one of
which may be included as an instrumental. The Mescaleros have
said that they would like to build a studio and continue recording
together. As for the songs with Strummer, "One thing's for
sure, we won't ever be going out playing any of those tunes
ever again...and that's a fact. We couldn't have anyone else
singing it. It wouldn't feel right. It's now history, its
catalogued, its marked and we move on." |
Between six and 10
million people marched in over 60 countries all over the world
this weekend to protest the Bush administration's zealous
pursuit of war with Iraq. The demonstration in London was
the biggest in the UK capital's political history, with nearly
two million taking part. Other protests occurred in Barcelona,
Rome, Sydney, Tokyo, New York, Washington DC, San Francisco,
Calcutta and Baghdad. What will the Bush administration do
in the face of overwhelming world opposition? Why, continue
to push for war of course. After all, the United States is
above the rest of the international community, right? This,
fellow citizens, is what causes terrorists (and by extension,
planes flying into fucking buildings) in the first place.
In short, we are all doomed.
Jawbreaker's long out-of-print final album
(and major label debut) Dear You, which has been regularly
sold on Ebay for upwards of $60 a pop, will be released on
former drummer Adam Pfahler's own Blackball Records, despite
a slew of offers from prestigious and abysmally crappy independent
labels alike.
Phil Elvrum, the leader of the loose musical
collective known as the Microphones, has announced that the
project is officially breaking up. Elvrum's apparent reasoning
was "The Microphones broke up, actually, because I did." He
also revealed that he has a new project known as Mount Eerie,
confusingly enough also the name of the final Microphones'
album (which we'll be reviewing soon). It is unclear if the
new band will feature the same collaborators as the Microphones
did. Mount Eerie will go on its premiere U.S. tour in May.
Student Rick, the latest crappy pop-punk band
to think they sound like the Beatles, has apparently not
broken up as we earlier reported but is actually in talks
with Drive Thru imprint Rushmore Records, the latest crappy
pop-punk imprint label to be basically owned by MCA. I definitely
think that moving to the worst fucking label in the history
of music will do wonders for the band's crap factor.
For those of you who thought that Buddyhead
and their bands were the future of punk rock: rumor has it
that the Icarus Line is in negotiations with V2 Records. |
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2/12/03
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2/12/03
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Phil Spector, the 62-year-old legendary
Motown and rock producer known for creating the "Wall of
Sound" production technique (which for the uninitiated was
literally like ... a wall made out of sound) and producing
such legendary acts as the Ronettes, The Beatles, The Ramones
and the Righteous Brothers, was arrested on suspicion of
murder. Police arrived at Spector's hilltop mansion to find
a body in the marble foyer. The body was later identified
as being that of Lana Clarkson, 40, an actress known for
her roles in Roger Corman films. After being released on
a million dollar bail, Spector immediately confirmed his
guilt by hiring the one man in America who can successfully
defend a murderer against insurmountable evidence: Robert
Shapiro! Spector had developed a reputation as a recluse
and gun-nut during the 80s and Dee Dee Ramone even accused
him of pulling a gun on him during the recording session
for The Ramones 1980 album End of the Century. Why
couldn't he have done us all a favor and commit a useful
murder, someone like Courtney Love or Kelly Osbourne instead
of a fucking B-movie actress. Way to go, Phil.
More trouble in Phil Spector's deranged hermitic
existence! As recently reported by fucking everyone else,
the final, sort-of crappy Beatles album Let It Be will
be re-released without Spector's final production touches
which significantly cheesed up the album, making it the slick,
sweet, overly-sentimental and cutesy affair that was later
scorned by most hardcore Beatles fans. John Lennon originally
brought Spector in to try to salvage what he could from the
tapes of the disastrous Let It Be session, during which
the band nearly broke up. Three songs on the album will be
remixed and remastered to remove any trace of Spector's over-the-top
production (which while fitting for many albums was disastrous
on this particular one), "Across the Universe," "Let It Be"
and the Beatles biggest sin, the putrid "The Long and Winding
Road." Glyn Johns, the man responsible for producing this
new Spector-less version of the album is quoted as saying,
"If you hear 'The Long and Winding Road' without all that
schlock on it, it's fabulous just like it is." Hmm, we shall
see.
In addition to a rerelease of the album, a DVD of the long-out-of-print
movie of the same name (Let It Be, you fucking idiot)
will hit stores at the same time. The movie details the tensions
and slow disintegration of the band in its final days and
includes that famous and mildly charming impromptu performance
on top of Apple Records headquarters, the last public performance
of the Beatles' career.
After a few years of gathering dust in Perry
Farrell's bottom drawer, the almost-forgotten alternative
rock extravaganza know as Lollapalooza is making it's triumphant
return in 2003! Audioslave, Incubus, Queens of the Stoneage
and (of course) the Farell fronted Jane's Addiction, who have
reunited approximately 37 times, are all confirmed. Sounds
almost as cool as this year's Warped Tour!
The Appleseed Cast has signed to Tiger Style
Records .
Cave In have posted up a BBC documentary about
the recording of their new album on their
website.
Awesome hardcore-punk band, Kid Dynamite,
will reunite to play two Philadelphia shows in April to benefit
the Syrentha J. Savio endowment, an organization that provides
chemotherapy and other medication to those who can not afford
them. Maybe they'll get back together because their new bands
all kinda blow.
Gutter punks everywhere are pretending not
to be excited that The Subhumans will be reuniting this spring
for a world tour. They're all like "They're just in it for
the money (It'll be so cool to see them)! God am I filthy,
maybe I should just take a bath already."
Who coined the ridiculous media-obsessed tag
for kids in the 1990s? Why, who else but Billy Idol, with
his forgotten, late-70s punk band Generation X! The band will
be releasing a three CD retrospective due April 8th on Chrysalis
Records. The first CD will contain the band's singles and
b-sides, the second disc will be Sweet Revenge, an
album the band never officially released, and the third disc
will be an unreleased live performance from 1978 in Osaka,
Japan. Be forewarned that this set will include absolutely
no flannel, stubble or Eddy Vedder.
The Black Sea has announced that their bassist
Joe Lally (also in Fugazi), who was formerly only a writing/recording
member, has decided to commit as a full member of the band.
As a result they are rewriting much of their material and
a full album won't be available until Fall 03. That three
song EP is not gonna hold me over that long.
News from Camp Dischord:
"Black Eyes, who have been playing shows in DC since August
2001, and have 2 7"s released to date, are releasing a 10-song
full length record on Dischord April 14th. El Guapo release
their second full length record for Dischord on the same day.
Lungfish have just finished in the studio with Ian MacKaye
recording a new full length's worth of material which we hope
to get out later this year."
The Latest issue of Spin features a Dashboard
Confessional cover story entitled "The Crying Game."
Ha!
The next Pretty Girls Make Graves album will
be released on Matador Records.
Thank god that The Stryder is still broken
up.
God Damn Awful Grindcore (aka the Locust)
has announced their next record of god damn awful grindcore
will be called Plague Soundscapes.
Courtney Love has joined a very exclusion
club who's prestigious members include Liam Gallagher of Oasis
and Peter Buck of REM. Yes, she was arrested for causing a
disturbance on an airplane at Heathrow Airport in London.
Jesse bought a porno on DVD called Sex
and the Clitty.
Radiohead guitarist Ed O'Brien has described
the atmosphere during the recording of their sixth, still
untitled, album was "fucking brilliant." He continued, "you
know that time when bands begin to swagger, like when the
Stones got in a groove from '68 to '73? In the last two years,
I think we've done that. To me, this record feels like the
culmination of the best bits of The Bends, OK Computer,
Kid A and Amnesiac."
Jesus god, it sounds like a fucking musical
orgy, the kind of album that everyone will literally
be stroking themselves to. And don't try to deny it, everyone
reading this site has probably touched their sensitive bits
at least once while listening to OK Computer and softly
whispering "yes, Thom." |
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The city of Stockholm, Sweden
is installing ten new parking meters that will use pre-recorded
messages to warn parkers when the street is scheduled to
be cleaned or snow plowed. Do they also warn about not forming
goddamn garage bands to try and make it big in the states?
As an American, I'm proud to watch my culture
reach one of its most important milestones this Sunday:
the 300th episode of "The Simpsons". Another milestone will
be reached in May 2005 when the show officially becomes
the longest-running sitcom ever. Matt Groening for president!
Mr. "Dude, you're gettin' a Dell", known
to his mother as Benjamin Curtis, was arrested Sunday night
in New York and charged with criminal possession of marijuana
after an officer saw him making the purchase from a resident
in Queens.
For all you emotional saps out there spending
an assload of money buying your valentine the perfect gift
for Friday, rest assured that nothing you buy will top my
present. Not only that, but it only cost me 20 bucks. Suckers.
I think it should be made clear that all
those heartless bastards in the Texas area hoarding away
remnants of the space shuttle for personal keepsake deserve
to be dropped from the next space shuttle miles above the
earth and left to disintegrate upon re-entry into the atmosphere
at the pleasant speed of mach 28.
Teenage pop duo-of-the-moment Tatu's manager,
Ivan Shapovalov, recently admitted that he would like to
have sex with underage girls according to a British tabloid.
In the same interview he admitted that his perverted lust
sparked Tatu's image of teenage lesbian sex. The tabloid
also reports to have unearthed claims that Shapovalov slept
with Tatu singer Julia Volkova at the tender age of 14,
which is the age of consent in Russia, their native country.
Despite these claims of Tatu forming for the sole reason
of quenching this perverted psycho's insatiable thirst for
child porn, I still dig them making out in their video.
Yesterday was Ryan's birthday so send him
shit. My birthday is next week so send me shit. Adam's birthday
was in December so send him nothing.
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2/2/03
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| Turns out the Olsen
twins story was a complete hoax circulating around the internet
complete with a fake CNN.com layout. Yes we were duped. Now
we look like assholes, complete with a vulgar and innappropriate
picture. Consider story is retracted. |
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1/29/03
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1/29/03
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In a bizarre move that tops even Brittany
Spears recently collaboration with Limp Bizkit, on Friday's
edition of England's famous Top of the Pops program,
Justin Timberlake accompanied the ever-weird Flaming Lips.
Although it's unclear at this time if Timberlake actually
knew who the band were or whether he was even plugged in,
he apparently 'played' 'bass' during the Lips' performance
of their current single "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
Pt.1" That's not just me being mean, Top of the Pops
is well known for having most artists lip-sing to their
album track. Timberlake performed in a typical Lips stage
uniform (a giant furry dolphin suit) before revealing his
true identity before a television audience that was "totally
weirded out, man!" The cameo appearance by Timberlake is
a genius move on the part of Wayne Coyne, the Lips' frontman,
as it generated massive amounts of press for the band and
was reported by everyone from Bornbackwards.com to MTV.
Timberlake is just one in a long line of unusual cameos
that have accompanied the band on stage: Badly Drawn Boy,
Beck, that guy from Blues Clues and Ted fucking Danson.
In keeping with their habit of naming albums
after episodes of The Itchy & Scratchy Show, Alkaline
Trio have announced that their followup to 2001's From
Here to Infirmary will be titled Good Mourning.
So music has come down to this: arguably the
most arrogant and genetically-backwards crap band on the planet,
Oasis, are covering a cover of their own fucking song "Wonderwall!"
That's right, inspired by a solo, acoustic cover of the song
by (the utterly insane and equally drunk) Ryan Adams, Oasis
has gone into a London studio to offer their own version of
Adam's arrangement of their song. Man, talk about a negative
feedback loop. Additionally, Noel Gallagher has decided to
sing (or rather 'drunkenly mumble') the song himself instead
of his younger brother and cocaine-and-bar-fight-loving Oasis
frontman, Liam Gallahger.
Ja Rule talks about getting booed during the
Superbowl halftime show: "I mean, I laughed about it, you
know?" Ja Rule said of the incident. "Plus, you know, my buddies
over at Fox, they kinda set us up with the old, you know,
'fazool'--putting us in Tampa's come-out spot and, you know,
then my DJ had the red-and-black jacket, so it's little things
the crowd spotted."
Yeah, they didn't like your DJ's jacket ... or maybe IT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE A FUCKING NO-TALENT ASSCLOWN! Either/or you know.
Our culture is being systematically robbed.
On Wednesday, the Conservative-stacked and continually retarded
U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Congress can repeatedly
extend copyright terms, as it did most recently in 1998 when
it added 20 years to the terms for new and existing works
with the Copyright Term Extension Act. This may not mean much
to you now but it could greatly effect you in the future.
In affect it means that greedy corporations can continue to
profit indefinitely from creations that should have long since
passed into the public domain. What is the public domain?
It is everything that has existed long enough to be considered
'owned' by no one except the public at large: Folk songs,
old novels, inventions, commonplace medication, almost anything
you can think of that really constitutes part of our larger
culture. The Constitution granted rights to creators of ''science
and useful arts'' for only limited periods, after that the
works could be used freely by anyone. It's why Disney can
create cartoons based on the Hunchback of Notre Dame ... just
don't try to make your own damn cartoons featuring Mickey
Mouse, who should be public domain by this point. If something
is not done, the same thing can and will happen to things
like patented prescription drugs: life-saving medication will
be indefinitely owned by a single company who will routinely
fuck you up the ass to get their profits. Our collective culture
is becoming nothing more than businessmen obsessed with copyright
manipulation and endless profit.
"Deep Elm Records in conjunction with the American
Foundation for Suicide Prevention and Hot Topic Stores present:
Too Young To Die Tour 2003, preventing youth suicide through
education & music. Dates beginning March 14 in Dallas, Tx
through April 13 Featuring Brandtson, Red Animal War, Desert
City Soundtrack, Settlefish, David Singer and guests."
That's funny, Hot Topic makes me wanna kill myself.
What the fuck is 'Hitlerism' and why does
our national leader have the mental capacity of a fourth grader?
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So not only are they really
hot and rich as hell, but they're also National Merit Scholars.
Full House's sexiest stars, the Olsen Twins (yes, even at
age 4), are nowhere near as dumb as they look. In fact,
they both scored a perfect 1600 on their SAT's and will
be attending New York's famed Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute,
known for its excellence in engineering, this coming fall.
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have been accepted into a developmental
program at RPI along with some of the nation's brightest
up and coming nanotechnology engineers. You can argue that
the best looking guy on RPI's campus (which boasts an impressive
92% male student body) is the luckiest guy in the world,
but I think that title belongs to the SAT prompter they
were both blowing to get those perfect scores.
Sharman Networks Ltd., owner of the KaZaA
file-sharing network, has filed a counterclaim in response
to a copyright-infringement lawsuit brought by several recording
labels and movie studios. Sharman is being accused of providing
free access to copyright music and films to millions of users
in the United States; the counterclaim alleges copyright misuse,
monopolization, and deceptive acts and practices. The Recording
Industry Association of American (RIAA) has issued a statement
calling Sharman's arguments "laughable". I suppose they don't
find it laughable that they're way behind the times and have
no hope of staving off the constant stream of music being
transferred from computer to computer all across America.
I bet the amount of money they're pissing away to fight a
war they'll never win isn't laughable either.
Henk Krol, editor of the leading Dutch gay
newspaper and winner of my award for the most homosexual name
in the world, is lobbying to outlaw the import of a U.S. computer
game called Postal 2 into the Netherlands. Krol finds it "disgusting"
that a player can kill a gay man in a gay nightclub in the
game, calling attention to the Netherlands' anti-discrimination
laws. Postal 2's designers retort that it's not discriminatory
or anti-gay since the player is at liberty to shoot whites,
blacks, gays, straights, men, women and even cats and dogs.
They also point out that the player can play the game in a
passive role without ever killing anyone. If Henk doesn't
have a problem with me shooting a straight man wearing a business
suit, why can't I shoot a gay man wearing a lovely pink blouse
and sexy mini-skirt?
Here's a funny thought: Carson Daly battling
Howard Stern for the most attention from the ladies at New
York City lounge Rehab. Apparently the two were seen at adjoining
booths in the VIP room using their "sex appeal" and plenty
of alcohol to vie for female affection. When Daly ordered
tequila shots all-around, Stern followed through with glasses
of champagne. Call me crazy but I don't see how some tall
gangly oaf or some pussy corporate tool could ever actually
win that "sex appeal" battle.
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank
Reebok for providing us with Terry Tate in the funniest Super
Bowl commercial by far. That large black man tackling office
workers to and fro elicits a laugh every single time. Terry
Tate has officially assumed the role of Supreme Being in my
very own monotheistic world. |
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1/21/03
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1/21/03
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The Dismemberment Plan breaks
up.
DC's wacky but lovable bizarro-pop band has called it quits
after four album albums and ten years. The band's website
simply states that "we felt like we'd accomplished all we
could as a songwriting and recordmaking unit, and that we
wanted--as individuals--to try things that can be precluded
by living the lifestyle of the touring musician." They will
however finish their winter tour and may even do a final US
tour. The songs the band worked on for their next record will
go towards a Travis Morrison solo album to be recorded in
April. Additionally, the album of fan remixes is still in
the works with a planned release on the similarly soon-to-be-defunct
DeSoto Records. The band has also talked about playing irregular
reunion shows such as the once-a-year Ft. Reno free festival
or benefits that they feel are important. Now who will I shoulder-dance
to in the car when I'm feeling goofy?
Sen. Russ Feingold (D-Wisc.) is moving forward
with his legislation that would investigate anti-competitive
behavior by radio/concert giants, including Clear Channel
Communications which has used its holdings to stifle competition
and evade ownership rules, resulting in the loss of "localism"
in programming, soaring ticket prices, shrinking playlists,
and a "shakedown system" of money demands to have new recordings
even considered for airplay.
read.
Local Gainesville anarcho folk-punk favorites
Against Me! have apparently gone against their hardcore political
stance and have signed to Fat Wreck Chords. People in this
town [read: Jeff] are kind of pissed or something, I guess.
It's about as exciting as Glasseater recently signing to Victory
[read: it's not].
So New Found Glory and Good Charlotte decided
to go on tour, but I guess they thought that it wasn't lame
enough so they added MxPx, Mest, Less Than Jake, and Reggie
and the Full Effect to some of the dates. If you'd like to
see an enormous toilet bowl on stage, be sure to attend these
exciting shows.
Speaking of crappy music, the New York Times
recently ran a story
about MTV's plans to replace the waning teen-pop phenomenon
with ... you got it, punk rock (or at least what's called 'punk
rock' these days). So for all you Used, Donnas and New Found
Glory fans that thought your crappy music was an alternative
to more popular crappy music, guess again, this is a conscious
decision on MTV's part to push pop-punk into a position where
it can serve to bolster TRL's ratings after teen-pop dies
away. This will prove even worse than Brittany Spears as now
every suburban teen without an identity will start copping
a 'punk' attitude and pretending they're bad-ass and rebellious.
Get ready for every kid in America to pretend they're Blink
182.
Dick jokes are the new anarchy.
Ray Cappo, leader of the Krishna-core band
Shelter, has a new band called Touching Water with members
of Crucifix. The band is said to sound along the lines of
Fugazi. Nice work Ray, you're about 15 years late on that
one.
Sony Music is preparing to release a repackaged
version of The Story of The Clash, Vol. 1, that has
served as an overview of the band's career since it's release
in 1988. The new compilation will be titled The Essential
Clash despite removing two of the most essential songs,
"Armagideon Time" and the absolutely wonderful "Spanish Bombs."
The new comp piles on 13 tracks in their place though including
"Garageland", and "I'm So Bored with the U.S.A." from The
Clash, "Guns on the Roof", "Drug Stabbing Time" and "Julie's
Been Working for the Drug Squad" from Give 'Em Enough Rope,
"Wrong 'Em Boyo", "Brand New Cadillac" and "Rudie Can't Fail"
from London Calling (but inexplicably not "Revolution
Rock"), "Police on My Back", "Broadway" and "The Call Up"
from Sandinista!, "Stop the World" from Super Black
Market Clash, "Know Your Rights" from Combat Rock,
and surprisingly "This Is England" from 1985's Cut the
Crap, the only album written without Mick Jones and to
have been later disowned by the band. I guess I'd be kind
of excited if everybody I know didn't already own some Clash
albums.
Both Nirvana and the Velvet Underground are
poised to be the next big things, despite being broken up
for years.
Elliott Smith has abandoned his home recorded
album "From a Basement on the Hill," which was to have been
released independently, and is instead turning his attention
to a double album due this summer on Dreamworks. In an odd
move, the second half of the album will be referred to as
a 'bonus disc' to keep the price low.
Political correctness and historical revisionism
meet: The classic Beatles Abbey Road album cover has
been altered to remove the cigarette in Paul McCartney's hand.
Companies including Allposters asked for the cigarette to
be removed by computer wizardry to make it more politically
correct. Posters and merchandise items have already changed
but even the cover of the Abbey Road CD could be updated when
it is re-issued. Although the pro-smoking lobby is despicable,
I have to agree with them on this one: Simon Clark, of pro-smoking
group Forest, said: "This is pathetic. What next? We will
have to remove pipes and cigars from pictures of Sherlock
Holmes and Winston Churchill." Pretty soon all the Beatles
songs will be digitally altered to excise all reference to
drugs, meaning they will have maybe a half an album left.
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Yahoo Travel has reported an alarming number
of searches for fictional places featured in the Lord of the
Rings book trilogy and its accompanying big-screen hits. Mordor
and Rivendell have recently joined the likes of Hawaii, Puerto
Rico and Jamaica. I had no idea people were that fucking
stupid.
Jacko is being honored with his own Dateline
special on February 17th called Michael Jackson Unmasked.
One full hour devoted to the history of Jacko's face - now
that's high-quality entertainment. NBC execs report that it
will be "the inside story as told by some of the people that
knew him best." I wasn't aware Jacko passed away; I could
have sworn I just saw him dangling his baby from a balcony
not too long ago...
The second installment of Fox's "American
Idol" hit the nation last night. Fuck Simon Cowell and his
homo muscle shirts.
In related news, 50-year old college professor
Drew Cummings is suing the producers of "American Idol" for
alleged age discrimination. Cummings said that after waiting
in line for several hours at an open audition in Miami Beach
this past November, he was ultimately turned away and told
he was too old to be considered for the show. The eligibility
rules for the program state that people must be between the
ages of 16 and 24 to audition. Apparently only the Fox network
is allowed to shape the American dream, not the Americans
themselves.
Some 19-year old computer nerd in France hacked
into the police's database to replace his drunk-driving record
with none other than ";)" - the world-famous winking smiley
face. The French police had the last laugh when a judge handed
the kid a three-month suspended prison sentence, a fine of
400 euros (which is a little more than $400), and a three-month
suspension of his driver's license.
Congrats to Martin Lawrence for getting beat
at the box office this weekend by an animated talking kangaroo.
Take the hint, Mart-in.
This one's from Jeff:
"Rory Phillips of Slowreader and the late Impossibles
has announced that he has finished the Impossibles DVD of
their final show, which includes commentary and some special
features. The DVD is still slated for an early March release,
but this is good news to all the Impossibles fans who didn't
get to go to either of their final shows." |
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1/15/03
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1/15/03
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Add another name to the disturbing
trend of celebrities arrested for suspected possession of
child pornography: First Principal Rooney, then Peewee and
now ... Pete Townshend of The Who! Pete Townshend, the legendary
rock guitarist and co-founder of The Who, was arrested Monday
on suspicion of possessing indecent images of children. Townshend
has previously admitted he used a child pornography site on
the Internet, but said that he was in fact, not a pedophile
and was doing research for an autobiography dealing with his
own suspected childhood sexual abuse. Sounds like a lot of
bullshit to me but you can read one of the documents he wrote
on the subject here.
While none of these celebrities has yet been proven guilty,
I would still like to know why all of these famous people
are getting caught with baby-porn. It's disturbing really
and points to the fact that this kind of thing could be much
more widespread in our society than anyone realizes. In
fact, it could be you!
Also, I'd like to please ask that we all refrain
from making "The Kids Are Alright" jokes.
We are all about to be assaulted by the worst
noise since Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music, Fred Durst
of Limp Bizkit has confirmed that he has been recording songs
for his next album with none other than Britney Spears! Yikes,
someone should stop music right now before the whole art-form
finally fucking implodes. Also, rumors are flying that Durst
and Spears could be romantically involved as well. Limpbizkit.com
even has a special message from Durst saying, "anybody out
there who has a serious problem with my feelings for Britney
should just chill and worry about your own feelings for a
minute. You can't help what happens in life because everything
happens for a reason." As little sense as that message makes,
it seems to hint at the possibility of romance. Spears' camp
denies this however, claiming the two are just "recording
together."
Blink 182 have recently announced that they
will lock themselves away for the next four months to write
their next, currently untitled, album. They have said that
they can't talk about their new material only because they
haven't written it yet, but their PR people are heavily playing
up the new record as "musically experimental." Isn't that
what musicians are supposed to be to begin with? Additionally,
bassist and vocalist Mark Hoppus, had this to say, "I think
the next record will surprise a lot of people, including me."
Way to be an arrogant jackass about music you haven't even
written yet, Mr. Hoppus. Bornbackwards reported a few months
ago, however, that the extent of the 'experimentation' involved
plans to add keyboards and electronics. That sounds positively
revolutionary!!
Speaking of keyboards, Reggie and the Full
Effect will be streaming their new album Under The Tray
from their website on February 1 with release scheduled for
Feb 18 on Vagrant. People who take joke bands seriously are
totally excited.
Stolen from punknews.org:
In regards to the recent Fueled By Ramen / Island Records
rumors: "Fueled By Ramen is still a 100% independent label
and Island owns no part of them. In fact, Island doesn't even
distribute their stuff. The only real connection between the
two labels is that FBR and Island have created a strategic
alliance. Bands signed to FBR may be picked up by Island down
the road. This doesn't apply to all bands (it's at FBR's discretion)
nor does Island get to exert any control over the label or
make any profit from FBR releases."
The Weakerthans have finally emerged from
their cocoon of sadness in the middle of a prairie somewhere
to announce that they will enter a Toronto studio next week
to record their next album. Additionally, singer/songwriter
John K. Samson played four of the new songs to CBC Radio 3.
You can check out the four solo songs here,
follow the link in the popup window.
Joe Strummer's final studio recordings will
be released May! Most of the songs were recorded during the
last studio sessions with the Mescaleros, which were ongoing
at the time of his death, but Epitaph has also said that some
outside material Strummer recorded could also be used. The
remaining Mescaleros will determine which tracks have completed
vocals and will start mixing the album.
Also in Joe Strummer news, punknews.org reported
"Future Forests is planting a Joe Strummer memorial forest
in the Isle of Skye in Scotland and anybody can buy their
own trees in this forest by logging on to futureforests.com/joestrummer
and have their tree planted. FF will then mail you back a
special branded map and certificate. Joe's supporters, friends
and fans can visit Joe's Forest and have a certificate as
a memento of the tree we have planted." And at only 13 bucks,
it's Joe trees for everyone!
Why is MTV pushing the goddamn Donnas to be
the next big thing? Who wants to hear a bunch of fat sluts
play a bad ripoff of 80s metal (complete with 'squealing'
masturbatory guitar solos) while reciting utterly juvenile
lyrics about 'doing it?' America is stupid.
Our 2002 year-end awards are finally up. Go
check them.
Bornbackwards.com issues a retraction for
the news on 1/8/03 about Dashboard Confessional signing to
Interscope. Richard Egan, the owner of Vagrant Records, has
said that Dashboard Confessional will remain with the label
for another three albums. We also issue a retraction for the
bad joke we stuck on that bit of rumor. |
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Let's all praise the Fox network for developing
what will certainly prove to be the best TV show ever made.
Everyone's favorite asshole of a Brit, Simon Cowell (of American
Idol fame), has created and produced a dating reality show
called "Cupid" that combines elements from "Sex and the City",
"American Idol" and "The Bachelorette". The suits over at
Fox must be so proud they were able to snatch up this idea
before the WB.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
(PETA) recently launched a widespread campaign that painted
billboards and magazine ads with questions to Christie Todd
Whitman, head of the Environmental Protection Agency. An inside
source reports that the campaign "asks how she would feel
about animal testing if it was being conducted on her beloved
dog, Coors." Whitman responded with a letter to PETA informing
them that after a long battle with cancer, Coors was recently
put to sleep.
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia (and
for those that care, it's pronounced 'Skuh-lee-uh') successfully
lost any respect I may have had for him after some remarks
made this weekend at Religious Freedom Day ceremonies in Fredericksburg,
Virginia. Basically, the point to Justice Scalia's ramblings
was the alleged misinterpretation of the constitutional wall
between church and state by the Supreme Court and lower courts.
Scalia, whose son is a Catholic priest and himself a devout
Catholic, repeatedly criticized the recent "liberal" interpretation
of the Constitution, stating that the framers did not intend
for God to be stripped from public life. "That is contrary
to our whole tradition, to 'in God we trust' on the coins,
to (presidential) Thanksgiving proclamations, to (congressional)
chaplains, to tax exemption for places of worship, which has
always existed in America," proclaimed Scalia. According to
one former FBI agent attending the event, "He's the voice
of reason on the Supreme Court."
While reading outside his Amsterdam home,
an 88-year old Dutchman set fire to himself when the magnifying
glass he was using to read intensified the bright sunlight
enough to ignite his clothes and/or the paper he was reading.
And you thought it was only possible in cartoons or bad Disney
Channel movies starring Joey Lawrence and his flaming brothers...
I'd like to thank MTV for the pleasure of
seeing fat-ass Jack Osborne with his shirt off and pants pulled
low during a fight with his pal Jason Dill. Nothing makes
me smile quite like Jack Osborne's naked man-tits and exposed
hairy ass crack. I sure hope that kid says a prayer every
night before bed thanking God for his dad's fame and fortune
since without them he'd die a lonely pathetic virgin.
Whenever you do something really stupid and
feel like crawling into a hole somewhere, just think of George
W. waving at Stevie Wonder on stage last year. No matter what
you just did, there's no way you look that fucking
stupid.
As if conquering the world wasn't enough for
the execs at Wal-Mart, they have now announced their plans
to open check-cashing stores and sell money orders. Instead
of the normal 3-5% commissions that most check-cashing stores
charge, Wal-Mart will charge a flat $3 fee for checks up to
a certain dollar amount (which has yet to be announced). As
for money orders, Wal-Mart will charge 46 cents for the same
money orders that the U.S. Postal Service sells for one dollar.
Since 20% of Wal-Mart's customers don't have a single bank
account, I suppose this is a rather wise move on Wal-Mart's
part. |
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1/8/03
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1/8/03
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TheScout.net is reporting that
Dashboard Confessional has finally left Vagrant Records for
Interscope to the tune of $2 million. That's one dollar for
every time he's recorded and released "Screaming Infidelities."
We here at Bornbackwards predict that 2003 will see Dashboard
taking songs that were originally released on his first album
and rerecording them for the fourth or fifth time to make
sure his major label debut is not a commercial failure.
Listen, I know the "Dashboard-recording-the-same-songs-over-and-over"
jokes are getting kind of stale, but so are his songs. I'm
getting tired of writing them but we won't stop until he does.
The Stryder broke up. Yawn.
Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day was arrested
early Sunday in Berkley, California for driving under the
influence. After failing sobriety and Breathalyzer tests,
he was taken to jail and was later released on a bail of $1,200.
Propagandhi is recording a cover album.
Sonic Youth's 1992 album Dirty will
be re-released on March 4, 2003 as a Deluxe Edition which
adds B-sides, 11 never-before-released rehearsal recordings
and a 28-page booklet with essays from Thurston Moore and
Lee Ranaldo.
How come all of our "fans" are hardcore in
love with everyone we hate? Bizarre really.
Our hamster, Respecticus, ran away. We now
have a guinea pig that squeals with joy and snuggles with
filthy rags. His name is a racial slur that was only proposed
as a joke, it will not be uttered here despite the animal's
cuteness.
The news is slim lately, as if you couldn't
tell. Oh yeah, it's not funny either, sorry. |
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President Bush has recently unveiled his
new economic stimulus proposal, calling for about $674 billion
in spending over the next 10 years. Half of the $674 billion
will go toward eliminating the tax investors pay on stock
dividend. Most analysts were expecting a stimulus proposal
of only $300 billion; the president's plan is far more ambitious
than anyone anticipated. Isn't it funny how that yearning
for a second term will spark such activity in politicians?
Especially those whose fathers lost reelection a dozen years
before due to economic turmoil.
PBS viewers in upstate New York got quite
the treat during an airing of Army Newswatch this past
Monday night. The army program was interrupted halfway through
by 20 minutes of explicit gay pornography. As if that alone
wasn't funny enough, callers reported the gay porn seemed
to have a German military theme to it involving an older officer
and younger soldiers.
Don't pay any attention to that creepy cult
woman who claims to have the first cloned human baby. She's
full of shit and you know it. I'm willing to bet she's just
some bum off the streets of D.C. that one of Bush's lackeys
paid to do the story (hey, they've got to take the public's
mind off the failing economy somehow).
[Editor's note: They already do, it's called "The War On Terrorism."]
Senate majority leader Bill Frist is a true
American hero. This cardiac surgeon/U.S. Senator/good Samaritan
came to the aid of a family in an over-turned Isuzu Rodeo
during the holidays while traveling down Alligator Alley in
south Florida. Now folks, that's not just first aid, that's
Frist aid. The only thing that could make this guy look bad
is some story surfacing about him adopting cats from animal
shelters for the sole purpose of killing them and then operating
on them for practice during medical school. That'd be downright
disgusting.
The premiere of Fox's new show Joe Millionaire
was a big success Monday night. Its premise goes something
like this: tall, good-looking guy seeking woman to marry;
Fox tells 20 women he's just inherited $50 million; tall,
good-looking guy really has no inheritance and only makes
19 grand a year shoveling dirt; women not told until very
end; will the women fall in love with tall, good-looking guy
or tall, good-looking guy's $50 million? The lure of the show
is Fox pulling one over on these gold-digging whores claiming
to be searching for "true love". Sources are now reporting,
however, that Fox is really pulling one over on the American
public watching the show (wow, no surprise there). Some are
now saying that Joe Millionaire really does have a great deal
of money, just not the money Fox is talking about. So then
the premise of the show would go something like this: woman
falls in love with supposed millionaire, then told he really
doesn't have $50 million, Joe finds out whether she loved
him for his money or not, then Joe tells her that he really
does have millions. I know, I know - sounds way too convoluted
to be true. But when the show ends with that extra twist,
remember you heard it here first. Oh and one more thing: Ryan
Boyle looks exactly like Joe Millionaire.
[Editor's note: No I do not.] |
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1/1/03
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Scott Stapp, singer
of Christ-loving rock band Creed, was reportedly "high out
of his mind and could not sing" at the band's Chicago show
on Sunday Dec. 29. A fan reported to Blabbermouth.net, "As
soon as Stapp STAGGERED on to stage it was obvious it was
going to be bad. He about fell down numerous times. Sat down
through the majority of the show. Laid flat on his back and
could hardly get back up." Another fan said the performance
was more like what he would expect of Stone Temple Pilots
or Guns n' Rose than the holymen of Creed. I'm not so sure
that Jesus would approve Mr. Stapp.
In other intoxicated-celebrity
news, Diana Ross was arrested on suspicion of extreme DUI
early Monday according to the Arizona Daily Star. A breath-test
showed Ross had a .20 BAC, more than double the legal limit.
"It would be what is considered extreme DUI," said Tucson
police Sgt. Judy Altieri. The citation is a misdemeanor and
Ross was cited into City Court.
Remember that whole Midtown vs Drive-Thru Records
thing we reported on last April? If not, go check the archives,
it's one of the first things we reported on when we started
the news. Well, someone from Absolutepunk.net finally noticed
that we put up the Midtown interview they took down and wrote
us this email:
"From: Jeremy Rankin [mailto:rankinj@attbi.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 31, 2002 9:45 AM
To: exadore@bornbackwards.com
Subject: old rumors
hey, someone forwarded me to your old news
page where it said this about our website (in regards to
the midtown interview): "The Midtown interview that started
all the bickering was originally posted on Absolutepunk.net
but was soon removed because they're fucking pussies. So
much for being Absolutepunk, huh?" fucking pussies? it really
doesn't matter now b/c both sides have cut off relations
with midtown, but mca threatened to sue us if we didn't
take it down. get your story straight if your gonna be posting
shit about us.
-jeremy
absolutepunk.net"
I emailed him back with, "how could
MCA sue you for reporting what someone else said? and if
it doesn't matter now then why are you emailing me?"
and received this as a response, "i'm emailing you
because you started talking out of your ass calling us pussies.
and on top of that you fucking ripped our stuff off."
That's pretty fucking funny. Words can not
describe how Absolutely Punk they are.
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According to punknews.org,
XM Satellite Radio is looking for unsigned punk bands for
XM's "Radio Unsigned" program. Send your CD, bio, email/phone
info to: Punk Rock attn. Grant Radio Unsigned-Channel 52 XM
Satellite Radio 1500 Eckington Place NE Washington, D.C. 20002
Coloring Outside The Lines, a memoir
detailing the true story of one punk's experiences in LA in
the earlier 80s, has been optioned by Cry Havoc Productions.
The book includes many meetings with figures from the early
LA scene including Black Flag, X, Slash Magazine and The Connected.
No title for the movie has been chosen yet but a screenplay
is reportedly in the works. SLC Punk was good, maybe we can
get a whole string of these types of movies.
2003 is looking to be 1995 all over again
with new albums from Rancid, Lagwagon, Against All Authority,
Suicide Machines, Green Day, Good Riddance, Swingin Utters,
US Bombs, Nofx, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Offspring,
AFI, Pennywise, Dropkick Murphys and Less Than Jake. Kids
in the mall who hate Blink-182 and talk about "real punk"
all the time are awful excited for 2003.
Even though the Cassettes debut full-length
was just released a few months ago, they already have a second
album planned for release on Italian label Alice Records entitled
O'er the Moutain and they plan to record an
EP in February.
Christina Aguilera is actually Dee Snider.
Need
proof? |
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